


A Different Kind of Philly

by NiniMeggie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Anxiety, Cheating, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Phan AU, Phan-Freeform, Phanfiction, Princes & Princesses, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:11:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 98,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiniMeggie/pseuds/NiniMeggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is getting to an age where he is meant to be looking for a bride from one of the neighbouring kingdoms. After messengers are sent from various kingdoms from both lords and kings offering their daughters’ hands, Dan has a lot to consider. His father sends invites to the interested parties of the top three kingdoms and tells his son to pick whichever filly his heart desires. After meeting them, he thinks the Philly he wants is one his father would not approve of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kingdoms

 

Chapter 1: The Kingdoms

_Knock knock knock!_ _Daniel! … Knock knock KNOCK! DANIEL!_ _KNOCK KNOCK!_

“I’m awake,” I say in a raised voice, but still just loud enough for it to be heard through the heavy oak door.

“Open this door this instant!” Sarah shouts through the door. She’s my father’s favourite maid. She should be mine as well, considering she was my wet nurse, but I can’t stand the woman. Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with her often.

I move towards the door and let her hear the wooden bar drop, doubling the lock on the door and effectively eliminating her chances of getting into the room, “Is that any way to talk to your prince?” I ask.

“Is _this_ any way to act towards the woman who raised you?” She retorts.

This argument is useless against me at this point, she’d used it too many times, “You raised me on my father’s orders and were paid to do it. I can talk to my servants as I deem fit. Now send for Nathan to assist me.”

Her groan of frustration is clearly audible through the door, as are her footsteps as she stomps away. Once I remove the door bar, I go back to my window and close the book I was reading. _Notable Names in Nobility_ was quite a dry read but if I’m going to rule one day I need to know the people I will be ruling. I glance at the map next to the book where I had just been marking where the houses came from, who was married to who, and who sided with which lord in times of strife. Not that discord was common, our kingdom had been at peace for almost 200 years under my family and shows little signs of changing.

A soft knock meets my ears as I ponder the map. “Come in, Nathan.”

The door opens silently and Nathan enters carrying a tray laden with my breakfast. My butler is a shy man in his late twenties, about a decade older than myself yet quite young for the position he holds. His hair falls in blonde curls to his shoulders, framing his pale face. He would be handsome if he smiled but his grey eyes were always focused on the task at hand. “Your Highness, you must eat. The cooks talk. His Majesty has heard that you have been sending away your food.” He pauses and glances at me, silently asking for forgiveness before adding, “He is not pleased.”

I laugh bitterly and motion for him to set the tray on the table near the bed. “My father is seldom pleased. Very well, but I cannot possibly eat all of this.” I sit and offer Nathan the seat across from me at the tiny table. There was a time when Nathan would refuse these offers, saying the food was worthy of a prince and not fit for one such as himself. I had mentioned that he was worthy of the food and a good butler wouldn’t let his prince eat himself sick. We ate in a comfortable silence, I avoided the sausage as I knew it was Nathan’s favourite and he left the sweet berries untouched for me. We had a system.

When I had eaten my fill, Nathan speaks, “Your father is worried about you.”

“My father worries about his good name,” I scoff. “I suppose you’ve heard he plans for me to marry before the year is done?” Nathan nods without comment as he clears up the food scraps and plates. “Of course you have, bloody servants know everything.”

“You are nearly twenty your Highness, plenty old enough to begin looking for a bride.” He says sensibly.

I laugh, “I turned nineteen only two months ago. You are nearly thirty Nathan, why is it you have no wife if twenty is the marrying age then?”

“I’m happy with my work,” He answers simply. I know it goes deeper but that is the safest answer he can give. As a servant, especially one with such a prominent position, he cannot marry unless given leave to do so. A family would take up his time and I’m too selfish to give him up just yet. I’ll need him in the months to come if my father really does plan to stick to this rapid marriage that’s the gossip of the castle.

I begin to disrobe and Nathan rushes to the wardrobe to pick an appropriate outfit and help me dress. “As you know everything, I don’t suppose you could tell me how my father is planning to find me this bride?” I sigh as he runs his hands along my back to smooth the fabric after tying my belt on.

As I position myself in front of the mirror to ensure the outfit is appropriate, I catch a look at his face, shocked to see a rare smile playing on his lips. A sad smile. “You will be meeting with His Majesty after your history lesson today to discuss the matter. I wasn’t meant to tell you but I would suggest you pay extra attention to your books today. Your future bride will be amongst the families you study.”

I can’t suppress the groan that escapes my lips. “Will you be there, Nathan?” I ask, trying to keep the pleading note out of my voice.

He bows, “If your Highness would like me to be there.”

I pull him into a hug. It isn’t fitting for a prince to hug his servant, but I don’t care. Sad as it sounds, Nathan is the closest thing I have to a friend inside these walls. He always does everything in his power to make my life easier to bear. He hugs back for a moment, allowing his head to rest against my shoulder briefly before pulling away.

He retires with the food tray back to the kitchens and I go to my tutoring. The lesson for today is on the houses of the neighbouring kingdoms. If Nathan’s words were true that means my father is planning on me marrying outside of the kingdom. In that case, I was likely to have little choice in my bride. If I was marrying someone from elsewhere it was to form or strengthen an alliance. I recite names and diagram maps throughout the lesson, all the while thinking about my coming meeting with the king.

“You are dismissed, Your Highness.” The tutor says, after three hours of endless drills on the relationships between the houses in each kingdom.

I walk back to my room, unsure of what else to do. Sitting at my desk once more, I look over the map at the kingdoms we focused on the most, trying to make sense of what my father is planning. There has not been a royal marriage with someone from outside of our kingdom in well over a century. Our kingdom of Ithotria is to the east of the map and easily the largest, covering half again as much land as any other. Criovion, our neighbour to the north, is a heavily wooded land of rough people that tend to keep to themselves, but known for its loyalty to its friends. It would do our kingdom well to have a strong ally close at hand. Araneacyre, a thin strip of ground between our eastern border and the sea, is a bountiful land. Their harvests are always booming, as is their fishing industry. An alliance with them would mean our people wouldn’t know hunger. Blisumidin, several lands to the southwest, is a rich land of prideful people. A match with them would be hard to secure, but if made our treasuries would benefit significantly and our people would rejoice.

I scan through the final pages of my book to find my likely options. Criovion has several notable war commanders whose daughters would be considered great prizes by my father, but the King and Queen are young and yet to produce an heir of their own. Araneacyre has seven heirs, two princes and five princesses. I would have five lovely options to choose from, the way my father will present it, but the eldest is first in line to inherit and the three youngest are not even likely to be women yet. Blisumidin yields a lovely princess, but she is likely to be promised already. That leaves the daughters of a handful of _influential_ lords whose household funds would join her here if we wed.

For the second time today, my pondering is interrupted by Nathan’s soft knocking. As he escorts me to my father’s council chambers I allow myself a breath of relief. Calm spreads through me with the knowledge that I am, for once, a step ahead of him.

The King is already seated when we arrive but the rest of the table is empty. He gestures for Nathan to leave us and I feel secure enough in my plan to allow him to return to my quarters to wait for me. I guess His Majesty wants this to be a real father-son moment.

“Daniel,” he says the moment the door closes behind Nathan, “It is time for you to choose a bride.” Always a blunt one, my father.

“And what of my options?” I ask, knowing arguing would do no good. It may not be customary in other kingdoms for princes to marry this young but it is tradition in Ithotria, ever since my family took power. The eldest son, or in my case the only son, becomes King at the age of twenty-one and is required to be wed beforehand. In some cases, he marries on his coronation day, but it is deemed by most to be better for the kingdom if the queen-to-be knows the people before receiving her crown. This means the royals marry young here in Ithotria.

“I have received many letters of interest in the past year from various houses and kingdoms. I have sent out royal invitations to the most worthy among the candidates. They will be joining us in the castle starting tomorrow and remaining for one month.” Shock is all I can feel. He seems pleased with himself for keeping this from me for however long it took to plan. Continuing with a smile, he says, “You may choose any filly you wish from this lot, but be courteous to all of them.”

I keep my voice light, “How many are coming? And from which kingdoms? I would like to do some reading on their families before they arrive.” I did my reading already. I can only hope he confirms my suspicions.

He grunts, unused to being questioned. “Princesses Emily and Leanna will be arriving tomorrow morning from Araneacyre. Their brother, Prince Philip, will be their escort along with their handmaidens. Tomorrow evening the fillies from Criovion will be arriving, two daughters from each of the King’s three most accomplished commanders. They will each have one of their fathers’ most trusted knights as an escort.  Before the week is out, Princess Maria from Blisumidin will be joining us with many attendants from her court, including one daughter from each of her father’s four most trusted councilmen. Thirteen worthy options, my son.”

I take note of each _candidate_ as she is mentioned. Princess Leanna is a tad young but Princess Maria is the only one I had not counted on. “I look forward to meeting them. But one month does not give much time to consider thirteen women carefully, father.”

“Well, consider quickly then. Many of these fillies have people back home who do not want to give them up. Some are bound to have a strong bite and a stronger kick to them as well for all that they appear beautiful and gentle.” He cautions before standing, a clear sign of dismissal.

I return to my quarters to find Nathan flipping through the pages of _Notable Names in Nobility_ , no doubt wondering who would be sharing my quarters soon as well. When he notices me, he stands up swiftly and goes to the hall to send another servant to fetch dinner. I should eat with my father and his trusted lords but I have much to think about before tomorrow and would prefer to do that thinking in private. The King won’t mind anyway, as long as the tray returns empty.

I sit with Nathan when the food arrives, as we did with breakfast, only this time conversation flows easily.

“Is your Highness pleased with the choices His Majesty presented?” Nathan asks.

I shake my head, “A prince would not share this information with his butler. Nathan, if we’re going to talk as friends, address me as a friend.”

“Sorry, Daniel. I forget sometimes how much it bothers you.” He bows his head in apology and then continues after a sip of wine. “ _Are_ the choices adequate?”

“Thirteen fine fillies, as my father said.” I mutter as I eat my dinner, hardly tasting it at all.

Nathan laughs, “His Majesty does love comparing women to horses, I’ve never quite been sure why.” He considers for a moment before pressing on, “Did the… prestige… of any of these fillies catch your attention?”

“I am not going to judge any _woman_ who may be my future bride on name alone,” I answer. “I tire of discussing this.”

We eat in silence for a short while before talking of gossip amongst the servants until dinner is finished. Nathan calls for someone to take away the tray and leads me to my bath chamber. I have to look my best for our guests tomorrow after all. Normally other help would assist me in bathing but Nathan takes it upon himself this evening so we can continue our conversation.

The gentle touch of his hands in my hair and on my back is a welcome change to the roughness of the maids who normally do it, lusting for their chance to feel their prince. My father finds it amusing, I find it irritating. I would normally wash the lower half of my body myself, but when Nathan moves to do it I make no move to stop him. I lean back against the edge of the bath as he washes me, enjoying feelings and sensations that I never get from the maids. I don’t dwell on that thought too much as he finishes and helps me out of the bath to dry me off.

Naked, I walk to my bed and crawl in, allowing Nathan to tuck me in like he used to years ago before I decided I was too old for that. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, I want tonight to be comfortable and peaceful. “Will you stay with me tonight?” I ask.

“Of course, if it would please you.” I nod and he joins me in the bed. It is large enough for five men, the two of us take our own sides with plenty of space between. Though still an arm’s distance away, Nathan’s proximity is a comfort and I fall asleep to the sound of his steady breathing.

 


	2. The first meeting

Chapter 2: The first meeting

I open my eyes to Nathan’s soft blonde curls for the first time in many years. I sit up and take a moment to look at my companion. He’s facing away from me now but we’d moved much closer during the course of the night. His skin is smooth and pale, the sign of a good servant with no lash marks or bruising in sight. I don’t remember ever calling for him to be punished in all the time he has worked for me. He does his duty well and without question.

With that thought in my head I decide he deserves a morning off. My bed is far more comfortable than his own and he has to be exhausted from running around these past few days serving me and catering to my father’s idiotic whims about arranging my bride-to-be. Also, he is simply too precious while asleep for me to even think of waking him. He just looks so much younger in sleep, younger even than me.

I slide out of bed and grab my robe from the bedside wardrobe full of sleeping attire I never bother to wear. After relieving myself, I return to my bedchamber and contemplate breakfast. I’m not particularly hungry but with the long day ahead it’s probably best for me to eat something. Plus, I can share with Nathan who could surely use the food, thin as he is. I open the door to the hall and do not have to walk far before coming across one of the maids. Nora, I believe. _A good king knows his people by name_ , my father always tells me. I ask her to please fetch breakfast from the kitchens and have someone bring it to my bedchamber.

The real reason I eat in my chambers is so I can share my food. I couldn’t eat it all and it’s too good to go to waste, which it would in the main hall. However, with the guests from Araneacyre arriving before midday, I will be expected to spend time preparing. I have allowed no one to help me dress besides Nathan for a few years now, but I am perfectly able to do it myself. I choose a regal raiment with the Ithotrian crest embroidered over the heart. I deliberate over the footwear for a few moments before deciding on riding boots. I am looking for a bride, after all, and a tour through the castle gardens on horseback is bound to impress as well as provide a chance for easy conversation.

I stand before my largest mirror to ensure the clothing fits properly. While I am adjusting the boots to fit better I feel a presence beside me. I stand to look in the mirror as Nathan lowers my crown onto my head, nestling it into my brown curls which are nowhere near as nice as his. “You should have awoken me, my prince.” He says, voice still rough from sleep, his hands lingering in my hair as he adjusts the crown. Another sign of a good servant, to be neither seen nor heard until needed, and to be there without being called.

“You were not needed. Your health is more important to me than fetching my breakfast.” I say, “Speaking of which, it should be arriving soon.”

His cheeks flush from my words as he turns away to retrieve his clothes from where he placed them in the wardrobe last night. I pace by the main window across from the bed, contemplating the possible matches that will be arriving this morning. I do not get far in my thoughts before there is a heavy knock on the door. I move to answer it but Nathan holds out a hand and rushes to the door before me. He opens the door and takes the tray from Nora, giving her our thanks and a smile before gently shutting it again.

He pulls another chair over to my desk by the window and we settle in there to eat. With about half of the food gone, Nathan speaks up, “Will you want me with you today, Daniel?” The thought touches me, he’s asking as a friend, not a servant. I need a friend with me today but I worry that his presence would distract me from the guests.

I mean to decline but my words betray me. “Please,” is all I whisper.

He nods and continues eating as I push my food away. Worry, creeping sourly into my stomach, fills up the space left there and the food no longer seems at all appealing. “Daniel,” Nathan says, grabbing hold of my hand and giving it a gently squeeze, “You have nothing to be nervous about. The women are coming to impress you, not the other way around.”

“They are being forced into this as much as I am,” I reply, “The only difference is the stakes are even higher for them. I will be king whomever I choose, so long as I make a choice. They will either return single to their families to be sent to another man or will become my wife and be forever away from their kingdom.”

“You worry for them, then?” Nathan’s eyebrows rise in confusion.

I sigh, “They’re children, most of them. Well, just out of childhood. And how am I supposed to choose the woman that will not only be my wife until we die but rule my kingdom with me? The woman who will rule my kingdom alone if I die before my son comes of age? I am supposed to make that choice from a selection of thirteen women that I have less than a month to get to know!” I don’t remember standing, but as I talk I am pacing the centre of the room. “Am I worried for them? Of course! For them, for their kingdoms, and for my own! This is not a decision to be made lightly and I have to make it so quickly.”

Nathan rises and embraces me, cradling my head against his shoulder, “Focus on the women before they come.” He says, “First think, an alignment this strong with which kingdom would be better for Ithotria? That should take at least one kingdom out of the running. Then look at the girls from the remaining two. Which family from each kingdom would be better? That should bring your choices down to maybe five women instead of thirteen” he reasons, “put your effort into meeting those women and getting to know them. Decide from there which would be best for Ithotria.”

Quiet laughter shakes my body. Here I am, standing in my room, being embraced by my butler who is consoling me and advising me on the future of our kingdom. And I actually agree with what he is saying. I’ve been thinking along those lines since I was told that this was happening.

“And what of the kingdom that I think would be weakest for an alliance?” I ask, curious to hear what he thinks on the matter. “How should I treat the women from there?”

He breaks the embrace and moves to clear the breakfast, “With courtesy. Talk to them, learn about their kingdom and their land to find other ways to ally yourself with them. But I wouldn’t string them along. When the women from Araneacyre arrive, let them know what their odds are. They will probably expect as much. Promise to show them a good time for the month they are here and take the pressure off of them for their stay.”

My breath is stolen from me by his words. So calm, so sure, he came to this conclusion long before I would have. But, of course, he is right. We already have a great trade with Araneacyre, we don’t need a royal marriage to sustain us.

“Let us go down to await them.” I say, glancing out the window to check that it is indeed growing close to midday.

~~~

Simple.

That is my first impression of the suitors sent from Araneacyre. They came on horseback, one sister on either side of their brother in the centre. No flag, nor anything of the sort proclaiming who they are, though it is plain to see. Not even handmaidens came with them like we were expecting, just the three royal siblings. I cannot make out any more from the balcony so I descend the stairs to meet them. My father joins me at the main entrance to the castle to greet our guests together.

They ride through the gates and straight up the meet us. My father’s greeting is lost on me as I watch them. Princess Emily hops off of her horse and curtsies on the spot. Prince Philip, on the other hand, slides elegantly down from his horse and lifts Leanna off of hers before turning back to us and bowing slightly as his younger sister curtsies as well. A hand on my shoulder tells me it is my turn to greet them. I drop into a low bow to show my respect, “It is a pleasure to have you here, Prince Philip, Princess Emily, Princess Leanna,” I say, addressing each in turn. “Please excuse my father, his duties prevent him from being able to linger any longer. Our stable master will see to your horses immediately and settle them in after such a long ride. Would you like some time to rest yourselves before lunch?” I ask.

Surprisingly, it is young Leanna who answers. “We have had a relaxing morning; the ride was not hard.” She hands the reigns of her horse to the stable boy as her brother removes the saddle bags from them. “If we could put our things in our room we will be ready to continue.”

I nod courteously. “Bradley, Castor,” I address two of the waiting men, “Please take the saddle bags and follow us to the ladies’ rooms.”

“How will we be accommodated, Your Highness?” Princess Emily asks, her voice much softer than her sister’s, “We would prefer to share a bedchamber.”

“Then of course you may.” I say as I lead them up the stairs, “Prince Philip, do you have any requests?”

“No, Prince Daniel. I am sure I will be comfortable wherever I am housed. I only ask that it is near my sisters.” His voice is clear and strong even while quiet, and a lovely baritone.

I nod in acquiescence and bring them to their rooms. “Princesses,” I say, opening one of the doors, “these will be your chambers. Prince Philip,” I open the door directly across the hall, “these will be yours. I trust you will find them to your liking.”

After a brief sorting of the saddle bags and a tour of each room, Prince Philip speaks up, “I know my sisters would like to continue this day and explore the castle, but there will be time for that after lunch.” Ignoring his sisters’ looks of complaint, he continues, “They should take some time to get comfortable in their room and settle in. No arguing, Leanna. I will be back at lunch and we will continue from there.” He looks at me for confirmation of what he just said while his sisters silently plead for me to ignore him.

“I agree with your brother, my ladies. Take some time to ensure that you like it here. The first thing on our list for ‘exploring the castle’ is to take a tour through the gardens and if you would like to use your horses, they need a break.” I reason adding the bit about the garden and horses will give them something to look forward to and chat about while they settle in. I motion to the two young women waiting at the end of the hall, “Jenna and Jessica will be your handmaidens while you are here. If you need anything, all you must do is ask.”

The four women retire into their room without further discussion and the men who brought their bags retire to the stables. Now only Nathan and I stand with the visiting prince. I am about to ask if he requires anything before lunch when he says, “Thank you for backing me up. They will never admit how tired they are. We may have had a relaxing morning as Leanna said, but we rode hard through the night to get here in time.” He admits.

“You should rest as well, Your Highness.” Nathan says.

“Prince Philip,” he corrects. “‘Your Highness’ should be reserved for Prince Daniel.” Nathan nods his apologies. “In any case, I am used to little sleep, unlike the young ladies. And I would like to talk to you, Prince Daniel, before lunch.”

I expected as much. “Let us discuss this in your room, then.” He looks for a moment at Nathan but says nothing. Sensing his discomfort at having an audience, I continue, “Nathan, would you please see that everything is in order for this afternoon?”

Only for a second do his eyes betray the annoyance he feels at being sent away, “Of course, my prince. I will see to it at once.” And with that he is gone.

Prince Philip’s bedchamber is much smaller than my own, but is arranged the same way. I motion to the table along the wall and we each take a seat on the high-backed wooden chairs. I look at the other prince, expectantly.

“You know why I was sent to accompany my sisters.” He says calmly, making the question into a statement.

I nod, “To look after them.”

“More than that.” He prompts, brushing his straight black hair out of his face. When I do not answer immediately, he says, “Why only the three of us?”

“To show your trust.” The answer suddenly comes to me. The other kingdoms responded to my father’s invitation saying that they were sending knights or members of court along with the female suitors, Araneacyre sent only members of the immediate royal family. I hadn’t thought of that before now.

“Exactly,” He says, “Now think on that before you dismiss my sisters so easily.”

His accusatory look is too much for me to handle. “I have not dismissed them.” The hurt of the accusation so clear in my voice that the lie seems sincere enough that Prince Philip looks shocked. “Your kingdom shares our entire eastern border. We rely on you for much of our food and a large section of our goods are sold through your docks. Our people have married for ages, so many families are tied together. We have been at peace for centuries but do not think that time has allowed us to forget that Araneacyre was our closest ally in the war in which my family gained power. Your loyalty has been tested many times since and has never wavered. Neither has ours to you. I have never been outside of Ithotria and if I were to leave I would likely bring a large entourage and yet here you sit. No guards, no servants, no attendants. You brought only those possessions that your own horses could carry. Your trust speaks volumes, Prince Philip.”

He is staring at the table when I finish speaking. Glancing down, I see that at some point during my speech I had grabbed hold of his arm for emphasis. I release it and he looks up at me. “I meant no offence. The way you were talking earlier… it just made it seem that my sisters were not even in the running. You were not looking at them like one would be your future bride.”

“No, I looked at them like women, not a trade good I was buying.” I say, “Do not misunderstand me. There will be thirteen women here by the end of the week and before the year is out I must choose one of them to rule my kingdom alongside me. I will not make this decision lightly, just as you would not in my place.”

This time he grabs my arm. His stark white skin makes the slight tan that I have gained during the summer look far richer than it normally does. No words are said, we just sit there for a moment. I realize that this decision is one he would never have to make. Araneacyre is ruled by the oldest heir, male or female, and Prince Philip is the second child. After a while he speaks, “I am here as a fellow prince. I know I am not in your position, but the day will come when I will have to marry as well. I’m not the first in line so I still have time, I see that you don’t. I do not understand Ithotria’s rule that a King must be married before he takes his crown or that you must take that crown so young. If my kingdom followed your rules I would be married and king at my age and that thought terrifies me. The thought that one of my sweet little sisters may be queen of Ithotria in just over a year…” He is interrupted by a knock at the door. With one more glance down at our arms, he rolls his hand over to rest on the table and leaves me free to get the door.

I stand to open it, still shaken by our conversation. I am not used to people speaking so frankly to me. Even Nathan has reservations when he talks. And it is he who is at the door.

“Prince Philip, maybe we should continue this conversation this evening. Lunch is being served and I am looking forward to showing you and your sisters around the castle.” I say with a smile, though I know Nathan will have picked up the tension in the room from having been interrupted.

“That would be lovely,” He says, joining us at the doorway. His eyes meet mine and I am momentarily perplexed by their strange colouring, blue with yellow and green bursting from the centre like stars, “And, please, call me Phil.”

 I nod and say, “Dan,” before knocking on the princesses’ door.

_Maybe I really should give Araneacyre a chance_.


	3. Not by the King

Chapter 3: Not by the King

A peal of laughter fills the air as Princess Leanna is twirled off of her horse by her brother. Phil’s startling eyes crinkle as he smiles, holding his little sister by the waist and spinning her in circles instead of setting her down. While she is old enough to no longer need help getting down from a horse, she always seems happy to let her brother help her. Even Princess Emily can’t help but giggle. We are all smiles and laughs after a ride through the gardens.

“Dinner time?” Leanna asks, still being spun around. “Stop, you’ll make me sick!” She giggles at her brother, seemingly unable to be angry with him.

“Dinner will be served shortly in the great hall,” Nathan says, approaching us from the castle gates. He must have been waiting for us to return. Phil sets down Leanna and we all turn to face Nathan and the handmaidens behind him. “Jenna and Jessica will take the ladies to their rooms to clean up and prepare,” he nods to the princesses as the handmaidens lead them away. Once they are gone, Nathan looks at Phil and me, “Prince Philip, I apologize for our lack of consideration earlier in forgetting to arrange a server for you as well. We will of course- “

“Thank you for your offer, but I would prefer not to have an attendant to myself,” he seems uncomfortable at the very thought. “I am sure if I need something that I cannot do myself I will be able to call on a servant at that time?”

I place a hand on his shoulder, “Very well, Phil. We shall see you at dinner then. Jenna and Jessica will lead you down with the princesses once dinner is ready. I trust you can find your way back to your room?”

“May I have one request before dinner?” He asks, a smile playing on his lips though he avoids Nathan’s and my gaze.

“What do you require, Prince Philip?” Nathan inquires. If he is feeling the confusion I am, he hides it well.

He glances at me, “If you have any influence over the seating, please seat me away from His Majesty…” Nathan and I share a quick glance wondering what this could be about. _Had something happened at lunch?_ The king had only eaten with us for a portion of the meal but he _had_ sat next to Phil. He seems to have a reason for asking but doesn’t want to share it if he doesn’t have to. Nathan looks ready to respond but I hold out a hand to stop him.

“My father will view your chance to sit near him as an honour he is bestowing. It would be… unwise… to disregard such an offer.” I have no intention of trying to convince my father to change the seating until I lock eyes with Phil. This plea is silent but holds far more power than words ever could and forces me to keep talking, to give him a chance to have what he wants, “However, I will talk to him before dinner. Rest assured, the seating will be changed.”

With that I beckon for one of my men to escort Phil up to his room, whether he can find it himself or not he won’t need to today. Nathan and I walk to mine in silence, waiting to discuss what happened behind the relative security of closed doors. As soon as my door shuts, Nathan pulls the bar down to secure it. “How, exactly, are you planning on convincing your father to move the seating arrangements on the first full meal of their stay?” His casual manner sets my heart beating with far more anxiety than I was expecting.

“I, I… have no idea.” I admit, rushing to remove my riding clothes. “I’ll think of something. I just need to prepare for dinner quickly so I have time to speak with him.”

Nathan hurries forward to help me out of my clothes and then goes to the wardrobe to find me something suitable for tonight while I wash off the riding dirt. My urgency is leaving my skin red where I am franticly washing off the dust. Nathan comes over once he picks out my attire and takes the cloth from my hand. He rinses it in clean water and proceeds to wash my face gently, “Panicking is not going to help you, my prince.” He tilts my head forward to keep the water from getting in my hair. “Be still, there are many reasons Prince Philip could give that would lead to him sitting away from His Highness. We need only think of one that would be acceptable.” His hands are steady and his soft words have the calming effect he no doubt desired.

“I’m open to suggestions.”

He finishes washing me and begins to help me into my clothes, keeping a tight grip to steady my shaking, “He wants to give you some time to speak frankly with his sisters and is worried that you will censor yourself with him at hand. He is interested in the trade and would like to talk with our trade master for the evening. He is weary from the day’s activities and will be taking dinner in his room. Anything, my prince, as long as it does not interfere with your father’s main goal of you choosing a bride.”

“Those options all lead to Phil sitting away from me,” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. The look Nathan gives me mimics my own thoughts, _And why does that matter?_ “I mean, he knows no one here. And it wouldn’t be fitting for a visiting prince to be seated so far away from the royal family. No, I need a way for all of us to be moved away from the King.”

Whether any ideas come to him or not, Nathan seems disinclined to offer any more suggestions following this vein of thought, “Well, my prince, best think fast. If you want to see your father before dinner we must leave now.”

I nod, ideas circling in my head as we walk down to the great hall, each less likely to work than the last. I pass by my father’s chambers and use the silver knocker to knock three times, hoping that I am early enough and he is still inside.

A servant’s voice calls out, “Who is it?”

“Daniel,” I reply and the door immediately opens.

The girl drops into a curtsy so low she is almost sitting on the floor, “My apologies, Your Highness. I was not expecting you to grace us with your company before dinner. His Majesty is just inside.” She opens the door and allows Nathan and I entry before shutting it tight behind us. My father is sat at his table pouring over books, much as I have been doing the past few days. I didn’t inherit many traits from my father, but an obsession for reading is one we share.

“Daniel,” My father looks up from his books, startled by the intrusion. “Lanna, Nathan, please wait outside. We will be ready for dinner shortly.” The servants both nod and bow out of the room without further remarks, leaving me alone with my father for the second time in as many days. “What is it?”

The best idea I thought of is still a long shot but I have to go with it, “It’s about the seating arrangements for dinner tonight. Princess Emily and Princess Leanna want to meet the ladies of the court. It has been two week’s journey for them and they have not had the company of ladies since leaving their home in Araneacyre. Prince Philip, as well, would like to meet the lords. I think it will be best to work through these introductions at dinner tonight before the members of the other kingdoms arrive.”

I barely manage to contain my shock when I see the king nodding in agreement, “While it is customary for royal guests to sit with the royal family I believe you may be right in this matter. These are not any guests, they may soon be extensions of the family and need to know their people. Well thought, Daniel. Sit with them and make the introductions yourself.”

“Of course.”

He rises from the table and adds, “I expect you to do the same with the other women when they arrive. Let them all know our noble lords and ladies. If you do not marry them, there is a chance they will fall for a lord or befriend a lady and strengthen our bonds that way.”

While I did not particularly like the idea of having to make introductions for the next week I agree simply to ensure that tonight’s seating arrangements are changed in my favour. When we arrive at dinner I wait outside the hall as the guests file in to their seats. I address my father before he enters, “I will wait to escort the princesses to their new seats.” He agrees and says he will make the seating changes himself, basically meaning that though this is my idea he is going to have the royal family of Araneacyre meet who he wants them to meet.

A few moments later Jenna and Jessica lead the princesses and Phil down the marble staircase and over to the entrance to the great hall. They curtsy and leave to go eat with the other servants in one of the side halls. “You look beautiful,” I say, addressing the women in front of me. It is no idle compliment, they are genuinely stunning in long gowns of some shimmering blue fabric that reminds me of the ponds in our garden but probably reminds them of the seas back home. Even Phil is wearing robes of the same fabric in a darker shade, which serves to bring out the blue in his eyes, making him striking as well, though I keep that thought to myself. The princesses blush with the compliment and I offer an arm to each of them as we enter the hall with Phil right behind us. We are announced to the assembled lords and ladies by a herald. Everyone stands to receive us and I see our seats at the second table, right beneath the royal table but far enough from the King that any attempt to converse would have to be loud and obvious, something he will not suffer to do. As we take our seats, everyone else sits as well and I feel Phil’s hand clasp my own under the table in a silent thank you.

I make all the necessary introductions over the first course. Introducing Emily and Leanna to the daughters and sons of Lord Benjamin, our master of trade and introducing Phil to the lord himself. Conversation flows easily throughout dinner as we talk of our kingdoms and brag when we can but are modest when appropriate. I have not attended dinner in a long while and had forgotten how pleasurable it could be to talk to the lords and ladies.

It is during dessert, once I had pushed my plate away from me after only a few bites, that Princess Emily places her hand on my arm and speaks softly into my ear, “Would it be horribly rude of me to ask if we can retire early?”

I smile and announce to the table, “I think the princesses have had a tiring day. If you would excuse us, I should like to escort them back to their chambers.” There is general agreement at the table, though Leanna looks ready to argue before Phil leans behind me and gives her a look saying quite clearly, _You can talk to them tomorrow, do not disagree with our host_.

So, we rise and bid everyone goodnight before exiting the hall. Jenna, Jessica, and Nathan are chatting at the bottom of the staircase, waiting for dinner to finish. They join us in our walk back to the area where the visiting royalty is staying. Once at the princesses’ door, I bid them goodnight once again and kiss both of them on the hand before they enter their room with the handmaidens.

When their door is shut, I turn to the two men behind me and address my butler, “Nathan, please return to my chambers and prepare a bath. I will be there shortly.” He knows better than to argue, though I can see he wants to. He bows and leaves without a word, leaving Phil and me alone. I motion towards Phil’s chambers and we enter together, not speaking until the door is shut behind us.

Before I have a chance to ask, Phil speaks, “Thank you for changing the dinner arrangements. I owe you for that and will be sure to assist Lord Benjamin with trade when I return to Araneacyre.”

I raise my eyebrow in a silent question. Phil simply moves over and sits at his table, pulling out a chair for me to join him. When I do he says, “Are you going to make me say it, Dan?”

“I cannot _make_ you do anything, Prince Philip.” He winces at my return to formal address. “I am, however, curious as to why you requested a change of seating when today was likely to be the only night you would have had the chance to sit by the King of your neighbouring kingdom.”

He has the good grace to look embarrassed at least before he says, “I had my chance to speak with His Majesty at lunch. Everything that needed to be said was said, all the necessary courtesies were exchanged. I see no need for either of us to have to endure the other’s presence longer than we need to.”

“If the feeling is mutual, that explains why my father was so willing to go along with my seating plans for the evening,” I mumble, everything making a tad bit more sense. “However, I still do not understand where this trouble is coming from.”

Phil reaches forward and grabbed my wrists from across the table, “Let’s just say that I disagree with some of the traditions of Ithotria and that may have been brought up at lunch.”

“You do not like that your sisters may be part of an almost entirely arranged marriage.”

“I do not like that _you_ are being forced to be part of an almost entirely arranged marriage.” He responds, baffling me even more.

My response is automatic, pounded into me by my father throughout the years, “It is my duty to my people to take my father’s place before he grows too old to rule. I need a woman by my side before I rule, I will not have time to look for one once I am King.”

“Your father is young yet and he has ruled without a woman by his side for almost two decades.” Phil counters. It is true of course, my father is in his early forties, by no means old. And my mother died giving birth to me, leaving my father to rule alone.

“All the same, I must do what I must do, Prince Philip. I understand if you do not want your sisters to be part of our traditions but you have no say as to whether or not I take part.”

“Please,” he says, gripping my wrists tighter and leaning forward over the table, “I never meant for us to start off on bad terms. Can we return to how it was before I asked? I disagree with your system, but I swear, if this is what you want, Dan, I will do nothing to interfere.” The specks of gold and green in his eyes shine in the last rays of dusk. His plea seems genuine.

“Thank you,” I release myself from his grip and stand, “Good night, Phil.” I say from the doorway as I leave. Right before the door closes I hear, “Sleep well, Dan,” and hear the smile on his face, though I do not turn to see it.

A smile remains on my face as well as I return to my chambers. Nathan asks why I am so cheerful after my talk with Phil but I merely shake my head and slip off my clothes to get in the bath. The warm water and Nathan’s soothing hands relax me as always and not for the first time I feel myself falling asleep in the bath on the rare occasion that it is Nathan bathing me. Yet, this _is_ the first time I can remember wishing it was another man’s hands that were washing me.


	4. New arrivals

Chapter 4: New arrivals

I am awoken by Nathan’s soft hands shaking me gently, “My prince, you must wake. The people of Criovion will be here within the hour.” He vanishes from my side and returns with clothing for me to wear. I crawl from my bed groggily, allowing him to support me. The drapes are wide open but no light is entering from them, it’s the middle of the night. Every fibre of my being is telling me to return to bed, though I don’t even remember getting out of the bath last night. Nathan must have carried me. That thought puts a little smile on my still sleepy face.

Too tired to talk, I allow Nathan to fill me in as he dresses me. Apparently, the women from Criovion ran into trouble and a runner was sent to inform us that they would be late arriving. Nathan brushes aside my protests at waking this early, “Surely my prince would like to meet his possible brides-to-be upon their arrival?”

“Your prince would like to look like a prince upon meeting company, not like a tired teenager who just crawled out of bed after a late night.”

His laughter is rougher than usual and loud in my ears, “Late night? Daniel, I’ve never seen you fall asleep so early. It was still dusk when I brought you to your bed.”

I have to admit, yesterday was tiring. “Did you stay?” I ask, a little too much curiosity in my voice.

“For a while,” he answers. In the mirror, I can see him looking at the floor. I turn to face him in a silent question. “You became… restless after a while, my prince,” he pauses, trying to decide how much more to say, “Tossing and turning and… other things. Talking in your sleep again.” His eyes flutter as he seems to blink a dampness away from them. “There are some things a servant is not meant to hear.”

The blush on his cheeks in unmistakable, even in the dim candle light. “I tell you everything, Nathan. Even if I don’t, you find out somehow anyway.” The laughter in my voice dies when I see the sadness in his eyes.

“There are some things I would rather not hear. Come now, we must hurry!” He rushes to open the door and holds out his arm to lead me down to the main entrance. I move to walk past him without taking his hand but the lack of sleep has my world spinning when I try to step forward. Nathan stands there for a moment, allowing me to make my choice. I sigh and place my arm around his waist and move down the stairs. He does the same and holds me steady as we walk. With even less sleep than I had, I do not know how he manages to be constantly presentable. One thing I do know is that he is the only thing stopping me from falling down the steps.

We reach the entrance hall and even though Nathan removes his arm I keep mine in place while we greet our guests. The women are windswept, but beautiful nonetheless. Their knights are walking along the sides and leading the horses behind them. I motion for our stable boys, who also look about ready to fall back asleep, to take the animals and see that they are well looked after. The women slide down from their horses and hand the reigns to the knights. What looks to be maybe the oldest, or at least the most confident woman, is the first to speak. “Prince Daniel,” she dips into a slight curtsy, as do all the other girls, “I am surprised to see you awake at this hour to greet us. I would like to thank you for your courtesies. But I would also ask to postpone introductions until morning.”

I take her hands and lead her into the castle with the others following, “Of course, my lady. I will escort you all as far as your rooms. Your attendants should be waiting within and your knights will be at the entrance to the wing.” We walk in relative silence up to their quarters, Nathan and I in the lead, occasionally leaning on each other for support. Once we arrive I leave the ladies, “Until morning, then. Sleep well and feel no pressure to rise before you are ready. Rest well and I will see you when you are refreshed.”

They thank me and head into their respective rooms, sisters sharing with each other. The one who spoke up at the entrance is the last to enter her room. Before doing so she smiles tiredly and says, “Pleasant dreams, my prince.”

I am too tired to respond and merely nod. Nathan and I return to my chambers and he pours me some water before I return to bed. We sit together on the edge of my bed for a few moments before he disrobes me and puts my clothes away as I slide under my blankets.  He tucks me in like a child and I’m too exhausted to protest. As he goes to leave I am tempted to call him back, to ask him to stay with me again. But his words fill my brain, _there are some things I would rather not hear_. “Goodnight, Nathan.”

He leans back towards the bed and brushes my hair off my face and rearranges my blankets, “Goodnight, Daniel.”

With that he blows out the candles, leaving only the oil lamps in the corners of the room, before withdrawing to his own quarters down the hall. The flickering lights cast shadows across the walls and ceiling forcing me to roll onto my stomach facing my pillows to avoid the shadows forming into shapes.

As tired as I feel, sleep alludes me. All I can think on is the empty space in my bed. _What did I say?_ I always talked in my sleep as a child, but I didn’t know I did it still. I try to think back on my dreams to get a clue of what I could have been talking about but nothing comes to me. I only remember falling asleep with Prince Philip’s face in my mind. _Phil_. His face fills my vision once again. Straight, coal black hair sweeping across his brow, striking blue eyes with yellow and green specks, neat eyebrows several shades lighter than his head of hair, a few small freckles across his high cheekbones, pale pink lips in a permanently tilted gentle smile. Thinking of him relaxes me enough to allow sleep to start shutting down my overactive brain. The last thing I wonder is what Nathan has against him.

~~~

It is a late morning all around. Though we had tried to stay quiet, the royal family from Araneacyre had heard the Criovions arriving in the early hours of the morning and had struggled to return to sleep as well. Breakfast was served to each room this morning to avoid the hassle of everyone looking their best for the first real meeting while still feeling horrible. Nathan and I eat in silence, him enjoying my sausages and me enjoying his berries, as always. It seems both of us are in agreement that our middle of the night discussion was best left forgotten.

The day passes quite calmly, all things considered. I introduce myself at lunch to the six women of Criovion and each of their knights. Cassandra, the talkative one from their arrival, is the only woman who makes much of an impression. Well, her and little Ria, the youngest of all of my suitors. At only eleven years old Ria barely reaches my chest but her quick wit has me intrigued. I cannot imagine choosing this little girl as my wife, but I can see her as a ruler one day. If not at my side in Ithotria then controlling Criovion from the background.

The two are not sisters, but share the same rich reddish brown colouring. Their skin is littered with imperfections, bumps, dark bruises, faded scars, and even red scrapes from new damages. With war commanders as fathers, these women are no strangers to fighting. The six women all have a similar background, but Cassandra and Ria appear to be the only two unashamed of their marks and proud to display them. I would wager that even little Ria could hold her own against me in the sword arena and I have been training since I could hold a sword. I may not marry a woman from Criovion but I do not want to make enemies of any of them either, not if I value my life and the safety of my kingdom.

I repeat the previous day. Lunch with my father and the women, a horse ride through the castle gardens and grounds, a brief period to relax with Nathan and change before dinner. Once again, to hold up my cover story from yesterday, I eat with the women and the lords and ladies from my court with the premise of the young women meeting the notable names from my kingdom.

After dinner, I escort the Criovion women back to their rooms and wander over to the rooms of my suitors from Araneacyre. Jessica answers the door, “Your Highness,” she drops into a curtsy. I am going to get very bored with curtsies before the week is out at this rate. “The princesses have just retired to their baths, my apologies.” She seems flustered, unsure how to handle the situation, “One moment, Your Highness.”

I wait at the door for her to speak with the princesses, I assume. When she returns, she is fiddling with her dark blonde curls behind her back, “Princess Emily offers her apologies as well, Your Highness, but she says she is still recovering from her trip and lack of sleep last night. Princess Leanna wonders if you would meet her for breakfast in the morning?” She makes the second sentence into a question as if unsure if she is carrying the message correctly.

I smile when I remember that this is the first time Jessica has ever served royalty so closely. Of course the girl is flustered, she is nervous to make a mistake and reflect badly on our house. “Tell Princess Emily that her comfort is more important than my whims, she deserves to rest. As for Princess Leanna, I would like nothing more than to dine with her in the morning.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” Jessica smiles with relief and curtsies one more time before closing the door.

I want nothing more than to return to my chambers and bury myself in a book or two and forget, at least for a little while, that I will have to pick a bride from amongst these women in less than a month. Turning to go back to my chambers I come face to face with the man I haven’t spoken to all day, Prince Philip.

His face is impassive, “Dan, is it not a bit late to be waiting outside my sisters’ door?” An accusatory note slips into his voice.

“I- um I was, I only meant to w-wish them goodnight,” I stutter, resisting the urge to take a step back under the intensity of his stare.

“Oh, so my sisters aren’t worth spending time with now that your other suitors are here?”

“No! No, that’s not what I meant. I was planning to talk with them, but they are bathing.”

His eyebrows raise so high they vanish into his dark fringe, “I thought you said you were only here to wish them goodnight?”

_Crap_. “That’s all that happened! I didn’t even go in the room, we just, um, arranged to meet tomorrow morning. For breakfast.” My heart is beginning to speed up and I just start to babble, “I meant to talk to them, but then they were tired and relaxing so I- I just had Jessica ask them how they were. I told them goodnight and I’ll be meeting um, Leanna in the morning…”

Phil turns away from me and marches to his room, opening the door and waiting there. It takes me a moment to realize he’s waiting for me to join him. Nervously, I enter his room and stand against the table, turning to face him. He shoos a maid out of his room and shuts the door angrily behind him. When he turns around, a smirk is painted across his face.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because your reaction was adorable.” He says simply, before moving to the table and pulling out a chair for me to sit in.

As I sit, I ask, “Adorable?”

Sitting across from me he chuckles. “Dan, why would I be mad that you are paying attention to my sisters?”

“Because I ignored them all day.”

“Did you?”

“Yes, I- Wait, no! I didn’t! I sat with them for tea and invited them to join us in the gardens, but Em- er, Princess Emily wasn’t feeling well. And I saw Leanna after breakfast before I met with the women from Criovion.” His smile grew wider as I was talking but it just made me angrier. “Why did you talk to me in that manner if you were happy?”

He moves to pat my hand but I retract my arm from the table. His smile slips slightly, “I just wanted to hear your reaction. I wasn’t expecting you to become defensive, but I am glad that you did. I must look out for my sisters, Dan.” When I show no change of expression he continues, “I’m sorry for creating an argument when there need not be one. It was a test, Prince Daniel, and you passed.”

I sigh and lean onto the table when a thought comes to me. This time I’m the one who smirks, “Why did you send the maid away?”

“Sorry?”

“Why is she gone? You could have explained this to me without leading me into your room first. I may have met with your sisters today but I don’t recall seeing you much at all. Did you miss me, Prince Philip?”

“Phil.” He corrects automatically. I expect him to laugh or be confused or deny it, but he does none of those things. Instead he leans towards me and whispers, “And if I did?”

Now it’s my turn, “Sorry?”

“What if I am jealous of you spending time with all these suitors? Here I am, a visiting prince, the only prince who has visited Ithotria in over a decade, and you had not said one word to me today.” He is so serious when he says this that I cannot tell if he is truly hurt or if he is joking again.

I take the safer course and assume it’s all a joke. “Well, dear prince, I will be sure to allot some time in my schedule to meet with you as well as my thirteen suitors in the weeks to come. Perhaps you would like for me to visit Araneacyre once the women are gone?”

“I think that is a great idea.”

“Really?”

He stands and looks out the eastern window, towards his distant homeland, “Was that not a sincere offer? I- we would love to have you visit Araneacyre… Whether you choose one of my sisters or not, consider this a formal offer, Prince Daniel.”

I join him at the window, pondering this offer for a moment. If I had my choice, I would gladly visit. I never had any intention of leaving Ithotria before, but now the idea is tempting, very tempting. “I will speak to my father.”

“Good,” Phil says as if it was settled. “I look forward to it.”

We stand together, looking out over the gardens as the sun sets behind the castle, plunging our view into darkness. “You should get some sleep. If you are meeting my sister in the morning, you will need it.”

“Of course,” I say, startled by his sudden speech. I would have been content to stand there with him all night, but he was right. We bid each other goodnight and I walk back to my chambers, hallways black save for the occasional torch. The darkness was fine with Phil at my side, but I can feel panic creeping in as I rush down the halls to my room. Shadows turn to demons, assassins, and every dangerous animal imaginable as I struggle not to run.

_I hope Nathan stays with me tonight_.


	5. The last suitors

Chapter 5: The last suitors

The next few days blur together in my mind as I begin to form a routine. I meet with the women of Araneacyre in the mornings after breakfast. Mostly we just walk around the castle grounds and talk about silly things, nothing too political and absolutely nothing that has to do with my upcoming marriage. I spend my mornings with them getting to know their little habits, what they like and do not like. Overall, my mornings are quite pleasant. I have lessons before and after lunch, for now, but with the women of Blisumidin arriving soon this time will be taken up by them. Lunch is spent with all of the women and the influential people of my own kingdom. Care is taken to provide proper introductions and form the right alliances and friendships among the visitors and my lords. After lunch and lessons, I meet with the women of Criovion for either horse races or mock fighting sessions. These women may dress and speak like noble ladies, but at heart they are warriors like their fathers and once I made it clear that I have no problems with strong women, even the shiest amongst them began to show her true strength in the arena. I’m lucky to escape these bouts with only bruises. Before or right after dinner I meet with Phil for simple conversation or sword practice if I am not too sore from my sessions with the Criovion women.

I cannot believe it, but I have managed to make time for everyone.

Like the suitors from Criovion, the interested parties from Blisumidin are late to arrive. Unlike the women from Criovion, these last suitors have no excuse other than the sheer amount of people that travelled with them. I had expected my father to be joking when he said that half of Blisumidin’s court would be accompanying the suitors but as I see them entering the castle gates two days later than we were expecting, I am overwhelmed by the dozens of men, women, and even children who have come. There is room in the castle for Princess Maria and the other four suitors as well as about a dozen others. The rest of their court will be housed with the lords and ladies of our court, another chance to form connections.

I meet with each member of the visiting party at dinner the day they arrive, which is quite a feat to manage considering. I nibble at food as I move between tables to speak with everyone and it is not until dessert is being served that I have met everyone and can take a seat for the remainder of the time. I sit down between Prince Philip and Princess Leanna and, for the first time in ages, am actually hungry enough to eat the dessert when it is served. I dig in as quickly as I dare once the tarts are set in front of me.

A soft chuckle meets my ears and Prince Philip leans over to whisper, “An afternoon of talking with nothing but Blisumidins has left you craving some sugar, I see.”

To prove his point, I take a long draught from my glass of honeyed wine to wash down my first tart. “The alcohol makes an improvement as well,” I add under my breath so only he can hear. Though, judging by Leanna’s sudden burst of giggles at one of the lords’ worst jokes, I assume she heard as well. It may be bad table manners to insult one’s guests during dinner but they are a dry bunch. Far too involved in politics and influenced in a greater part by the contents of a man’s coin purse more so than his mind.

“To make matters better,” I continue, starting in on my second tart, “I’m going to meet with the suitors for a supervised walk of the walls after dinner.” I roll my eyes at the ridiculousness of the request to talk with a group of about a dozen people on the narrow walls surrounding the castle. I savour the taste of the peach tart while I can, allowing the sweet juices and strong spices to linger on my tongue. The slower I eat my dessert, the shorter the walk will be.

“How romantic!” Phil smiles at my lack of enthusiasm. “Any chance you’ll be able to knock that braggart off the wall and make it look like an accident?” He jokes (at least, I _hope_ he’s joking) as he motions towards the trade master from Blisumidin who has done nothing but speak of his profits since arriving. I always heard that Blisumidin was a rich and proud kingdom, but I did not expect it to be so open about its wealth and politics. No one likes a show off and that is exactly how these people are coming across.

You could look at all the lords of Ithotria and not know which were rich and which were living on family name alone. Ours is a different kind of pride, a private kind. The Blisumidins are more vocal and flashy. One glance at the assembled lords was enough to tell who held the money. And in Blisumidin, wealth equals power. Which makes the trade master the second most powerful man in the kingdom, behind only the king himself. I imagine him tumbling off the wall and that smirk wiped permanently off his face, “If only I could. But sadly, that would ruin the walk for the others.”

Phil smiles and tips his second tart onto my plate, “Better enjoy the sweetness while you can.”

I would never normally accept extra food but today I dig in without missing a beat. “Thank you, Prince Philip. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten.” At that moment, Leanna and Emily stand to return to their rooms for the evening. Phil and I stand with them and I kiss both women on the cheek before they go with their brother back to their chambers.

A few moments later the interested parties from Blisumidin stand as well. I lead them out the front doors of the main hall and up the left-hand side tower until we reach the wall. Once we exit the castle and walk along the outer wall the chatting breaks out. I turn behind me and hold out my hand to the nearest woman, who just so happens to be Princess Maria. She graciously accepts my hand and moves to the front of the party to walk alongside me.

“The view is beautiful, Prince Daniel,” She says, gazing in awe at the horizon with the houses from the surrounding town dotting the hills around the castle. I take a moment to observe her as she stares at our surroundings. Her hair flows in a dark curtain down to below her hips, her slim figure is on display with her dress cinched at the waist, her lips are full and painted red, and her skin has a flawless golden tan. Her eyes are a pale blue, almost clear, focused on a point far in the distance.

“I am sure beautiful sights abound in Blisumidin, dear princess.” I say.

“Yes,” her voice takes on a dreamy quality, “It is a gorgeous land.”

Our conversation passes like this for halfway along the perimeter of the castle wall. Everything we speak of is superficial. How beautiful this castle is. How good the food tastes. How silly and dirty the children running around the streets of the city are. And how nice we look in comparison to the commoners. I am ready to snap that none of these things matter, but I hold my tongue. When I try to turn the conversation to history or politics the princess seems to withdraw a little and avoids my questions. She replaces answers with flattery and steers the conversation back into safer waters for her.

Once we reach the back of the castle and turn to follow the other side back to the front, I feel a hand on my shoulder. One of the men who is acting as a chaperone suggests that I allow someone else to lead the return trip. Looking in his eyes I see him glance at Princess Maria and then at me before slightly tipping his head backwards toward the other suitors. Taking the hint, I slip back into the group of women and allow the princess to lead the way back around, explaining the beauty of the land to the members of her court.

“How are you doing this evening, Prince Daniel?” One of the women, who I believe is called Lisa, asks.

I smile at the assembled women, “My evening is wonderful spending it with beautiful guests.” They all laugh and blush, taking over the conversation for several minutes. It’s amazing how easy it is to flatter nobility. _I wonder if I am so easily distracted_.

Lisa speaks up and addresses me once again, “What is it you do for fun, Prince Daniel? There are not many men your age at court.” None, to be precise. There are women my age, and men a few years older or younger, but none raised as a friend. “Most of your companions must be servants.” She shudders, as if the servants were some sort of insect that, when doing their own business were fine, but that you swat at whenever they come near you.

“Mostly I read to pass the time.” I answer truthfully. Not the most exciting answer, but I feel no real need to try to impress these women with something I am not. As Nathan said, they are here to win my hand, not the other way around.

“Just like Angelica,” One of the other girls speaks up, glancing behind her at the quietest member of the group. Angelica appears to be about my age, maybe a year younger, but definitely one of the eldest suitors. Her soft brown curls cover half of her face and she glances down shyly when she sees me looking at her.

I allow the other girls to pass me as we continue walking so I can walk next to Angelica. “What do you like to read?” I ask her. I expect her to answer that she likes love stories or tales of great deeds by great knights. I was not expecting her answer.

“History of the Kingdoms mainly, Your Highness.”

I swallow back my shock. History is considered a dull subject by many, especially the more recent or the very ancient history. Ours is a calm and peaceful land in general. “Those are my favourite books as well, my lady. If you brought any of your books with you I would love a chance to read them. Of course you are welcome to any books in the castle library or in my own personal collection.”

A smile crosses her face and she raises her chin slightly, still not enough to look at me directly but an improvement. “Your Highness is too kind.”

“Does that mean you would like to see the books, lady Angelica?”

“If it please you, Prince Daniel. Perhaps on the morrow I can bring my collection to the library and we can discuss them there?”

“That sounds lovely,” I say, and for once I am genuinely excited to meet with one of my suitors. We finish the walk with a comfortable silence between us but I cannot help but feel unease from the glances the members of the court are throwing at us.

When we return to the entrance many compliments about the castle are given. I accept them graciously though I had no hand in any of the design as it was constructed half a millennium ago. While Princess Maria wishes me pleasant dreams the other suitors are swept away by their lords and ladies before I have a chance to say goodnight. Once the others are gone, I quickly excuse myself from the princess and return to my chambers for the first time since dawn.

When I enter to find my chambers empty, I send a maid from the hall to fetch Nathan. He arrives moments later with a skin of wine in his arms and, with one look at me, runs to draw a bath. He waits until I am settled into the water and have consumed about half the contents of the skin before asking, “Any interesting suitors from the Blisumidin party?”

I let out a sigh, “How could my father ever expect me to marry a woman from that place. How could he expect _anyone_ from Ithotria to marry one of them? I knew they were proud but I wasn’t expecting a group of people so… so…” I shrug, unable to find the right word.

Nathan moves his hands to my shoulders and, with deft fingers, massages the tension out of them. “Extravagant?” He offers. When I don’t respond he continues, “Or maybe conceited?  Shallow? Classist?”

“Three for three,” I groan, passing the skin back to him as a reward. He hands it back a moment later, considerably lighter. “Though, of all the suitors so far, one of the Blisumidin girls, Angelica, seems like she would be a good match.”

“Ah,” Nathan exhales, “Too bad she is not the Princess. Tread carefully, my prince. Princess Maria and her court are likely to see your favouring of this… Angelica, was it? … as an insult to the royal family. In a kingdom of riches, she is the gem that sparkles the most, and to the people of Blisumidin that means she is of the highest value.”

“And here we are,” I complain, finishing the remainder of the wine, “Back to treating these women like trade goods. Horses for me to trot around on display and take for a ride when I get bored.” I sense Nathan nodding in a silent apology, though I cannot see him. I rise from the tub and, as he pats me dry, I say, “If I wanted a horse I would ride my stallion. I am looking for a partner to rule with me, that’s not something I will find at the markets.”

Something in my comment makes Nathan chuckle lightly. When I ask what is so funny, he merely says, “A misunderstanding of your words, my prince.”

Back in my bedchamber, he draws the curtains closed on the windows and lights the oil lamps. As he approaches my bedside to ensure my comfort, I grab hold of his wrist. “Stay with me?” I ask, the wine allowing the question I have been scared to ask the past few days. After a day of dealing with the court of Blisumidin I need a long night’s sleep and I always sleep better with Nathan in my bed. For a moment, I am nervous he will refuse. Of course, he has every right to but he never had in the past until the night the Criovion women arrived. I am worried he will again as the silence grows longer…

“Of course, my prince.” He has a smile on his face but his eyes flash with sadness so briefly I wonder if I imagined it. I release an audible sigh of relief that I just barely manage to conceal in my pillow. Nathan steps out of his clothing and hangs it alongside mine in the wardrobe before joining me, making himself comfortable on the other side of my giant bed. His steady breathing as he drifts off keeps my mind from forming the shadows cast by the lamps into monsters. Before I fall asleep, I wrap an arm around the man in my bed and curl up against him, pressing my chest to his back and resting my head on the pillow just above his pale curls. A slight scent of horses comes from him and somehow that scent adds to my sense of comfort. In his sleep, Nathan shifts closer against me and, without thinking, I plant a soft kiss on the top of his head before lying my head back down to sleep. I happily let the wine and exhaustion drag me into the world of dreams.


	6. The results of the wine

Chapter 6: The results of the wine

My day passes as normal until after dinner. I walk out of the main hall laughing with the suitors from Criovion, but their laughs die in their throats once we leave the room. They gasp and stare in horror at something behind me, scared far more than I imagined such brave women to be capable of. When I turn to look, I see them disappear out of the corner of my eye.

What I’m looking at makes me wish I could disappear as well.

It’s my father… sort of. Approaching from the other side of the entrance hall, he is cloaked in shadows. Loose black robes wrap around him, the bottom and edges of the sleeves fading into smoke, faces swirling and appearing in the billowing fabric. As the faces shift around, coming closer to the surface, I begin to recognize them. The suitors from every kingdom, every maid or common woman whose advances I had spurned in my life, proud lords who I refused to honour by giving their daughters the time of day, the knights from Criovion who guarded the warlords’ daughters, the visiting court of Blisumidin, Prince Philip, and even Nathan. All of them staring at me with unmistakeable hatred, an expression so foreign to some of their faces that a shiver of fear shoots down my spine. But that did not prepare me for the terror I would feel looking at my father’s face. His eyes are shadowed over, so hooded by his brows they were hard to make out. They may have been there, deep in the shadows, or there may have only been black pits into his skull. I have a sinking feeling that the latter is more accurate. Shadows distort the rest of his once handsome face as well. The darkness throws his face into sharp relief, shadows pitting his hollow cheeks and his neck down to the collar bones, making his cheekbones and forehead grotesquely prominent. The worst of it is his mouth. His once full lips are now thin, cracking, and black. A dark liquid has stained the corners and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the Araneacyrean red we had with dinner. Inside his whole mouth seems stained as well. His teeth, smaller and if I’m not mistaken _sharper_ than normal, are black around the edges fading to a deep red in the centres. I can’t see his tongue but it wouldn’t surprise me if it came to a blood blackened point as well. Nothing of my father’s features remain, and yet I am sure it is him.

His mouth moves, but the sound that reaches my ears isn’t even human. High pitched and sharp, it reminds me of the clashing of swords in the fighting arena. He seems to float forward, held up by his smoky robes. I want to shake my head, tell him I don’t understand. I want to scream, to demand to be told what is going on here. I want to charge him, rip that cloak off of him and throw off the shadows he is robed in. What I really want more than anything is to run, flee up to my room and block him out. But all I can do is stand there, paralyzed with fear, and let him continue his slow advance.

His mouth moves again, but this time I catch the word he says, “Choose!” My neck seems to be the only part of my body ready to move, so I shake my head in misunderstanding. “You must choose!” He demands, opening his arms and displaying the sleeves of his robes. They flow from his outstretched arms down nearly to the floor and the faces swimming in them are just my suitors. The hatred from before is replaced with hope. Each woman’s face is silently begging me to choose her, eyes sparkling against the shadows. Somehow I know that only the person I choose would be able to leave the robes and join me, safe.

My mouth unhinges itself. “No, please no.” I say, trying to step backwards but my legs still aren’t working.

“CHOOSE!” The force of his demand is almost enough to knock me backwards. I didn’t think it was possible for black pits to show anger, but his eyes seem to contract and darken. I feel the emotion rolling off of him in waves, like a heartbeat. My own speeds up even more, as if afraid to beat in time with the anger. As if doing so would somehow turn me into the demon my father has become.

“I can’t choose! It- it’s too soon, I don’t know them yet. This- this isn’t fair!”

The pulses of anger are replaced by something else. Pity? Disgust? Some mixture of the two. “Fair?” He questions, shaking his sleeves to change the faces. The suitors melt away and are replaced by young maids and common women. “Are their choices fair? They want you and you shield yourself from them. Deny their company. Give them no explanation.” His mouth morphs into a disgusting sneer, “Well, now’s your chance. Explain yourself!”

I open my mouth to say that I did not want temptation around me but I cannot force the words out. They stick in my throat like my tongue has swelled to block the air. I retch, trying to give an answer, but I only get more and more lightheaded from the lack of air.

“I’ve told you a million times, I will not stand lies uttered in my presence.” He clarifies, and sure enough when I stop trying to talk to defend myself, I am able to breathe again.

I glare at him, but it does no good. I had not even realized what I was about to say was a lie until he said that. Instead, I change course, forming my reasoning so that it is entirely truthful, “I am a prince.” I say, “I do not have time for the whims of common folk.”

“Is that fair?” He mocks. “There must be more to it, Prince Daniel.” He slurs the title.

I steel myself and answer, “It is fairer than stringing them along when our relationship could never actually prosper. I cannot marry a common woman, you’ve made that quite clear. I dare not get close to them for fear of –“ _developing attraction_ was what I meant to finish with but my voice was cut off again.

His sneer only grows nastier. The suitors swim back to the surface of his robes, displacing the women from my past. “You say you do not love these women yet. And what about the ones who love you?” Four faces grow stronger and brighter, causing the other faces to fade. Princess Leanna and little Ria on one sleeve. Angelica and Princess Maria on the other.

I explain this away to him as easily as I have explained it away to myself, “Young Leanna and Ria merely have a crush, it will fade with time and distance. Maria is in love with the idea of being queen of two lands, not with me personally. And Angelica… she is merely happy to have found an intelligent man who does not condemn her love of reading.” It must all be true, at least as far as my knowledge goes, because I managed to say all of it without choking. The shadowy faces of Leanna and Ria merely go sad and murmur with each other. Angelica seems mildly shocked, as if she never considered that line of thought. But Maria, she looks murderous. Fury like I have never seen fills her eyes as his sleeve blows around, almost like she is trying her best to escape and attack me for saying such things.

My demon father advances more. When I try to move backwards I end up gasping and staggering forward. Hesitantly, I turn to look and I see that there is nothing behind me, my foot balanced on the edge of an abyss. The main hall is gone, eaten by shadows. I whip my head back around and see that the staircases are gone as well, the entrance hall disappearing before my eyes. Everything has been consumed in darkness save an ever-shrinking circle enclosing my father and me. He stops mere feet from me.

At this distance I can hear the voices coming from his robes. More clearly than before, I see that they are merely black smoke, shifting and contorting into the forms that struggle for dominance. The clearest faces have the clearest voices.

But his is still stronger, “Make your choice, or I will choose for you.” It was no idle threat and it cuts through me deeper than any sword. My father is being uncharacteristically kind to allow me a choice. Traditionally, a bride was chosen for the prince long in advance.

I force myself to look at the faces swimming in his cloak. The women are fighting to be the most visible. It must be a battle of will instead of strength because the Criovion women, with exception of Ria, are struggling and Princess Maria, who has likely never had to lift a finger, is surging to the front with apparent ease.

I scream in frustration. “I won’t choose! I don’t love them, I’ll never love any of them… This isn’t right!” The raw emotion in my voice makes the circle of light around us expand, pushing back the shadows. My father staggers back, the pulsing emotion from him shifts to confusion. The faces swirl around and I hear pleas and curses intermixed.

Before my father has a chance to respond, the smoke shifts again and I am met with the angriest eyes I have seen yet, in the saddest face. A heartbroken voice calls out, “Never… You cannot mean that… I thought… surely you must…” Phil’s voice trails off.

My own heart pounds in confusion along with the emotion from my father. He cannot mean what I think he means. Another voice is strong, but the man it belongs to seems unable to materialize in the smoke, probably because he is defending me, “Do not chide him! Prince Daniel will make his choice in his own time. We cannot change his heart.”

Nathan’s sweet voice seems to bring my father enough rage to regain his position. He swirls the cloak, making all the faces vanish. “You are right!” His high voice booms. “This” he motions to Prince Philip and Nathan trying to reform in his sleeves, “is WRONG!”

He advances on me and the darkness closes in. When he is practically nose to nose with me his voice drops to a malevolent whisper, “Think hard about your choice. Because if that is what you choose, you are no son of mine.” The darkness converges around us, pitching me forward and I fall into the dark cavern of his left eye.

~~~

My vision goes black and I recoil backwards when I notice a touch on my arm. Nathan’s voice persists, “Daniel, my prince!” I open my eyes and see Nathan’s concerned face inches from my own. His eyes are puffy, his hair dishevelled and sprawled on the pillow. _Pillow?_ Then I realize that we’re laying down. And in my bed.

I didn’t realize how my heart was racing until I feel it calm. Nathan rubs the back of his hand along my forehead, brushing the hair out of my face, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Panic seizes hold of my brain for a moment. _How does he know?_ And then I realize when I see the confusion in his eyes that he doesn’t know. He couldn’t know about my dream. It’s just a standard question to ask when someone has a nightmare. “It was just a dream.” I say, brushing aside the question. There is still something in the way he asked that makes me wonder if I had been talking in my sleep again.

“You were shouting, my prince,” He brushes his hand along my cheek this time and it comes away wet, “And crying.” He adds softly, clearly worried but not wanting to press me too hard. His grey eyes, so full of concern, are staring at me so intensely that I feel as if I am losing myself in a dense dark fog.

I rub my other cheek against the pillow to get rid of the tears. “It was just a _bad_ dream,” I amend.

“Are you sure you don’t want t-“

“I’m sure, Nathan!” I say, shifting to create more space between us to lessen the intensity of his gaze. Normally, if I use that tone with him he would blush or hurt would register in his eyes. Instead he only looks more concerned.

“Do you need anything, Daniel? Can I get you some water? Would you like the candles lit? Or perhaps to talk about something else?” He makes no move to reclose the space I opened between us.

My dream swirls in my mind, already beginning to fade. _It was_ just _a dream_ , I tell myself. But the nasty little voice in the back of my head reminds me, _but you_ will _have to make the choice_. “Shut up,” I whisper.

Nathan tilts his head with apprehension, but says nothing. “Not you,” I tell him, probably making myself seem even more unstable. “I just- my dream shook me a little. That’s all.”

He hesitates for a moment before leaning closer to embrace me, “It is over. The night is still young. Sleep again, my prince. Your dreams will be sweeter.”

I nod, but before I close my eyes again I have to know, “Did I say anything? While I was sleeping?”

He blinks, “No.”

The answer came too quickly. He was expecting the question. I shift away from him again, raising my eyebrows. “Nathan…”

“You said nothing of consequence, Daniel.”

“Tell me.”

He sighs, shifting so that he is holding himself up on one elbow. His blonde hair flops into his face, covering his eyes for a moment before I reach up and brush it back, tucking the curls behind his ears. Looking down slightly at me he says, “I could only make out bits of it, only towards the end of your dream. For a long while I was unsure if I should wake you, you were just flailing a bit and mumbling. Then came the yelling. Your shouts were just cries of fear and anger. The only words you said…” He pauses and looks at me. It’s clear he doesn’t want to say it. He looks at me, as if begging forgiveness for what I am making him do. But if I didn’t say anything about the beginning of my dream, I don’t know what could be so bad. “You begged not to have to make a choice. ‘Please, no!’” He mimics a frantic voice. “‘I can’t choose… It’s not fair.’” He looks at me in silence for a minute.

I brake his gaze and stare at the bed between us. There is a little high point catching the light between the depressions from our bodies. There was more, I can tell. That was not enough to make him worry so much. I have to know what else I said. How much of my dream did I give away? My eyes trace his bare body, from his tight stomach, over his chest covered in a dark blonde mess of tiny curls, to his smooth neck and chin, and up to his stormy eyes. I look into them until he brakes the contact this time. It only takes a minute for him to continue.

“You said, ‘I don’t love them. I’ll never love any of them. This isn’t right.’ That’s all I heard, I swear.” His hand moves into the space between us but stops short of taking hold of mine.

I exhale, relieved. If that’s truly all he heard, and I believe he is being honest, it will be easily explained away. “Nathan, relax. It is no secret between us that I do not want this marriage to happen. That I do not want to have to choose between these suitors that I could never come to love in the time I have to pick.” His shoulders relax, I hadn’t even realized he’d been tensing them. But his eyes hold their concern. Even though he did not say that I mentioned my father, I figure it is better to include him in the explanation, just in case. “My father was making me pick. I saw horrible consequences with every choice and I just couldn’t choose…” It isn’t a lie, but it’s probably as close to one that I have ever spoke to Nathan.

“I’m always here for you if you need to discuss this… or anything else.” He says. “We should try to sleep again, my prince. Let the good dreams chase away the nightmares.” He shifts the blankets around us and rearranges the pillows.

As he goes to settle back onto his side of the bed I ask, “How can you be so sure that I won’t get another nightmare?” It was always Nathan’s belief that nightmares never happened twice in a row, but I wasn’t so sure.

“I can’t be positive,” He admits, his voice sounding sleepy, “But I will be here to comfort you if one comes.” It’s all he can offer, but it’s enough to calm my remaining nerves. I close my eyes and try to drift off, shifting over closer to him so I can feel his presence.

“Nathan?” I whisper into the darkness.

“Yes?”

“The next time you bring wine before bed, don’t let me drink almost a whole skin.”

“Yes, my prince,” He whispers back with a barely contained laugh shaking the bed slightly. He rolls over and gently wraps an arm around me, “Now, sleep.”


	7. Which bride?

Chapter 7: Which bride?

My dreams have been peaceful since that nightmare, but it keeps coming back to me right as I wake up. I try to push that dream from my mind, but the choice is still there. With only one week left until the suitors leave, I am still not sure who I will be marrying. I sit up in my bed trying to make my eyes focus in front of me. It’s still dark and the lamps and candles had burnt out during the night, leaving the room in complete obscurity. My movement wakes Nathan, who only takes a second to comprehend the situation before removing his arms from around me and sliding out of bed to relight the lamps. When I pulled him into bed with me last night, in an attempt to get a decent night’s rest, I didn’t let him finish his normal routine of trimming the wicks and locking the doors and windows first. I just wanted to sleep and lately I can only seem to do that with Nathan by my side.

I want this week to be over, but that means I only have a few days left to make my choice. Honestly, the only person I will be sad to see go is Prince Philip. My afternoons have been spent each day of the past two weeks with Phil, either sword fighting, horse racing, discussing politics, or simply enjoying each other’s company while reading in one of our chambers. Those have been the highlights of every day.

As I dress, an idea comes to me, “Nathan, can you ask for breakfast to be sent up here, please?”

He nods and sleepily slides out of the room. I go over to my table and clear off the books that were scattered there after my reading session with Phil yesterday. One of the books, a new favourite of mine, is a history of the Blisumidin trade. It is one of the ones Angelica is allowing me to borrow. I set it on my desk and remind myself that I’ll have to finish it before those suitors leave.

Nathan comes back in, followed by two kitchen boys holding heavily laden trays. Once they set the food down on the table I see one of them look at it wistfully. “Hold on, boys,” I say, placing a hand on each of their shoulders, “What are your names?”

“Johnathan.”

“Matthew.”

I focus in on Johnathan, who had been the one looking at the food. He had to be about seven and skinny as a broom handle. Matthew was a tiny bit older, maybe nine, and was just about as thin. Now, I know both of them are getting enough to stay healthy, but not nearly enough to stay happy. I look at the food, more than I could hope to eat, even with Nathan’s help. I make two sandwiches and wrap them each in a napkin. “Pick a piece of fruit as well, please.” I say as I hand them each a napkin.

Johnathan and Matthew graciously accept the food, “Thank you, Prince Daniel!” They chorus back to me.

I smile at their enthusiasm, “Now, Johnathan, Matthew,” I address each of them, “This has to be our secret, okay. The king hates it when I don’t eat all my food, but I couldn’t possibly eat this much. Can you keep this quiet?” I ask them.

Both boys nod and smile, happy to be included on a secret with their prince. When they leave, Nathan closes the door behind them. “That was sweet of you.” He says with a smile, sitting down at the table.

“It would have gone to waste had I not,” I dismiss his response. “Now, you said that I can discuss anything with you?”

“And you may.”

“Can I trust that you will give me your honest opinion?”

“Don’t I always?” He laughs. He usually gets himself in trouble for being brutally honest.

“Unless you are trying to protect me from something.” I press.

“I promise that I will give honest counsel.”

“Good.” We continue to eat for a moment before I formulate what I want to say. “I have to choose my bride before the week is out.” I begin.

“No,” Nathan interrupts, “You are _expected_ to choose a bride. But you do not _have_ to choose for a while yet. I would say your twentieth birthday would be the latest opportunity.”

“You think my father would let me postpone it that long?”

“Not if you make it sound like you are just trying to postpone the choice.” He reasons, “But, if you seem to make an honest effort to choose a bride and then ask for more time to be sure… Well, the king cannot really deny you that now that he has already offered you a choice.”

This is why I love Nathan as a butler. He goes far beyond his job title. He is also an advisor and a friend…

“How do I prove to my father that I am doing that?” I wonder.

“By picking a kingdom.” He answers calmly. “Can I offer you a suggestion, my prince?”

“Please.”

“Meet with at least one suitor from each kingdom. Think on which one or two you would prefer and ask to meet with them privately today. Postpone your other commitments and spend the day talking with these women.” He pauses to check my reaction. I am trying to process what he is saying. At the moment, it still sounds like I have to choose a bride by the end of the week. I meet his eyes, begging him to continue and explain this to me. “Ask them to meet you at different times today. Never at any point mention that you are meeting with other women. They will know it if they pay attention at all, but you do not need to say it. Talk to them about your marriage. What would it mean for each of your kingdoms? What would it mean for them personally? Do they honestly want to marry you or are they here because they are forced into this as well? Then think on their responses for a day or two before making your choice of which is _most_ _likely_.”

“You are still asking me to make a choice.” I complain.

“I am asking you to tell your father that after serious consideration you cannot be sure. BUT, you are thinking that a match with, insert kingdom that you prefer, would be the best for Ithotria. All you are asking him is for some time to consider. Time to visit that kingdom and maybe another one just to be sure.” He finishes, questioningly looking at me and waiting for a response.

I consider for a moment, “As long as I make a convincing case that this would be best for the kingdom, my father would most likely allow it.” I stand and move to the window, looking out at the castle and the city around it. I grab a few rolls of parchment from my desk, as well as a quill and ink. “Deliver these letters for me once you are finished eating?” I ask him as I sit down to write the invitations. I decide to add a letter to Prince Philip as well, explaining that I will have to cancel our meeting tonight.

Nathan clears up our breakfast and then gathers the letters to deliver them. I head down to the gardens to wait for the women of Araneacyre.

~~~

I had asked to meet with Emily first but I am not surprised to see Leanna is with her. They join me at the fountain by the centre of the garden. The bubbling water is not loud enough to prevent us from hearing each other but it should drown out much of our conversation if anyone walks by. Both princesses from Araneacyre received a note and of course they told each other about them.

“Good morning, Prince Daniel.” Emily says, dropping into a slight curtsy alongside her sister who simply smiles in greeting. I incline my head and pat the bench next to me, inviting them both to sit. “To what do we owe this honour?” She asks.

I decide direct honesty would be the best course with these two women, “I have less than a week left of your company here, my princesses. The time has come for me to seriously consider who I will be marrying. I would have preferred to speak with you separately, but, as you are both here, I must be frank. I am strongly considering both of you for a bride.”

Leanna looks ecstatic, but Emily is a bit more reserved, “We are flattered of course, dear prince. But, I must inquire as to why we are being considered so seriously.”

They both look at me expectantly, “A match between Araneacyre and Ithotria would prove prosperous for both of our kingdoms. I have given this much thought and after long discussions with your brother on this matter, I believe it to be true.”

“So you are considering Phil’s offer to join us in Araneacyre for a visit after all?” Leanna bursts out with excitement. I consider the young woman for a moment before I respond. She is so young, but it is plain to see just how much she wants this match. Probably more than any other suitor. And it would be a good match.

“Yes,” I reply, “I would love to visit your kingdom. I am sad that I have not had the opportunity to visit more lands but this may be the only chance I have before I become king.”

We discuss Araneacyre for a while. They tell me about the coast line and the ocean. Food that I cannot imagine, fresh from the sea or the groves. There are small little villages dotting the entire kingdom, each specializing in some sort of good. Right on the centre of the coastline is their city with the palace in along the water. Emily tells me of the life at court. How their father will reign for many more years if his health lasts, before their eldest sister will take the throne with her husband. She speaks of the other members of the court, the trade master, the councillors, the lords and ladies, and so on. Where they live, how they interact, what role they play. Leanna speaks openly of the common people. Their festivals and traditions. How they cheer for the royal family when they come to visit, which they do at least once a year to each village.

We also speak of my visit. Each woman suggests places to see and things that I must do when I am there, people I must meet. There is a reserved quality during this chat, even from Leanna. Though no one mentions it, the girls make no statements of certainty during the talk. They know I am considering other suitors as well, and seem happy to have made it to the final consideration.

Before we head to lunch, Emily asks Leanna to run and fetch something from their room. She goes off with their handmaidens, leaving Emily and me to walk to lunch together. As soon as her sister is out of sight, Emily grabs my arm and stops. I turn to her, waiting to hear what she has to say that she didn’t want her little sister to hear.

“I want the complete truth here, Prince Daniel. How much are you considering my sister and me?” She drops the formal tone she usually uses when she speaks with me.

“I…” My hesitation is too much for her.

“I think I know the issue here. I just want to say, please do not lead my sister along. I’m glad you are going to visit us, but I have to ask. Would you have planned this trip if our brother had not suggested it?” She looks me in the eyes, and I guess they give away my response. “I thought not,” She continues, “That’s all I needed to hear.”

She moves past me, increasing her pace so I am almost at a jog to keep up. Right before we reach the castle she turns and adds, “Please do not lead my brother along either.” And with that she rushes to lunch, leaving me dazed.

~~~

After lunch I meet with Cassandra at the practice arena. She is well aware that I want to talk, but as I walk into the arena she tosses me an axe. Our discussion takes place in gasps and calls as we duel.

Once I explain why this conversation is happening, Cassandra merely says, “Your guard is too low,” And strikes at my shoulder with her sword. It’s blunted so no blood is drawn but it will undoubtedly leave yet another bruise.

I switch from defence to offense, pressing her just as hard as she presses me. I choose a different tactic than the one I used with Princesses Emily and Leanna, “Why should I marry you?” I ask her.

While she showed no surprise at being under consideration, this question seems to throw her. I get in a lucky hit before she gathers herself together again. “Criovion is strong.” She says simply. “We have the bravest warriors and the strongest rulers of all the kingdoms.” The way Cassandra’s confidence coats each word it seems impossible to think that what she is saying may not be true. She believes it to be and frankly as I’m sweating only mere minutes into this duel, I’m not in a position to argue.

With us back on equal footing she continues, “Ithotria is a peaceful kingdom. Because of this, your training is lacking. You as a people are ignorant in many ways of war and have left your defences wanting. An alliance with us would mean you would always be safe.” Her speech is punctuated with grunts and exclamations of anger as I dodge around her strikes. I manage to hook her axe with my own and pull it out of her hand. In her shock, she goes to grab for it but in one quick manoeuvre I have her on the ground, my axe to her throat.

I can’t help but smile, “I think my training has been relatively sound.”

She laughs and accepts my hand to get back to her feet. “You are strong with blades,” she admits, “but with whips, archery, and mounted combat you are lacking.”

“Do you believe our defences to be in such dire need of your assistance? Is there an attack or a war looming of which I am ignorant?” I inquire.

She concedes the point and, handing me a spear this time, we continue sparring. “You have given reasons why I should choose a suitor from Criovion and I have many of my own as well. But why,” I ask, evading a spear point, “should I choose _you_?”

Before answering her spear jabs at my leg, causing me to stumble. Before I regain my balance, she has the tip resting gently above my heart. “You answered that question yourself by inviting me here.” She responds, “I noticed that no one else from my kingdom received a letter this morning, Prince Daniel.”

I had considered sending a note to Ria, the other interesting suitor from Criovion, but decided against it. She is still a girl, the thought of marrying her in under a year and having to consummate the marriage is just too much for me to stomach. I make a mental note to meet with her tomorrow and explain.

It is my turn to concede. I thank her for joining me and once we replace all of our weapons and armour we part ways. No embraces, no kissing of hands, no gentle words. A marriage between me and Cassandra would make sense for both of our lands. It is probably the strongest match I can make, with her father being the strongest and most influential of the warlords. But there would be no warmth in it. It would solely be a match of duty. But maybe that’s what Ithotria needs.

~~~

My final meeting is with Angelica. She is the only one from Blisumidin I am considering. I arrive at the library to find her already there. Whether she has been waiting for me or simply was spending her afternoon here I cannot be sure. Either way, upon hearing my approaching footsteps, she sets down the book she was pursuing and greets me warmly.

“I would like to discuss the chances of a match between Ithotria and Blisumidin,” I say. This tactic would not have worked with Cassandra, nor the women from Araneacyre, but a logical discussing is what Angelica excels at.

This is the most intellectual conversation of the day. She speaks frankly and I do the same about the benefits and the disadvantages of a marriage between the two lands. She mentions the exchange of currency and trade goods. How both kingdoms would profit monetarily from a marriage. The lands are a long distance apart and without a stable relationship, such as the one a marriage would create, it will be difficult to form lasting connections between the people. On the other hand, the mind-sets of our kingdoms are very different when it comes to what determines power. A match would mean changing some traditions on both sides and that will be difficult for the people to accept.

As she talks, I begin to imagine us together. She never mentions a match between the two of us directly but I can see it more clearly than with any of the other suitors I met today. Raising children in Ithotria, learning the customs of both kingdoms and visiting her home often. Ruling Ithotria with a woman by my side who comes from great wealth, who knows how to handle it, how to control it, and how to preserve it. It would be a good match.

“Ours would be a strong match,” I say. “Ruling with you by my side would bring much to my kingdom and to yours.” Right when I make my thoughts known to her, she shakes her head.

Angelica looks back at her book, avoiding my face as she responds, “I would love to marry you, Prince Daniel. A prince is a far greater husband than I could have hoped for. And you are so kind, to me and to everyone. But you are also smart enough to see why this match cannot work.”

Confusion clouds my brain, making it hard to think of the reasons she is referring to. But then I remember the way everyone from the court pushes me towards Princess Maria. How the other suitors barely bother to spend any time with me unless I insist. I recall my dream; how Princess Maria was furious at the idea I would not choose her. “You do not believe it to be worth the risk?” I ask.

“The insult to the royal family would be too great, my prince. We other suitors were sent only to avoid insulting your family, Prince Daniel, by giving you only one choice from our kingdom. No one expected you to ever choose a suitor other than Princess Maria. It would harm the relationship between Blisumidin and Ithotria more than it would help it. The court would be divided, the lower lords forced to choose a side. My family would be in danger, as would my friends.” She finally looks at me, her eyes begging me not to make that choice.

I can’t help but look dejected. Before I give my response, she leans forward and kisses me. It only lasts a second but it shocks me, Angelica wasn’t one of the women who usually encouraged any physical contact. I unintentionally recoil from her kiss. She tilts her head sideways, as if considering something. “Do not despair, Prince Daniel. I cannot accept your offer, but that does not mean that the one you want cannot. Make whichever choice feels right, not the one that you can reason out the best.”

I have no response to this but at that moment the dinner bells chime. At least as we walk to dinner together, I know that my options are down to three.


	8. Convince me

Chapter 8: Convince me

I still haven’t made my choice, but I push those thoughts aside as breakfast ends. I slip out of a conversation with Lisa and Lilly and slide into an empty seat a few tables over, next to Ria. I snatch a berry off of her plate and toss it into my mouth, tipping my head back to catch it. “You up for a horse race?” I ask, loving that I can be casual with Ria without her getting offended like most of the other girls. She’s not one to stand on formalities, they only get in the way.

She makes a far more spectacular catch with three berries at once before answering, “I would love to. Prepare to lose,” She giggles as she jumps from her seat and pulls me out of the hall.

As always, she wins. My stallion is built for long trips and hard riding, not so much for speed. Whereas Ria’s mount is wicked fast and seems to like winning as much as her rider does. Once the race is over, we trot around the track for a while, enjoying each other’s company for the time we have left.

It doesn’t take long until we’re playing another round of “this or that.” A simple way Ria likes to use to find out more about someone quickly, just by asking which of two things they would prefer.

“Blueberries or strawberries?” She asks about fifteen minutes into the game as we pass a blueberry bush dormant for the season, a few dried leaves still clinging to it.

“Strawberries,” I respond, “We have blueberries all the time here. Strawberries are rare.” She nods and then I ask, “Horse racing or sparing?”

She considers for a moment, “Sparing if I can use my whip, otherwise horse racing.”

“The two things you always win at,” I point out.

She laughs, “Well, winning or losing?”

“I guess it depends who I’m losing to.” I roll my eyes, “Winning, obviously. But I guess today I have to settle for losing.” She makes a smug little noise and gives her horse an affectionate pat. I decide it’s time to play dirty, “Criovion or Ithotria?”

Her eyes narrow, the smug look wiped off her face, “That’s not fair.”

“Hey, you were the one who said we can ask anything.”

She sighs, “Criovion, it’s my home.”

“Ithotria could be your home.”

“If only,” She pulls ahead of me, starting another race back to the castle.

We’ve arrived back at the stables without any more conversation and I hop off my stallion immediately and offer to help her down. She doesn’t need it but she accepts and lets me lift her down. This little girl feels so fragile in my arms, it’s hard to remember that she’s here to try to marry me. She feels more like an annoying little sister, in the most endearing way.

“Araneacyre or Blisumidin?” She asks.

“What?”

“To visit,” She clarifies.

“Araneacyre,” The response is immediate. I blush as she raises an eyebrow at me. “I mean, it’s so much closer. The visit would be easier and I would be able to see more.”

“Riiiiightt,” She rolls her eyes once again, “I’m sure that’s the only reason you would choose Araneacyre.” She glances up at the castle, towards the wing where Prince Philip and his sisters are staying.

“Maybe we should go to lunch,” I suggest, ignoring the jab. “You get sarcastic when you’re hungry.”

Ria and I walk to lunch together but instead of joining her in the great hall, I slip into one of the side halls where the servants eat. Nathan is just entering through another door. He locks eyes with me from across the room and hurries over.

“What is wrong, my prince?” He asks, wondering why I have interrupted his lunch no doubt.

“How hungry are you?” I ask innocently.

“Why?” He looks suspicious, “What do you have planned?”

“I haven’t gone out into the city for a while…”

He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners, “I’ll go tell the stable master to saddle your stallion.”

“No,” I catch his arm as he moves around me, “Let’s walk, I’ve ridden enough for today.”

We pass the stables and Scott, our stable master, is sitting outside in the sun, having just finished looking after my and Ria’s horses. He catches Nathan’s eye and smiles before returning to his work. When I glance at Nathan, I’m surprised to see a blush fading from his cheeks. I wonder what I did that made Nathan embarrassed and feel a blush coming on myself so I press forward through the gate.

I am careful to take a full coin purse with me as we leave. The city sprawls out beneath the castle. Some sections are in ordered, even paved streets. Others are cobbled messes, twisting and turning with each other, nearly impossible to navigate. But I like a challenge, and those are the streets we head down.

Our first stop is a little pub, tucked away in the shadow of a hill and surrounded by large housing buildings. The inside is smoky and smells like cheap alcohol, but the food is as good as anything served in the castle.

“What’ll ya have?” The bartender asks, without looking up when we sit at the vacant bar.

“Whatever you recommend,” I reply, “What is your favourite?”

He looks up, mildly annoyed at having been dragged into a conversation, but starts when he sees my face, “P-prince, uh, Your Highness, I’ma sorry. I dinnit know it was you.”

“It’s fine, today I’m just another customer,” I say with a smile, pulling out a few coins to pay for our lunch. He serves us pigeon soup and vegetables, with a good crusty bread to eat it with. We both thank him for the food and Nathan buys a skin of wine from him as well. Just to sip at while we walk, he insists, when I give him a look saying clearly that I remember my last experience with a whole wine skin.

For the next few streets I stop at random little shops. In one I buy a silver and gem incrusted hairbrush for Princess Maria, significantly lightening my coin purse. In another I buy a book for Angelica on the formation of the kingdoms. When we come across a clothing store, Nathan helps me pick out outfits for the other three Blisumidin women.

“The Criovion women will be much harder to shop for,” Nathan mentions, as I lead him into a jewellery store to buy a set of aquamarine necklaces that are on display.

“I have a plan for them as well, already in the works,” I say, as I place my order with the jeweller.

“They’ll be delive’ed ta the castle tomorrow morning, Your Highness.” The man says, trying to hide how flustered he is at having me in his shop. I’ve been in here before, but not for well over a year. It’s not often that I have a need for jewels.

“So,” Nathan asks as we exit the shop, “What are you getting for the others?”

“I placed the order over a week ago. I was told they would be done today, so I thought I should check on them before they are sent to the castle.” Nathan follows me around several more bends in the road, until we come across a forge.

I hear a strangled gasp behind me and turn to see Nathan pale as a new-born babe, staring wide eyed at the building. “What is it?” I ask, putting an arm around him naturally to comfort him. He’s completely stiff and makes no sign that he even registered my touch.

“Nothing, it’s just that I- um, I knew a boy who used to, well, used to live here. He was the armourer’s son. He um, died, a-about a decade ago.” He pauses to take a haggard breath and shakes his head to clear it, “I’m fine. I just, never thought I’d be back here.”

Sometimes I forget that Nathan hasn’t always lived in the castle. When he was younger he lived in the city, I think up until a few years before he began working for me. I wonder if he lived around here and what happened to his family, if they’re still here or not. But I know not to press, especially when he seems close to breaking down. This boy and he must have been close.

If he wants to tell me about it, he will. If not, well, that’s his choice.

“Why don’t you stay here while I check on the order,” I suggest. Before he has a chance to argue, if he was going to, I place the wine skin in his hands and walk around the wall leading to the forge.

There is an apprentice working outside, probably about fifteen years old or so. “Hello, is the master inside?” I ask him. He brushes the sweat off of his forehead and looks at me for a moment before nodding and returning to his work without comment.

I duck inside the building and am met with a portrait across from the entrance. It’s a boy of about the same age as the apprentice, but the painting is old. He has dark hair, curling at the edges, and bright brown eyes that shine through smoky lashes. Though his entire body is not in the painting, the wide shoulders give testament to the boy’s strength. His smile lights up the room, but it’s tempered with sadness. _So, this was Nathan’s friend_ …

Towards the back of the room I see the man I am looking for. He’s built like a giant, over a head taller than me and about five times as wide, all muscle. “Ah, Prince Daniel. I wasn’t expe’tin’ you to come in person, Your ‘ighness. I’m ‘onoured.”

He pulls several bundles from various tables around him and lays them on the largest table for me to inspect. I open them from left to right and they all seem to be perfect, exactly what I asked for. A new snakeskin whip for Ria and a double-edged sword for her sister. For Cassandra, a new spear pole with five wickedly sharp blade points and a longbow with a full quiver of arrows for her sister. Twin axes for the other two women, perfectly balanced for throwing instead of melee combat. Each of the daughters of Criovion will be presented with their new weapon tomorrow. My father was less than enthusiastic about these gifts, but I know they are perfect. Their fathers will appreciate them as well, good useful parting gifts; and lasting tributes from their neighbouring kingdom.

“The craftsmanship is wonderful. I was well advised to trust you with this task.” He puffs up with the compliment. My father was also against my choice of armourer, insisting I use the castle blacksmith, but this man is the one who made my favourite blade and I will trust no other with the parting gifts. We finish our arrangements for delivery before I rush back outside to join Nathan who is still standing where I left him.

I hook my arm with his and walk us a few streets away, telling him about the presents along the way. About fifteen minutes later, he seems completely back to normal and appears to suddenly realize how far we have walked.

“Where are we…” He starts to ask but then our destination appears around the corner. He smiles and shakes his head at me, “I should have known.”

“Our last stop,” I announce, leading us up to the orphanage. The building is solid, build on good bones, but crumbling slightly from wear and tear throughout the ages it has held such rambunctious occupants. Some people in court would, and have, called visiting the orphans here a waste of time. The children here have no clue of their parentage, many are simply left on the doorstep or lost their parents in a spout of house fires that destroyed a few streets in the lower quarter about three years back. But citizens are citizens and these children deserve just as much of my attention as anyone else does.

They swarm Nathan and me as soon as I open the door. All of them under the age of twelve, the youngest still in cribs along the walls. Nathan goes over to talk to the working women and look after the infants for a while.

Once the crowd disperses, I look around for my favourite orphan. Running towards me as fast as his chubby little toddler legs can carry him is my little Marcus. He’s just under three years old as close as the women working here can figure. His mother was a pretty woman who was known to be… pleasant company for men. She died giving birth to him and he was brought here, near starving, a few days later when the body was found with him in his mother’s arms.

I pick up the little boy and spin him above my head, “Pwince Dan!” He squeals, when I pull him into a hug. “I missed you!”

“Me too,” I say into his hair as I cradle him against my chest. Marcus was a new born the first time I visited this orphanage and I was the only one who could get him to stop crying and drink from his bottle, he simply wouldn’t take to the wet nurse and had to be fed goat’s milk instead. From that moment on I was wrapped around his little finger. If the royal family could adopt he would be mine the second I got married and took my crown. There are some whispers in the city that he is mine. I can see why they would think that, from how I treat him down to his looks. His brown curls are just as unruly as my own and his complexion matches mine as well, a soft golden colour. If I didn’t know any better I might mistake him for mine as well, but he’s not. I was never one to seek out the company of, well, women like his mother.

I sit on the floor with Marcus in my lap and some of the other children around me. Nathan comes over, giggling with a baby in his arms, and drops lightly onto the floor next to me, cradling the infant against his chest. We talk about how they like it here and what I could bring them next time. They are not greedy children. The older ones ask for clothes to wear that are less worn and some new toys for the little ones. Mostly they just seem to enjoy the attention. Hardly anyone pays these children any mind…

~~~

It’s late afternoon when we say our goodbyes to the children and promise to send the toys and clothes they asked for as soon as we can. We walk back to the castle quickly, our stomachs urging us to eat soon.

After dinner, we return to my room and I lean on Nathan for a moment, sharing the weight hanging over me with him for a few minutes. All of those people, and so many more, depend on me making the right choice. The children’s faces flash through my mind. I have to do what I can to keep them safe, to keep them fed, to keep them happy…

Nathan supports me as he always does. He holds me close to him and lets me depend on his strength for a while. A sigh shudders through my body as I blink tears from my eyes, shaking my head slightly _. I can’t do this!_ As if reading my thoughts, Nathan presses his lips to my forehead and whispers, “There’s no wrong choice.”

“I know,” I say, “And that’s what makes this so hard.”

With that, I grab one of my books and head to Phil’s room to read, leaving Nathan standing there. On my walk there I realize that the book I grabbed was the one Angelica lent to me. That does nothing to help clear my head. I knock and within seconds Phil opens the door with a smile.

“I missed you yesterday,” He jokes, “How did your meetings go?”

Without meaning to, I break down. I tell him how Nathan came up with this plan to postpone the marriage announcement. I tell him who I met with and how the conversations went. I tell him about my walk around the city today and how I’m scared to let my kingdom down. We talk of why I did not meet him the day before and I mention the meetings.

He listens to everything calmly, waiting until I am done. Brushing a tear off my cheek he asks, “What are you thinking?”

“I have no idea.” My mind is torn three ways and I don’t know what to do. I think of how marrying Cassandra would be a good match for both of our kingdoms. How a marriage with Angelica would be the happiest marriage. Of how not choosing one of the Princesses from Araneacyre would mean losing my relationship with Phil. I do not say any of this out loud but he seems to read it from my eyes.

He takes both of my hands in his and waits for me to look at him. Once I meet his eyes, I’m shocked to see that I cannot read the emotion behind them. They are overflowing with feeling that I recognize from somewhere but cannot place, “Follow you heart,” He says, “instead of your brain.” 

“That’s almost exactly what Angelica told me after she declined.” I respond, dropping my eyes to our feet.

He places his hand under my chin and lifts my face back up. “Close your eyes,” He says.

“Sorry? … Why?”

“Just humour me, please?” He insists. As I close my eyes, I sense a smile in his voice. “Perfect. Now, I want you to think back on these past few weeks. Let all your happy memories flood over you.” Between my talks with Nathan, my evenings with Phil, losing gallantly in spars with the Criovion women, reading with Angelica, and even relaxing in the garden with Phil’s sisters, this has easily been one of the happiest months of my life. If you forget the breakdowns and the nightmares, that is.

“Now,” I jump slightly as his voice breaks my train of thought, “Push yourself further. Go forward a few weeks and think where you are… Good… A little more… You’re twenty-one, your father is putting his crown on your head. Who is it that’s next to you?”

I open my eyes and pull away from him. His face is all I can see. I shake myself, no, that’s not a path I can take, it’s wrong. I stammer, “I c-can’t.”

“Can’t what?” He asks, feigning innocence.

“I can’t do this. We can’t do this!”

He leans in, “Are you sure?” And presses his lips to mine.

I lose myself and, for a few moments, I allow myself to enjoy the sensations. His lips are soft and sweet, the kiss questioning, waiting for me to answer. I cannot help but kiss back, if only for a few seconds, before I pull away.

“I can’t” I repeat weakly, shaking my head, and backing up towards the door.

“Why?”

“Because, I’m a prince. I have to put duty first.”

“So do both.” He says evenly. He holds a hand out to me. I only hesitate for a moment before placing mine in it, wondering if I am making the right choice. Pulling me onto his bed so we are sitting next to each other, Phil waits for me to look at him again. “Do your duty to your kingdom by picking a bride. And do your duty to your heart by staying with me.”

He pulls me into another kiss and this time I make no move to break away. _Stay with him? Could I?_ I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer, even though the implications of what he’s saying are repulsive. They go against every moral I was ever taught. A king must be faithful to his queen, and Phil was suggesting I cheat on her in every way. A man should be with a woman, that’s the natural way. But then, _why did kissing Phil feel so right?_

I push the thoughts away and just enjoy the feelings. My body pressing against his. His lips on my lips, my neck, my chest.  His hands, one tangled in my hair and the other exploring the rest of my body.

“What do you say?” he asks, breathe tickling my ear.

“You have one night to convince me of this.” I say, leaning down on the bed and pulling him on top of me. I look into his eyes briefly to see the pure joy glowing behind them before running my hand through his hair and pulling him back into a kiss.


	9. First choice

Chapter 9: First choice

When I return to my room, I see Nathan sitting at my table enjoying a massive breakfast. Brushing off Nathan’s concerned looks I just smile and motion towards the food. “Breakfast for you.” He says simply, “I sent for it this morning, I assumed you would want to eat in your room after your night out.” The question is in his voice but he knows better than to ask it and I know better than to indulge him with an answer. I’d rather say nothing than lie to him when the truth just isn’t something I can speak about. He picks over the food, waiting for me to sit down and explain.

“Thank you, Nathan. And did anyone happen to notice…?” I motion to the bed, which clearly has not been slept in.

“No. I received the food at the door. You’ve been asking for your breakfast so often these past few weeks that no one questioned it.”

I sigh in relief and join him to eat. My nerves are still on end, not sure what to make of last night. _How much does Nathan suspect?_ He knew I was going to visit Phil, but he can’t know for sure that I stayed with him. I hardly taste the food but I make myself eat my normal amount before going to my wardrobe to change.

I barely hold back a groan of complaint when Nathan appears at my side and removes my clothes. He sees the bruise Phil left on my neck and his hand traces the multiple love bites littering my chest sending shivers through me. “I see you found a suitor you like?” He teases, drawn between amusement, exasperation and, if I’m not mistaken, a bit of confusion?

However, he is giving me a way out and I snatch it up immediately, “They were persistent and well, I couldn’t really say no.”

“Do I get to know who it is?”

I tilt my head for a moment, as if considering. “No,” I decide. “Not yet, at least.” I amend when I see that he was going to press.

He studies me for a moment, holding my clothes in his arm. “You missed your bath last night.” I don’t catch the rest of his words as my brain jumps back to last night.

~~~

Phil pulls back with a smile on his face. An arm’s length away from me, he strokes my hair, twisting the curls around his fingers. Looking at him takes my breath away. He’s shirtless and I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it but his super white face and arms are actually a shade darker than his chest. That makes even my tentative love bites bloom brilliantly across his chest. His face is flushed and it is clear than he is slightly out of breath as well. His hair is hanging in his face and sticking up in the back with sweat.

When he notices me looking, he smooths his hair back into place and laughs. His free hand trails down to the top of his trousers and he toys with it for a moment, sliding it down about an inch. “Care to join me for a bath?” He asks.

I can’t take my eyes away from the extra strip of exposed skin, the trail of hair from his bellybutton disappearing under his remaining clothes. As he pulls them down even further I turn away, feeling blood rush to my face. “Well? What do you say?” Phil’s voice reaches my ears but I can’t answer.

I want to. I _really_ want to. But I’m not ready for this, it’s all too fast. “I, um, I don’t think we need a bath tonight.” I say, still not meeting his eyes.

“You don’t feel dirty after being with me?” He teases.

He meant it as a joke but I consider for a moment. I felt dirty when Princess Maria kissed me in the garden a week ago. I felt dirty when my maids couldn’t take their hands off of me when they used to give me baths. I felt dirty when I had to lead all of these suitors along even though I can only choose one.

Surprisingly, right now I don’t feel dirty at all. I _should_! I’ve been rolling in bed, kissing a _man_. A man I’ve only known for a few weeks at that. _And_ , I’m about to have to marry a woman and he _still_ wants us to be together. I should feel _filthy_ , and yet I don’t. “This is the cleanest I’ve felt in a long time.” I sit up and put my own shirt back on, preparing to leave, worried that he won’t want me around if I don’t want to join him in the bath. Sure that’s all he wants me for…

Phil’s eyes soften and his teasing manner fades away. “Please stay,” He pauses and waits for me to sit back down and look at him. “You said I had a night to convince you. Please, give me the rest of the night.”

“Phil, I-“ I sigh and clasp his hand in my own. “This is all new to me.” I admit, fighting with myself to stop from looking away from him as I speak. “I’m just not ready for anything more than this.”

I expect him to look disappointed at the very least, to push me at the very worst. It scares me so much that I would probably go along with if it he did push. But he doesn’t do either. He lays down on his bed, his head on the pillow. The prince pulls the blanket over himself and holds it up in an open invitation. “Then we won’t go any farther, I promise. But please, Dan, stay with me tonight.”

I lay down with him and curl up into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. It feels weird going to sleep in my clothes but I am unwilling to disrobe completely with Phil. Instead, I remove my shirt again and soon after he falls asleep. I can’t help but lay awake late into the night. I pull him close just to feel each breath he takes, to feel the heat from his body. The decision has never felt so simple.

~~~

The flashback only lasted a few seconds but it’s enough to make Nathan raise an eyebrow. “I do not need a bath,” I say simply, and wait there with my arms out for him to dress me. He does so with care, choosing a new shirt that will cover all of the bruises on my skin.

After the initial stress I felt with Nathan, I pass the day going about my normal routine...

A morning walk with the Araneacyrean princesses around the covered walkways as a gentle rain falls around us in the garden. A horserace with a few of the Criovion women, with the rain coming down in earnest now and washing the mud off of us as soon as it splashes up. Lunch with all of the suitors mixed in with the lords and ladies and the court members from Blisumidin. Sword fighting with the other Criovion women after lunch. A leisurely chat with the Blisumidin women in the front garden pavilion, listening to the thunder approaching slowly. After dinner, a rematch with Phil in the outer arena, flinging water out of our faces and we spar. Neither of us mention last night, but there is an easiness in our conversation that has never been present before.

When I return to my room, Nathan already has a hot bath waiting for me. The water does wonders to warm my freezing skin from the autumn rain. Nathan’s hands are gentle on my new injuries from the fights today.

As Nathan is drying me, I ask, “Will you stay with me tonight?”

His deep laugh warms me even more than the bath, “Are you sure you do not want to spend it with this lover of yours?”

I shake my head and laugh along with him. “Just get in the bed.” A night with Phil was great but I need a calm night’s sleep to think clearly for what I have to do tomorrow.  And these days the only calm nights I have are nights with Nathan.

~~~

The following day I meet with the suitors from Blisumidin in the morning and tell each of the five ladies that I am honoured by their offers, but I have to decline, at least for now. “I have not made my choice for sure yet.” I say, “But I believe that our kingdoms will prosper even without a marriage.”

None of the women themselves seems surprised by this news and they take it well. But I know the court will be in outrage when word gets around. How dare I not choose one of their precious girls? “I have a parting gift for each of you, something to remember me and your time here.” I present the clothing, the brush, and the book to each of them and pair it with a kiss on the cheek. Even one for Princess Maria, who seems to be the only one annoyed with my choice.

After lunch I meet with the suitors from Criovion to inform them that it is unlikely one of them will be chosen either. They are children of war, they brush off my refusal of their proposals as easily as they would a blow in the fighting ring. Word has gotten around about my meeting with the Blisumidin women and they are mainly waiting for their parting gifts, wondering what they could be. As the weapons are brought out, the women’s eyes light up. Any anger they felt at not being chosen is completely erased.

I ask Cassandra and Ria to stay behind when the others return to their rooms. I address Cassandra first. “There may be a chance for us yet. I have not fully decided,” I say. I feel I owe it to her to explain, “I believe a match with Araneacyre to be in Ithotria’s best interest.” She nods in understanding and gives me a hug.

Ria is all smiles when I turn to her. “I can still beat your butt in horse racing if you marry one of the princesses, right?” She asks.

“Of course. And any time you want to visit, either of you, please do. You will always be welcome here.” I hug them both and walk to dinner with them.

After dinner, I walk to the hall with the royal family members from Araneacyre. I stop them at the base of the stairs and see my father and most of the court looking on. The first decision has to be announced at some point. I speak only to the women, pretending the others are not there.

“I have made no final decision,” I tell them. “But I believe a trip to Araneacyre will be necessary before I determine if I will marry one of you.”

“Really?” Leanna exclaims. “You’re actually coming?”

When I nod, Leanna squeals with excitement, not caring that there are people around to hear. They are overjoyed and rush to their room to write a letter to their parents to inform them of the visitor who will be joining on the return trip home.

Phil meets my eyes and smiles.

“A promise is a promise,” I say. I wish I could say more, but with everyone looking on I simply have to hope that he understands.

“It certainly is. I look forward to our travels, Prince Daniel.”


	10. Leaving Ithotria

Chapter 10: Leaving Ithotria

My father turns on his heels and heads to his study. He says nothing, but it is a clear sign for me to follow. Unwilling to face the consequences of this plan alone, I beckon for Nathan to join us and we walk side by side after my father in silence. When we reach his study, I open the door without hesitation and see my father already sitting at his desk with one chair sitting opposite him. I allow Nathan to enter before me and I shut the door behind us. Ignoring my father’s looks, I pull up a chair for Nathan and we both sit down to hear what my father has to say.

The minutes stretch on and on with no one saying a word. The silent battle of wills is being fought between us, my father will not speak with a servant in the room and I will not dismiss him. Nathan sits shockingly still, hardly daring to breathe as he waits for this to resolve. I allow the silence to last just a few moments longer before realizing that all I have to do to win this battle is to be the first to speak.

“I will visit Araneacyre before making any final decisions.” He blinks, but otherwise shows no surprise.

“You were told to pick a bride before the month was out.” The king reminds me.

I reach a hand out to stroke the Ithotrian crest carved onto the table. I trace the scale at the centre of the design, the higher end holding a great stack of coins and the lower end holding a single scroll. “I am the first prince in six generations to marry outside the kingdom,” I rest my finger on the scroll, our symbol of knowledge, and look up at my father before continuing, “I do not claim to know what you were thinking by inviting all of these suitors here. But I cannot make this choice easily or great offense will be given to those kingdoms whose suitors were not chosen. I will make no rash decisions.”

“You are saying I made a rash decision to invite these suitors.” He appears completely calm but I can see the anger flickering behind his eyes.

“Yes.” I agree, ignoring the silent intake of breath from Nathan and his hand reaching out and tightening on my leg in warning, “Had you thought things through you would not have brought women from three different kingdoms, but only one. You would have known it would be near impossible for me to pick quickly with so much riding on the decision. If you had thought this out you would have chosen a bride for me and stated it outright, not put on this little show.”

“Show…” He says slowly, “That is what you see this as?”

His anger is barely contained now but I am still completely composed. “Had you truly wanted me to, how did you say it, ‘pick any filly my heart desires’ you would not have limited my options. Then I thought, maybe this is a test? For me to choose what is best for Ithotria. But that’s not true either or you would have spoken to me about it before springing these visitors on me. No, you did this to watch the show unfurl as I get flustered surrounded by all these women. You were sure I would pick the easiest choice just to be done with it. But if you had thought this through you would know I’d never do that.”

“Careful, Prince Daniel.” There is no humour in the king’s face as he studies me, “You are coming very close to implying that I would risk the fate of Ithotria for my own brief amusement.”

“Not at all, Your Majesty,” I copy his formal tone, keeping my face completely impassive, “I am merely saying that this plan of yours does not seem to be _going_ as planned, and therefore has become a bit of a fiasco. Now, if you’ll pardon me, my king, I have to speak with the princesses from Araneacyre about our travel arrangements.” Nathan stands at my signal, ready to escort me.

“You will not be going before making your choice,” The king says, slamming his fist on the table, finally letting his irritation get the better of him.  My initial pleasure at foiling my father’s plans fades immediately, fearing the violence that will be coming soon.

“Nathan, please leave us so the king and I can speak, father to son.” Nathan bows his head and slides out of the room, biting his lower lip to stop himself from speaking out of turn.

“You put us in this position, father.” I remind him, repositioning myself to sit directly across from him. “I have already announced that I will be returning with the royal family back to Araneacyre. I will not insult Criovion or Blisumidin by choosing Araneacyre before ensuring that it is the best choice for Ithotria.”

“It is _not_ the best choice for Ithotria!” He fumes.

“Then why did you present it as an option?” I ask and for the first time during this conversation there is no sarcasm in my voice.

“Because not to do so would be an insult. Do you understand _nothing_?” My father leans forward on his chair and rubs his temples, likely fighting back a headache at his son’s stupidity.

“And not visiting them would be as well,” I say calmly. “You have not left Ithotria in two decades and I have not left in my entire life. And yet, here is Araneacyre sending three of their most beloved people to our country without any guard. Their trust in us far surpasses any amount of money Blisumidin could bring us or any weapons Criovion could supply us with.”

“Where did these thoughts-” He begins, before closing his eyes and sighing. “Prince Philip, of course. You have been spending quite a bit of time with this visiting prince… You have said this pretty speech before,” He observes, “To who?”

“Nathan.”

“Ah, I see.” He stands and begins pacing the room. “You do not come to council meetings and yet you confide in your butler.”

“I have had no time for council meetings with all of these suitors to please.” I remind him, ignoring the remainder of his sentence. But he will not let it go.

“You two are close,” He mentions.

“He has served me since I was ten. He has been by my side for over nine years now.” I point out, disregarding the implications as thinking of them just made my head hurt, especially after him mentioning Phil so casually.

My father lets the subject drop. “If you are so insistent on this plan, then go ahead with it. But I expect a choice to be made when you return.”

“A choice will be made when it is time,” I reply vaguely, standing to go meet Nathan.

“When do you leave?”

“As soon as they are ready.” I say simply and make to walk out of the room.

As I am leaving he says one final remark. “Keep this in mind while you are there: Araneacyrean ideas have no place in Ithotria.”

~~~

I meet Nathan outside the study and we go up to the hall where the royal family from Araneacyre are staying. With Nathan by my side, I present the women with the necklaces I bought for them. I was meant to give them the presents when I told them I would be visiting, but they rushed off too quickly.

Emily coos looking at the sparkling stones in the candlelight, “They are beautiful, Prince Daniel!”

“Just perfect,” Leanna adds, “They remind me so much of the spring pools in the palace at home, but also of the fountains in the gardens here.”

Phil comes out of his room amidst the excitement, holding a scroll in his hand. Even from where I am standing I can see it closed in wax with the Araneacyrean seal. “My sisters’ letter telling of your visit.” He explains.

Nathan reaches forward and Phil hands it to him. “I will see that a runner is sent to your palace immediately.”

As he goes to leave I place a hand on his shoulder. “Wait a moment,” I say to him before addressing Phil and the princesses. “When is the earliest you can be ready to leave?”

Emily and Phil converse momentarily before Emily speaks up, “We can leave in the morning, if you wish.”

“Be ready before sunrise,” I say. “I will send word of our departure along with your letter.”

Emily grabs hold of Leanna and leads her back into their room, “Thank you so much for the presents, dear prince. We will see you in the morning.”

“Pleasant dreams!” Leanna adds as the door closes.

With just the three of us men left in the hallway, I relax immediately. Nathan and Phil, however, seem to grow even more formal. “To what do we owe this rush, Prince Daniel?” Phil asks and Nathan looks at me for an answer as well.

I’m not sure why they are acting so _off_ , but I would tell both of them this anyway so I keep my tone casual, “My father is not pleased with my decision to visit. If we do not leave soon he will think of a reason to keep me here.”

Before Phil can answer, Nathan speaks up, “We had best return to your chambers, then, my prince. Both you and Prince Philip have to pack and get some sleep before morning.”

“Very well, Nathan.” I say, but as he turns to face me I see Phil look a tad disappointed. I continue without missing a beat, “Could you send word down to the stables to have my saddle bags sent up to the room and run me a bath? I need to finalize a few things quickly with Prince Philip.”

As has been his custom since the suitors arrived, it is clear he is not happy about the dismissal but he bows out graciously and goes to do as he was bid anyway. When he is gone I stride to Phil’s room, not bothering to check if he is following me. As soon as I hear the door shut behind us I turn and crash my lips against his and pull him into a tight embrace. We break apart after a moment but stay in each other’s arms. I rest my head on Phil’s shoulder and press another kiss against his neck, right on one of the love marks I gave him the other day.

“Would your father actually stop you from visiting?” Phil asks, cradling my body against his.

I laugh bitterly, “I’d be amazed if he wasn’t thinking of ways to stop it right now. That’s why we have to leave first thing in the morning. As soon as possible.”

“But why would he try so hard to keep you here?”

I sigh and pull away from Phil, “I can spin as many pretty words together as I want about how this is the best thing to do. I even managed to appease the Blisumidin court at dinner with my argument, but my father sees right through it. He thinks it’s a thinly veiled attempt to run from this decision. And he’s right.”

Phil runs his fingers through my hair which has an immediate calming effect, “You’ll love Araneacyre. And they’ll love you.” My father’s words come back to me, _Araneacyrean ideas have no place in Ithotria_. I’m not sure what he means, and I’m not sure I want to find out.

I have no words to reply to that with so I just whisper, “Goodnight,” and kiss my prince on the forehead.

He kisses my cheek in response and walks me to the door. He pulls me into another hard hug before opening the door and letting me out, “Get some rest, we have a hard road ahead of us.”

_Yes we do_ , I think as I walk back to my room.

I pack lightly with Nathan’s help. Only a few changes of clothes and my favourite books that I am never without. Nathan goes about the motions helping me pack, choosing clothes where I am indecisive, and adding a few items here or there that I had forgotten. He says nothing and responds to my attempts at conversation with simple nods or shakes of his head.

Once packed, I slip into my still warm bath and Nathan’s mood shows no signs of improving. I trap one of his hands again, a simple signal I have used so often these past few weeks to signify I want to talk. “Tell me what is bothering you, Nathan. Please?”

“You do not plan on having accompaniment to Araneacyre?” He replies, as if hoping my answer will correct him.

Sadly, it doesn’t. “I cannot bring people with me when they came alone. It would speak ill of my trust for them.”

“I see,” He says, still with sadness in his voice.

The truth of what I told my father earlier about my relationship with Nathan finally hits me when he says these words. He really has been by my side for almost a decade now. “What will you do without me here?” I ask him.

A soft laugh cuts the tension in the air as he wraps the part of me still out of the water in a loose hug from behind, “Without you? My prince, how will you handle yourself without me?”

“I guess I’ll find out.” I say, for the first time feeling some of the sadness that he is experiencing. “I will be back soon, a few weeks at most. I fear I will miss Ithotria dearly in that time.”

Nathan is quiet as I finish my bath and step out to be dried. We go back to my main chambers and he blows out the candles and lights the oil lamps in the corners of the room. He crawls into bed with me without invitation or hesitation, there is no doubt that I want to spend this last night with him before I leave.

I wait for him to say something before pulling the blankets over us, but he doesn’t. “You’re quiet again.”

He sighs, “Araneacyre will be a good opportunity for you. You will love it there, I have no doubt. You say you fear you will miss it here? Well, I fear greatly that you will not… But don’t forget that Araneacyre is not Ithotria. We may be close on a map, but in terms of customs we are _quite different_.”

I shiver as his mix of my father’s warning and Phil’s sweet words chill me to the core. He holds me until the chills stop and then longer until he falls asleep. I think on his words before drifting off as well. I had never before considered that Nathan may have visited Araneacyre in the past. There is so much I don’t know about this man in my bed.  I melt entirely into his body to fend off another spout of chills.

~~~

Phil, Emily, Leanna, and I leave early in the morning, before dawn breaks. I do not wait to see the other suitors off, but I leave notes for each of them. As we leave, I break off from the others briefly as we travel through the city and promise to meet them at the city gates.

Stopping at the orphanage, I pause for a moment. _What’s the best way to do this?_ It was a warm night for the fall and the windows are all open. I shift to the side alley next to the building and push aside the curtain from one of the windows. Looking inside, I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Wendy,” I whisper down to the girl sleeping in the bed beneath the window. “Wendy, sweetie, wake up.” I reach in and shake her shoulder lightly.

She rolls over to look at me and stifles a gasp with her hand as she bolts upright. “Prince Daniel,” She hisses, looking around frantically to see if anyone else is awake. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m heading to Araneacyre. I don’t have much time.” I glance up as the sky lightens slightly as if to prove my point. “Your gifts should be arriving later today, I’m sorry I won’t be here to hand them out… But I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

She examines my face, a fierce light shining in her eyes, “You _will_ be back, right?” She demands.

“Of course, I just…”

“I’ll go get him. Stay here.” She vanishes out of the small sliver of light the window is letting in. Less than a minute later she returns holding a bleary-eyed toddler in her arms. She crawls onto her bed and allows me to pull him out of the window.

“Good mornin’,” He mumbles, rubbing his eyes. That’s one thing I love about this little guy. I can visit at the strangest times and he never questions it, he’s just happy to see me.

I hug him to my chest, “Good morning, Marcus.”

He blinks the sleep out of his eyes and looks at the sky, “Still dark ou’,” He observes.

“Yes, it is. I’m sorry for having to wake you up.” I say and he just wiggles in my arms turning around to look away from the buildings.  I give him a little kiss on the cheek when he stops moving around and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I just wanted to see you before I leave.”

That gets his attention back to me, “Why’re you leavin’?”

“I er, am going to Araneacyre. I’m visiting with the royal family there.”

“Oh,” He says with a smile, “Is t’at why he’s here, are you goin’ with him?”

I whip around and see Phil standing at the edge of the alley by the main street. He looks at Marcus in my arms and says in a shaky voice, “Leanna asked me to come find you. They’re waiting at the gate.”

Looks like this goodbye is going to be cut short. “Yes, this is Prince Philip from Araneacyre. Say ‘hi,’ Marcus.”

“Good mornin’ mister.” Marcus gives Phil a little wave and the prince’s eyes get a little misty as he smiles and waves back.

“Okay, I have to go now, Marcus. Goodbye, I’ll visit you as soon as I get back.” I promise.

I have Wendy help Marcus climb back through the window, and give her a quick hug of thanks before walking away from the orphanage swiftly, knowing Phil will follow.

Phil looks hurt when I finally stop and allow him to catch up. We’re in a mainly burnt out, deserted part of the city, but it’s the fastest way to the gate.

“I thought you said it was all new to you?” He murmurs.

“What are you talking about?”

“You said you couldn’t go any further because it was new to you. That’s why we just kissed.” It takes me a moment to realize what he’s insinuating but I wait for him to continue, just to be sure. “How could you be so coy, when you- you’ve…”

I burst out laughing and have to stifle it with my sleeve to stop the noise from echoing. He’s not upset because he thinks I have a child, he’s upset because he thinks I was just toying with him that night. “You adorable, jealous idiot.” I say, pulling Phil into an embrace.

He stiffens and makes no move to hug back, “What are you talking about?” He demands.

“He’s not mine,” I whisper in Phil’s ear, before tilting his face to look at me. He must see the truth in my eyes, because he doesn’t question me. Instead, to apologize, he pulls me into a long kiss.

“Then why…?” He begins to ask as we break apart.

“I’ll explain some other time. But now must hurry. Your sisters are probably worried.”

I go to move and he holds me by the hand a second longer, “He’s not yours?”

I shake my head and repeat, “He’s not mine.” Phil gives a little nod and I pull him forward.

With that we rush to the gates and join the women and their guards. I dismiss the men and mount my stallion alongside Phil and urge the horse up next to the princesses. Once we are all mounted, the gate keepers open the rolled steel lattices. We exit the city, and the four of us alone make our way to Araneacyre.


	11. Not here

Chapter 11: Not here

“Riding hard, it takes two days to reach the border with Araneacyre.” Prince Philip says around midday.

“If we keep this pace up the horses will need a long rest tonight,” I admit, patting mine on the neck affectionately.

Emily pushes her mount up between Phil and me, “We did not stay the night in Ithotria on our way in. We saw nowhere to stay. Yet, we did not take this route.” She looks around at the countryside surrounding us.

Phil looks around us as we ride the dirt trail weaving through the trees, slowing our pace to avoid any missteps from the horses. I felt this path would show them a bit more of Ithotria before returning to their home. “There is a village further down this path. It should be about the halfway point between the castle and the border.”

“With any luck, we’ll arrive before sundown. I don’t relish the idea of riding through the night with the temperatures sinking so low.” Phil says, giving a slight shiver at the thought.

My retort is cut off by Leanna, who had been up ahead for most of the trip, riding back to join us. “There’s a river cutting across the path at the bottom of the next hill,” She says, “I think we should give the horses a break for a while and eat lunch.”

My stomach roars in agreement. I had been too nervous for the trip this morning that I lost most of my breakfast almost as soon as I ate it and nothing Nathan did could make me eat another bite after that. He had packed some of it up in a little pouch in my outer coat pocket and made me promise to eat it later.

Once arriving at the river, we dismount and allow the horses to do as they please. Leanna pulls a few bundles from one of her saddle bags and lays them out on a twisted tree stump between us. I open them without hesitation and see a loaf of this morning’s bread in one, a small wheel of hard cheese with a knife in another, and some smoked jerky strips in the final bundle. She also produces a few fresh picked apples from her pockets which she must have grabbed from one of the groves we passed earlier this morning.

Phil takes two of our empty skins to the river to fill them with water and we begin to dine once he returns. Our conversation is mainly about how to get to their home as soon as possible. “It took two weeks for you to travel to the capital of Ithotria,” I remind them as Emily mentions that we could make it to their palace within a week.

“Yes,” Phil admits, “But I was not at the palace when the word came in, so my sisters had to delay in a few towns for me to catch up to them.”

Leanna seems to be the only one who is not pleased at the thought of arriving at the palace early, “But it would be so rude to just ride through all of the towns we will pass!” She reminds everyone, a bit forcefully. “We did not come this way so we have not visited some of the villages we will pass in over a year, and Prince Daniel has never seen any of them at all!”

I am about to mention that it will be equally rude to ride through the villages here in Ithotria on the way out like we are planning to, but I hold my tongue. I ask for Leanna to explain, but it is Phil who speaks up, “If you are to be marrying into our family, you will need to know our land. We will learn yours with time once the wedding takes place, but you will really only have this chance before you reach the age when you must become king.”

I nod in agreement and return to eating as the three siblings plan the rest of our trip amongst themselves. If either of the girls noticed anything strange in Phil’s inclusion of himself in needing to learn more about Ithotria in the future, they did not mention it. Then again, he also said _if_ I marry into their family, as if we weren’t all certain that was going to be the outcome of this trip. I know I made no promises, but it must be obvious that if I am coming to Araneacyre I will be marrying one of the princesses. _Unless he no longer wants you to marry his sister_ , a little voice in the back of my head whispers. _A man who will take no joy in their marriage would never be good enough to marry one of his dear princesses, no matter how pretty he is,_ another voice agrees with the first. More and more voices keep adding their opinions, effectively cancelling my ability to think for myself for a few moments.

When I can no longer stand it, I stand up and run to my horse, leaving my food half eaten. I jump and pull myself onto my stallion’s back and ride off along the river for some ways. The wind and mist from the water clears my head and awakens my senses once again. I stop at the top of a hill, under a little cluster of willow trees. I am playing with the hanging tresses and letting my thoughts collect themselves when I hear hoof steps approaching.

Looking down the hill, Phil is riding up to me and at the bottom of the little valley Emily and Leanna are cleaning up our lunch. “What happened, Dan?”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t hungry and I wanted to survey the area a bit before we continued. You seemed quite intent on your conversation, I did not want to interrupt.” I am shocked at how easily the lie comes, but now that I think on it, what I said isn’t exactly false. Once I mounted my stallion, I did indeed plan to survey.

“Dan,” He brings his horse up alongside mine and reaches out to rest a hand lightly on the small of my back, leaning in. “Is everything alright?”

“Of course,” I say, truthfully. Even through my coat I can feel the pressure and heat from his hand. The contact is enough to sooth the remaining tension out of me. Nothing could possibly be wrong when he’s being so sweet. I peck his lips and circle my horse around to wait for the girls.

He seems unconvinced but thankfully he goes along with it. Leanna and Emily join us a few minutes later and we resume our trip.

We ride for the rest of the day, not quite as hard as we did this morning but we are still pushing the horses to keep up a solid pace. As expected, a little before sunset we see the little village I had mentioned earlier. Phil and the princesses fall into line behind me as we ride up through the village.

We draw some attention, but not too much as most of the inhabitants are settled in their houses for dinner. I lead us over to the woodcutter’s mill. “Excuse me,” I call up to the woman working the mill, “Is there a place we can tie our horses and stay for the night?”

She pulls the lever to set the next log in motion before coming over to us. “What brings you lot through here?” She asks, leaning against the rail.

Leanna speaks up, “We are travelling back to Araneacyre.”

“Back to- OH!” The woman’s eyes grow so wide I am reminded of the confused barn owl that flew into my window a few months ago. She looks back and forth between me and the Araneacyreans behind me, trying to decide if she is actually seeing what Leanna is implying. Her eyes finally come to rest on me and even though I have my hood up and am dressed in a traveling cloak, I guess I am still recognizable.

I urge my stallion up to the rail and repeat my question quietly. She shakes her head a little to clear it. “Sorry, your Highness, Prince, Princesses,” She addresses each of us in turn.

“You have nothing to apologize for, ma’am.”

“The inn is jus’ down the road a bit,” She points to one of the larger buildings at the edge of the village. “Ask fer Malley when you go in, she’ll look after you.”

We say our thanks and proceed to the inn. A man outside steps up, “We keep the horses tied out back.” I ask for Miss Malley and he calls into the building for her. An older woman comes out of the doors, brushing her hands off on her apron.

“Well, well,” She looks around at us, “Good to see some travelle’s comin’ through he’e. How many rooms will you all be wan’in’?”

I look to Phil for the answer, “One ma’am, but the largest you have free.”

“Okay then, will this jus’ be fo’ tonight?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I say. She gives her price and I pay for the room and to have the horses tied up and looked after for the night. We take the saddle bags off and Phil and I carry them up to our room.

The room is on the second level of the building and probably takes up half of the floor. It is alone on the east side of the hallway. I look around when I open the door. Two large windows dominate the wall opposite the door, each with a bed for two underneath it. The only other furniture in the room are two bedside tables with oil lamps set on them.  Phil walks past me with the women’s bags and sets them at the end of the bed to our left, before heading straight back downstairs. This leaves the bed to the right for my things and his. Our bed. I set the bags down and trail my hand over the blanket briefly before joining the others.

I thank the innkeeper for the room and pay for our dinner. We eat quietly at a table off to the side of the room. Everyone is either too tired to make conversation or cannot think of anything to say. The women retire to the room once they are finished but Phil and I sit at the table for a little longer.

Malley comes up to us when we are the only guests still in the room. “Would you boys like anotha’ bottle o’ wine?”

I look at our bottle, drained completely. It was some of the best spiced wine I’d had in years. I dig the coins out of my pocket and buy another one. We stay quiet, sipping at the wine for a few more minutes until Malley exits the room after clearing off all of the tables. The second we are left alone, Phil reaches out and grabs hold of my hand. I slip our clasped hands over the edge of the table and set them on our knees under it, out of sight.

“Who are you hiding from?” Phil asks, his voice a little slurred by the drink.

I turn to the door Malley just left from, “She might be back soon.”

Phil leans his head on my shoulder and presses his lips to my neck again and again. My eyes dart to the windows but it’s too dark to see if anyone is out there. Deciding it will be the best way to stop him, I pull him into a deep kiss, keeping my eyes alert for any sign that we’re being watched.

“Let’s go back to the room,” I say when he breaks the kiss to go back to my neck. I’m worried what his sisters will say if they see him like this, but if I’m not careful one of the villagers will see and my father will know in a heartbeat. The girls are likely to be asleep by now in any case.

“Tell me about Marcus,” He says, pausing his lips and letting his hands explore my back under my cloak. I pull back slightly which only causes him to jolt forward and press against me. I feel his flushed skin through our clothes and when he looks at me his eyes are slightly out of focus. “You said you’d tell me later, ‘bout him.”

“And I will,” I say, removing Phil’s hands from my back, “I’ll tell you at a time when you’ll remember it the next morning.”

He grumbles and complains that he’s completely fine. Not very convincing with the smell of wine on his breath. I put my arms around his waist and stand us up. I stagger a little under his weight but manage to keep us from falling back into the chairs. It amazes me that a prince from a kingdom renown across the lands for its wine has such a low tolerance for the drink. I drink the last few swallows of our second bottle before leading Phil out of the room. The worst I normally get are some bad dreams.

With a few kisses of my own, and some vague promises, I manage to keep Phil from kissing and feeling me up on the way up the stairs. I needn’t have worried as no one saw us anyway. When I open the door to our room I see the girls sleeping in their bed. The drapes are drawn over the windows but the oil lamps are both on, illuminating the room.

Phil kicks off his riding boots and pulls his cloak and shirt off and sets them all next to our bags. The lights dance across his chest and sparkle in his eyes as he lays down on the bed and looks at me. My resolve weakens and all I want is to shed my clothes and join him. I am just finishing removing my shirt when Leanna gives a slight snore and tosses in her sleep.

I blink as the reality of what is happening comes back to me. I look at Phil waiting in our bed, palming himself through his pants as he looks at me. Sighing, I climb in with him and pull his hand away, placing it on my chest instead. Not deterred, he rolls on top of me and grinds down onto me. His heat and hardness cause me to catch my breath as I feel my body responding in a way that my mind does not want to.

I push him off and, glancing over at the girls’ bed to ensure that both are asleep and facing away from us, I begin peppering him in light kisses. I can’t let him be in control or we’ll go too far. Not only am I afraid that word will make it back to my father somehow, the walls of an inn are not as thick as those of our castle chambers, but I’m terrified that one of the girls will see her possible husband-to-be intimate in a bed with her brother.

Phil’s body relaxes under my kisses and his breathing slows. If I put up a fight, he’ll fight back. I just need to keep him distracted until the wine pulls him into sleep. It shouldn’t take long. I run my hand through his dark hair, picking up traces of brown in the light from the lamps. Glancing up to check the girls again, I trace his lips with my tongue until he allows me entrance into his mouth for another kiss.

When I shift us around so I’m pressing up against him again I notice two things simultaneously. One: he has gone completely soft and his reactions are slow as sleep is beginning to take him. And two: My arousal has grown rock hard during this process. I wait for him to fall completely asleep before addressing the issue. Slipping out of bed, I pull my cloak on over my bare chest and go downstairs to the lavatory.

After relieving myself of my little problem I return to the room. I roll Phil forward to pull the blanket out from under him and climb into bed, throwing it over both of us. He wraps his arms around me in his sleep and I slide back against him so his body is completely pressed against mine under the blanket.

I close my eyes and try to hold in my memory the sensations from when we first got into the bed. _I can’t wait until we don’t have to hold back_.


	12. Questions

Chapter 12: Questions

Rain, rain, rain. Rain. Rain, and _look_ more rain…

Since arriving in Araneacyre we have been pounded by rain day in and day out. Rain such as I have never seen or heard of in Ithotria. The rain has been falling fast each day, leaving the ground oversaturated and forcing us to take routes we had not planned in order to avoid floods. The result of this has been staying at any town we arrive in if the rain is falling too hard to travel or if the lightning is too dangerous.

The first two days we trudge through it, riding from dawn to dusk, trying to stay on course to arriving within a week. But as the storm gets worse, each day we find ourselves retiring earlier and leaving a tad later.

Each night is spent much like our only night in Ithotria, though I have been keeping Phil away from the wine. We tie up our horses or have them stabled and ask for the largest room so we can all stay together. Any embarrassment I originally felt at sleeping in the same room as the princesses and sharing a bed with Phil vanishes by the third or fourth day. When he’s not being influenced by alcohol, Phil is far more reserved when his sisters are around. We still wake up wrapped in each other’s arms and pressed tight together, but if the girls notice they do not seem to mind.

On our third day in Araneacyre Leanna mentions that Phil and I are as close as real brothers. I blush and cover it up with a roll of my eyes. Phil laughs and says, “I think I prefer Dan as a friend to a brother.” He looks at me and smiles before wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into a side hug. “I have six siblings that have to deal with me constantly. The fact that I found a friend that actually _wants_ to spend this much time with me is-”

“Nothing short of a miracle,” Emily cuts in, kissing both of us on the cheek, “Come on, we’re having dinner on the porch. The rain is gentle around us but the lightning on the horizon is stunning.”

I tell the girls I’ll be down in a minute, “I just need to find something dry to wear,” I explain. They leave but Phil stays to assist me. “Brothers, huh.” I say.

“Let’s not think on that too much,” He hands me fresh clothes and waits for me to change into them.

When I’m dressed, I turn back to him I press on, “If I marry one of your sisters that _is_ what we’ll be. I’ll officially be a member of the family, your new little brother.”

“If.” He says simply. Before I can protest there is a rather violent rumble of thunder and Leanna appears at the door of the room and ushers us down to eat and watch the lightning. My stomach is too full of nervous energy to eat more than a few bites so I just sit back and watch the bolts of light flash in the night’s sky.

~~~

“What is this?” I demand on our sixth day in Araneacyre. “What kind of storm is this?” The rain has been persistent throughout the day, but at least we haven’t heard much thunder or seen any lightning since morning. We have settled into a crossroad’s inn for the afternoon, against our plans, because it is just too muddy to carry on. Leanna’s horse slipped and tossed her off while falling not two hours ago. Neither were harmed thankfully, but both were shaken enough for us to call it a day.

Emily places our clothes over the fire in the main room to try to dry them out before we go to sleep tonight, “The seasons are changing. We always get heavy rains in autumn.”

“They are a little early this year, but the storm seems to be blowing itself out.” Phil adds, handing me a bowl of soup and settling in next to me by the fire. He is in new dry clothes now, but moisture is still clinging to his dark brown hair, making it look as black as the day we met. I lean against him and groan that, if anything, the storm seems to be getting worse to me. He laughs and puts an arm around my waist, squeezing me close. “Eat your soup and stop worrying about the weather. If you keep skipping meals you’ll waste away to nothing.”

I sip at my dinner slowly, listening to Leanna and Emily singing a children’s song about swans dancing in the rain. Emily has come alive since we’ve been in her home kingdom. All of her reservations were left at the border and she jokes around now as much as her sister. With a peal of laughter, she grasps Leanna’s hand and leads her outside to act out the swan’s dance in the twilight rain. I smile as the girls run out of the room and set down the rest of my soup.

“They seem glad to be home,” I mention. It’s true that, for me at least, only the castle and surrounding city actually feel like home but for them all of Araneacyre is their home.

“A little rain can’t dampen our spirits,” Phil says, watching his sisters through a window. “We’ve been gone for over a month, of course they’re happy to be back.”

I grab hold of his hand as the innkeeper comes over to take his empty bowl away and I wave her to take mine as well while Phil is distracted, “We are so happy to have you back,” She says, “The kingdom has missed its favourite prince.”

Phil roars with laughter, “Has Blaise been kidnapped since I’ve been away?” He pulls his knife and begins looking around for a culprit, “Who did it? I’ll save you little brother!” He calls to the ceiling and the woman laughs along with the other guests at the inn.

Phil never talked much about his other siblings but from reading my books I know that Blaise is his only brother. Where Phil is the second oldest, little Blaise is the second youngest with about a fifteen year difference between the boys. Even joking, there is a fierce light in his eyes when he pretends to protect his sibling. There is no doubt he would do anything to protect that little boy. I cannot wait to meet the rest of the royal family, but I wonder if they’ll be as taken with me as these three.

“It really is good to have you back,” She smiles down at us and I can’t help but smile back. But I feel my smile falter when I see her eyes fall on our interlocked hands. I’m sure she’s going to say something about us but she just turns to Phil and says, “You best show this young man a good time while he’s here. The more he likes this place the longer he’ll stay.” She looks out the window like Phil and giggles as the girls trip over each other’s feet and tumble to the ground. “And when he leaves, I’m betting it won’t be alone,” If I’m not mistaken she gives me a wink before going back to the bar to serve the other guests.

I watch her talking to some of the men and have a searing feeling she’s talking about us, about what we’re doing. I know she’s telling them about how we kissed before coming downstairs, how Phil held me for a little too long to warm me up before we sat by the fire, how disgusting we were holding hands in public like what we’re doing is okay. She isn’t looking our way but when I see her blush I am unable to stand it any longer. I pull away from Phil and mumble about wanting to be alone for a while before grabbing my clothes from the pole near the fire and rushing upstairs.

I hear his unmistakeable footsteps follow me but mercifully he does not come into the room after I slam the door. I throw myself onto the bed we are planning to share and let loose the tears of frustration I have been holding back. I haven’t cried since my nightmare and this time there is no Nathan to make everything alright.

I let the tears flow as I think about what a horrible person I am. The tears fall harder when I realize how pathetic I am for wasting energy and time crying when so many people don’t have anywhere near the amount of luxuries I have. I shove the pillow against my mouth to deaden the sounds of my lungs gasping for air, unable to hold what little I’m managing to breathe in. A few minutes of this and my lungs are burning, but finally the loud cries have subsided enough for me to roll away from the pillow. I force my breathing to calm and make myself think of the trick Nathan taught me to calm myself down. It was mentally taxing and often painful, but it has never failed. His voice fills my head as I think of the questions.

Question one: What is the problem? _That’s easy,_ I think, _I’m allowing myself to fall for Phil even though I will be marrying one of his sisters._ So many problems are summed up in that.

Question two: How bad is the problem? _Bad_. What we’re doing is wrong, it’s unnatural. We could get caught at any second, we’re not exactly being discrete. And we’re getting less and less careful as distance from my castle grows greater. If word gets back to my father, well, I don’t think my nightmare was entirely wrong when my father said I would be no son of his. If my relationship with Phil comes to light, I would most likely lose my claim to the throne of Ithotria. And who knows what would happen for Phil and his sisters.

Question three: Is there anything I can do about it? _Yes, I can stop this right now!_ And I could. I could make this all go away by switching beds tonight. I can pick one of the princesses or even go back to Ithotria and send a letter to Cassandra or Angelica telling them that I have reconsidered. I could make it so that I never have to see Phil again, never have to deal with his annoying little quirks, never have to handle him when he drinks too much or, or… Or see his smile, or hear his sweet laugh. Never get to wake up next to him or feel his gentle touch. Never again tell him how much I care about him…

Question four: Do I want to change it? _No, no I don’t_.

Somehow, it’s that simple. If I don’t want to change it, that means I’ll have to accept it. I sit at the edge of the bed to remove my shoes and shirt before crawling back in and getting comfortable. I curl around one of the blankets, getting comfort from having something to hold on to. Tears are still leaking from my eyes, but they’re starting to dry up by the time I feel myself drifting off.

The click of a door closing wakes me early in the morning. I shift and groan. Pulling the blanket up to my neck, I curl back against my pillow and try to return to sleep. A useless effort.

“Dan, wake up,” Phil says in his rough morning voice. Even though I have been hearing it every morning for almost a week, I still haven’t accustomed myself to the sweet sound. “The girls are loading the horses, it’s time to get up.”

“Istilldarout,” I slur with my face in the pillow.

“The earlier we leave, the sooner we get to the palace!” The excitement in Phil’s voice is so intense I almost climb out of bed that instant. Almost. When I don’t respond, Phil shakes me back and forth by the shoulder, “Dan, please get up.”

I open my eyes just enough to ensure that Emily and Leanna are not in the room before whispering, “Make me.”

“If you don’t get out of this bed you can forget about cuddles when we get to the palace,” He threatens but I only curl up further in the blanket saying I can cuddle with Emily or Leanna if I get lonely. “But do Emily or Leanna know that you like it when someone rubs their hands through your hair, even though you complain that you hate it?” He massages a hand into my curly hair as he speaks. “Do they know that you like to leave a trail of little love bites that fade by morning when you kiss someone’s chest? Can they find the spot on your neck that drives you crazy just by listening to how your breathing changes?” He brushes his lips against my neck and sure enough my breathing hitches without permission when he reaches my sweet spot. He reaches up my shirt and rests his hand over my heart, “Do they make your heart skip a beat when they kiss you?”

I open my eyes to see his face just inches from mine. I feel his breath on my lips and I lean forward to indulge him. And, sure enough, I feel him smile under my kiss when my heart changes rhythms. “Hmmm, a comfortable position, a gorgeous man on top of me, and all the kisses I want. Are you sure you’re trying to get me out of bed?”

“You’re impossible!” He cries, but instead of getting off of me Phil tries a different course. His fingers start trailing across my skin tickling every bit they can reach. I barely manage to hold back a screech as I toss and turn, trying in vain to throw him off me. Phil just laughs and sits firmly on top of me, continuing his attack.

Suddenly the door opens and Emily walks in raising an eyebrow at us. She looks at me and says, “Well, you certainly look better. Good, that means we can ride harder, we might even make it before sundown.” She grabs one final bag I didn’t notice from beside her bed, “Phil, is that really the most effective way to wake him up?”

“Well,” He looks down at me as I mock struggling again, “I tried other means first, but they didn’t work.”

I feel the blood rush to my face and Emily shakes her head and sighs, “This method was effective at least, I’ll allow it that much.”

Phil swings off of me and stands up as Emily comes over and whispers something in his ear while I get dressed. He laughs and kisses her on the forehead. “I’ll meet you by the horses,” She says before leaving us to finish packing.

“What’s this about my looking better?” I ask Phil when she’s gone.

His eyes cloud over, losing some of their humour. “I told the girls you weren’t feeling well last night. I said you had a headache and wanted some quiet time in the room.” He shoves yesterday’s clothes into his bag and ties it shut, “Once she heard that, Leanna insisted that we remain downstairs until you fell asleep so we wouldn’t disturb you.”

He isn’t asking but I answer anyway, “I just needed some time to think.”

“About?”

“Us.”

His eyes widen and I see some flicker in them before they take on a reserved quality that seems out of place on his face. He reminds me of Emily with those eyes. “And?”

I wrap my arms around him and wait for him to meet my eyes before I peck his lips, “We’ll figure it out together.” And with that, I grab my bags and allow Phil to follow me as we meet Emily and Leanna.


	13. Meeting the Family

Chapter 13: Meeting the Family

The last day of our trip is spent entirely on the coastline travelling south to the palace city. Phil was right, the storm passed in the night and we had not had a drop of rain or a dark cloud in the sky even once since starting out. The breeze coming off of the sea carries the scent of salt and fish up to us as we ride. We pass through a few fishing villages that seem to be thriving, taking advantage of the abundance of life these waters hold.

“How can there be so many villages so close together if they all just sell fish?” I ask Phil.

He smiles and glances appreciatively back at the village we just passed through, “Because they all supply the capital city. They’re close enough to all send fresh catches every day to provide for the people in the city and for the appetites in the palace.”

I nod in understanding. Fish is a delicacy in Ithotria. We only have one major lake that holds more than a few species and the majority of the land is too far from the sea to get fresh fish and preserved just isn’t that good honestly. But here it is common place, commoners’ food. _But delicious none the less_ , I think, remembering back to the lunch we had two villages back of fresh baked fish and roast vegetables.

We press on, the sun setting quickly over the western horizon as we pound further south. I hear a raucous laugh from Leanna as she crests a hill in front of us and takes off out of sight. Emily rushes after her sister and I move to do the same but Phil blocks my path. Reaching out for my hand he says, “Ride up with me. I want to see your face when you first look on the city.”

I grasp hands with him for a moment before leaning off my mount slightly to brush lips with him before dropping his hand and heading up the hill. At the top, I feel my mouth drop. The city is laid out before us in perfectly even rows and sections. Every building is made of the same beautiful white stone, giving the city a sort of simple grace that my own could never achieve. There seems to be a perfect order to the capital and no area looks worse off than any other, though I am sure the reality is not as pretty. The palace sits atop a hill over twice the height of the one we stand on. It is seemingly made of the same stone as the rest of the buildings but even from this distance there is a different quality to the structure that I can’t quite discern. It is no less beautiful, but rougher, simpler in its material, as if to make up for the extravagance of the overall design. Towers, spires, ornate glass windows, winged supports for walls that had to be thinner than I’ve ever seen for a building its size. It came in different levels and layers as well, the bottommost likely built into the hill. Trees could be seen peaking over the tops of the walls on certain levels, promising green courtyards behind the walls. For such an imposing structure, it looks almost _delicate_.

When I finally tear my eyes away from the view I look at the hill before me. Phil is right there facing me, flanked by his two sisters. All of them are looking at me and smiling, pleased at the reaction I had to their home. It clearly dwarfs my castle and yet by comparison my home feels overly extravagant, like it is trying too hard to look fit for royalty whereas this palace clearly houses the royal family. Who else could be worthy enough to even enter it?

I ride down to join them and am surprised that it is Emily who squeezes my hand in reassurance before we follow Phil through the gates and up the streets to the palace. People leave their houses to join the masses on the streets as we proceed forward. Some of them throw flowers or other favours, others just laugh and say their welcomes. Once, about half way up the hill, a little girl runs into the street in front of my and Phil’s horses. I’m startled but Phil simply reaches his arms down and pulls the girl up onto the horse’s back with him and, after ensuring that he knows who her mother is, allows her to ride with us on this silly impromptu parade. She waves at the crowd as we go and her enthusiasm is so contagious that all of us have massive smiles on our faces riding through the streets.

We ride through another gate, over a bridge, and past one more gate to enter the palace grounds. Upon closer inspection, I see that the stone walls of the palace seem to be covered in seashells, in different shapes and light colours, forming pleasing and intricate patterns on the otherwise plain white stone.

We dismount once inside the palace grounds and I stroke my stallion for a few moments as Phil sends one of his men to take the little girl back to her mother. A stable boy comes over and takes our horses as several palace servants remove the saddle bags and take them to our rooms. The four of us stand together looking at the palace doors carved with waves and spirals that bring up thoughts of the surrounding sea. As one, we walk through the doors and into a grand entrance hall where six people are waiting for us. The rest of the royal family.

They are all dressed in sparkling fabrics of cerulean for the girls and azure for the boys, the same choice of fabric Phil and the princesses wore to our first dinner in Ithotria. It must have some significance to the royal family. They also all have light hair, either brown or blonde. Only Phil seems to have dark hair, though they all share his pale skin. Emily and Leanna rush into their mother’s arms and I sink into a bow so low my spine is parallel to the floor.

Phil steps between myself and his family, “Mother, father,” He addresses the king and queen directly and with a level of comfort that I never feel around my own father. “It is my honour to present Prince Daniel of Ithotria.” The king and young prince bow and the queen and the three princesses I’ve yet to meet curtsy.

“It is a pleasure and an honour to have you here, Prince Daniel,” The queen says as she rises gracefully from her curtsy.

I bow again, “The pleasure is mine.” I cannot help from catching Phil’s eye and seeing that he picked up an unintended double meaning in my words. I fight back a blush, but my smile is genuine and, for the first time, unguarded.

There is a flurry of activity along the walls of the hall but my attention is focused on the people in front of me. I need to make a good impression, especially under the circumstances. Phil turns his attention from his parents to the woman standing directly next to them and begins the introductions. “Prince Daniel, I present Princess Serena, my dear older sister and heir to the throne of Araneacyre.”

Princess Serena steps forward and extends her hands in welcome. I clasp them in my own and lean forward to kiss her cheeks. She’s much shorter than her younger brother and even a little shorter than Princess Emily I’d wager. Her eyes have an appraising quality, they share the same colouring as Phil’s but have none of his sparkle. She seems unsure what to make of me and I know immediately that she will be the hardest and most important member of the family to get on my side. After all, not too long after I am king of Ithotria she will be the ruling queen of Araneacyre.

When she steps back into line, Phil introduces the girl standing next to her. “This is Princess Arcadia. Don’t let that innocent smile fool you, she’s a feisty little one.”

Arcadia seems pleased with her brother’s words as she steps forward like her older sister. The girl can’t be more than ten years old but she has all the confidence of the heir to the throne. It must run in the family.

Phil attempts to introduce the next member in line but the little boy steps forward himself, “I am Prince Blaise and I think it will be nice to have another prince around here.” I smile and sink down to my knees to hug the boy. He’s the second youngest and with Phil gone I can imagine his sisters have either been ignoring him completely or picking on him mercilessly. “It is wonderful to meet you, Prince Blaise.” I say before he returns to his place in line.

I remain on my knees to meet the final member of the family. If I remember my readings correctly the little princess just turned five. Again, Phil makes the formal introduction, “Prince Daniel, meet Princess Manda, my youngest sister and the real joy of the palace.”

She springs into my arms and I can’t help but be reminded of Marcus. They look nothing alike and she’s a few years older but their childlike abandon and joy is the same. Her laughter fills the hall as I stand her up and twirl in a circle, holding the girl at arms’ length. This princess has no reservations about me and for that I am glad.

After meeting everybody, the king leads us into a side room. We settle into dinner in a very private dining room, just myself and the royal family. The smell of food makes my mouth water and I find myself clearing my plate and eagerly awaiting each course. Phil’s smile grows wider with each dish I eat, obviously happy I’m finally making up for all those missed meals on the journey here.

The queen questions her daughters about their days in Ithotria and they recount their visit. I’m relieved to hear them talk so favourably about my kingdom and their treatment within. The king, Serena, and Phil discuss the business and trade connection the prince made while at the castle. I tune out both conversations and focus on trying to identify the food I am eating. Everything is so fresh, either picked or caught today, and much of it I have never seen before. Everyone seems to see how much I am enjoying the food and for the most part I am exempted from conversation.

It is during dessert that I feel Phil’s arm around my shoulder and look up, a little startled. Everyone is still intent on their conversations so I listen to the king and Phil’s, sitting stiffly and trying to avoid leaning into him like I normally would. He is in the middle of telling his father how close the two of us have become over the past month. I am a little worried where this is going and am about to say something when Phil glances over at his little brother who is listening to his sisters’ tales. “I think we should invite the princes from Zarathin to join us after Prince Daniel leaves. They are of an age with Blaise and I think spending the time with other princes will do him well.” He looks over at me before finishing his thought, his eyes soft and happy, “I wish I had the chance to meet Prince Daniel sooner.”

I nod in agreement, “The royal families are kept too separated. Friendships formed in childhood are more likely to last than those formed out of duty.”

The king looks between us, considering what he sees. “Though the latter still seems capable of forming a strong bond. I will think on it. We might have to send Blaise down to Zarathin instead, they will be more likely to accept that scenario than let their two heirs come here.” Though the conversation changes course, Phil keeps his arm around me for the remainder of the meal.

I place mine lightly around his waist after a few moments and keep eating. I glance up periodically to check for reactions, but there are none. Truly, neither negative nor positive. I’m guessing at least half the table has noticed and no one seems to think there’s anything out of the ordinary going on. Already, I see how much more open Araneacyre is, _why shouldn’t two friends be this close while they eat?_ In Ithotria, only lovers would behave like this, and even then, only in private, never at dinner. But Phil explained us as friends and his father didn’t so much as bat an eye at his son’s actions.

Once dinner is over, I am shown to my quarters. I settle into a bath but if feels strange not to have Nathan there to wash me, and to feel other hands on me instead. He’s only been taking on that task since around the time the suitors came, but I have grown accustomed to it. At first I tense when the maids begin to wash me, but they are gentle and focused on their task. No grasping or groping like the maids my father always sent. However, I still take over when they reach my lower body and wash that area myself.

As one woman rinses out a sort of salt scrub that had been massaged into my hair, another girl brings a large towel to dry me with. As I stand, she wraps the cover around me immediately to preserve some of my modesty and I can’t help but blush. Princes are not generally known for being modest but I guess my insistence at washing myself led them to that assumption. The two girls exit the room once the tub is drained leaving only the woman.

“Is there anything you require, dear prince? Anything at all I can get you?” She asks, unconcerned by the annoying little red patches that appear low on my cheek when I get flustered.

I walk back into the bedchamber and take inventory. “A few candles and an oil lamp would be most appreciated,” I say. The only light in the room is coming from the full moon outside pouring in from the windows, if it goes behind clouds the chamber would be black as the night.

“Right away,” She confirms, rushing out of the room. The woman returns within minutes with the lamp, candles, and a striker with which to light them. She also has a heavy robe with her, telling me that the nights get cold with the wind off the sea.

I give her my thanks and she curtsies her way out of the room, leaving me completely alone. After unpacking the saddle bags of all of the possessions I brought with me and putting them in their new places, I settle into my bed with a book. At home I would always read at a table but there isn’t one in this room other than the small bedside table just large enough to hold a lamp and a cup of water and I really don’t want to bother moving to the room attached that is meant for a study.

I hear a knock on the door and my mind instantly thinks of Phil. A slight tension leaves me when I realize I may be able to talk him into staying, so I don’t have to sleep alone. I rush to the door and pull it open with a huge smile on my face. A smile that I have to struggle to keep in place when I see that it is not Phil, but Leanna, who has come to visit. Then I realize that I did not bother to put clothes on and rush to close the robe I am wearing a little more securely, tying it in place as opposed to merely holding it.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Princess?” I ask, still standing in the doorway.

A slight flush colours her cheeks when I shift my robe but her smile only grows larger, “May I come in?”

I can think of no good reason to decline so I allow the young princess into my bedchamber. She glances over at the bed and, with nowhere else to sit in the room, walks to it and picks up the book I left lying there before sitting lightly on the edge.

I remain standing by the door for a moment, deliberating. But, as she seems unlikely to say anything with this distance between us and the door open, I close it quickly and join her by the bed, though I do not sit.

“Do you like it here?” She questions quietly, looking out the window at the moon reflecting on the ocean, her hands absentmindedly flipping through the pages of the book.

“It is stunning. I do not know what I had expected but I never imagined anywhere could look like this.”

She looks at me briefly before tossing the book to the very edge of the bed and taking my hands in hers, tugging them slightly, “That did not answer the question.”

“It’s different.” I admit, allowing her to pull me onto the bed next to her. “It will take some getting used to not to have familiar faces around me. Not to be able to navigate the palace on my own.”

She smiles and dismisses my complaints with her eyes, “There will always be a familiar face nearby. You need only signal any of the servants and one of us will be by your side immediately.” As if to prove her point, she slides over closer to me so our legs would be pressing against each other if not for the fabric of my robe and her nightdress.

I slide away almost imperceptibly, so as not to cause offense but also not to encourage her any further. She is much more forward now that we’re in her home and not mine. “That is kind of you,” I say, “I look forward to getting to know your family and this city.”

Her smile widens again, “You really are planning on marrying one of us, aren’t you, Prince Daniel?”

_What other choice do I have?_ “I would not be here if I was not strongly considering it.” I keep my voice light, but give the same answer I gave back in Ithotria when I announced I would be visiting.

Her grin gets mischievous, “Maybe I can help you consider a little quicker?”

“What are y-”

Leanna stops my question by pressing her lips against mine. Before I can react, she has a hand in my hair and is holding my face firmly against her own. She moves her mouth against mine trying to deepen the kiss and reluctantly I allow her entrance and feel her tongue exploring my mouth. She wraps her other arm around my waist and pulls our bodies against each other as well. After placing my hands on her hips, she returns her own to my back and hair.

I’m at a complete loss for how to react. The kiss is neither pleasant nor unfavourable, it is just a thing that is happening that I do not know how to control. I can’t push her away, _can I?_ I _want_ to, but what if she reacts badly? What if she guesses about Phil and me? What if she has already guessed and is trying to test me? My mind is racing, so my body settles for simply not responding. There are none of the feelings I have with Phil. My heart is beating at its normal pace. My breathing is regular. My thoughts are still coherent. There is no stirring in my loins at all. I simply allow her to kiss me. She could be kissing a stone for all the reaction I give her.

I am just wondering how long this will go on when she tries to go further, either unaware of my indifference or ignoring it. She worms a hand between us and places it on my chest, under my robe. It isn’t until she begins to move her hand down my torso that I place my hands on her shoulders and smoothly push her away.

Her eyes are questioning as I stand and hold out a hand to her. “Leanna, you need to leave.”

“Why? Did you not like the kiss?” Hurt is beginning to register in her eyes, but the main emotion is still confusion. She’s too innocent and inexperienced to realize that allowing her to kiss me is not the same as sharing a kiss. One look at her face and I can tell this is the first time she has really kissed someone, not just shared a gentle peck.

I reach forward to clasp her hand and pull her to her feet, “Darling, I do not know what you are expecting of me. Whatever you have heard about princes or men in general, _I_ am not the type of man who would take advantage of a woman, even one who may well be his future bride.”

Not discouraged, Leanna defends herself, “But, you wouldn’t be taking advantage of me if I want it too. I wanted to show you how much I love you.”

I choose to ignore the end of her sentence, “There are other ways to show a man you care for him than with your body.” I tell her and lead her to the door.

She tries to reply, but I silence her with a kiss on the cheek as I open the door to the hallway.

Looking out, I call to the nearest maid, who happens to be the woman who helped me bathe. “Would you please escort the princess to her room?”

She looks us over quickly and must decide that no harm came to Leanna because she agrees and leads the girl away.

I re-enter my room and lower the bar over the door before lighting my candles and extinguishing the lamp. In the semidarkness, I climb back into my bed, for the first time feeling a little guilty. I’m not sure how long I can keep this charade up. It can’t be the only way I can be with Phil, it can’t! And if it is, I’m not sure it’s worth it to have to hurt this little girl.

I push the thoughts away and pull the blankets up to my neck. Normally I would wear nothing to bed, but I snuggle up in my robe as well, too worried that Leanna might come back in the morning and I’d forget to put it on before answering the door. The candles send dancing shadows to every wall and they seem to grow and shrink with my breathing. I close my eyes tightly and realize that this is the first night in over a month I haven’t had anyone to share my bed with. I consider going to Phil, but I do not know how to find his room and I don’t want to draw attention to our relationship by asking for him in the night.

I fall asleep fitfully, wishing for the first time since leaving the castle that I had allowed Nathan to join us. He’d know what to do about Leanna, and with his arms around me I’d be asleep in minutes.


	14. But... Leanna?

Chapter 14: But… Leanna?

Unlike in my castle in Ithotria, there is no such thing as a daily routine here in the palace. What needs to be done is done and the royal family, and myself by extension, are free to do what they wish with whatever time they have remaining. However, as I have no duties here other than learning about the land, most of my time is spent in the library… alone.

Prince Philip, on the other hand, is remarkably busy. Having been gone for close to two months, his duties have piled up. The carefree man I knew in Ithotria is now writing letters or attending meetings from dawn to dusk and occasionally even late into the night. It is a few days before I even have a chance to speak with him.

After dinner on our fifth night, Phil asks me to accompany him to his room. It is the first time we are safely alone and also the first time I’ve been in his bedroom. He closes his door and leads me to the bed. “No one will bother us unless there is an emergency.”

I have been meaning to tell him about Leanna, to ask him what we are going to do about his little sister. I can’t keep accepting her advances without returning them, but I can’t push them away without leading to hurt questions that I can’t safely answer. My mind is formulating perfectly articulate questions and I am ready to ask them. But my body has different plans. The moment he slips his shirt over his head my mouth is too occupied kissing him to ask any questions or engage in any discussions.

I allow him to pull my shirt off as well and we lay back on the bed. The pressure of him on top of me feels perfect after its absence for several days. His hands are fisting in my hair and I kiss his neck and trail my tongue along his collar bone, causing him to moan softly. When he goes to do the same to me, I slip a hand into his hair and marvel at the texture. It’s not at all what I remember.

“Why does your hair feel… stiffer?” I ask.

I feel his smile against my neck, “Do you notice anything else different about it?”

Running my fingers through his long, dark hair I try to decide what else is different. The texture is off but it looks just as black as the day I met him… Wait! “It’s black again! You dye your hair?”

He kisses my nose and then looks at me, “Not everyone can have beautiful hair naturally,” His hand ruffles my brown curls, “The black suits my skin tone better than the natural colour. Do you like it?” He genuinely seems worried for my response.

“You could have no hair and I would still love it.”

He shudders at my words, “Don’t even joke about that. I don’t plan on losing this hair for a good long time. It will be soft again soon, once I treat it a few more times.” I do not ask what he means. Curiosity satisfied, I return to kissing him.

We turn to lay on our sides, facing each other. Our hands explore each other’s bodies as our tongues explore each other’s mouths. I trail my hand along the light down of hair on his chest, so faint it’s hard to see from a distance, but far more significant than my own nearly non-existent chest hair. His hands trace the contours of my back. He pauses for a moment at edge of my trousers but then runs his hands over them to grab my ass through the fabric.

I smile and move my own hand down to rest over his package, feeling the heat even through his trousers as his member throbs under my touch. He freezes, waiting for me to make the next move. I slip the remainder of his clothes off and do the same for my own. I take a moment to look at him, this is the first time we’ve ever been completely bare together. Despite my rush to remove our clothes, I’m not sure what I was planning to do once I got to this point.

Phil breaks the spell by pulling me back into a kiss. He shifts us so that he is on top again and grinds down lightly onto me. We’ve done this before, but always half clothed. The friction and heat is stronger without the fabric between us and I feel the blood rush to my cock.

A gasp escapes my lips when Phil rises up and reaches a hand between us to wrap it around my cock. He holds it there, still, and waits for me to meet his eyes. In their blue speckled depths, I see his question. He’ll stop now if I want him to, no questions, and no hurt pride. I rock my hips and shake my head, silently telling him that I want this. Lines crinkle the corners of his eyes as he smiles and sets his hand in motion.

I moan when he starts stroking me and, within moments, am trying to hold back cries as a pleasure I have never felt courses through me in time with the motion of his hand. After several strokes, he begins rubbing his thumb along my slit when he reaches the tip with each stroke. I cry out his name as the new level of sensation rocks my body.

With gasping breathes I ask, “What if someone hears us?”

“They won’t think anything of it,” He replies. I’m not sure exactly what he means but as he bends down and takes me in his mouth all outside thoughts stop.

He circles the head with his tongue and then backs off to kiss the tip. My breaths are coming more as pants as I wait for him to continue. Suddenly, a warm wetness encloses my entire length as he takes all of me into his mouth. My hands pull at his hair and incomprehensible moans pour from my mouth when I feel suction as he pulls me into his throat. I rock my hips up against him, shoving myself even further. He backs off for a moment, returning to trace the head with rapid circles of his tongue while his hand works the rest of my cock with fast strokes.

“Phil, I- I. I think I’m going to-” I cry out, breaking off my sentence with a moan. Thankfully he understands my meaning and takes my full length in his mouth again as I release into him. He swallows around me a few more times before working me down from my high with his hand.

I shudder when it’s over and he pulls me into a gentle kiss. “I’m glad that we waited until we were completely alone to do that,” he says, his voice rough and breathless.

For the first time, I consider that maybe that hurt him, “Is your throat okay?” I ask.

He kisses me again before answering, “Yeah, it’s fine. Just a little sore.” He brushes of further concerns by making our next kiss long and sweet.

I sigh when he pulls away, “I should have taken care of you too.”

He laughs, “You did,” and leans back, pulling me up so I can look at us. He came all over my legs and onto his own torso, _how hadn’t I noticed?_ He crawls off the bed and goes into one of the side chambers. He returns with a wet cloth and cleans us both up, wiping both come and sweat off of us. “Hearing you reach your peak like that pushed me over the edge,” Phil admits. “I promise, I’ll last longer next time.”

“Next time?” I tease. “What make you think there will be a next time?”

A cocky smirk crosses his face, “Who else makes you cry out like that?”

I lean forward to kiss him instead of answering. I lie us back down, wrapping my arms around his chest and pressing my torso against his back. His body melts into mine and I feel our hearts beating against each other. Our breathing slowly returning to normal as my hands trace little patterns on his chest and stomach.

We lie together for a while before the guilt weighs me down too much to act like what just happened is okay. I give him a squeeze before pulling away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed to put my clothes back on.

“What is it?” He asks, picking up on the change in the atmosphere.

“Leanna’s been coming to see me every night. It’s like she would give anything to have been in your place tonight.” I turn to look at him. “I can’t do this! I can’t pretend everything is okay when I’m spending my days making everyone think that I’m going to fall in love with and marry one of your sisters when I spend my nights dreaming of you.”

“We knew this was going to happen.” He says, wrapping an arm protectively around me. “I thought we agreed that you’d marry one of my sisters so that I can have a reason to move to Ithotria and be with you.”

I shake my head, “That was just an excuse we used to start this. It’s wrong, Phil! This is WRONG!”

He removes his arm and drops his voice to almost a whisper, pain and anger evident in each syllable, “And it is right to follow a system that makes young men marry women they just met, even if they will never love her?” With that he gets off the bed and, grabbing up the cloth from before, goes to the bath chamber and closes the door behind him. I sit on his bed for a few minutes before I gather myself up enough to return to my chambers.

When I leave Phil, I stop at the library for a few minutes looking at books. Night fell while Phil and I were enjoying our time together and so the library is empty and very dark. I take a lamp with me to fight back the blackness as I browse the rows. Meaning to only get a single book for some nightly reading, I find myself leaving the library with a stack of books I can hardly hold in my arms. I set them down on a windowsill outside the reading room and reposition them before returning to my room, hoping that I can navigate stairs with all of them.

As I approach my chambers, I see the door is ajar. Looking up and down the hall, I see no other people and no other rooms show signs of having anyone in them. _Maybe it’s common for maids to enter the rooms here to clean or something_ , I think but am still hesitant. I creep towards the first door with the intention of listening before walking in. Two female voices are arguing and it only takes a few words for me to recognize them as Princesses Emily and Leanna.

Emily’s voice is strict and urging, “You need to leave here. Go back to you room, Lea, it is late!”

“Perhaps you should return to your room then, dear sister,” Leanna’s voice rings with sarcasm, “as surely there is nothing here for you.”

If I’m not mistaken, Emily is barely managing to hold back anger with her next words, “There is nothing here for you either. He’s not here! He is sick of you coming here!” As the intensity of her words increases, the volume decreases, making me miss her words after that.

“You know not of which you speak!” Leanna insists, raising the volume of the conversation once more. “He only pretends to dislike it to hold his reputation.”

“Pestering Prince Daniel will not do you any favours,” the older girl insists, a note of pity entering her voice.

There is a loud _thump_ , someone either slammed something down or stomped their foot. “You just want him for yourself!” Leanna shoots back that Emily, “You don’t understand the connection the two of us have!”

Their argument continues for several minutes along these lines as I stand in the hall, unsure if I should make my presence known. It is not until I hear the definite sound of a slap followed by a cry that I know I cannot let this continue. Not wanting the girls to know that I heard them, I back up down the hall until I am almost at the stairs. Once there, I drop my books hard on the floor, pretending to fall myself. The girls come rushing out to see me looking at the books as if distraught that I may have damaged them. I do not look up when I hear their hastening footsteps until I see two small pairs of feet at the edge of my vision.

Feigning surprise, I look up at them, “I’m so sorry,” I say, shaking my head and returning my attention to the books, “I shouldn’t have tried to carry so many. I thought I’d be fine but I missed the last step and… well.” I motion to the mess in front of me. 

Both girls are still a little nervous, as if hoping I do not ask why they are in this hallway at this time of night when their rooms are on the other side of the palace. However, they do not seem suspicious.

“They do not appear harmed,” Emily says as she stoops down and picks up my books. With her face this close to mine I can see the faint red mark on her cheek, answering my question of who was on the receiving end of the smack. Anger swells in my stomach at the sight and I get to my feet swiftly before Leanna can offer her help.

“I will have to check them to be sure, but I hope you are correct.” I say, forcing my voice to sound relieved. “In any case,” I lean forward to take half of the books from Emily’s arms, “I do not think I should be carrying all of these. If you could help bring these to my chambers that would be much appreciated.”

“Of course,” The elder of the two sisters says as she shifts them to rest more comfortably in her arms.

“Thank you,” I turn to Leanna and press a short kiss to the top of her head, a very brotherly gesture, “Good night, Leanna. I’ll see you in the morning.” The dismissal is polite but obvious. Disappointment shows clearly in her eyes, but she bids me pleasant dreams and leaves without further comment. I lead Emily back to my room and show no surprise that my door is already open.

I set the books down on my bedside table and step backwards. Emily places the ones she was carrying there as well, but as she goes to leave I take hold of her hand. “What do you recommend I do about Leanna?” I ask.

“I take it you heard us then?”

I nod in acquiescence. “What did you say that made her slap you?”

Her blush when she realizes just how much of the conversation I caught only serves to intensify the mark on her face. “I told her you would never love her.”

I tilt my head and take a seat on the bed, beckoning her to do the same. “I love your sister very much,” I say softly, pulling her hand into my lap to hold it in both of mine. “Why did you say that?”

“Because she was making me angry.” Emily admits, choosing to ignore the first part of my statement. “And because I can see who you prefer and I would rather her not get her hopes up.”

My eyebrows raise of their own accord, “You think I would choose you?”

“No, I think you would choose Philip… If you could,” She amends.

My mouth drops and every fibre of my being is telling me to deny it. But the hopeful little voice in the back of my head chooses this moment to make itself heard, _Let her talk, maybe she can help. Phil sure couldn’t._ “What makes you think that?” I ask, no denial in my voice, only curiosity.

“It is not so much that I know you like him, but I know my brother, Prince Daniel. I see the way he looks at you. That, coupled with the amount of time you spend together… Well, I can only assume that the feelings between you are mutual.” She sets her hand on mine as she talks, not in a flirtatious way, just to offer comfort.

Fear bites at the edges of my mind, making me ask, “So, it’s that obvious what’s between us? Everybody knows?” I try to keep the panic out of my words but I’m not sure if I managed it.

“Quite the contrary,” She sooths, “My brother is acting nothing like he normally does when he is interested in a man. Usually, the whole palace would know about his lover within a day and half of the city within the week.”

“Then how-”

“He asked for your company constantly in Ithotria. Try as you did to avoid it, you could not hide your closeness when you woke up the mornings we were traveling. I saw you, relaxed and happy, in each other’s arms. I saw the looks you shared… And I heard you on a few of your _less reserved_ nights.” Her eyes are kind and have a calming effect on me, despite her words which should have me even more scared. “I believe only I am aware of this. Actually, I know Leanna has seen it as well, which is why she is trying so hard. She is afraid of losing you so she projects her jealousy of your relationship with our older brother onto a made-up relationship between you and me.”

I think on that for a moment. It is true that we were not as discrete as we should have been on our travels over here. “You mentioned that Phil is not acting how he would normally act. Is it _common_ for him to have… lovers?”

“My brother is twenty-three years old. He has not gone those years without romantic company.” She shifts uncomfortably, “Yes, it is common for him to have lovers. Usually two or three a year,” She continues, providing information I’m not sure I want to hear. “Some are lords, some are palace workers, some are common men from the city. He is even known to develop relations with field hands when he visits villages.” I wrap my arms around my chest as she speaks. Her voice is still soft but my ears are stinging as if she were yelling. “When he finds a new man, he cannot help but talk about him persistently… at least until he gets bored. And my big brother gets bored _very_ quickly. His ‘relationships’ do not last more than a few weeks at most.”

I hang my head and cannot hold back my bitterness, “So I’m just another piece of ass to him,” not even checking the vulgarity in front of the princess.

“No! Daniel, no, not at all.” Her tone is coated with concern. “Has he ever treated you like that? Have you not been listening?” I look at her through my hands, waiting for her to go on. “He does not treat you like the others because he does not see you the same way. Philip was never serious about any of them, not a one. He is keeping your relationship quiet as much for his sake as for yours.”

“Please explain.”

Emily shifts closer to me, “Public love does not last, it never has. When people who have no business knowing about a relationship take an interest in it, undue strain is bound to occur. His relationships shatter because he has never cared enough to bother keeping it quiet.”

I still do not fully understand how this can be so accepted in Araneacyre. In Ithotria… well, I don’t want to think about what happens to people like us. I have to ask, “Do you approve of us?”

The young woman takes a moment to consider, I would be concerned if she didn’t. She looks into my eyes and I feel as if she’s looking directly into my mind, “Do you love him?”

I balk, having never even allowed myself to consider those thoughts. “I- I care for him more than I have ever cared for anyone. And, in a way I have never felt before.” I answer as honestly as I can.

She nods, that’s what she wanted to hear. “I approve. But it is not my approval you need, is it?”

My face contorts with worry, fear, and a bit of rage. “What can I do?”

“This conversation has gone full circle, we’re back to Leanna.” When I look at her, confused, she continues, “You’re being forced to choose a bride. The choice still has to be made and, well, Leanna is your most willing option and would allow you to stay near Phil.”

“You would have me marry your sister, knowing I will be spending my nights dreaming of her brother? And probably spending my hours away from her with him.”

“The choice is yours, my prince.” _I’m truly sick of hearing that_. “But I ask you, if not Leanna, then who?”

“You?” I say, “Or if you refuse, maybe Cassandra.” I do not explain those thoughts, but Cassandra and I never had any warmth together. We could rule side-by-side and each have our own man to go back to afterwards. She would likely not mind.

“Me?”

“Would you decline?”

She shakes her head, not in answer of my question, merely in amazement that this conversation is happening. “Take some time to think on this, Prince Daniel. But please, do not hurt either of my siblings more than necessary.” She stands, ready to take her leave.

“But with Leanna coming every night…”

“I will ensure that those visits stop. Spend that extra time thinking and sorting this out.” I do not ask her how. “Goodnight, Daniel.”

I stand and embrace her before she leaves, “Goodnight, Emily.”

I return to my bed and transfer the books from the table to the floor. I won’t be reading any of those tonight.

My mind is reeling from that conversation. Phil might love me!

 _Too bad you don’t know how you feel about him_ , the cynical voice in my head speaks up.

But I know that what I felt with him tonight was right!

 _But he’s done that with who knows how many men. You’re not special_.

Emily accepts us!

 _But now people know about you_.

But it’s not looked down upon in Araneacyre!

 _But you will not be staying in Araneacyre_.

I have no comeback for that. That’s the centre of this problem, isn’t it? Why can’t Ithotria just be accepting? Why can’t my father be?

I curl up in my blankets but know instantly that I will not be able to sleep like this. Throwing a dressing gown over my head and grabbing a lamp, I exit my room. Navigating the palace is more difficult at night but I still find my way quickly. I knock lightly on the door when I reach my destination, conscious of the shadows all around me.

A moment later, Phil opens the door. He smiles as if he knew it was me, which he probably did as no one else would knock so tentatively at this hour of the night. “Come on in, Dan,” He says, taking a hold of my hand. “Let’s get some sleep.”


	15. Life in Araneacyre

Chapter 15: Life in Araneacyre

Waking up next to Phil in a comfortable bed, surrounded by thick, near soundproof walls, is amazing. I simply lie there, holding him in my arms, until I feel his breathing change and his heartbeat quicken as he approaches consciousness. Light kisses and gentle caresses wake the sleepy man fully. “Good morning,” I whisper with a kiss at the hollow under his ear.

He rolls over and pulls me into a closer embrace. We lay, simply holding each other, for a few more minutes. “I’m glad you decided to stay with me. I was worried that I made a huge mistake in how I acted when we were talking.” Phil pulls me into a strong kiss, rather than allowing me to respond. I arch forward during the kiss and press my body against his. Skin rubs against skin as we share the warmth with nothing else between us. It’s still amazing we feel so comfortable with this after only one night, but I guess we’ve both slept naked with a man before… I push those thoughts away, worried they’ll start eating at me again like they started to last night.

“The mistake was of my own making,” I say once we break apart, “I should not have gotten angry like that. This situation is not your fault.”

I feel his fingers in my hair, playing with my curls as he tilts my head to look at him. “It is not your fault either,” He says.

I give a general sigh, conveying just enough information to show that I understand where his thoughts are coming from but not enough to give indication of whether or not I agree. He looks at me for a moment, trying to decide what my meaning was. When I pull my fingers through his hair and wrap him close for another kiss, he seems to interpret my sigh as one of agreement. It wasn’t. Truth is, I don’t agree with him, I could never agree with him on that. _This is my fault, all of it_. If I would have just done as Nathan and I planned and written off the suitors from Araneacyre in the beginning, I wouldn’t be making a choice that is less than the best for my kingdom. If I hadn’t stayed with him that night in Ithotria, I would never have developed these feelings for him. If I wasn’t the way I am, I would have been happy choosing one of the women. If I had just flirted with the maids like every other man, my father would not have been so insistent on finding a bride for me and the suitors would never have been invited. If I wasn’t lusting for Phil, I would have put in more effort with Angelica and she would have agreed to marry me. If I hadn’t agreed to come to Araneacyre and arranged this trip, I would not have given this disaster of a relationship a chance to grow. If I had simply insisted on different rooms during our travels, Emily would not know about us. If I had been more discrete in general, Leanna would not be pushing me so hard. If I had been firm with her from the beginning, the young woman would have no delusions about our future. If I hadn’t come back to his room last night, I wouldn’t be having these thoughts while kissing this beautiful man. I had many chances to prevent this situation from happening and even more chances to stop it since it started. And yet, I didn’t, and I won’t. As big of a mess this is, I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I don’t want this to stop.

_Yes, this is my fault_ , I think as the kiss breaks off and nestles his still sleepy head into my neck _, and mine alone_. That makes it my responsibility to find out how to fix it. 

~~~

I feel more at home in the time I’ve been in Araneacyre than I have since childhood in Ithotria. But the reminders from my kingdom are everywhere and do lend themselves to making me feel comfortable here. Paintings from some of our best painters hang on the palace walls. Furniture crafted by our carpenters are found in every room. The majority of the armour and weapons in the practice yard are from our forges and made by our smiths. Ithotrian craftsmanship is the best and so our goods are found everywhere. I was once told by Nathan that a member of the Ithotrian nobility would feel at home in any kingdom. All he had to do was look around to remember where he came from. That thought used to be comforting, but now it feels almost threatening. No matter where I go, I can’t help but be reminded of my home, and by extension of my father.

Finally, as the week comes to a close, I feel a routine forming. Not a completely stable one, as I have different tasks each day, but one steady enough to calm my nerves.

I wake up early and go to re-join Phil and the rest of his family at breakfast. Each morning I talk to someone different, from nobility, to tradesman, to fishermen, to servants. Each conversation brings Araneacyre into greater clarity and makes life here seem more complete to me. As everyone in the royal family is busy most of the day, I take my lunch out in the city. Settling in at little pubs to order the daily special or even sharing lunch with one of the commoners I was talking to earlier and their family in their home.

Afternoons are the most draining part of my days, either physically or mentally. I practice fighting techniques with some of the lords’ sons or even with the princes’ trainers. Their style of fighting is completely different from what I have grown up with and it provides an amazing challenge. The swords are lighter and thinner, the lances and spears are longer, even the armour is thinner and, while blocking less damage, it is easier to move in and better for the offensive. Once the practice is over, or in lieu of fighting if I’m too sore, I join the princesses for their lessons. They have history or accounting lessons in the afternoon and their instructors always seem happy for me to join. An interested and willing student is a perfect present for a teacher. But they push me hard. I have not had the same background as the girls so much of this information is brand new to me, and yet, I try my hardest to keep up.

I spend the evenings, after dinner, reading. The library here is massive and the volumes are in beautiful condition. I pour over books, taking in every word and attempting to commit them all to memory. I read for hours, until the sun has set and I have to turn on my oil lamps to continue. It is not until the stars come out and the night begins that I mark my place and close the books until the next day.

True to her words, Emily has kept Leanna from visiting each night. Our little compromise was attending lessons with them and it seems to work out very well. That way I still spend time with both of them without the younger princess feeling the need to seek my attention after dark. Because if she visited me at night now… well…

My nights, they belong to Phil. If I take too long or if he finishes from his meetings early, he will join me in my room. Otherwise, once I finish reading I cross the palace and join the prince in his chambers. More often than not, I return to my room or he returns to his, but occasionally we sleep together the entire night.

Due to all these nights with Phil, I’m gaining more confidence in pleasuring him despite the gap in our experience. My first few attempts were nothing short of awkward and embarrassing. I mean, he came in the end but I didn’t know what I was doing and most of it he did himself.

It only took one attempt to give him oral pleasure to realize that I cannot fit him in my mouth the way he fits me in his. He’s just too big or I’m just not good at this. I gagged myself, trying to pull him all in, and ignored the pain in my throat as he pushed into it. He told me it was okay, I didn’t have to do that anymore. But I was insistent. After a few nights, I learned that my tongue and my hand could compensate for what my throat can’t handle. Strong strokes of my hand and rapid circles with my tongue brings him to his peak far faster than struggling to fit him all in me.

When we held ourselves together and tried to stay in control, we both lasted long enough to pleasure each other. But some nights, whoever was doing the pleasuring would come just hearing the other man reach his peak. It didn’t matter to us. If I came early, or if Phil did, it only gave us an excuse to work the other back up and go through the motions again.

Once we’re both too spent to think of trying to do more, we would retire to the bath chamber. Working together, we would bring up the water and put the soaps in the bath before crawling into the tub together. Being washed by Phil’s hands while his face is still flushed and his eyes are full of feeling after our previous activity makes something as mundane as bathing the second-best part of my day. It’s much better to have him with me in the bath than the maids, almost like having Nathan back again.

We manage to keep our arrangement secret… Until about a week into it when one of the maids walks into my room in the morning when Phil spent the night in my bed. I wake up to her closing the door behind her and I recoil against Phil in shock. He stirs but doesn’t wake up right away.

The woman’s eyes widen but she averts them and goes about her duties as if we are not there. She wipes off the bedside table, clears the windowsill, trims the candles, cleans the lamps, and so on. It is not until she is washing the floor that I manage to bring Phil out of his deep sleep.

He sits up and stretches, letting his arm fall around me and pulling me close. The blanket drops off of us, exposing our bare chests. “Good morning,” He says calmly, addressing both of us. When he shifts and pulls himself up straighter, the cover slides down further leaving only the lower part of our legs hidden. If she had any doubts about what was going on, they were gone now.

“Good morning, Prince Philip. Prince Daniel.” She nods to each of us as she shifts on the floor to clean another area.

I look back and forth between the two of them, unsure what to say. Phil sees my confusion but only smiles. He waits until she looks back towards us before shifting so that both of us are facing her.

“How have you been lately, Amy?” He asks as if there is nothing going on. As if he had not just got caught in the bed of a visiting prince. Naked. When the prince in question would be marrying on of his sisters soon.

“Very good,” Amy says, standing up and gathering her materials together now that she has finished the cleaning and tidying. “Is there anything you boys need?”

Phil shakes his head and continues rubbing his hand in soothing circles on my back. When I can no longer stand it, I have to say, “Please don’t tell anyone about this.” I don’t even have the control to keep the begging note out of my voice. We’re giving this woman power with every passing second that I show I am ashamed of this. Well, not ashamed but… _whatever_.

Her head tilts in confusion. She glances at Phil who is behind me so I cannot see his expression. “Of course I won’t.” She sounds offended that I would even consider such a thing.

“Why not?” _Why did I ask that?_

She laughs and shakes her head and I feel Phil laughing a bit behind me, shaking the bed. Phil’s voice finds my ear, “Because it’s no one’s business. Our workers know better than to interfere in affairs of the heart.”

The woman nods and now it’s my turn to shake my head in disbelief. Everyone is a gossip and this has to be an interesting story to share. She may not tell anyone important about us, but who knows who those other people might tell. It’ll just keep spreading until it reaches an ear that it shouldn’t, and depending on that ear, who knows what’ll happen.

Amy sees my lack of confidence in her and approaches us. She tilts my head up to look at her, intensifying her words. “I swear I will tell no one.” Oddly, I believe her. Her voice is so sincere, I can’t help it.

Then she turns her eyes to Phil. “Keep this one close.” She says, “He’s the first one I approve of.” Her smile is stunning as she sweeps out of the room, leaving the two of us a little shell shocked.

I want to ask Phil about this but when I see the adoration in his face when he looks at me, I decide just to kiss him instead. Stupid man, can’t even let me get properly jealous without making me want to just snuggle up with him instead. We hold each other for another minute in the bed before getting up and preparing for the day. Phil dresses in his clothes from yesterday and leaves to return to his room. “See you at breakfast,” He says, giving me another peck on the lips before vanishing from the room.

Thus, my days pass, my schedule forming. Without a doubt, it is far more pleasurable than the one I developed the last month in Ithotria. But I cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong, something is missing.


	16. Postponement

Chapter 16: Postponement

As my third week in Araneacyre comes to an end, I realize my time left here is short. Maybe a week, two at maximum, before I will be expected to return to Ithotria. I’ve already stayed longer than I planned. I decide I need to make the rest of my time here count. I’m just not sure how to do that.

The most important thing is to try to work out this marriage arrangement. Or, if I’m lucky, to postpone it a little longer without giving anyone any offense or forcing my father’s hand.

I flick through a letter Nathan sent, smiling without really meaning to. _It’s good to hear from him_. The letter came a few days ago and I’ve been breathing easier ever since. As has been true as long as I remember, he’s always the biggest help in my life, with everything. I didn’t even ask, but somehow he gave me exactly the advice I needed. Sure, he may not know the exact reason why I want to postpone this choice as long as possible, but he knows that I do not want to be married. At least not under these circumstances.

I look over his words once more, “Talk to them. Give them all a chance to express their opinions of this. There may be something there that you can use to push the date back, something that will allow you to leave without giving a definite answer.” Perhaps the best thing to do would be to talk to my future in-laws. If I can keep our relationships strong I am more likely to be able to return to Ithotria without a bride and either come back for her or send for her once I have to. His last words bring a laugh to my lips, “I’m deeply sorry I can’t be of more help, my prince.” _Oh Nathan, if only you knew how much of a help this was._

“It was a simple solution, really, but I never would have thought of it on my own,” I explain to Phil when I ask him to help me set up these meetings. He saw me holding the letter when he entered my chambers so I figured I might as well share this plan with him.

“He actually wants to help us?” The suspicion in Phil’s voice trips me up a bit.

“Of course he wants to help me. Phil, Nathan has been my butler since I was still just a child!” The suspicious look just grows stronger on Phil’s face as I talk. I thought there was something Nathan didn’t like about Phil, but now I’m wondering if it’s the other way around.

Phil just shakes his head, “Why would someone in your kingdom want to help you defy its laws?”

I balk at the venom in his voice that I simply can’t understand. Surely it’s a _good_ thing for us if someone back home wants to help. Why is he turning this into a bad thing? “Why does it matter why he’s helping? He would do anything for me!”

“Because you’re his prince.” Phil waves away my insistence that Nathan’s desire to help us is solely because he’s nice.

“Because he’s my best friend!” I insist, spinning his letter in my hand like a worry stone to try to calm me. I really do not want to yell at Phil, it feels wrong. I see the hurt register in Phil’s eyes at my words and realize that he probably counts me as his best friend.

I pull him into a hug and soften my voice to try to sooth him, “Nothing will take me away from you. We’re surrounded by people who think what we’re doing is fine. Amy was proof of that. At home I have no one. Nathan may not know the full story but he’s trying to help me. Please, be happy about that.”

“I am,” He whispers into my shoulder. “If it makes you happy and helps you feel safe, then I’m happy.”

We spend the night just cuddling, neither of us really in the mood to do anything else. I am almost thankful for it as I fall asleep much earlier than I have been lately. I will need my rest with the day ahead of me.

I wake up to Phil’s kiss on my lips and his hand exploring my chest. When I respond to the kiss, he pours passion into it, taking what little breath I have this early in the morning away from me. Clearly, he’s not holding whatever happened last night against me.

After we get dressed and prepare to go to breakfast, Phil pushes me up against the wall and leans in close to me. I feel my heart accelerate and all I can do is gape at him when I see the intensity in his eyes. “Promise me you’ll spend the night with me tonight. Whatever my family says today, whatever you discuss. Promise me you won’t let it keep you from me.”

“I promise.” I respond immediately, even though it takes a few seconds after he turns down the hall for what he said to actually register in my brain. Nothing can keep me away from him. I decided that the night I spoke with Emily.

During breakfast, I ask if I can speak to the king and queen before they start their day’s duties. They acquiesce, thankfully, and I follow them into the royal study once the meal is over. There is a beautifully carved wooden table, circular and with seating for twenty, in the centre of the room. However, the queen leads us to a pair of double seats build into the wall by the largest window. She and the king sit on one side and I take a seat across from them and wait. The silence grows for a few moments before I realize that I called this meeting and I need to be the one to initiate it.

“Your Majesties, I wanted to know your honest views on my marriage with one of your daughters.” I have to force myself to maintain eye contact.

“So, it is official. You’ve chosen a bride?” The king asks, keeping his tone light.

“Well, no.” I say, truly struggling not to look away, “I wanted to talk to everyone first.”

“But, why?” The queen tilts her head slightly in confusion, and for a brief second Phil’s cute confused face pops into my mind.

I sigh, no one seems to understand this. I’m convinced that I would react this way even if I did want to marry one of the suitors, heck, even if I was allowed to just marry Phil and be happy I’d still want to talk to everyone. “I cannot enter into a marriage if it is going to cause more problems than it will solve. I need to know what people think, especially those who are going to be a part of my family.”

They take a moment to consider that. It is the king who is the first to reply, “Well, Araneacyre has never been a kingdom of arranged marriages. And, I will admit that I am not the most excited for one of my daughters to enter into one.” At this, I can’t help but look at my hands. “However, I can see that my daughters do both have genuine affection for you.”

“Do you love Emily?” The queen asks suddenly, after I take a moment before responding to the king.

“Like a sister. An annoying little sister who’s smarter than me and knows it.” I reply, smiling.

“And Leanna?” Asks the king.

 _Be honest, be honest, be honest_ , I have to chant to myself in my head to get the words out. “No… It’s complicated with Leanna. I feel protective of her, like she’s a sister. And yet, she kisses me and I won’t push her away or refuse. I don’t want to hurt her and I think that because I know being brotherly towards her hurts her, I’m not. But I also don’t feel anything romantic towards her.” I try to articulate my mess of feelings towards the young woman.

“What about any other woman?” The king asks.

“No.”

“You did not develop feelings for any of the other suitors in the month you knew them? Or any of the women at your castle or your city?” He looks at my conflicted face and misunderstands what he sees. “Don’t worry about it. We will not retract our daughters’ offers just because you have feelings for someone else.”

“I did not develop feelings for any of the suitors. No romantic feelings at least.” I amend when I think of little Ria who’s like another sister and Angelica who I actually felt a friendship growing with.

“Come now,” The king insists, “You mean to tell me that in a month of being surrounded by beautiful, intelligent women who all want to marry you and you did not have romantic feelings toward any of them?” He makes a tsk sound when his wife places a hand on his shoulder, silently telling him to back down. “I’m not saying you had to of fallen in love with any of them, but you have to feel something romantic for _someone_!”

I look down, knowing that my action will make it obvious that there is someone I like but hoping that they will have the decency not to push farther. And understanding silence fills the room and I hear the king shift in his seat, unsure of what to do with this information.

The queen lets out a soft sigh. “You are just doing your duty going through with this arranged marriage, aren’t you, Prince Daniel?”

“Yes.” I keep my voice neutral, still staring at my hands intertwined in my lap.

“We will not push you either way,” The king offers, “I cannot endorse an arranged marriage if neither member is happy about it. If you choose not to marry our daughters we will understand.”

I look up at them and am surprised to see the king and queen holding hands and looking at each other with such love, I feel as if I’ll never have that. Or at least never be able to show it outside of private chambers.

The remainder of our talk is directed by the queen. We talk about the city and politics. They ask how certain things are run in Ithotria and we discuss the differences from a more royal view point. Before I know it, the bells are ringing for lunch.

I think I did well talking to the king and queen. Mentally I cross them off my list and think about how to bring this up to their children.

After eating, I meet with Princess Serena, deciding to work my way through the family from eldest to youngest. The heir to the throne doesn’t have much time on her hands, but she agrees to meet with me

When I mention the topic I want to discuss, she launches into the conversation. She seems to be looking out for her kingdom in her phrasing of questions and answers. For the most part, I feel that it goes in my favour. That is, until she asks if I am actually planning to marry one of her sisters or if I’m going to break this agreement.

“I signed that marriage document when I agreed to come here. If I do not marry one of them, offense will be given to Araneacyre as I seemed willing to marry them before coming to visit. And if I marry one of the other suitors they and their country will always know that they were second best. They will wonder what happened in Araneacyre to make me change my mind, but they will remember that it was your sisters that I chose to begin with.” The bitterness creeps into my voice. I see the look on her face and have to bite back the remainder of my response.

“Speak your mind, Prince Daniel.” Serena insists, “We will be ruling neighbouring kingdoms, I’m sure I will hear your views at some point, either now or in a few years.”

My thoughts tumble out of my mouth and I am reminded of one of my first conversations with Phil. “You will never have to make a choice like this. The man that you love, whoever he is, commoner or royalty, if he loves you as well you are free to be with him. I do not have that. I have never had that! Never in my life have I been able to look at someone around me or meet a new person and have there be the slightest chance that I can be with them. My personal feelings matter not. All that matters is that I make the right choice for my kingdom.” My voice catches but I push the lie out as well, “That is why I chose to come here. This is the best decision for both of our kingdoms… even if it may be hard for me or for your sister at first.”

Her expression goes through so many changes in the time I was speaking I am not sure exactly what her current look is in reaction to. “You’re correct. I have never considered that side of this. All my life I have known that who will be king beside me will be my choice completely. But you must realize, I expected the same for my sisters. They have also been raised to know that they can love whoever they want and marry who they love. Whoever it is! My brothers are the same way, they can love anyone and so long as the love is mutual they can be married. And now that has been taken from my sisters, at least one of them.”

“So, give me your honest answer, do you want me to marry one of your sisters? Do you approve of this? As future queen, will you be happy for your kingdom and your family knowing that this was a good decision… or not?” Hers is the only answer to this question that I am unsure of.

“As a sister, I would ask that if you are going to marry one of my little sisters, you marry Emily. Leanna cares for you so much and she may even love you… It would destroy her, bit by bit as time goes on she would crumble, to be married to a man who doesn’t feel the same about her. Emily is stronger and I feel that the two of you have more in common and have a better personality match. She would be happy with your marriage, even if there wasn’t love in it I believe that mutual friendship would be better than one-sided love.”

I’m surprised, but pleased with her answer. It is not what I was expecting but her reasoning makes complete sense. “And as a queen?”

“As an heir to a kingdom, as a fellow ruler-to-be…” She takes a moment to compose herself. “I would say not to go through with this marriage. Not with my sisters, not with any of the other suitors. Not unless you truly want to, if you truly have feelings for one of them then do, but otherwise… Otherwise, end this system. Think of your kingdom and think of the future generations of rulers that will be forced the same way you are. This is not what is best for it.” She ends adamantly and stares at me, daring me to contradict her.

“It is not as simple as that,” Is the lame response I have to give. “I can’t simply change generations of tradition that easily. And you forget that I am not king, my father is. I will not be king until I am married and until I am king I will have no power to change our laws and my father never will!” I look at her, begging her to disagree, to see a solution to my problem that I have not seen. But she doesn’t, she just sits there in silence. “All I can do for now is try to postpone the formal agreement.”

She rises to her feet and says, “Then do that. Return to Ithotria and try to think of a way to end this. I assure you my kingdom will take no offense to you not making a decision. I will keep our discussion private, Prince Daniel.”

I thank her and am prepared to leave when she pulls me into a hug, “Tell people how you feel. Whoever it is that you love, whoever is making this choice so hard for you, tell people about it. Don’t suffer in silence.” She pulls away but holds me at arm’s length so I will not miss her next words, “That is my advice as a friend, Dan.”

I find myself stunned a few moments later. Alone in the room, I brush the dampness impatiently away from my eyes and cross her off my list as well. Very different response than that of her parents, but so far this leaves me with two to zero for going through with this marriage immediately.

Once I have spoken with their older sister I debate joining Princess Emily and Princess Leanna for their lesson today and speaking with them either between or after the lessons but I decide against it. I know where both of the women stand on the question of our marriage. Emily will marry me if I ask but she would be angry at me for hurting her sister and for not being open about my feelings for her brother. Leanna is desperate for our marriage and would say yes in a heartbeat. But if Emily is correct and Leanna knows about me and Phil, well, I’m not sure how she will handle that if we marry. Surely she would never be content to have her husband share a bed with her brother as he should with his wife.

Instead of meeting with the women I know, I walk to a different wing of the palace to intercept Princess Arcadia after her afternoon lesson. I approach her in the hall and her eyes widen, unsure why I am there. “Will you walk with me for a while?” I ask the young princess.

She shakes herself to clear the shock and curtsies quickly, “Wherever you wish to go, Prince Daniel.”

I lead us out a back path of the palace and towards the cliff. When we near the edge I pause for a moment, trying to remember where the path is, and naturally causing Arcadia to trip over my feet and stumble towards the cliff. I catch her and pull both of us backwards onto the grass, and though we weren’t dangerously close to the edge, terror causes all the blood in my body to pound through my veins like drums.

“Got cold feet on your attempt to get rid of me, I see.” Arcadia says with such a serious look on her face I almost start spouting apologies… Until she starts laughing and pulls me into a hug. “I’m fine. We play out here all the time, no one falls off.” Once we’re both standing, she takes my hand and leads me down the path I had been looking for, the one that leads down the cliff to the beach behind the palace.

We walk along the beach for a little while before I find my voice again. “I’m sorry about that.”

Her laugh cuts through the tension, “You didn’t do it on purpose. And besides, I’m fine.” She spreads her arms out in front of her and motions to her uninjured body.

I nod, my mood lightening again with her taking the accident so well. “What I wanted to ask you… before I almost got you killed… was what you think about me marrying one of your sisters.”

“Simple,” she declares, “Close your eyes.” Completely unsure of where this is going I hesitate to do so. “I’m not going to hurt you, promise!” She laughs and I do as she says, “Now,” I hear her voice in the darkness, “Hold out your arms in front of you, forearms up, with your hands in fists.” I do as she says, allowing a smile to cross my face at the ridiculousness of this. “Good. Now I want you to assign Emily and Leanna each to one of your hands, either hand can be either girl. Don’t tell me which!”

Left is Emily, right is Leanna, I decide after a few seconds, “Okay.”

“This is who you’re marrying!” She half shouts, grabbing my left hand. My eyes fly open in surprise but a small feeling of relief floods my body. It must show on my face as well. “That was the better choice then. Had you been sad, we would have known that you should marry the other sister.”

And with the simplicity of a child, I feel another weight come off my shoulders. If I do marry one of them, between this little test and what Serena said, it will have to be Emily.

“I just hope you do decide to marry into our family,” She says in a more serious voice. When I don’t respond quick enough for her she keeps going, “I’ll miss having you around here sometimes. And I would love to see Ithotria someday.”

With a laugh, Arcadia grabs my arm and starts pulling me along the beach. “Race you to the palace,” She says and lets go only to run at full speed up the path. I rush after her, feeling as if tiny swords are piercing my lungs. I’ve never liked running but sometimes it can be good fun.

Flushed and out of breath, the two of us walk to dinner together and wave off any concerned remarks we hear as we settle in to eat. After dinner, I ask the maid if I can escort Prince Blaise and Princess Manda to their rooms, as both are still in the nursery section.

I don’t bring up the marriage, I don’t have to. The first words out of Blaise’s mouth when we are out of hearing range for the maid are, “When you become my brother, does that mean you will be around more?”

“Please, please!” Manda chimes in, tugging on my hand with the exuberance only a five-year-old can muster at such a simple suggestion. I haven’t spent much time with the youngest children but I have been around long enough to know that they crave attention just like the youngsters in the orphanage. Royal or common, rich or deprived, children are children.

“I’ll tell you what,” I say, kneeling to be able to look at them straight on, “No matter what happens, I promise to visit. I might even be able to convince our parents to let us go travelling together for a little while. How would you like that?”

They are just bouncing with joy when I get them to their rooms and hand them over to their caretakers. It’s not a bad idea. Or entirely infeasible. A southern trip to Zarathin would be nice, or even a trip southwest to Qegyra. Plus, a trip would postpone my decision even further. Or maybe I will be able to do it once I am king. I’d have to think on this further.

I remember Nathan’s words about being able to possibly put off this choice as long as my next birthday, which is still over half a year away. There is even a chance I can wait another year, until I am twenty-one. That might be exactly what I need to do.

Remembering my promise to Phil, I head to his room directly after leaving the children. He lets me in with a smile on his face but once he has me on the bed, I get the feeling tonight is going to be different. “What did you discover today?” He asks between kisses.

“That I wish I had siblings,” I say evasively, causing Phil to go into a laughing spree. Unable to kiss him properly through his laughter, I take a few moments to remove my clothes and slide his robe off.

Once we’re free of clothing, Phil has stopped laughing but I don’t return to kissing him. Instead I focus my attention on the lower part of his body. I trace my finger lightly along the sensitive skin of his thighs and wait for him to buck his hips up before taking his tip into my mouth. I wrap my hand along the base and time my strokes to his bucking hips and the pounding of blood in his veins.

Before I get him to his full potential I feel Phil shift beneath me. His hand closes around mine and he gently removes it. I look up at him, sucking more of his length into my mouth to make up for the absence of my hand. I feel it against the back of my throat and want to keep going, but I see in his eyes that he wants me to stop.

“Come up here,” He says and leans forward to meet me. We kiss for a moment before Phil flips us over. Breath escapes my lungs without permission when he presses me down against the bed. I melt under his pressure, I wanted to finish him off but if he has other plans…

His lips are at the spot on my neck before those thoughts develop any more. Moans pour from my mouth as he sucks and bites at that tender spot but a gasp cuts through the moaning when I feel something pressing up my ass. Phil removes his lips but pushes his finger a little further inside of me.

The sensation is strange. I’m not sure what to make of it, but if my big mouth can’t take all of him I wonder if my ass can either. I nod and say, “Keep going,” and he slides his finger the rest of the way in. It takes a moment to get used to it, but soon I’m asking for more. Instead of adding another finger he moves this one in and out swiftly causing a friction that wasn’t there the first time. Suddenly I begin to feel the appeal of this.

Once I have gotten into the motion Phil has set, he slides the finger almost entirely out before adding another one and continuing like before. There is some slight discomfort with the addition of a second finger, but nothing too bad. Before long, even that feeling goes away and I begin to notice a different one. Right at the end, about as far as his fingers can reach, he hits a spot that makes the pleasure at my neck feel like a simple peck by comparison. I can tell that Phil doesn’t know that he’s almost hitting it with just his fingers. I pull him into a kiss as he keeps moving. When the kiss ends, I can’t help myself, “I want you in me.”

A concerned look crosses his face, “Are you sure?”

I arch my back, pressing his fingers further into me, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

He pulls his hand out and repositions himself, pulling my legs up so he has a better angle at my entrance. He lines his penis up with it and then seems to change his mind. He lowers my legs and moves to straddle my chest, his cock right up against my face. “Suck it again,” He says, almost worried that I won’t do it.

As I pull him into my mouth I feel my own cock move in response, feeling neglected as neither of us have paid it any mind. Phil notices my expression, "Don't worry, I'll take care of that part too. Be patient." I can't say anything with his cock in my mouth. But I don't need to. I trust Phil to make good on that.

I don’t notice any difference in his arousal when he backs out of my mouth, but he seems more prepared for what’s next. He slides off of me and walks over to the bath chamber, coming back just a moment later with a rag and a bottle of one of the oils we normally add to the water. He sets the rag on the table, ignoring it for now. Then he pours some oil on his hand before setting the bottle down. Stroking himself, mixing the oil and saliva together, he crawls into bed. Getting back into position, he pulls me into a kiss before pushing his length inside of me.

By himself, he didn’t press in far but I arch up to meet him pushing over half of his considerable length into me. Pain is the first sensation that registers and as I clench up to stop from showing it, I feel even greater pain as I close around him. Phil, however, groans with pleasure at the extra tightness. I decide right then that this is for him. If he likes this then I can handle the pain that comes with it.

He presses further in and I let out a moan to match his when he brushes against that spot again.

Once he’s fully in, he waits a minute for me to adjust to his size. When Phil looks at me I give him a reassuring smile and rock my hips to let him know that I want this. And I do, painful or not, I want this experience with him.

As he begins to move, the pain returns but I can handle it now. I turn my groans of pain into moans of pleasure as he builds up a rhythm and every few strokes I let out a cry of genuine pleasure that I cannot contain. It doesn’t take him long to realize the spot that his making me cry out and he begins to aim for it. Shifting my hips up to get a better angle, Phil manages to make me cry out with every penetration and my pain is fast forgotten. At one point, he flips us around so my face is against a pillow, his weight now pressing on my back. This new position hurts a bit more but soon I find pleasure in it as well.

Phil seems to be feeling the pleasure as much as I am and closes his eyes as he quickens his pace. I feel myself reaching my peek soon after he starts his new speed, especially once he lifts me up enough to slip a well oiled hand between the bed and my cock, “Phil, I’m ready!”

Phil says nothing. He continues the motion of his hand and speeds up his thrusts. It doesn't take long before I release. It hits my stomach, coats his hand, and soaks into the section of bed beneath me. His hand stays, stroking me down completely as he works to get himself off. 

After a moment I feel him shift my hips backwards. With a few more plunges he's ready. I feel him fill me. His liquid is warm and it coats his cock for the last few strokes, making them smooth and almost painless. When he pulls out entirely I feel my ass throbbing, both missing his presence and relieved that it is gone.

He rolls me back over and onto a clean section of the bed, pulling me into a long kiss. He grabs the rag from the table and wipes us off, not bothering with the other half of the bed. Tossing it carelessly to the floor he kisses me again. After a few more kisses we lie next to each other, both completely spent. As we both begin to drift off, I shift us so that I can hold Phil in my arms while he sleeps. I kiss his forehead, “Goodnight, my beautiful prince.”

A smile crosses his face, but his eyes stay closed. Much more exhausted than I am, he’s almost asleep already. “Goodnight,” He sighs and nestles his head into the pillow we’re sharing. “I love you, Dan.” He adds softly, before falling completely asleep.

I don’t respond, he’s asleep before he would hear a response any way. _He loves me?_ I mean, I knew that to an extent but hearing him say it like that. In a way when there is no pressure on me to say it back…

 _Do I love him?_ That’s a question I haven’t even allowed myself to worry about. Another thought to be pushed away, another potential internal conflict to be postponed until I get this marriage sorted out. If I ever get this marriage sorted out.

 _But, it all fits together doesn’t it?_ I sigh and nestle in next to him. Whether I love him or not, tonight was one of the best of my life. I wrap my arms around him again as I drift off as well, determined to never let go.


	17. All guests must leave

Chapter 17: All guests must leave

I wake up cuddling a blanket in the otherwise empty bed. Sleepily, I look around for Phil but a quick glance shows that he’s not in the room. Light is just starting to filter into the room so I didn’t oversleep. I sit up and notice a note on the table next to the bed. Lighting the lamp, I hold Phil’s message up to see it better in the flickering light. “Good morning, love. I had to leave in the middle of the night. There was an urgent issue a few villages away, I’ll spare you the details. I should be back by dinner. Be a good boy while I’m gone. –Phil”

I laugh and set the note down. Like I’m ever _not_ a “good boy” while I’m here, or even at home for that matter. Grabbing my clothes from the floor, I slip his note in the pocket. I mean to put the clothes on but in Phil’s absence I feel dirty after everything that happened last night. Maybe not my best “good boy” moment… For all that I claim to be pure when it comes to the suitors and as many times as I have told Leanna, I guess after last night even _I’m_ “that sort of prince” as long as I’m around someone I like. Would I be like Phil if I had accepted who I am earlier? If being with men was accepted in my kingdom as well? I shudder, this line of thinking bringing up the uncomfortable truth that, while last night was special for me, Phil’s done it with who knows how many others…

That thought, and the fact that every step I take sends dull pangs through my body, just intensifies how dirty I feel. I call a maid to fill the bath, unsure of how all of that works in the palace as it’s different from my castle. It is not until she giggles about halfway through that I realize I’m asking her to fill Phil’s bath, _oops_.

“Please don’t say anything.” I request, stepping into the bath as she fills it.

There’s a smile in her voice when she responds, “I won’t, Prince Daniel, of course not. But I now know what the ruckus was coming from these chambers last night.”

I groan as I slip into the water and cup my face in my hands, “You could hear us?”

She sets down the pail for the hot water and rubs my back softly, “Only muffled sounds, Prince Daniel. I did not know for sure what happened until you summoned me this morning.”

I sigh again and begin to wash myself, allowing her to assist in washing my back and arms. That’s about as much reassurance as I’m going to be able to get. But at least that settles one question for me. If people heard us last night, then it’s time to go.

As I go through what has become my daily routine here I decide that tomorrow would be a good time to leave. After speaking with the family and hearing no complaints about me postponing the wedding announcement I think my welcome here will soon come to an end. I would go today if not for Phil.

When I mention this to the family at lunch the reaction is split along age lines. The older members merely nod, expecting as much in light of current events. But the younger members seem genuinely upset to see me go, though they are well raised and would never raise complaints against a guest at the dining table. And when it comes down to it, that’s all I am and all I ever will be unless this wedding happens. A guest.

Leanna seems to recover quickest of the younger members. Her face goes from shock, to hurt, to happy. “You should send a runner. He can take the fast route and tell all the villages to be ready for you. And it’ll let your castle know you’re coming.” If she wants me to get home so fast, she must think I’m planning on discussing the marriage with my father before announcing it. She wants me home as fast as possible so that can happen quickly.

“That’s a good idea, Leanna.” I reply, causing the young woman to smile radiantly. Not for the reason she wants, but still, I don’t want to be on the road for long. If I can’t stay here in the palace I want to get back to the castle and settle in with Nathan to plan the rest of this out.

I return to my room after lunch to pack. About three quarters of the way through I hear a knock at my door. Opening it I see Emily and Leanna standing there, likely just finished with their lessons for the day. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

I stumble back and both women surge forward and pull me into a tight, three-way embrace. “We’re going to miss you!” Leanna sniffs, choking back strong emotion. Emily is a little more together, but not much, “I hope we’ll see you again soon, Prince Daniel.”

I hold them both for a moment and realize that they weren’t prepared for this like everyone else. I never talked to them at all yesterday. “We wanted to say goodbye now,” Leanna says, as I lead them over to sit with me on the bed. Tears dampen the woman’s pretty face.

“Yes,” Emily agrees, looking much the same as her sister. “You will be leaving too early tomorrow and… Well, tears are unsightly at a dinner table.”

Leanna pulls something from a bag I hadn’t noticed. “We brought these for you, Daniel.” She holds out a paper wrapped, roughly square package.

“They’re books,” Emily clarifies as I take them. “Seven of them.”

“I went to the library and pulled a copy of everyone’s favourite book.” Leanna adds, “We’re sure they won’t mind once they know you have them.”

“A parting gift.” Emily says with a sob. It’s customary to give guests gifts when they leave, but these are much more personal.

“I’m looking forward to reading all of them.” Honestly, I’m tempted to open them right now, but I place them in my pack. I hug them each again, planting a soft kiss on their foreheads, “I’m glad you came to say goodbye early.”

We walk to dinner together, Emily mentioning to a shaking Leanna that we’ll be able to write. It won’t be so bad. Pausing outside the dining hall for the girls to compose themselves, I allow myself a moment to feel bad about leaving. But this isn’t forever, one way or another I’ll see them both again.

Dinner is a subdued affair. Everyone eating quietly, Phil still absent. Goodbyes are exchanged formally at the end of the meal and, as I hug Serena, I see Emily and Leanna leaving to return to their rooms _. This is hard on them as well_.

Back in my room I sit on the bed, looking around at everything I packed. It is so little that lasted me so long. Much of my clothes were borrowed from Phil, but I will be leaving those here when I leave. _Well, most of them._ I stroke the fabric of one in my hand, sparkling blue and remarkably smooth. Silk, I believe they call it. It’s light weight, easy to carry. And the exact colour of Phil’s eyes when he’s happy…

As I pack the outfit away my door swings open. Startled, I look up to see Phil standing in the doorway. “You’re leaving.” He accuses.

“You know I have to.” I say, walking towards him but leaving some space between us. “The longer I stay the harder it is to justify not bringing a bride home with me.”

He storms into the room and stands by the window, looking out over the water. His entire frame is rigid, holding back his feelings. I wrap him in a hug from behind, “I’m doing this for us.” I whisper into his ear, “How about giving me a little faith here?”

“I don’t want to let you go,” Phil utters through gritted teeth, not turning around.

“I’m not letting you go.” I reply. “Never. You will always be with me. I’ll think of you whenever I see the pools back home. I’ll remember the laughs we shared whenever I have a particularly delicious meal. You’ll be the only thing I can think of when I ride my horse away from the group. I’ll remember you when I’m reading in my room. I’m think of you in my bed at night while I’m trying to sleep and in the morning when I first wake up. Phil,” I turn him to face me, “I may be leaving, but I’ll never let you go.”

And that’s when the kissing started. Not wanting to wait any longer, we don’t even make it over to the bed. We just have our pleasure right there on the floor.

The next morning, I wake up before the sunrise. Getting dressed, I gather all of my bags together. I kiss Phil to rouse him and tell him that I’m leaving. He gives me another sleepy kiss and as I walk out he calls, “I love you.”

I walk back next to the bed and he’s propped up on one arm. “You don’t have to say it back.” He says, “I just wanted to say it again, to make sure you know.”

I hold his hand and kiss him, but I don’t say it. It would be meaningless right now. Even if I did love him, saying it like this would just feel like I’m saying it because he wants to hear it. I won’t do that.

Once I leave the palace city I travel as fast as possible. I ride the whole day hard on my stallion, until I come across a village with a stable around evening. I stop at the stable and explain to the master that the next messenger from the palace to travel through here should bring my horse with them. Then, after a quick meal, I jump on a fresh mount and continue.

I feel bad leaving my stallion in that place, but I need to get home. I do not want to be caught travelling when the seasons change, especially alone.

And so I set my pace, only stopping when I am dead with exhaustion and often dozing off while on the horses. I switch horses at each village with a stable, even if my current mount wasn’t unduly tired yet. I don’t like riding the mounts this hard and getting them all lathered if I can help it.

Our trip to the palace in Araneacyre took about eleven days. My return takes only three.

I arrive in the city around midday and dismount at the gates, leaving the horse at the main stables after giving him an affectionate pat for bringing me the last leg of the trip. I ask one of the boys to take my bags up to the castle at the earliest convenience. Word of my arrival spreads like wildfire through the city. I’m early, much earlier than people were expecting.

I know I will be expected at the castle immediately to meet with my father and the lords, but I do not take the direct route there. Instead, I wonder through the side paths, stopping for lunch at a little pub and talking to my people. I bring them news of Araneacyre and though the owner says that a good story more than pays for my lunch, I leave coins on the table anyway. Call it a tip.

People’s eyes follow me as I walk down the streets. Some are nervous to have their prince in such close proximity but many are happy to call out greetings or share a few words. I love talking with the people. They’re more straightforward than the lords, and more honest for it.

Not caring what anyone thinks, my last stop before the castle is the orphanage. I need to check on the kids and see Marcus. I promised the little boy I’d see him as soon as I got back. As I walk down the street towards it, I hear passing comments of happiness. Some are glad that I even pay attention to orphan children, others say it’s good of me to check in on my son so soon after returning. _Well, I knew that rumour was just going to get stronger if I came here._

I roll my eyes and shake my head silently as I walk up to the door. Before I can even knock a second time the door flies open and I am being dragged in by a dozen tiny hands. “It’s good to see you all too” I laugh as I finally pull myself to my feet inside the building. I look around and my smile only grows wider when I see the children in new clothes and playing with new toys. My orders were carried out perfectly.

Hellen, one of the managers, sees me looking and says, “Thank you so much. The delivery man didn’t say, but the children all know it’s from you.”

I want to say that it’s nothing, but to them it isn’t. It’s a reminder that someone cares about them. “It was my pleasure. I like seeing them so happy.” I look around at the smiling faces that have returned to whatever they were doing before I disrupted them, “Children deserve to be happy.”

I feel pressure wrap around my left leg and look down to see the boy I’ve been missing clinging to it. Hellen nods her head to the side and I walk us over to the bench, mainly dragging Marcus with me.

“How have you been, Marcus?” I ask as I lift the boy up to sit next to me.

He crawls onto my lap, “Eve’y thing’s good. I’m glad you came.”

“Of course.” I wrap an arm around him, “I promised, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but lotsa people said you woul’n’t.” He informs me.

I kiss his curly brown hair, “Well, it looks like a lot of people were wrong.”

We chat for about half an hour longer, being joined occasionally by some of the other orphans. Hellen comes over after a while and gives me the signal that it’s time to leave. They don’t like having guests close to dinner time. I give Marcus a last hug and ruffle his hair before walking out.

I arrive at the castle before nightfall and decline dinner, still full from my delicious lunch. I see my father from a distance in the great hall and nod my head to him but make no move to approach. He raises an eyebrow in question and I shake my head in response. No, I have no news that he wants to hear right now. At that, he leaves the room for his study.

I arrive in my room to see Nathan has unpacked for me. Everything is back in its original place except for the blue outfit and the books, which are set on the desk. “I wasn’t sure where to put them.” My butler says from the corner of the room.

I hold my arms out in an open invitation and when he slides into them I say, “We’ll find a place later.”

“I heard you stopped at the orphanage?” He looks at me, making it clear he doesn’t believe that to have been a smart move.

“It is relaxing to spend time in the company of children.”

After a calming bath, I pull Nathan into bed with me. My exhaustion isn’t as strong as it was on the road, and there are far more shadows in this room than at inns. I’m not ready to sleep alone yet.


	18. What is our duty?

Chapter 18: What is our duty?

The gift of everyone’s favourite books is just perfect for me. Emily and Leanna are so thoughtful, I’m glad they’ll be part of my family someday soon. Even though I wasn’t told whose book is whose, I can tell by looking through them. Manda’s is an illustrated book with paintings of every village in their kingdom. The images are so vivid I feel like I’m traveling again, riding through them all as I flip through the book. Blaise’s has short tales of knights from the last great war. Both are adorable children’s books that just make me smile whenever I look at them. Arcadia’s is a story about the wife of a fisherman who met her husband after sneaking onto a deep-sea boat dressed as a man. Fitting that her favourite story stars such a strong woman. Leanna’s is a collection of love and nature poetry. It’s not too much to my taste but it makes me feel more for this woman whose advances I have to spurn. Emily’s is a book on animal breeding and selection that I think might be informational for our kennels or stables. Serena’s is a history depicting the original division of the kingdoms, a book not found anywhere in Ithotria. I might need to show it to my tutor once I’ve finished with it. But it is Phil’s I keep coming back to. His is a love tale but, unlike Arcadia’s or Leanna’s, there is no happy ending here. It starts in pure joy but war tears the family apart, killing the lovers who never had a chance to make their tie formal and leaving an orphan daughter who, unable to care for herself and without anyone who cares about her, dies in the streets. It’s downright depressing but it makes our situation seem like a dream by comparison.

As I peruse the books I brought back from Araneacyre I lose myself in them. I send away meals that servants bring to me. I brush off Nathan’s concerned comments about my far away looks and weight loss. I attend my lessons with my mind back in my room with the books or back in Araneacyre with Phil. I practice my sword fighting, implementing techniques from his sword masters. I suffer through dinners with my father and his lords, putting on my most diplomatic face, and hoping to return to my room as soon as possible so I can go back to the books. I even read them in the bath and only set them down when Nathan insists it’s time for us to go to sleep. Often, I rise during the night to read them in the dim light by the window so as not to wake the sleeping man and have to endure his lecture.

This cycle continues for just under two weeks before it comes to an abrupt end one evening. Nathan slams the book I am reading, Phil’s again, and moves it aside. Before I can respond he blows out the candles I was using to light the pages, dimming the lighting in the room and effectively stopping me from being able to read more until I light the candles again.

“What are you doing?” I hiss at him, anger evident in my voice as I grab my book back from under his hand.

He doesn’t back down. Quite the opposite, he leans forward and tugs the book out of my hand, tossing it to the other side of the table before pulling me to my feet, “Ending this ridiculousness,” he says, bucking forward to stand face to face with me and locking eyes, “You are back from Araneacyre. You are in Ithotria, your _home_ , your _kingdom_! You are the prince, start acting like it!”

“You go too far-“

“And I should have spoken up sooner. Enough of this living through books. I do not know what happened on your trip to make you miss the kingdom so much,” The hurt in his eyes makes it clear that he has many guesses about what happened, “but you are back now. You have a duty to this kingdom and its people. THIS is where you belong. HERE in Ithotria. Not daydreaming about some other land.”

I turn away from him, but he grabs my arm tight. “You have an audience with your father and the high lords tomorrow. They have been waiting for you to announce your bride, but they grow impatient.” His grey eyes lose a slight bit of their anger as an edge of concern shows in them, “My prince, they will demand an answer from you tomorrow.”

Only my butler’s grip on my arm keeps me from staggering. _Tomorrow, they will demand an answer from you tomorrow._ The words bounce around in my head, causing pain every time the message registers.  _Tomorrow, tomorrow._  Time’s up. I have to choose. “Nathan, I- I am not ready to make that choice.” I admit.

He guides me into my bath chamber and tugs my clothes off. Leaving me standing there, naked and vulnerable, a life altering decision hanging over my head. He goes to the corner of the room to draw the heated water up from the hot springs. Once he fills the bath and sprinkles it with oils, he returns to me. His arms wrap around me in a tight embrace, “We may be able to buy you time, my prince, but the choice will not get easier.” He gives me a knowing look and helps me into the bath. “We must all do our duty,” He reminds me.

I let that message soak in as he washes me. I catch one of his hands as he washes my arm and I hold it in mine. This makes his job more difficult but he doesn’t complain as he continues one handed, knowing that our joined hands are a comfort to me. _Yes, we must do our duty, and he does his extremely well_. When I get out, he dries me off and places a robe over my shoulders, which I fasten around myself with a loosely tied belt. Back in my bedchamber, I turn to face him after he blows out most of the remaining candles.

“I don’t want a bride,” I say. To my surprise, Nathan nods.

“I’ve wondered about that. Since I started working for you I have wondered what would happen when you were forced to marry a bride you could never love.” He says deliberately.

I am speechless for a moment. _Was it that obvious?_ “What do you mean?” I ask.

His voice is gentle, “Daniel, you are the most well behaved prince in history. No affairs with the maids, no running off with one of the common girls, nothing like other princes. You never even let the maids touch you if you can help it. You have always preferred a man’s touch, my prince.” The dirty feeling from the morning after my second to last night with Phil returns as he says this. His voice becomes even gentler when he sees the panic in my eyes. “But, as you allow few people to get close to you, I think I am the only one who has realized this. That’s why I was confused when I saw those love bites from when the suitors were here…” He pauses and meets my eyes, as if for the first time truly understanding them. “Prince Philip,” he says with a comprehending sigh. “ _That’s_ why you’re heartsick for Araneacyre.”

I ignore the comment, “How do you know so much? How do you know that I am, that I like, well, you know…” I can’t even get the words out. But, as I look up at him and see my pain and confusion reflected in his eyes, I have my answer. Phil knew it as well, that’s why he was so worried when I told him how close Nathan and I are.

“Tell me, Daniel. Say it, go on.”

I wrap an arm around his waist and pull him closer to me, “I like men?” It comes out as a question. He waits for a few moments, waiting for me to answer it myself. He makes no moves to shift closer into my embrace or to pull away from it. My butler merely waits. The answer will have to come from me.  _Do I like men? Or is it just Phil?_ Phil is the first man to ever make me question myself. The first to ever make me think of abandoning my family’s traditions. But as I look into Nathan’s light grey eyes my mind takes me back to all the times I relaxed in the bath with his gentle hands on me, to the times I confided in him and no one else, to me rebuffing the advances of the court ladies but internally blushing when the lords complimented me, to the times I craved warmth in by bed and called for Nathan to join me…

As he sees the conclusion form in my mind, Nathan’s eyes show his happiness and a bit of fear. He closes the embrace and I feel the hardness of his loins pressing up against me, which does nothing to clear my head or calm the tightening I had been feeling down there myself. I shift slightly trying to hide it, but he has already noticed.

He reaches a hand between us and palms me through my robe and I moan at the friction. “Why don’t we find out if you like men or not, my prince?” He suggests, not stopping the motion of his hand.

I lock eyes with the man facing me. I have known him for years and have taken our relationship far beyond what that of a prince and his butler should ever go… and it is about to go even further. This is beyond his duty, beyond our friendship… but I don’t stop it.

A shiver of pleasure courses through my body as he rubs himself against me. I slam my lips to his and pull us roughly onto my bed. He kisses back with a raw passion that Phil never did, his lips rougher and his need stronger. Almost as soon as the kiss starts, it ends. Nathan jumps off the bed and runs out the door, leaving me stunned.

I barely have a moment to process what just happened when he returns and lowers the door bar as he closes it. Without a word, he goes to the curtains and draws them shut, plunging us into darkness. I have a moment’s panic before the lamps on my desk flicker to life one by one, returning a shimmering light to the room, but all of it focused near the window.

He slides back into bed and explains, “We can’t have anyone checking in on us tonight or wondering what happened if there is a late start tomorrow. They now think you are sitting at your desk, writing letters to your suitors in Araneacyre all night trying to find an answer to your father’s demands.”

At the mention of Araneacyre I feel guilt creeping up on me, but Nathan distracts me from it by undressing me. When he goes to remove his own clothes, I stay his hand, “Let me.” Squatting down in front of him, my head level with his crotch, I place my hands on the hem of his shirt and slowly pull it up, leaving a trail of kisses from his bellybutton to his neck as I remove it. He pulls me into a quick kiss once his shirt is off before allowing me to continue. I tug his trousers down just far enough to expose his already hard cock in a nest of tight blonde curls. I kiss the base of it and trail my tongue along his length. Sucking lightly on the tip before kissing it and moving away to completely remove his trousers.

Once he is bare as well, I lay back down alongside him, pressing my body against his. I have held him, naked, in this bed before, but this time is incomparably different. This time we both know what the other wants and are ready to make it happen. He allows me another moment of just holding him before he rolls on top of me and starts sucking and biting at my chest. But he’s so gentle, far gentler than Phil ever is and his kisses feel as soft as butterflies’ wings on my skin.

“You don’t have to hold back,” I moan as his lips brush the sensitive spot on my neck.

He plants a few extra kisses there before responding, “The marks would be noticed. Without a suitor here, they will be questioned.”

I flip us over so suddenly that I hear Nathan catch his breath as I press down on top of him. I work at his collar bone until there is an impressive bruise forming. “I don’t care.” I declare, and when I meet Nathan’s eyes, I know it’s true. “I want this. I want _you_! I don’t give a damn about what those stupid gossips will say.” If the people in Araneacyre don’t care, why should my servants here say anything?

I pull him into our strongest kiss yet, pouring all of my passion into it. But again, he is reserved for a moment before kissing back properly, sliding his tongue over mine and pulling back to suck my bottom lip. When we pull apart he simply says, “You will in the morning.”

Whatever retort I was about to give is lost when I feel his hand wrap around my cock. I arch my back to press down closer to him and moan his name as he works up and down my length to get me as hard as he already is. I turn us sideways so we are both laying on the bed and allow him to continue. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensations, my thoughts getting foggier with each stroke of his hand and my pleasure intensifying.

Then suddenly he stops and I feel his hand on my chin, tilting my head to look at him. I open my eyes and am met with his soft grey ones. In the corner of my vision I see the ends of our hair tangling together, the curls intertwining in a way that could never happen with Phil’s. I don’t recognize the look behind his eyes, but my body does and I can’t help but feel a surge of attraction for this man. “How do you like it?” Nathan purrs.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, having always let Phil do what pleases him because that pleases me. “Just… Let’s just see what happens.”

We go back to just kissing for a few minutes, our hands exploring each other’s bodies. It isn’t until I feel Nathan’s fingers at my ass that I tense up. His hand cups my ass and squeezes softly before moving away and I feel his lips forming a smile under my kiss. “It seems you know more about what you like than you thought.”

I stammer for a second, not sure how to react, “It’s just, I- I um,” He silences me with another kiss.

“It’s alright, Dan.” Nathan says, considering for a moment, “How about,” He looks me up and down and I can’t help but feel slightly self-conscious, for the first time not sure if I’m measuring up. When his gaze reaches my eyes, I see something twinkle in his, turning the grey a slightly darker shade. “Why don’t you do me instead?”

He must see the worry in my eyes because he pulls me in for another kiss. “Just follow what feels natural,” He says.

I take a few breaths and roll us over to lay on top of him. Now that Nathan has given me control, I’m not sure what exactly I want. _But I know what he wants_. After a few tentative kisses, I go to reach my hand down to Nathan’s entrance, but he takes hold of it before I get there. I look at him in confusion and he brings my hand up to his mouth and begins sucking on two of the fingers. Once they’re wet he releases them and, in response to my confusion, says, “It makes it easier if they’re not dry.” Before I can respond he slides my hand into him himself and moans, “It’s been a while but I don’t think I’ve been this ready in years.”

I smile and kiss his chest as I move my fingers in and out of him. My mind flutters back to the roles being reversed when I was under Phil. I push the thoughts of Phil away but Nathan's comment reminded me of how Phil made things easier on me. I pull away and get out of bed, causing Nathan to groan in complaint. I leave into the bath and come back with an oil, hoping it'll be right and I won't be making a fool out of myself.

I hold it up for his inspection. "Will this help?"

Nathan smiles softly, like I am the most precious thing in the world. "Yes," he leans back against the pillow and spreads his legs again, lightly stroking himself and waiting for me to rejoin him.

When I climb back on top of him, he takes the small bottle from my hand being careful not to dump it. He trails a little over his own cock before taking my left hand and coating a few fingers with it. "We'll leave this here," he winks and sets the bottle on the bedside table.

I replace my fingers and try to get back into the rhythm. He bucks against me, his eyes never leaving my face. My other hand finds his cock and I begin pumping that as well, the motion much smoother with the oil. A slight smirk plays on his lips as he watches me pleasure him. After a few minutes, I take a chance and add a third causing Nathan’s moans to intensify as I feel this ass tighten slightly in response before adjusting slowly. Though I don’t really get much out of using my fingers for this, just hearing this man moan as I work my hand causes my erection to become almost painfully hard. “Nathan, are you ready?” I ask, not wanting to take this too fast.

“Yes,” His response comes in a gasp. He waits for me to remove my fingers before shifting into a position that I can already tell with give me the best leverage. I look down at him lying there, hair splayed in a golden halo around his head, chest rising and falling with breaths heavy with anticipation, knees bent and legs spread to reveal his glorious ass waiting for me. The sight makes me hesitate, and I take his cock in my hand again and begin working it to give myself a little time to get ready.

Nathan rocks his hips to the motion of my hand but when I look at his face I see that he needs more than this. I take the oil of the table. Pouring some over my cock, I'm not sure if I'm overdoing it or not.  _Can you have too much of this? How does that work?_ Once it feels about as lubricated as Phil's was I put the bottle back and return my attention to Nathan. 

I place my tip in his ass but pause again before entering. My mind flashes to the pain when I was with Phil. The pleasure was stronger in the end but I don’t think I’d be willing to endure that for anyone but him. And yet, here’s Nathan, ready and practically begging for it. “I don’t want to hurt you.” I whisper, worried I’ll damage the mood.

Nathan wraps his arms around me and pulls me into the sweetest kiss I’ve ever had. It only lasts a few seconds, but there is so much trust and feeling in it that I need a moment to recover. But when I do, I’m as ready as he is.

I enter slowly, a little at a time to give him a chance to adjust at each interval. Holding his hips down with my hands, I prevent him from forcing more of my length into him before we’re both ready for it. Once I get all the way in, I allow him free movement again and miraculously he manages to get me even deeper into him when he rolls his hips.

The feeling as I start thrusting is incredible. The friction and texture is all along me and I cry out in time with Nathan. It’s almost as good of a feeling as having Phil in me… At that thought, I begin paying more attention to Nathan’s moans and cries to find where his pleasure spot is and aim for it as Phil aimed for mine. As I pump, I wrap a hand around Nathan’s cock and move it in time with my penetration. I stroke my thumb over his slit each time I hit his spot causing his cries to get even louder and just making me readier.

I hold back as long as possible, wanting Nathan to come at the same time. When I feel the clear, pre-ejaculation liquid in my hand I know he’s almost there. A few more thrusts and we’re both calling out each other’s name as Nathan comes in my hand and I release in his ass. I collapse on top of him, exhausted, not even bothering to pull out. After a few minutes, Nathan moves us so that we’re laying on our sides, facing each other, his legs wrapped around me to allow me to stay in him from this angle. With one of his legs under me, it’s a little uncomfortable. But as it makes kissing and cuddling easier, I don’t complain.

When the kisses stop, I pull out and roll Nathan over so that I press myself against his back, both of us on our sides. I drape an arm over his chest and rest my head just above his. “Thank you,” His mummers as a gentle sigh, “That couldn’t have been more perfect.”

“It was perfect for me too,” I say into his ear as I cuddle him closer. Perfect can come in different ways, I decide.

He pulls away, coming back a moment later with a cloth to clean us both off before cuddling back against me.

As Nathan falls asleep in my arms, my thoughts drift back to Phil. Physically, being with Nathan was just as good, amazing even. It really was perfect and I would make that choice again if given to me. It felt good, and it makes me happy to hold him like this afterwards. But… if being with Nathan is okay, _why is my heart throbbing like this?_

I miss Phil. I want Phil.

 _Phil’s not here_ , the little voice whispers.

But Nathan is… And he deserves the happiness I’ve been denying him for so long, even if it can’t last.


	19. Consequences

Chapter 19: Consequences

I wake up in the morning with Nathan’s arms around me, our position exactly the opposite of how we fell asleep. I take his hand it mine and move it to my mouth to kiss it. “Are you awake?”

I feel him shift against my back. He mumbles sleepily into my neck, “Do I have to be awake?”

I laugh, “No, but you have to let me up.” He grumbles and gives me a squeeze before rolling away from me and cuddling with the blankets instead.

I crawl out of bed and wash quickly before getting dressed. Looking outside I see it’s still quite early, no wonder Nathan wants to sleep. I glance over at his sleeping form on my bed and can’t help but smile. He always looks so much younger and happier when he’s asleep.

I sigh and settle into my desk after replacing the oil in the lamps that burnt out overnight. If Nathan gave the excuse that I was writing to Araneacyre all night, there better be something I can give a runner this morning if I want it to be believed. Two letters should probably be enough and as long as I seal them, no one in the castle needs to know that they’re short and have nothing to do with the marriage.

I write a thank you note to Emily and Leanna for the books and let them know how much I have been enjoying them. Encouraging them to write back, I mention that they were the ones who suggested sending letters and here I am, two weeks later, without so much as a word from either of them.

Then I select another roll of paper and begin a letter to Phil. I keep it short, not wanting to ramble on and say something I shouldn’t in case someone else reads it. I just tell him that I miss spending time with him and that it’s not the same here without him. Feeling like I should, I add that I’m even more unsure about the marriage than before but tell him that I finally think I understand who I am and what I want. I can’t go into any more detail in this letter so I hope he understands what I’m trying to say. I’m not sure the full extent of my confession is coming through but hopefully enough of it is not to make it as much of a shock when I have to tell him in person... I end it by telling him that I think about him often and I’m missing my friend.

I roll both letters up, using far more of the paper than necessary to give the appearance of longer messages, and seal them with wax and my crest. Opening the door to my room, I walk a few doors down the hall and ask one of the maids to deliver the note to a runner, indicating which one is for Prince Philip and which is for Princesses Emily and Leanna. The girl curtsies and runs off to complete her task.

Looking back at my door, I contemplate waking Nathan but decide against it. I need to talk to my father now, before he summons his lords, and if I talk to Nathan first I might lose the confidence I feel. Nathan was right, I can postpone this. I just need to think of how, and quick.

Maybe the direct approach will work. The king is blunt, something we’ve never shared, but he might respond better to that than to me trying to reason out why I haven’t chosen a bride yet. Especially when the real reason is that I don’t want to because I love their brother, not really something I can say to my father right now. I walk directly to his chambers and knock without hesitation. I hear his voice call out, asking who it is.

“Daniel.”

“Come in, then.”

I walk in and see my father sitting at his desk, having just set down a book. He waits for me to talk and I take a moment to compose myself before doing so. “I am not choosing a bride today.”

His eyes narrow, “And what makes you think that decision is yours? You were supposed to have chosen before the suitors left.”

I ignore his question and comment. “I have written letters to Araneacyre and sent them with a runner less than an hour ago. I want to see their responses.”

“Why should their responses matter? They have already agreed to marry you! Just choose the one you prefer and be done with it.” He waves away my excuse.

Knowing he’ll misunderstand me, I say the truth, “I cannot choose the person I prefer, they weren’t one of the presented options.” I watch his expression change to shock tempered with confusion. Before he can draw any conclusions about that I decide this conversation needs to end as soon as possible before it gets too dangerous. “If you want me to pick from the suitors you selected, then I will take my time in doing so. If you want my choice now, then I will choose who I want and be done with this whole situation and done with these suitors.”

The king may not fully understand who I am referring to, but the implications are quite clear. _Give me time or I’ll run off and you won’t be able to stop me._ “Have it your way. Get out of here and write more of your silly letters.”

I turn to leave, but not fast enough. “And Daniel, do not misunderstand me. You _will_ marry one of these suitors whether it is what you want or not. Your choice or mine, you will be married before your twentieth birthday.”

Without comment, I leave the room and make it all the way back to my chambers before collapsing. Shaking with silent tears on the floor, I feel arms wrap themselves around me. I’m being rocked gently and hummed to in a clear tenor until I begin to settle down. Nathan dries my tears with his fingertips and pulls me into a tight embrace.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I say, before he has a chance to ask.

“Then what do you want to talk about?” He keeps his tone light, trying to keep me from breaking down again.

“Us?” I don’t know why it comes out as a question.

Nathan moves so that he’s sitting on the floor facing me. He reaches out and takes both of my hands in his before asking, “What about us?”

“You then.”

“What about me?”

I groan and shake my head, wanting to hide it in my hands but he has a firm grip on them. “I don’t know! I just-” I let out an audible sigh, “What does this all mean? In Araneacyre men can be together or women can be together and no one makes a fuss about it. Why does it have to be so different here? Why do I, why do we, have to be in a kingdom that hates us just for loving each other?”

Nathan has a sad smile on his face. “I have asked myself that question more times than I can count and have never been able to answer it.”

I think on this for a few minutes, “Nathan?” He looks up at me curiously. “If you know what it means to be, well, what we are, in Ithotria, how are you so comfortable with it?”

“Comfortable?”

“I just mean, you didn’t have any reservations last night. You knew what you wanted and I was so unsure if what we were doing was even okay.” I don’t know how to articulate what I’m feeling right now, how to make him understand...

But he’s always understood me better than I understand myself.

His grip on my hands tightens, “Dan, I had more reservations than you did last night. I was terrified someone would discover us.” He looks at the door as if nervous someone will hear him. Upon seeing it closed he motions to the brilliant love bite on his neck as evidence to his claim. “As for how I was so comfortable with it, it’s who I am, Dan. I’ve known that I like men my entire life. People can call it unnatural, but it’s all I’ve ever known.”

I resist the urge to lean forward and kiss him. Instead I give his hands a gentle squeeze as well, “Tell me about it?”

Nathan takes a deep breath and rises to his feet, pulling me up with him. He leads me over to the bed, but once I sit he walks to the wall across from me and begins his story. “Before the suitors came, you asked me why I never married.” Nathan says, pacing along the wall. “Now you know. I could never marry the person I love.”

That sentence just sends an arrow through my heart. I want to move forward, to walk up to him and wrap him in a hug, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time. I just don’t know where last night left us. Somehow, I feel like it would only make things even rockier between us. Instead, I sit on my bed and wait for him to continue.

His arms motion angrily in front of him as his pace quickens. “I loved him, oh I’ve never loved anyone like I loved him! You’ll learn in time, nothing feels the same as your first love. We did everything together, James and me! We lived on the same street and were friends as long as I can remember. The older we got, the closer we got.” His eyes take on a glossy look, reminiscing on the past. I’ve never heard him talk about this, but I am glad he is now. It’s strange to hear him talk about a past love, but maybe once he lets this out we’ll be able to figure out our next moves. “Our first kiss and we were both too far gone to see sense. We snuck around, knowing that what we were would never be accepted here.

“Once I suggested running off to Araneacyre, to a southern village where we could be happy. I could read and write. James was stronger than anyone else our age but had a tongue that could sweet talk anything out of anyone. Between the two of us, I was sure we could do anything. I knew we could do it, but James… He knew his parents would never allow it. He was too big of an asset to the forge to allow him to leave for any reason.” At his mention of the forge, I feel a pang in the back of my mind that I should know who this man is.

Nathan stopped moving suddenly and curled his arms around himself. “We became reckless. We snuck out and hid in side passages or abandoned houses whenever we wanted to see each other as anything more than friends, knowing we could never do it in our own houses. Once we even went into a brothel and paid to be with the same woman so that we wouldn’t have to worry about being interrupted. I’m sure the woman didn’t mind being paid to take a night off, she even taught us a few things… Neither of us fully understood what the consequences were in Ithotria of loving each other when we were younger, we just knew that we did. As we grew older and learned, well, we loved each other too much to let that threat come between us.”

He shudders as a shadow of pain crosses his face, and begins walking again. “We were found out, at least James was. That man bruised at even the gentlest touch. He was covered in them from his work but after his nights with me they would sprout in more _intimate_ places no matter how careful I was. His father saw somehow and was _furious_! He declared that no son of his could be so- so unnatural,” Nathan chokes the word out like it’s poison. “James came to me in the middle of the night, limping, his eye cut, face covered in bruises… When I asked why a father would hurt his own son like this he replied- he, he said it was because he, er, he wouldn’t tell his father who he was with.” Tears came to Nathan’s voice but not to his eyes, “I could have smacked him myself. He wouldn’t have been hurt at all if he had just told his father that I was the man he was with. But James knew this was trouble, a neighbour had heard his father scream about being with a man… He didn’t want to make things bad for me too by chancing that they would hear my name.”

Nathan staggers against the desk, not realizing that he had been drifting towards it during his pacing. Unable to stop myself, I stand and take his hand in mine and return with him to the bed. We sit side by side and I wait patiently for him to compose himself and continue, rubbing soothing circles into his back to try to relax him. “Word, word spread through the entire area. James wasn’t just a random kid like me, he was the son of a well-respected smith. For someone in the public eye to be, what we were, what _I am_ , to love another man, well, no one would stand for it. The punishment is clear in the law and we knew it essentially from the time we started getting together. The next day, James was hanged in front of the castle.” He tears his eyes away from me and looks at our conjoined hands, “It was your father who gave the order. It proclaimed that it’s dangerous to let people like this live, they may corrupt others… We were sixteen-.” His voice cuts out and tears stream from his eyes as his body trembles with renewed grief… and probably a bit of guilt. He doesn’t explain what happened next, but he doesn’t have too. The rest I either already knew or can now figure out.

He wasn’t hanged as well because James never told, he took the identity of his lover to the hanging block with him. No one knew for sure about Nathan, and though I’m sure he never would have denied it, he didn’t have to. No one would have asked him. He gave himself over into service of the castle soon after that. His quick mind and strong body were put to use immediately. He worked in a variety of positions before gaining his current one. After a few years, my caretaker retired. I was ten and it was time to have a butler, an advisor, as opposed to just someone to make sure I was eating well. Nathan, though young for it at only nineteen, was bright and well knowledgeable. He knew his history, he knew his accounts, he knew how to spar, and, perhaps most importantly in my father’s eyes, he knew his place. He would be perfect.

_He is perfect_ , I think as I give his hand another squeeze.

I lie down on the bed and smile through my own confusion of sad thoughts as Nathan lies next to me. I curl my body around his shaking frame and try to lend him my strength. I press our foreheads against each other and cuddle as close as I can. As I hold him I begin to hum the same tune he used earlier to stay my tears. I feel his breathing even out a bit and, though I know he’s far from being ready to talk again, I allow myself to relax and think about what he just said.

James. A face with dark hair and eyes comes into my mind and I wonder why until the full memory comes to me. Of course, his friend, the smith’s son who died about a decade ago. I saw a portrait of him when I checked on the weapons for the Criovion women. That was James… I feel my stomach turn as I try to recall more about the portrait, but I can’t. I hadn’t been paying much attention at the time.

He died because of my father’s law. No, not my father’s, but a law my family decreed when they gained power. It was frowned upon before then, I believe, but not as it is now. The consequence used to be banishment, now it’s death… I haven’t even heard of James’ execution, I didn’t know any had taken place in decades. I thought the last ones were back in my grandfather’s time. _How could this happen? How did I not know that the punishment was so harsh?_ My father’s face pops into my mind, warning me not to get used to Araneacyrean thoughts.

He suspects me, clearly, or he wouldn’t have given that lecture. I can’t stay with Phil or Nathan or any other man! We’d all be put to death!

_Well, no,_ the voice in the back of my head reminds me, _Phil can’t be punished here as long as he’s prince of Araneacyre._

Well, then I’d still be killed.

_Not as a prince you wouldn’t be, you’re almost as safe as Phil._

But Nathan then, my father would kill him without a second thought. I wait for the little voice to argue but it doesn’t. Even my deepest thoughts can’t come up with a way for Nathan to survive if word of us gets out.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize I was crying as well until Nathan’s hand wipes across my cheek. I feel him pull his head away as I look at him, now drying his own eyes. I lean up and kiss him once he moves his hands away and can sense him smile under my lips. But when he pulls away, I see a reservation in his eyes that I almost don’t recognize anymore. I dread his next words, though I expect them, “I’m sorry, my prince. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Before he can bring his full formal tone into his voice I interrupt him, “I’m sorry I made you speak about something that hurts you so much. But Nathan, do not apologize. I- I needed to hear that, I needed to know.”

“My prince-”

“Dan.” I correct him.

He sighs, “Daniel, last night was too risky. What will we do if someone heard us?”

“No one heard us.” I make my voice as calming as possible. “I sent the letters I wrote this morning so your excuse is validated. I spoke with my father and he’s not happy about it but he didn’t seem any more suspicious when I told him I haven’t chosen a bride yet.”

“You saw the king and lords?” His nerves are completely drawn at this point. I’m glad I have no bad news to deliver.

“Just the king. And everything is going to be fine.”

We both lean into an embrace and hold each other for a long while. We know very well that everything will, if fact, not be fine at all, but there’s nothing more we can do about it. It is not until I notice the height of the sun through the window that I pull away. “I have to go to my lessons.” I peck his lips and stand, “Stay here, please. Rest today, you’re excused from your duties.”

Fear creeps into his eyes as I go to leave and I wait by the door until he asks the question clearly on his lips. “And tonight?”

“You are excused from any duties until tomorrow morning. Do as you please, my friend.” I hadn’t planned on it, but I have to keep going. My thoughts are still confused about us but I’m not going to let that keep me from being with him. “You are welcome to stay with me tonight. It’s up to you, I won’t ask, but…” I shift at the doorway. Looking at Nathan’s face I can see that he understands what I mean, but I can’t tell his answer. I can only hope.

I walk to my lessons alone, for the first time in a long time. These halls are quite empty with no one walking beside me.

I stay away from my room until long after dinner that night. Once it’s too dark to stay in the library and the candles have burnt too low to keep reading, I walk back. My mind wonders if Nathan will be there but my heart just pounds in confusion.

I pause at the door, scared to open it. I slide it an inch and can tell that the room is dark. My heartbeat steadies when my brain concludes that he’s not here.

He made his choice.

I walk in, not bothering to light candles. In pure darkness, there are no shadows to worry about. I feel my way around my bedroom and undress by the wardrobe. A sigh escapes my lips and I begin sliding into bed, too lazy to bother bathing.

I stretch out and feel my arm and leg brush a warm body. A light laugh breaks the silence as Nathan wraps himself around me, “You didn’t think I would actually stay away, did you?” I mean for our kiss to be passionate but we’re both smiling and giggling too much for that.

Cuddling with Nathan, I fall asleep with my mind lighter but my heartbeat just as steady as when I walked in.


	20. Letters

Chapter 20: Letters

Dear Prince Daniel,

It is such a pleasure to hear from you. I will not lie, I was not expecting any letters for quite a while, so I apologize for not writing one of my own sooner. We have been very busy here, unfortunately. There is some trouble with pirates on the coastline of the villages to the south. They have been disrupting trade, destroying or taking boats in the harbours, pillaging villages, capturing women. The places that have stopped sending out ships have had their coastline blocked off, making it impossible to fish properly, which many rely upon for their living. It is being brought under control slowly, but for the people in those villages these past few weeks have been a living nightmare. With help from Zarathin to the south, I believe we will be able to stop these raids soon but for now they are taking most of my attention.

On more positive news, I have been arranging for Blaise to take a trip to some other kingdoms. I am thinking that a year in Zarathin would do him well, allow him to spend some time with other princes. With all the assistance they are providing us with right now, I think it will be the perfect time. Our kingdoms have always been on relatively decent terms, but right now we are relying on them more than ever. It will be a good show of faith to allow our little prince to visit and it will be good for all the children. My parents have even suggested sending him to visit you in Ithotria as well, to learn about our biggest neighbour. I know I wish we had had that opportunity when we were younger! What would our relationship be like now if we had met when we were children? How much closer would we be?

With that thought, I am so glad to hear that you now know who you are. I hope you want what I think you want and I cannot wait to see you again so you can tell me all about it. I am especially looking forward to you showing me. But, about your future marriage, there is really no rush on our end. My family would happily have you back here any time if you need to think about it longer. I know there is a time constraint for your kingdom but Araneacyre is happy just knowing that a match will occur at some point. And Serena would like me to add that we are happy with what makes you happy, whether that means a match with one of our sisters or not.

I really am missing you being here, Dan. It was nice to spend my evenings with such pleasant company. I look forward to seeing you again.

Hope all is well,

Prince Philip

~~~

My Darling Prince Daniel,

I was so happy to receive your letter! Thank you for thinking about us. It is always a highlight when we can hear from you, but I was not expecting a letter so quickly. There is no need to thank us for the books, everyone wants you to have them. Well, now that everyone knows where they have gone because I forgot to ask before giving them to you, oops. I am glad that they are helping you remember us and everyone was so pleased to hear that you have read all of them. Where oh where did you find the time? Some of them are so long! I hope you have not been neglecting to sleep, my sweet prince. It must have taken you quite a while to get through them, some aren’t exactly easy reads! Which is your favourite? I think I am going to guess it is Phil’s favourite as you are such close friends you probably have similar taste in books. I hope you could appreciate mine even if poetry is not your favourite thing to read. Oh, it is so nice to know that our gift was well received!

I am so so so sorry that I did not write to you sooner! Our lessons have become extremely intensive since you have been gone. The teacher is keeping us longer each session and the workload we have to do outside of lessons is almost five times what is was before. Emily and I now have lessons twice a day. I blame you for this, mister! I think he misses having such a devoted student and is trying to push it on us even more. Arcadia has joined our normal afternoon lessons as well, the ones you joined us for when you were here. But now Emily and I have an extra lesson every morning focusing on Ithotria. I have been buried in Ithotrian history books and accounts for hours every day to ensure that I know as much as possible about your home.

I promise that I will be knowledgeable when the time comes that you make your choice of bride. Speaking of which, have you made your choice yet, Prince Daniel? Do you know if you are marrying me or my sister, or if you have chosen another woman? I know I should not be asking this, but I simply cannot help myself. Take your time if you have not yet decided, but you are planning on marrying into my family, correct? It is just that I have become so accustomed to thinking about you and having you around these past two months, it just feels strange being without you. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Phil especially is missing you. I am sure he is looking forward to having you as a brother. Blaise is as well! My little brother misses having a fellow prince around, I think it was so good for him when you were here. And I do not think poor little Manda truly understands why you are gone, she keeps asking when you are coming back. I do not have the heart to tell her that you may not return at all if you decide not to marry into our family.

I know that this is forward and that it is not something that should be put in a proper letter, but I have to say it. If I do not tell you now, I do not know that I will get another chance. I believe I love you, I really really do, though I know you think I am too young to know how I feel. I truly care for you Prince Daniel! That, at least, I hope you believe. I hope you have seen that much in the time we have spent together. I do not want to lose you, not to my sister, not to anyone else. I know how you feel, truly, but I think we can get past that. We will have to! There is not really any other choice in the matter, my prince. I am so lucky to have been promised to a man that I actually love. I know you are not as fortunate. I am young, not blind! I can see you do not love me as I love you, that you have eyes for another. But we can get past that. You care about me and that is enough for me. I can make you happy, I know I can! I just ask for a chance, Prince Daniel.

I hope that we can visit you soon. Maybe that would help everything a little. It would be nice to see you in person again. You have been to Araneacyre, you have seen our beautiful land with the knowledge that you will likely be marrying into its royal family. We have had no such opportunity in Ithotria, to view the land and people as a possible queen. We only saw it through the eyes of suitors fearful to raise their hopes. Please consider allowing us to visit soon, my prince.

Yours and only yours,

Princess Leanna

~~~

Dearest Prince Dan,

Thank you for your letter. I apologize for my lack of communication prior to this.  I am glad you have enjoyed the books. That is what they were meant for. Maybe the next time I am in Ithotria you can show me some of your favourites from your library. That would be nice. I expect that for one reason or another I will be in your castle soon enough. Whether as a bride or a guest, it will be nice to see Ithotria again (and you too of course).

On the topic of the marriage, you know where I stand on the matter, dear prince. Surely you remember the night I explained my feelings. I trust I do not need to reiterate myself but I will assure you that my opinion has not changed in the slightest. Follow your heart, Prince Daniel, it will lead you to the right place.

I hope all is well with you. I am sure you have heard the troubles we have been having. With any luck, they will be resolved soon, leaving us free to travel again. You have been missed here, Dan. Already many of us in the palace have begun thinking of you as a member of the family. Please keep me informed as to where you are in the process of making your decision and remember that in the end, the decision is yours.

Awaiting your response,

Princess Emily

~~~

My Dear Prince Dan,

I would be telling a horrible lie if I said that I was not missing you in every quiet moment. The weeks we were together were some of the best I have had in my entire life. That sounds like something out of one of Leanna’s story books, but it is true nonetheless. I never thought I would make a friend so fast in Ithotria and I never imagined that you would be the friend I would make. You are my best friend, even if you do not feel quite as strongly for me.

Unless your response has been lost, I must say I was expecting you to reply before now. It has been almost two weeks since I sent my last letter. Emily and Leanna have been awaiting your response as well, Dan.

I know that this decision is hard on you. I think you know how much I wish I could just swoop in and make it as easy as it would be if you lived here, but I cannot. As I said before, you can take all the time you need to make your choice. But I ask that you allow us to visit again. Or that you come back to Araneacyre soon. I miss you, we all do.

I speak for Serena as well as myself with these next words. Bringing our families together is the most important thing for us right now. However it happens, whatever your choice, know that we will stand with you. You have an alliance with Araneacyre, we would love to keep it strong.

Waiting for you,

Phil

~~~

Dear Princess Emily,

I am glad to hear that you are well. My council and I have received word through the villages and towns that your coastlines are free from fear once again. That must be a huge weight off of all of your shoulders. I sincerely apologize that this response is coming quite a while after your letters. I do not have the same strength in reasoning for why writing has taken so long as all of you did. I merely did not know what to write this time. I did not know how to reply and my words were not flowing properly onto the paper. Honestly, I needed the time to consider all that you have said. All that everyone has said.

Emily, I am writing this to you because I have made my choice. I have heard your words and read your reminder of them. But I think a different part resonated with me this time than the message you meant for me to receive in your letter. I know what you meant, I do, but I also know what needs to be done. I have a duty here, to my kingdom and to your family. In the end you were correct, this is my choice. And I have chosen you.

This letter should have arrived with an escort so I am sure you were expecting something of this nature. Please, take the time you need to prepare but I would ask for you to allow them to accompany you on a trip back to my castle. Our castle. Anyone you wish to join you is of course welcome to. We will ensure proper accommodations are made here for whoever comes.

This visit is for you to get to know a bit more about the castle and for us to work out the wedding arrangements. It will have to occur within the next year or so but other than that we are free of constraints for where, when, or how we would like to be married.

I have missed you and everyone at the palace dearly. I look forward to seeing you again, princess. I hope you are looking forward to seeing Ithotria as its future queen.

Wishing you a safe journey,

Prince Daniel


	21. What is happiness really?

Chapter 21: What is happiness really?

I wipe my sweaty hands along my sides over and over as I pace outside my father’s study. It’s ridiculous, the last time I was here I was full of confidence, happy, and ready to stand up to my father. This time I essentially have my tail between my legs, ready to tell him exactly what he’s been waiting to hear. I just feel pathetic.

I sent my letter to Emily several hours ago and I’ve never felt so defeated. I love Emily and she deserves so much better than what I can give her. It should only take a few days for my letter to reach Araneacyre and if I know Emily at all, she will come immediately after receiving it. That means we should be expecting company in less than a fortnight. Company that my father needs to know about…

Resigning myself to doing this, I open the door to my father’s study, swiftly close it behind me, and walk straight to his table and sit in the chair across from him. I lock eyes with my father and deliver the line I’ve rehearsed in my head a thousand times with the utmost confidence that I don’t feel at all. “You will be pleased to know that I have sent a letter to Araneacyre asking Princess Emily to join us here in order to work out the wedding plans.”

“So,” My father’s eyes light up at my words, his initial annoyance at my intrusion completely gone, “You’ve finally chosen a bride.”

I nod and keep my voice steady when I reply, “Yes. I know you would not have chosen Araneacyre as the kingdom I create this bond with, but it _is_ the right choice. My time there taught me that much. Blisumidin may have been a better option if the land was closer, but at this distance a bond this strong is almost worthless for the people.”

“Emily…” My father ponders the name, “Which one was she?”

I fight to keep my irritation out of my voice. _Did he even pay any attention to his future daughters?_ “She’s the older sister. About sixteen, sort of quiet and shy in public. Reserved at first but not afraid to speak her mind when she gets passionate about something.” I think back to the night she told me that she knew about Phil, the fire in her eyes when she told me to follow my heart. It almost shatters my resolve when her words play over in my head but my father’s next words harden the wall I’ve put up once again.

“What does she look like?” He waves away my explanation, having not bothered to learn any of the girls’ personalities.

This time I can’t help but sigh, “Quite tall, pale skin, long dirty blonde hair that curls a bit at the ends.” When I notice his eyebrows start to raise at my generic description I allow myself a soft smile, “Light blue eyes, a little nose that crinkles when she laughs making the freckles across her cheeks stand out even more.” I try to pour some emotion into my voice. Not that my father would care either way, but if I’m going to marry her I need to put on this show for the kingdom as well. 

He seems pleased by my response, “I’m sure she’ll make a beautiful wife. But will she make a good queen?”

“No woman could do better by my side.” I say adamantly. And with that I excuse myself by simply standing and walking out. I see the king rise from his desk as I exit the room but I keep going.

~~~

My lessons pass without consequence today, my mind so far from the kingdom that I hardly have any clue what they are about. After dinner I sit on the windowsill of the library, curled up against the glass, my book resting against my chest as I stare out over the city. The sun is setting on the other side of the castle but from my vantage point I only see darkness and shadows spreading further and thicker across my kingdom.

I brush away the beginnings of stinging tears from my eyes. Unable to stop myself from likening this view to my current situation I curl in on myself even more, tucking the book under my chin and holding it close to my heart. Phil’s favourite book was not something I should have anywhere near me when I’m feeling like this, but I don’t loosen my grip. 

“Phil,” I whisper into my knees. Even having his name cross my lips makes my stomach tighten and constrict with emotions I can’t even begin to sort out. I only sent one letter back to Araneacyre, just to Emily. I was hoping that Phil would understand the message in that, but now I’m not sure what message I was trying to send.

_Please come, I can’t ask directly but I need you here._ That’s certainly what I want to say when I walk the castle halls alone, or lay in my bed in the morning feeling lonelier than I’ve ever felt even though Nathan is within arm’s reach.

_Please stay, seeing you will only make what I have to do even harder on all of us._ That’s what the rational part of me wants to tell him. The part of me that knows that if I had never met Phil I could have been happy with one of the suitors. Maybe not entirely satisfied, but blissfully unaware of what being with a man feels like.

No matter what happens, I’ll be cheating on Emily, either emotionally or physically. She knows that, I can’t satisfy my needs with her, not my physical ones at least. Emotionally, well, who knows how our relationship could grow. Physically, I have Nathan now. Somehow it doesn’t feel as wrong sleeping with him as it does with Phil when I think of marrying Emily. I mean, Phil will be my brother soon! I keep telling myself that’s why it’s different but I can almost hear the little voice in my head sighing in disappointment and frustration whenever I use that excuse.

I fling myself off the windowsill and set off at a quick pace back to my room. I would run if it wouldn’t draw looks from the servants. Anything to get away from those thoughts as fast as possible.

I return to my chambers and collapse into Nathan’s arms. I haven’t seen him since I woke up and left the room before he even made his way out of our bed. Taking his cues from my silence, he doesn’t say a word. He drags me around my nightly routine as he prepares me for bed without opening his mouth.

Gently he takes Phil’s book from my hand and sets in on the desk next to the others from Araneacyre, holding down the remainder of the scroll of parchment I used to write my letter to Emily. He takes my clothes off and as he pulls my shirt over my head I plant a kiss on his lips, hoping to take the worried frown off of them. All I manage to do is make his eyes even more concerned but at least the corners of his mouth turn up slightly. He wraps me in a soft embrace before leading me to the bath chambers.

As has become our routine recently he crawls into the tub with me once he fills it with hot water and scented oils. After several times of not eliciting a response in trying to wash him, I allow him to do it himself and turn to let my head rest on his chest as he washes the bits of me that I hadn’t gotten to yet. Once clean we stay in the tub a few extra minutes, until the water begins losing its warmth and Nathan gets out and dries himself.

“I chose Emily.” I say, breaking the silence as I climb out of the bath as well.

Nathan hands me a towel, and I am afraid to look at his face so I start by drying my head. He says nothing until I stop and actually make eye contact with him. In fact, even when I look at him, he says nothing. He just meets my gaze with a fixed expression that I can’t decipher.

“Are you just going to stand there?”

He rushes forward and presses his lips against mine. If I had let him stay in control it would have been a chaste kiss but I take over immediately. Mentally I curse myself for responding but my right arm wraps around his waist and pulls him against me as my left hand caresses the back of his neck, my fingers curling into his hair. I part my mouth and allow his tongue entrance, moaning as his tongue slides over mine. Nathan started this kiss but it becomes clear that he intends for me to be the one to end it. I draw it out, far longer than I should have, before lowering my left hand and pulling my face back, but leaving my arm around his waist.

“What would you like me to say, my prince?” Nathan responds, his words devoid of the emotion that shines in his eyes. “‘ _I’m so happy you’re marrying a woman you don’t love’_ Or how about ‘ _That’s wonderful Daniel, I’m sure your marriage will hold nothing but joy for the both of you’_ Oh, wait I know, ‘ _Great, now we get to share these chambers with the person you’re actually supposed to be sleeping with’_.” He pulls back and I drop my hand as if I had been burned. Every word he says stings like salt in a wound, but he has every right to say them.

I merely shake my head. He’s right, there is nothing for him to say in this situation. He doesn’t need to ask why I chose her, he knows. He doesn’t have to congratulate me and wish me happiness I won’t feel.

“You’re just angry that I’m choosing someone else!” I let my bitter feelings seep into my tone.

He slams his hand against the desk, “I’m just angry that you made a choice that will bring you nothing but sadness! I want you to be happy!” His voice breaks “That’s what I’ve always wanted for you,” _The happiness I never got to have._ His eyes complete the sentence even after his mouth closed.

My chest tightens as I pull him into a hug. This is why I love Nathan and would never let him be replaced. He always puts what I want above everything, above what’s best for the kingdom, above what’s best for me, and especially above what’s best for him. I know that makes me an egotistical ass for only thinking about myself here and I’ll be even more selfish by saying I don’t care. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like him in my life.

“I have to do this,” I say, looking at the map of the kingdoms lying on my desk.

“No,” his voice is soft and timid, as if fearing reprimand. “You don’t.” He reaches a hand out to dry my eyes and leaves it against my cheek. I lean into it and watch his eyes soften.

“What else can I do?”

He doesn’t answer, but I see him mind racing. “What are you thinking, Nathan?”

He shakes his head slightly, “Nothing, my prince.”

“Nathan, I know you well enough by now to know when you’re thinking of something important.”

With that, he blinks and his eyes glaze over, making them impossible to read. “I was just… thinking about us.” He whispers, looking at his feet. Every word is coated in hope and sadness. Anyone else would have found the sentence completely sincere. But it wasn’t. He’s planning something.

My head starts to throb as I try to figure out what he’s not telling me. “I don’t want to think about this anymore.” I complain, pulling him into a kiss.

“Dan,” He complains softly against my lips, knowing that this isn’t good for either of us.

“I thought you wanted me to be happy?” I’m being a selfish prick, I’m well aware of that. But I need a distraction right now and I can tell by the lust in Nathan’s eyes that he’s willing to oblige if I ask.

We fall into bed with light kisses and cuddle close. A half an hour passes and my thoughts are back in a happy place again as our kisses get more passionate and our grasps get needier. When he grinds against me I can feel that Nathan wants to go all the way tonight, but I just don’t have it in me to even go halfway.

“Nathan, I just- I’m not up to it tonight.” He doesn’t respond as he keeps grinding against me and kissing my neck. I have to let him know that it isn’t going to happen but I’m worried he won’t stop “Is that alright?” I ask hesitantly.

He stops the motion of his hips but moves his mouth to leave light kisses all along my neck before pulling away. In the dark of the room I can’t see his expression. He slides out of bed without a word.

I worry for a moment that he did it because he only wants sex, but dismiss that stupid thought immediately. He shared this bed with me for a month without it and it’s not like we’ve done it every night since the first. I’m just being silly.

The light moans coming from the side chamber answer my questions. When he climbs back in our bed next to me, he’s more than ready to just cuddle until we fall asleep.

~~~

The next morning, I wake up to an empty room. I cringe and close my eyes, recoiling away from the bright light shining through the open window. I brush the sleep out of my eyes and blink a few times before pulling myself out of bed. Getting dressed in my clothes from yesterday brings back my thoughts from the library. I shake my head a few times to clear it and sit at my desk, hoping some history reading will drive the thoughts away. When I reach for my history books, I knock my seal onto the floor and groan in frustration. I was sure I put that away after I wrote to Emily. I place the seal on the desk and bump into the wax I left sitting out as well. This whole situation is making me even more unorganized than before. “I didn’t even roll up the parchment!” I groan as I gather the paper up and set my presents from Araneacyre on top of it. Considering for a moment, I put my container of wax on top of the books and shove the pile to the corner of the desk.

The lighting in the room keeps fluctuating because of the stupid clouds outside, making it difficult to focus on my reading. With what feels like my hundredth groan of frustration this morning I draw the curtains over the window. Returning to my desk I light the oil lamp, which is somehow still warm from last night. I guess it had been catching the sun this morning or something.

A few hours later, I nearly jump out of my chair when Nathan’s soft voice startles me, “You never sent for breakfast.”

I turn and see him holding a tray bearing lunch. My stomach rumbles now that it’s been reminded that it hasn’t had food since dinner. “I guess I lost track of time.” As Nathan sets the food on the table and opens the curtains to provide better lighting for us to eat I start reorganizing the mess that is my desk. “What have you been up to this morning?”

“A message came around dawn from the orphanage. He’s fine!” Nathan assures me when I spin around to look at him. Fear shining in my eyes. “Everyone’s fine. It was a political matter. Someone has been trying to buy the building for ages and they threatened to take the case to the castle.”

“But where would they-“

He holds up a hand to stop my interruption. “I handled it, my prince. I spoke to the interested party personally on your behalf and worry not, they will not be interfering with the orphanage any longer.”

“I should have been there,” I say loudly, not angry at Nathan but infuriated that anyone would dare disrupt the lives of these children that have so little stability as it is.

Nathan’s hand on my shoulder calms me, “Your presence wasn’t needed.” He cracks a small smile as he leads me to the table to eat, “And besides, your reaction just now shows me I was right to go myself. You would have caused a scene.”

I scowl at him but don’t bother trying to deny it. We sit together and eat quietly until Nathan’s laughter breaks the tension. I’m glad he’s looking out for those kids too. Nathan always has had a soft spot for the little ones at the orphanage. Only now does it occur to me that it’s probably because he knows he’ll never have one of his own…

The rest of my day passes just as fast as the morning. My lessons were actually interesting enough to hold my attention for the first time since I got back from my travels. After dinner, I go directly back to my room and lose myself in the past again.

I can sense Nathan shaking his head at me, but I don’t look up as he pulls me from my chair and leads me to the bath. He only takes the book from my hand for just long enough to take my shirt off before handing it back and continuing to undress me. I make it as easy for him as possible while continuing to read.

Once the bath is over, I don’t even bother to dress before sliding back into my desk. I laugh when I hear Nathan throw himself onto our bed waiting for me. I let him stay there alone until I finish my chapter. I deliberate for a few more pages but cave and climb into bed with him.

It only takes a few kisses for me to realize that he’s not that into it tonight. “Why’d you tear me away from my book then?” I ask in a fake irritated voice.

His eyes grow wide and innocent, the grey becoming the colour of snow clouds, “I just wanted cuddles… Can’t cuddles make you happy?”

_Fair enough_. I curl up against him and rest my head on his chest. “Goodnight, Nathan.” I sigh with contentment and close my eyes.

He wraps his arms around me and kisses my hair, “Goodnight, my prince.”

I drift off almost immediately, my mind swirling with my history books. Before I fall asleep my thoughts shift to my books from Araneacyre and then to their original owners. Their faces fill my mind as sleep finally takes me.

I stir in the middle of the night. I blink a few times, truly tired and not sure why I am awake. My confusion only intensifies when I roll over and feel Phil in my bed. Did the party from Araneacyre get here that fast? “When did you get here?” I ask, shaking the sleeping form next to me.

I cannot see him through the darkness of the room and his mumbled response is lost in the blankets. It doesn’t matter how he got here, I decide as I pull him into a kiss, but he’s here. I didn’t expect him to come, but he’s here.

It only takes a few seconds for him to wake up enough to kiss back. As we kiss I notice a difference in the texture of his lips. They’re usually so soft and smooth, they must have dried a bit during travel. But the passion is still there and I part my lips to allow him entrance. He takes a few seconds before dominating the kiss.

I moan into his mouth and curl my fingers into his hair. It feels a little softer than normal and I find myself wishing I could see the colour to see if it’s faded back to its natural shade since the last time he dyed it must have been a while ago.

A few more minutes of kissing and I find myself rolling my hips against his as my erection grows harder. I don’t normally get excited this fast but just holding Phil in my arms again is enough to turn me on. I gasp as I feel his hand wrap around me suddenly. Usually I have to work for it a bit more but I guess he can tell that I need this.

I moan at the friction of his hand and buck my hips along with it. “Phil,” I sigh, unable to keep quiet with all the sensations he’s giving me. The motion of his hand falters for a moment. I groan and move against him when he stops, begging him to continue. When he starts up again it’s quicker and harder. Each stroke drawing gasps from me and bringing me closer to my climax quicker than I thought possible.

I come in his hands with a muffled cry. Rolling over on top of him I feel that, surprisingly, he’s still aroused. I kiss him for a little while, waiting for him to make the next move, but he doesn’t. So instead I slip down between his legs and take his length in my mouth. I feel him shutter and gasp in surprise but when his hands find my hair I know he wants me to keep going. I’m amazed that I can take almost all of him in my throat now. I move his hips with my hands to let him know that he can take charge if he wants to. I wasn’t sure if he would but I moan around his cock as he begins thrusting into my mouth. I close my lips around him and hum making him cry out for a moment before he muffles himself. Gently I hollow my cheeks and slide my teeth along his length, making him shutter. He comes quickly, having been holding it longer than me. I swallow around him a few times, bringing him even deeper as he rides out his orgasm.

I curl up next to him when it’s over. “Phil, I love you.” I don’t know why I didn’t say it the last time, but I know it’s true now. He doesn’t say it back this time, but he doesn’t need too. I know he loves me, just as he knew that I loved him even back in Araneacyre. He gives me a long kiss, softer than I would have expected. I feel his hand rub my back as he pulls me closer, easing me into sleep. He plants another soft kiss on the top of my head.

I’m not sure if I’ve drifted off yet or not but I hear Nathan’s voice as Phil’s breath moves my hair. “Sweet dreams, my prince.”


	22. Time to talk

Chapter 22: Time to talk

The first thing I notice as I drift out of my dreams is that, while most of my body is swelteringly hot, my lower legs are so cold I cannot even feel my feet. I try for a few seconds to wiggle my toes and a violent shiver courses through me as I get feeling back and the cold intensifies. A pressure closes around my chest and when open my eyes and glance down I see Nathan’s arms holding me securely. Warmth begins to flow into my legs as he wraps his around mine and pulls them up closer to our bodies. Subtle shifting on Nathan’s part allows the blanket covering our torsos to fall over our curled-up legs as well, bringing our trapped body heat down to my freezing limbs.

We must have left the window open last night; the seasons are changing fast. Winter started a little while ago but the worst of it will be here in the next few weeks. The thought sends more shivers down my spine which results in more contact with Nathan. Somehow he manages to scoot even closer to me, rubbing his arms along mine and across my chest to transfer his body heat.

He’s so close that for a moment I wonder if last night actually was a dream. But I can feel that it wasn’t. We were too tired to clean up and the evidence of my climax is still between us on the bed. I cough and that catches me off guard to remind me of further evidence. I didn’t take too much care of my throat last night either. Oh, shit. It actually happened. I actually told my best friend that I love another man after having sex with him.

“How mad are you?” I ask, my voice raspy. Might as well be direct. It’s no use putting off this conversation. Honestly, we probably should have had it a long time ago.

Nathan squeezes me again, much tighter this time. I hold in a small gasp of pain, not that it was ridiculously tight, I just wasn’t expecting it. “Furious.” He whispers into my ear, sending a completely different kind of tremor through my body. He speaks with such tenderness that his words don’t seem to make sense. “But there’s not exactly much I can do about it, now is there?”

I roll over to face him, creating a safe bubble of space between us, but intertwining our legs again because mine our still cold. “What do you mean?”

He sighs and rolls out of bed, holding out a hand to pull me up as well as he says, “Let’s get cleaned up and we can discuss this after.” When he sees me start to protest he holds a firm hand up to stop me, “No. I need to clean all of this up before someone sees it. So go, go get in the bath and I’ll be there in a few minutes once I take care of the bed.”

His voice is calm. Everything about him is completely calm and rational right now. And everything about me is a complete and total mess. I walk around him to the bath chamber and begin to fill my bath with shaking hands, spilling water every now and again. Before I climb in, I take a towel and wipe up the water so Nathan won’t have to later.

Baths usually relax me, but I don’t remember ever being this tense. All alone with no distractions, my mind is just going through every horrible thing I’ve done recently. Having sex with Nathan, not just once but more times than I can count. Ignoring Marcus since the first visit. That kid deserves so much better than me. And so does Phil. He deserves to love a man who isn’t afraid to admit that the love is mutual. And Emily… she can say she is okay with this arrangement but no one could honestly be okay with their husband sleeping with their brother.

_This is all your fault, you know_. That stupid voice says joyfully in the back of my mind. _Had you just chosen a suitor that first month, none of this would have happened_.

But I wouldn’t have loved her! I argue back. That would still be a problem, just with different people.

_And whose fault is it that you can’t love them?_ The voice says nastily.

“Mine.” I say out loud. I bury my face in my hands, staring at the glistening water through my fingers.

I imagine just sinking a little lower in the bath, just staying there for a few moments until this is all over. Until all of this mess is over. It’s tempting, so tempting. It would be like falling asleep, right? I move my hands and watch the water swirl as I lay down, lowering my head towards it. The warmth is inviting, it’s so cold in this room _. I would be warm in the water_ , I reason. I trail my finger along the tub as I sink even lower. _I’d need more water though_.

I hadn’t filled the tub as much as I should have. I’m too used to Nathan sharing with me now, with both of us in here this much water nearly overflows. But with just me it’s not deep enough. No, I need more water.

I pull myself out of the tub and go over to the pump to bring up more hot water. The bath fills the rest of the way quickly. With the final bit of water, I walk back to the tub, with steady hands this time. I take a deep breath before stepping back in, letting the water warm every inch of me.

Letting the breath out, I sink beneath the surface. The heat of the water stings my face, my nose and my ears especially. It’s almost enough to make me resurface, almost. But this way no one gets hurts, no one but me. I close my eyes and lean further back, ignoring the beginning discomfort in my chest as it tightens, trying to make the most of the remaining air. I being to squirm, my body fighting what my mind is telling it to do.

Suddenly another cough comes and my resolve crumbles immediately upon water flowing into my mouth and entering my lungs. I jolt upwards, heaving over the side of the tub, trying to bring up the water I swallowed. In seconds Nathan is there, pulling me from the tub and squeezing me from behind, pressing up under my rib cage to pump the water out. I sputter and collapse against him when he stops.

“You idiot,” He giggles once he sees that I’m okay. “You’re taking a bath, not swimming. You didn’t need to fill it nearly this high.” He sighs and shakes his head as he grabs a cloth to wash himself quickly. “I can’t leave you alone for two seconds, can I?”

“Maybe you should.” I mumble.

“Should what?” He says, dripping water over his head to wash the sweat out of his hair, a smile still turning up the corners of his lips.

“Leave me alone. Maybe you should leave me here and go live your life where I can’t hurt you anymore.” I stand shakily and leave him to wash himself as I go back to my bedchambers. Still dripping water, I wrap myself in a robe and sit on the floor next to my newly made bed, not wanting to get any of the furniture wet. Curling up into a ball, I sit there waiting for Nathan to come in.

I hear the sound of the tub draining from the next room and water being mopped up. Nathan’s not a maid, this isn’t part of his job. But he does it anyway, like he always does to avoid people asking questions when I make a mess. When he enters the room, there’s a towel wrapped around his waist.

“If that’s what you really want all you have to do is say it. Two words and I’ll be out of your life forever.” His face is devoid of emotion but he can’t keep it out of his voice. I just shake my head. I can’t make him leave, he has nowhere to go. This castle is his home as much as it is mine.

Instead, I redirect our conversation back to what he said when we were in bed, “You don’t look furious. And you certainly aren’t acting furious.”

“As I said, there’s not much I can do about it. You love another man, I can’t stop that. It doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Bitterness creeps into his voice for the first time, but his next few words erase it. “So, yes, I’m angry. Very angry. But mainly at myself for not stopping you last night. For letting that happen.” He shakes his head, “It was different. I should have known as soon as it started, but I let it play out. I should have stopped once you said his name, but I kept going.”

“No.” I say, not in direct response, just generally disagreeing with his statement. “That was all my fault, not yours. How can you blame yourself for something I started?”

“Because I let it go until the end.”

“Why aren’t you mad at me too, then?” I demand. “I sucked your dick last night and then called you my… well… called you Phil.”

He gives one humourless laugh and continues to shake his head as he perches lightly on the edge of the table. “Don’t you think I know you’d never choose me? Even if you could, even if it was completely legal and your father gave us his blessing, you would never have chosen me.” I’m stung by the lack of pain in his voice. “I love you Daniel, but I let you go a long time ago.”

“How is it that easy for you?”

Nathan glances out the window as the sunlight breaks through the early morning clouds, “It is easier to walk away from someone who will never love you than to stay and watch them fall in love with someone else. Do you think it is easy for me to be here knowing your heart isn’t?” When his gaze returns to my face I’m afraid of his next words, “How is it so easy for _you_ to be with me, knowing you love Prince Philip?”

A small part of me, the worst part of me, wants to deny it. Wants to deny that last night ever happened. To deny that I am in love with Phil. To insist that last night was a mistake and that I am in love with Nathan. But I can’t do that. Not to myself, not to Nathan, and especially not to Phil. Because as horrible of a lover as I have been to him, I still love him… And only him.

“Nathan, I’m s-” I’m shushed by his hand covering my mouth.

“I didn’t know when it started, though I should have. Those love bites should have given it away, but I convinced myself that it wasn’t what I thought it was. I let myself fall for you even more during that month that you asked me to stay with you. Even after you had a sex dream about, well now I know it was about him. When you left I just waited for you to come back. Your letters kept me going, hearing about how happy you were there. I pushed the feelings away again, you were getting married and soon I’d have to serve you and your wife. When you came back and asked me to sleep with you again the feelings hit even harder.” He shudders and sits next to me.

“When you told me that you found out you like men, I knew you had been with Prince Philip, even if you didn’t say it directly. But when you pulled me into that bed I let myself forget that for a little while. Every night that you asked me to stay with you, I got more hopeful. I knew I was kidding myself but I couldn’t help it. Instead of realizing that you were missing him and that you couldn’t express whatever you were feeling, I let myself believe that I was replacing him. That the more you were with me the less you thought about him. I actually let myself believe that you were thinking of me when you’d cry out for your love in the night. I had heard about his many love interests over the years and convinced myself that you were just one of them. That you didn’t love him and he didn’t love you.”

He glances over as I inhale sharply at the thought of Phil not actually loving me. I hadn’t even considered that I might be just another bedfellow to him, not since that first night. Nathan’s soft laugh catches me off guard, “He loves you.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“He would have to if he affected you so much that it made you realize who you are.” Nathan stands and puts is clothes on. “Now I have to ask and you need to really think about your answer. It’s one thing for you to have some fun in bed with a servant, kings are known for it. And I hate to say it, but I will be here for you even once your marriage has taken place, if not me, then some other servant will be willing to take care of those desires for you. But to be with the queen’s brother? I assume Emily doesn’t know about this.”

“She knows.” Nathan’s eyes widen with shock and I have to fight back a smile, “She told me to choose her over Leanna if I want to stay with Phil. She knows and she understands. Emily’s okay with this.”

Nathan stands in silence for a few moments. When he finally speaks, his tone is a bit shaky, “She’s not. She may understand, but she could never be okay with this.” I look at him confused, wondering how he can be so sure. “I spoke to Emily, while she was here. She is the sweetest woman I’ve ever met. She talked about Araneacyre the entire time, about raising her children along the sea side, how it’s been her dream since she played on the beach with Manda when she was just a baby.” He looks at me and I can see the accusation in his eyes even as he tries to conceal it. “She can’t do that is she marries you.”

I don’t need to hear this right now. I don’t need him making me feel even guiltier. “There really isn’t anything I can do about that at this point, is there?”

He turns to face the window but I think I catch his eyes dart to the desk first, “No. There’s nothing _you_ can do right now.”

I’m about to ask him what he means by that but he cuts me off, “Dan, can I- can I, erm, have the day off?” When he turns back to look at me I see the exhaustion in his face. For the first time this morning I realize that, of course, he never got back to sleep after what I said…

“Of course, take as long as you need.” I say, holding the sadness out of my voice. I hate hurting him. It’s not fair that he has to get caught in my mess as well. “Nathan,” I whisper as he’s about to leave. “I do love you, I have since I was ten. I just want you to know that that hasn’t gone away just because of Phil.”

I look up and see a sad smile on his face before I look back to the ground, “I know. I won’t need long, just…” he lets out a shaky breath, “Just give me the day. I just, I need some time to get my shit together Daniel, and I can’t do that right now with you here.”

“Okay.”

The door begins to close and I put my face in my hands. Nathan’s voice makes me perk back up momentarily, “I’ll be back tonight to start the preparations for Emily’s arrival. She should be here within the week.”

I nod and thank him waiting for him to leave before dragging myself off the floor. I drop the bar across the door and climb back into bed. Maybe if I fall asleep, I’ll wake up back before the suitors came. I sigh, _if only._


	23. Worth it

Chapter 23: Worth it

“Stop” I groan as I pull myself out of bed, the knocking on the door increasing in intensity. I wonder vaguely where Nathan got to after spending the night with me, why he isn’t answering the door. My annoyance only increases when I see that the door bar isn’t down on my door, meaning whoever is knocking could have simply come in. I don’t even bother to put on my robe when I open the door just enough to stick my head around to see who is so insistent to wake me up.

I had full intentions to be rude and demanding to the person on the other side of the door, but my anger wanes when I open it and have to look down to see the person knocking. There’s a little boy, one of the kitchen boys, Matthew I think I remember his name being, standing there looking a bit startled to see me. “What is it, Matthew?” I ask with a bit of worry in my voice.

“Princess Emily is here!” He says, keeping his tone low to match mine. My eyes widen with shock, she’s early by at least a day. We have everything prepared for their arrival tomorrow… “My friend saw her outside the city, she’s alone.”

I shake my head trying to make sense of everything. “Who else knows she’s here?”

“The people at the gate to the city. Other people were sent to tell the castle but I run fastest and I thought you should know first.” The boy explains and now that he’s mentioned it I can see his chest heaving from the run.

I thank him for telling me and rush to get ready. I throw on the same outfit I wore the first time I met her, remembering how nervous I was then and how that doesn’t even compare to how I feel now.

“Don’t forget your crown!” Matthew says when I reopen the door to the hallway. Sighing I rush back into the room and place the crown carefully on my head. I never wear this thing if I can help it. Everyone already knows who I am, I don’t need a stupid gold band on my head to prove it. All it really does is make it harder for me to adjust my hair.

Rushing through the castle I manage to meet Emily right as she walks up to the gate. I order the gate open and hold my arms open, waiting for her. She runs into them and, travel stained and exhausted as she no doubt is, the enthusiasm in our hug is contagious to both of us. In all honesty, I have missed this girl as much as her brother.

When we break apart I want to ask her about why she’s here early, but something in her eyes stops me. She gives me a gentle smile before shifting slightly, causing me to drop her hands which I had been holding. Glancing around, she whispers just loudly enough for the castle gate keeper to hear her as she addresses me, “I want to see the orphanage you visited when we left here to go to Araneacyre.”

Taken aback my response is immediate, “Emily, princess, are you sure now is the time for that?” I pull her closer, meaning to make the conversation more private as people are beginning to gather around both outside and inside of the gate, interested in seeing the visiting princess.

Emily, however, backs away. Her voice is low, but clear enough to carry to the closest of the onlookers, “I want to see him, Daniel.” Her mouth is set in a firm line, eyebrows slanted down in the slightest display of anger. To complete the scene, she crosses her arms over her chest and shifts her weight to one foot, looking at me as if daring me to decline.

_What is going on here? This is not like Emily at all_ … I mimic her posture, pretending to be considering the matter while I’m really just trying to buy a little time to discover what she’s trying to do. When our gazes lock together, her face stays completely still, but her eyes shine. Something behind them telling me that everything is going to be alright. Telling me to just play along with it, she knows what she’s doing.

“Open the gate,” I instruct to the man who just finished shutting it a moment ago. The onlookers scurry as I wrap an arm around Emily’s waist to lead her to our destination. I can’t exactly refuse the princess in front of witnesses, plus I want to see him again as well. Every street we pass just sends more people moving to tell their friends about where we’re going. With each passing person, I force myself to keep my breaths calm, knowing that the rumours circulating are going to be ridiculously inflamed by our visit. I remind myself that the rumours are worth it if they make it easier for me to visit Marcus more frequently, even if they make things harder with my father. As we walk to the orphanage we shift to holding hands, Emily in her travel clothes while I am dressed head to toe in my most princely attire. I’ve never looked like this visiting the children but I’m sure they’ll love seeing it. They all know I’m the prince even if I don’t dress like one.

As the building comes into view the children rush outside to meet us. They aren’t dressed for the weather so I begin to worry, but a few minutes won’t hurt anyone and they’ve been cooped up inside for the past several days since the cold snap started. Without hesitation, I crouch down and scoop up the curly haired toddler running towards me with more enthusiasm than any of the other children. I spin him above my head in the street, drawing even more attention from the people walking by as Marcus emits shrieks of laughter, but I couldn’t care less what they’re thinking at the moment. Marcus is in my arms and he’s happy. I’d never be so cruel as to ignore him just because we have company watching.

My eyes have not left Emily’s face for more than two seconds this entire time.

Her face is set like a mask, confusion and sadness etched into every part of it. At least, that’s how it looks to everyone else. But I know Emily better than that, I can see the happiness blazing in her eyes behind the mask she’s created as she watches the little boy shout with glee. _Why is she putting on an act? For the crowd?_

Emily knows Marcus isn’t mine, she must. Phil must have told her about him, there’s no other way she could have known. I didn’t expect Phil to say anything… Even if no one had told exactly about him, surely she would know that I could not have a child. Not that I’m ashamed of this little boy, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just, it feels strange for some reason.

We herd the children back inside and the caretakers shut the doors behind us, mercifully blocking off the view of the onlookers. The children, seeing nothing special about Emily as they don’t know who she is, go right back to playing their games so I can sit with Marcus like I normally do. One little girl comes up to us as we settle down on a bench along the wall, “Prince Daniel, is Nathan coming today too?”

I smile at her question but shake my head, “I’m sorry, Julie. He’s still in the castle.” Her little pout brings a laugh to my lips, “It’s not like you haven’t seen him. He was here just a few days ago!” I remind her.

She tilts her head, “I didn’t see him…” Julie looks around as if something in the room will bring the memory back to her. When she returns her gaze to me and sees Marcus fidgeting she brightens up, “Tell him to visit again soon, we all miss him! Have fun with Prince Daniel, Marcus,” She says, addressing the boy before going to join the group of girls getting ready to help with lunch.

“You’re so sweet to them,” Emily comments as she takes a seat next to me.

I look down at Marcus for a moment and shift him so that he’s resting half on my lap and half on Emily’s, “They’re my people, Em. A prince should care for his people, all of them.”

Marcus spins in our arms to look at the woman sharing him with me, “Hi, Em. My name is Marcus.” He says very slowly and with the importance than only a child can give to such a simple sentence.

“Why, hello Marcus,” She says tickling the little boy just enough to make him giggle, “Are you happy I brought Dan to visit?”

He snuggles up against my chest, crawling off Emily to be able to rest his head right beneath mine. “Uh huh,” He confirms as I kiss his soft curls as they tickle my chin. I place my crown on his head as a reward for being happy to see me and he instantly begins playing with it.

“Emily, why are we here?” I ask her in a voice so soft only she can hear it as Marcus hums to himself while twirling the ring of gold around one of his arms.

Her smile from watching him manhandle my crown becomes a little fixed, “I just wanted to meet him.”

“If that’s all, then why did you ask in public? I could easily have brought you here another time. If you know about him then you know what people think.”

“Yes, I know.” She says softly, running her hand first through his hair and then through mine.

Knowing that she’s not going to say anything else on the matter, I decide it’s better not to push. I’ll find out soon enough.

We only stay in the orphanage for a little while after that. Just long enough to ensure that Marcus and all the other children are happy and healthy. While I make quick rounds to talk to everybody, Emily tells Marcus about Araneacyre and what it’s like to live in such a different kingdom. When I get back to them, Emily lifts the little boy up so he can put the crown back on my head. I give him a fierce hug goodbye and a kiss before I exit with Emily back out onto the street. People from all over the city found some reason or another to linger on the street and I did my best to ignore them as I lead Emily away from the orphanage.

When we get back to the castle my breath catches in my throat as I see the king waiting for us at the base of the main staircase, just inside the doors. With a smile like I’ve never seen before, he embraces Emily like she is already his daughter. “Welcome, Princess Emily. You grace us with your presence a day early?”

She curtsies upon breaking the embrace. “Yes, Your Majesty. I apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused, but we have urgent business to attend to, do we not?”

“Not so urgent that you need put yourself at any rush, my dear.” The king says, clearly calm and secure in the proceedings now that a suitor has presented herself at our doors. “Take some time to relax after your travels. I am sure you would like to wash up and rest. You’d do well to eat some lunch soon as well. We can gather in my council chambers after dinner to discuss the reason for your visit.”

As he turns to leave Emily produces a light cough to catch his attention and I have to suppress my immediate reaction to gasp. “Actually, your Majesty, I have travelled quite far and rather hard to arrive today. I would prefer to meet with your council as soon as possible, there is no use putting off this matter any longer.”

My own surprise is echoed in the king’s face at Emily’s request. “As you will, my dear. We can meet immediately as soon as my council can assemble.”

“Emily,” I break into this conversation, “Perhaps we could take a few moments to talk prior to going before the council?” Not waiting for her response, I address my father, “We will be at the chambers before the hour is out.” That should give us only about fifteen minutes, but I am worried that asking for more time would go against whatever Emily seems to be dying to say to the council. And with that I wait for Emily’s response, hoping she will acquiesce.

Emily smiles at my father with a clear _we’ll be right back_ look on her face as she takes my hand and practically drags me up to my chambers. I wonder for a moment how she even knows where they are considering that she has never been in them before. Then again, living in the castle for a month, she most likely took time to explore it and discover where everything is. When we reach my chambers, I open the door to see Nathan perched on the edge of the table looking nervous.

Emily’s carefully constructed composure shatters as soon as she sees him. She lets out a soft sob and begins to shake her head. Instinctively, I wrap an arm around her waist and hold her hand to try to offer some comfort to her. “Em, everything’s alright.” I lean forward so she can see my face better, but she’s not looking at me. I follow her gaze and look at Nathan, silently inquiring as to why his presence seems to have affected her so much. But he’s not looking at me either. Their eyes are locked together, silently communicating something I cannot hope to understand.

“I don’t think I can do this, Nathan. I-I’m just not good enough to pull this off.” Emily breaks the silence with a shattered voice.

Nathan slides off the table and moves forward, hesitating for a moment before holding his arms open. To my confusion, Emily slips out of my arms and allows herself to be wrapped in my butler’s. A mix of emotions from sadness to jealously flairs up inside me but confusion wins out as I watch them.

“You’ll be brilliant,” Nathan says and Emily just continues to shake her head in denial to whatever he’s suggesting. He leans his head down to whisper into her ear, her hair obscuring my view of his mouth so I cannot make out the words. After a moment, Nathan backs away to the desk leaving Emily standing in the middle of the room and me still rooted at the doorway.

“What’s going on here?” I ask, looking back and forth between them as if the answer is written in the air for me to read.

Emily stays still, taking a few deep breaths to collect herself before looking at Nathan. She opens her mouth like she’s ready to argue with whatever he just told her but he beats her to it, “There isn’t time,” He whispers harshly, glancing out the window to check the sun. He nods curtly to Emily and begins collecting things from around the room, like he’s suddenly remembered he was meant to be cleaning this whole time or something.

I just stutter in confusion until Emily grabs my hand firmly. “Come on,” She says, her face back in its perfectly composed mask, “It’s time to talk to your father.”

I plant my feet firmer, refusing to move as she pulls against my arm. “What’s going on here?” I repeat, allowing some of the anger I’ve been feeling since realizing that I’ve been left out of whatever these two of been planning to slip into my voice.

Nathan turns to look at me, his expression unreadable. He walks forward and gently presses his lips to my forehead, his hands going to my hair only to straighten my crown. “Go.” When I move to protest, he shakes his head and pulls me into a full kiss, wrapping me tightly and holding us together for a few moments until he breaks us apart and whispers, “Everything will be okay my love.”

I’m stunned for a moment and Emily takes that as her chance to get me moving. She pulls me down to the council chambers as my mind is spinning. Not only did Nathan just kiss me for the first time since he walked out three days ago, he did it in front of Emily. _And she didn’t react, at all_.

Before I can work out something to say to her, we’re in the hallway leading to the council chambers. Emily leads us straight up to the door and knocks on it firmly.

We walk in and take our seats along the side of the long table. My father takes the king’s spot at the head of the table, closest to the door, but I always prefer to sit amongst the lords where it is easier to hear everyone’s voice. As per usual, the council talks for what feels like an eternity before getting to the point. It takes Emily standing and pressing her chair against the table for everyone to finally shut up and remember why we are here.

“I will not take up any more of your time, my lords.” Emily begins, looking over the table. “I know you are all here to assist the king in planning the intricacies of a match between myself and Prince Daniel.” She pauses and I feel her hand trace gently along my arm as she takes a breath. Then her eyes fall directly on my father as she announces, “But no such match will be taking place.”

“My dear princess,” My father says lightly, “The agreement has already been made. If you are the woman my son has chosen, then you _will_ be his bride.”

Emily releases her voice in a single chuckle of contempt. “I am no mere Ithotrian maid, Your Majesty. You cannot order me around so easily.”

Though there is no sound, I can almost feel the collective intake of breath from the members of the council as they await my father’s reply.

“Emily,” I say gently, grabbing hold of her arm, “Sit back down, love. Let’s talk this through.”

“There is nothing to talk about, Daniel. I have made my choice.” The meaning of her words is not lost on me. All along we have pretended that the choice was mine alone, but Emily has always known that she is the one who holds the real power at this point in the arrangement. She’s from Araneacyre, born with the power to choose her lover and not even the king and queen can take that power away from their daughter without amending their laws.

“You do not have a choice in the matter,” My father says, his voice deadly quiet but still managing to carry across the room. “The king and queen of Araneacyre promised either of their daughters to my son before you even arrived.”

Emily stands tall, letting a smile play on her lips. “I am a princess of Araneacyre. Of a land where my _sister_ will be queen. Of a land where marriages are made for love, not politics.” The exact opposite of my father, Emily’s voice gets louder and clearer with each passing sentence. “Of a land where women are free to make their own choices. I am not bound by any promises my parents may have made.”

As can be expected, general uproar ensues as she finishes her little speech. With all of the lords talking over each other, I stand to be able to speak to Emily better. The clamour in the room is loud enough to ensure I won’t be heard but I turn from the table so that my mouth will not be visible to anyone either as I ask, “I don’t know what you’re planning or what Nathan has told you, but please tell me you thought this through.” She nods simply and waits for the noise to settle or for one voice to win out over the others. 

“You would be queen!” One of the lord’s shouts.

“If the price is a life of sadness and a loveless marriage, it is not worth it.” She looks directly at the lord who spoke, “I would rather be a peasant.”

“Prince Daniel, say something!” The lord next to my father says into the now comparably quiet chamber.

She turns to me and I see the chance she’s giving me. Whatever she planned out beforehand, whatever Nathan was implying, whatever her intentions are, she’s still not going to be the one to out me to my father. My final choice. I can beg her to stay now, and she will, despite the truth in her words. She would do that for me and for Phil. I can condemn both of us to this loveless marriage or-

“Follow your heart, Prince Daniel. I know it doesn’t lie with me.”

Silence falls over the chamber as her words register with the collected lords. “What are you implying, princess?” Lord Benjamin asks, looking around at the other men at the table.

My choice made, I decide to play along. This is most likely going to go horribly wrong, but Emily is trying to provide me a way out of this marriage and I latch onto it like a lifeline. But if it’s going to work, this has to be convincing. “I think it’s quite obvious what she’s implying.” I hiss, taking an angry step forward.

I expected Emily to recoil slightly, but her response is even better. She boldly bucks forward, standing defiantly and staring directly at me, “Are you going to make me say it, Prince Daniel?” Her voice makes it clear that the threat is serious, but as I am the only one with a clear view of her face she gives me a gentle smile to let me know that she has no intentions of telling them anything.

“Just get out of here,” I declare loudly over the outbreak of “say what?” from the council.

“Fine.” She struts past everyone but only my eyes follow her, everyone else is focused on me. Using this to her advantage Emily turns and mouths the word “Phil” before reaching the door.

“Emily,” I nearly shout and she feigns turning around in surprise as the lords and my father whip their heads to finally look at her. “This isn’t over. I expect to speak with your brother upon his arrival.”

“As you will, he should be here at any time. I’m sure he left the inn immediately upon noticing my absence this morning.” She curtsies before opening the door, “But I’m afraid he has no more say in the matter than you do, my prince. I saw everything I needed to see upon my arrival. My choice is made, I’m going home.”

I have to fight to keep my excitement under control as the door closes behind her. Not only did she manage to postpone the marriage, but her response just confirmed that Phil is indeed coming.

This act would not have been believed in Araneacyre where everyone knows their dear princess well enough to know her nature. But no one here paid her hardly any mind, making this plan that much easier to pull off. It is with that realization that I finally understand that this isn’t Emily’s plan at all. It’s Nathan’s. Only he would be bold enough to make a plan like this, because only he would be able to anticipate the reactions of the Ithotrian lords.

The backlash of what she had to say to be able to make that exit however hits me as soon as I turn my attention back to the council. My father is sitting at the head of the table and even from this distance I can see the fury burning like fire in his eyes from my failing to secure what he was sure was an easy match.

“Daniel,” the nearest of the lords says, shattering the tension in the room, “ _What_ did you do to make such a willing suitor so angry?”

I sigh and pretend to let my defences down while really building them even higher, “She was never that willing, that’s what drew me to her. She was the most interesting.” I shake my head as if thoroughly baffled by the turn of events that just unfolded. “Nothing is decided for sure until I speak with Prince Philip.”

“You think he’ll be able to talk some sense into that little filly. She’s a fiery one, Prince Daniel.”

“That she is, Lord Reed. That she is…” I muse for a moment. “And that’s why I want her above any other woman as my queen.” Before any one at the table has the chance to respond to that statement, I keep talking. “I have to go to the city gate. I want to see Prince Philip as soon as he arrives.”

I don’t wait for comment as I walk directly to the door. My stride falters as I hear my father’s voice but for once what he says is actually a good idea, “Intercept the princess if you can. We don’t want her storming out and having rumours spread about what may have happened. Her room is prepared, and even after her little outburst, she is welcome to stay here until her party arrives.”

“Yes sir,”

I rush through the castle and nearly run into Matthew at the main doors. “Princess Emily went back upstairs, Prince Dan.” He says as I go to exit through the doors behind him. I nod to him to show that he’s understood even though I don’t know why Emily would have stayed in the castle. Maybe Nathan guessed that she would have been invited to stay anyway…

I shrug it off as I go to the stables to get my stallion to ride down to the city gates. Onlookers don’t seem nearly as interested this time, meaning what happened in the castle has stayed there for the time being. All they see now is their prince riding out to meet the rest of the Araneacyrean party.

I don’t have long to wait at the gates to the city either. Within half an hour a horse appears in the distance, riding hard for the city. I order the gates open and ride out to meet my prince, with a smile broadly displayed on my face.


	24. Reunited

Chapter 24: Reunited

“Phil!” I shout with joy as my horse rides up to his. His eyes widen with shock as I lean off my mount to embrace him. This results in both of us being jerked almost entirely off of the horses but I just let out a laugh and take hold of Phil’s hands, urging him to join me on my horse as his is bound to be too tired to carry both of us.

“Dan, where’s Emily?” He says with an extreme edge of panic in his voice. “Is she here? Did she come to the castle?”

Slightly taken aback by his tone I rush to calm his nerves, “She’s fine Phil.” I give his hands a gentle squeeze, “She arrived a few hours ago. I’ll admit we weren’t expecting her, but she’s here.”

“And she’s alright? Yeah? She’s safe in the castle?” His voice is full of relief, but there’s a note of disbelief that isn’t sitting well with me. Now he knows she’s here, why wouldn’t she be safe? That last question sounded a lot more like he was asking if it’s safe for her to be in the castle… Maybe I’m just paranoid.

“Of course she is, Phil,” I say, keeping my paranoia out of my voice. “She’s with Nathan right now, she’s perfectly safe.”

“You’re sure?” He asks, the worry lines on his face growing deeper with every passing second instead of smoothing out like they should be doing.

“Yes!” I sigh with exasperation and force a smile onto my face, “Why do you keep asking that?”

Without speaking, Phil drops one of my hands and stretches forward to brush the back of his hand against my cheek. It comes away wet, and he just raises an eyebrow at me in question.

I shake my head and scoff at him, brushing away the rest of my tears myself, “Would you just get on my horse already so I have an excuse to cuddle against you as we head to the castle?”

Phil doesn’t move. He’s persistent, that’s one of those qualities I thought I missed about him, but, now I’m not too sure. “Dan, if Emily’s fine then why are you crying? Something’s wrong, something you’re not telling me.”

“I’m sorry I can’t control my emotions as well as you when I see my love for the first time in over a month!” I explode, causing both of our horses to shift nervously, but that doesn’t stop me now that I’ve started. “I’m sorry for crying out of sheer happiness at the fact that you’re actually here when I thought you’d read my letter wrong and assumed that you weren’t supposed to come. Sorry I turn into a blubbering idiot when I get to look into your beautiful eyes that I try to think of every time I need to be happy. Sorry that I’m crying because we haven’t hugged yet and I just want to feel arms wrapped around me knowing they belong to someone who loves me.” My eyes haven’t left his face the whole time I’ve been talking. Though I feel the tears becoming thicker and thicker with each word, I’m not quite finished yet, “I’m crying because I missed you. I’m crying because I love you. I’m crying because you look so upset and I just want everything to be okay so I can see you smile. I’m crying because you’re actually here and for the first time since this whole mess started I actually feel like there might be some hope for us.” Flushing with emotion, I angrily wipe the still falling tears from my eyes and turn away. I direct my stallion to move a few feet away so I don’t have to see Phil’s reaction to that waterfall of embarrassment that just poured from my mouth. It’s all true, but I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I sounded like a woman.

I take deep breathes to stay my tears as I look up at the castle in the distance. We’re far enough away from the gates that the guards will not be able to see my face or hear my shouts. But that scene will not have gone unnoticed. Then again, I reason as I try to steady my rapidly beating heart, it may have helped us. It probably looked like I was mad at Phil and rumours of this are bound to reach the castle before we do. With any luck my father will think that I got angry with Phil for what happened with Emily. Emily… I still need to sort out exactly what happened there but Nathan seems to have planned this to cover just about everything. But why did Emily not clue in Phil, he seems completely unaware of what’s going on. I wonder if he planned the orphanage visit as well…

I’m shaken from my thoughts as I feel arms wrap around me and lips press against the back of my neck so the action will not be seen by anyone watching from the town. I hadn’t even noticed that Phil climbed on my stallion. “I’m also sorry that I freaked out like that. I just have been keeping all of these emotions trapped inside me and I just… Phil, I’ve missed you so much.”

“You have no idea how much it hurt to be away from you. No one knows about us here, but at home everyone in the palace just looks at me with pity since you’ve left.” His embrace tightens but I lean into it anyway. The pressure against my chest is working wonders to still my hectic breathing, even if it isn’t helping to calm my heart at all.

“At least you didn’t have to hide how you were feeling.” I mutter, unable to keep a bitter note out of my voice, “I couldn’t even mention your name without causing suspicion or making someone upset.”

“I know, love.” Phil says before kissing my neck again. We sit in silence for a moment as Phil’s horse moves up alongside mine. “Who got upset from hearing my name? Surely your father doesn’t suspect us that much that just mentioning me would cause a reaction.”

“No… it’s just,” I have to tell him about Nathan, I know that. But is this really the time to do it? _The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to sound once you do tell him_. These voices really need to shut up. As if in response, the voice grows stronger. _Or you could just not tell him. That’s the only way to stop him from getting hurt._ I can’t do that. He deserves to know. He loves me, he’ll understand. _Yes, he’ll be so understanding about you having sex with your best friend just because he wasn’t there to satisfy you_. That’s not why we did it! I’ve never thought of Nathan as a replacement for Phil. _That makes it worse. That means you saw him as a lover._ Seriously, shut up. I love Nathan, he’s my best friend and yeah, he’s good in bed. But I’m in love with Phil and he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matter what. _Better start with that then._

I shake my head and a shiver runs through my entire body. That mental conversation only lasted about two seconds but it was long enough for Phil to pick up my hesitancy. “Any you okay, Dan?”

I let out a deep breath and just go for it, “Nathan was the one who got upset when I mentioned your name.”

A light chuckle meets my ears, “Of course he got upset. The man loves you, you have to have known that.” I shift to look at him and see his laughing eyes widen when he catches the look on my face, “Oh, no. Dan, you didn’t go on about me where he could hear did you? That would have really hurt, imagine me talking to you about someone else.”

“You knew he loved me?”

“You didn’t?”

I did, but not in that way. Why wait, this is going to hurt no matter how I say it. “I didn’t until he kissed me back.”

Phil’s entire body stiffens for a second and his breath gets a bit shaky. “Why did you kiss him?”

Honestly time. “Because I was confused and Nathan was there to show me the way. Phil, do you remember when I wrote you saying that I finally know who I am and what I want?” I feel him nod against my back, “That was because Nathan wouldn’t let the subject drop of why I was pining over Araneacyre. He finally realized it was because I was missing you and he got me to admit, for the first time in my life, that I like men. That I always have and that it’s who I am and that there’s nothing I can do to change it.

“Phil, I was stupid and curious so I kissed him and then we, well, I wanted to know if it was true. I wanted to know if I could feel good with other men. I’m sorry, that sounds so horrible now that I’ve said it out loud.” I groan and hide my face in my hands. Phil says nothing, but he still has his arms around me. I focus on that as I compose myself enough to continue. “He broke everything off when he realized that I don’t love him as he loves me. And, like the friend he is, he’s been putting all of his efforts into creating a way for you and me to be together. But like the self-absorbed idiot I am, I didn’t notice until Emily got here.”

The silence after I stop talking grows and grows. I place my hands on Phil’s and intertwine my fingers with his. He allows it but doesn’t help make the process any easier. “Phil, please, I’m begging you. Say something?”

“Do you regret doing it?” He asks in a shaky voice.

I blink back tears that are forming. I want to say that I regret it. I want to tell him that it was a huge mistake and that I wish it had never happened. But I told myself I’d be honest. “No. I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t been with Nathan I would never have truly understood what we have. Would never have realized how much you mean to me.”

He takes a few breathes before asking another question. Stronger this time, “Do you regret telling me?”

I shake my head, “I’m ashamed of what I did, but I never meant to hide it from you.”

“Dan, this is a lot to handle right now.” He whispers into my shoulder.

“Can you ever forgive me for this?” I ask, holding my breath for his answer.

I jump a little when I hear his soft laugh. “Love, you’re already forgiven.”

“Why?”

He sighs and turns my body so that he can see my face. His voice takes on the quality of an adult patiently explaining a situation to a child. “I’m not happy. I’m hurt and this is going to take a while for me to get over. But I can’t blame you for questioning yourself, I just wish that wasn’t how you did it.” I see him blinking back tears. Despite what he’s saying I can tell I’m not forgiven. Not yet at least. But I just squeeze his hand to encourage him to continue, “Did you mean everything you said before? When you were crying?”

I nod, “Every word of it.”

He presses a chaste kiss to my cheek. “Then we can talk about this more later. And Dan, I need you to talk about this more later, I just don’t really understand. But I think we’ve kept those guards waiting long enough.”

I hold my confusion in for now. “You’re right, let’s go.” I urge my stallion on and Phil’s horse follows right behind us as we trot to the gates and up to the castle.

My thoughts are a jumbled mess, but the winning emotion is happiness. He’s not angry with me! Well, I mean, I’m sure he’s furious with me, but he still loves me. He’s still with me. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it stays that way.


	25. The truth at last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late! I tried to upload last night but the site was down. But, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 25: The truth at last

When we get up to the castle one of my father’s attendants is standing at the entrance way. Before I can even open my mouth, he is escorting us up to the king’s room.

He walks away once he brings us to the door, still not saying a word. Phil grabs my hand once the servant turns the corner out of sight. He raises an eyebrow but I just shrug, preparing for the worst to confront us once we enter the room. I take a deep breath and pull Phil in for a kiss before opening the door. He stays my hand on the doorknob and holds the kiss for just a few seconds longer before breaking apart and allowing me to open the door.

My father starts on Phil immediately, “Explain your sister’s actions.”

Phil merely tilts his head before walking forward and placing his arms on the back of one of the chairs opposite where my father is standing. “I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure what is going on here, your Majesty. What is it exactly that my sister has done?”

My father’s rant about Emily’s refusal this morning falls on my deaf ears. I stay by the door, unwilling to be part of this conversation and hoping that Phil will be able to handle my father on his own.

Phil doesn’t even blink as he listens to the king explain why he’s angry at Emily. The visiting prince just shakes his head with an amused smile on his face once my father stops speaking. “I have never been able to control my sister, nor do I miraculously have that power now. My parents do not control my sister. Emily has her own mind, her own life… My little sister is free to make her own choices. I cannot make her change her mind.” He pauses for a moment as if considering. “And even if I could, I would never make her do anything that would make her unhappy.”

If the king was angry before, these words have just served to make him furious. He bolts forward and grabs at Phil’s chest, bunching up his shirt and forcing the visiting prince to look down the few inches it takes to be on an equal level with him. “You and your _darling_ little sister are going back on your family’s agreement. I never took Araneacyre for a kingdom of liars.” He spits in Phil’s face as he releases him, shoving him backwards before retreating back to his desk.

I’m tempted to step forward, to say something. But I don’t. I want to know how Phil will react. If he’s going to stand by me when I inherit my throne… I need to know how he handles dealings with other kings. _But if things get worse, I’ll have to step in._

Phil doesn’t move once he regains his ground. “Your Majesty,” He begins, keeping the formality that my father so unceremoniously dropped, “You knew the traditions of my people long before you invited us to send members of our family for your son’s consideration. And that is exactly what happened. You invited us. My parents did not ask to marry one of their children to your son. I read the invitation, your Majesty, and we were invited to visit, to meet the prince, and to maybe have a chance at marrying him. Nothing was promised, nothing was guaranteed.”

The king says nothing, waiting for Phil to continue. He seems to regret his little attack against Phil, but it’s clear that his feelings on the matter haven’t changed.

“Well, we met Prince Daniel. And we’ve seen the kingdom.” Phil says motioning around as if the whole of the kingdom could be seen from inside the room. “And quite frankly, I don’t believe that Emily is saying no because of your son, he’s been nothing but lovely to my entire family.” Phil concludes, sliding back a few paces to stand next to me.

Repeatedly the king asks him to elaborate and he says nothing. Taking my cues from Phil, I too remain silent when my father turns his questioning to me. His sigh of frustration is audible even from across the room. He struts over to the door and vanishes behind it out into the hallway.

I feel Phil give my hand a gentle squeeze as we wait for my father to return. Strangely, we’re both completely calm in his absence.

When the door opens the king walks back in, followed by an attendant leading Emily by the arm. Gently, but it’s clear the princess has no choice in the matter.

She looks flustered upon arrival but composes herself very quickly. “What can I do for you, your Majesty? I spoke my piece this morning, I have nothing more to say on the matter.”

I see the anger boiling beneath my father’s skin and I’m reminded of the demon version of him from my nightmare. I step forward and am speaking before even having a chance to think about what I’m saying, “Emily, dear, just tell him the truth. Tell him everything, it’s alright.” I nod to her as if trying to console her. The “truth” is exactly what my father needs to hear right now, whatever beautiful story Emily and Nathan made up, it’s time for it to come to light.

“Dan,” She addresses me as a friend while my father looks on. The way she turns her body makes it seem as if she has eyes only for me, but her eyes flicker to check my father’s reaction frequently as she speaks. “I told you from the start, I will not marry into the Ithotrian royal family with the laws of this kingdom the way they are. _No one_ in my family will marry into you, my prince, with the laws the way they are. No matter how much they may want to.”

She doesn’t say which laws. She doesn’t need to.

My father decides to humour her for a moment, “And what if I were to change that law? That would suddenly be enough to make you marry my son and form this “loveless marriage” that you were rambling on about this morning.”

Like her brother, Emily doesn’t even blink at the acid in my father’s tone, “If Prince Daniel still asked me for my hand once that law is abolished, I would agree in a heartbeat.” Of course she would. If I could marry Phil but still chose to be with Emily she would know that I love her more than anything. No one could call that marriage loveless.

But I wouldn’t and she knows that. I would choose Phil. I _will_ choose Phil. Somehow…

“Somehow I find that very hard to believe.” The king says, looking at the siblings from the neighbouring kingdom. Phil wraps his arm protectively around his sister waiting for the king’s next words to fall. “And quite frankly, I don’t see the need to put your little suggestion to the test. That law is the result of centuries of tradition in Ithotria and the people still cheer when it is enforced.”

I manage to mask the fact that I just had to swallow back bile at the images coming to my mind at his words. Emily, however, makes no attempt to hide her disgust. “It’s barbaric.” She spits and leans into Phil’s chest as if she needs comforting.

“It is the only way to handle people like them.” My father shrugs off. “It does not affect you, young lady. You have nothing to worry about with this.” He continues, causing Emily to bury her face in Phil’s chest before reaching over and grasping my hand. The king looks down at our linked hands and then at me.

I ignore his gaze. Pulling Emily over to cradle her against me, I kiss her hair and whisper to her that everything’s alright to stop her tears from spilling over. “Of course she’s affected. A man she loves could be killed any moment just for being who he is according to the laws here.” I let the room fall silent after saying those words. Technically I was talking about Phil, but I know the king will take that as me outing myself to him.

He’s always suspected, but I can tell by the amount of time it takes this message to sink in that he never actually believed it. Or he didn’t want to believe it, so he convinced himself it wasn’t real or that it would just go away.

“My son is not-“ My father shakes his head, trying to throw off Emily’s suggestion.

“Yes, I am. And don’t act so surprised,” I add, as I shift Emily to stand behind me, “If you didn’t suspect it, you wouldn’t have warned me about ‘Araneacyrean ideas’ before I visited our neighbours.”

He’s stunned. I turn to the visiting royalty and grab both of them by the hand, dismissing ourselves as my father sinks into his chair. He’ll get his voice back soon enough, and I don’t want Emily to be within hearing distance when that happens. I especially don’t want Phil to be within arm’s reach.

Once outside the room, I drop their hands and rush up to my chambers with Emily and Phil trailing behind me. The door to my room is open, and Nathan is pacing nervously along the window. “Oh,” His breath explodes out of him, “I was so worried.” He pulls me in for a quick hug before moving to comfort Emily, who is still visibly shaken by what happened.

For a moment, the two of them ignore Phil and me as they share whatever they need to tell each other in a series of meaningful glances. I roll my eyes, amazed and exasperated at how fast they’ve managed to create this unspoken language between them.

“Everything seemed to have been working out,” Phil says to break the silence, “But did you plan on Dan telling his father that he’s in love with a man?”

Nathan whips his head around to look at me, “No, I didn’t.” He steps away from Emily, but after glancing at Phil, makes no moves to approach me. “Are you alright?” He waits for my nod of confirmation before releasing a sigh of relief. “Okay… Okay, this is okay. I – um, I can still make this work.” He mumbles to himself.

“Make what work?” Phil demands, clearly just containing his frustration at this whole situation. “What, exactly, are you planning here? Because whatever it is have put both Dan and my sister in danger.”

“Emily’s not in danger,” Nathan waves away, but he looks at me sadly. “But the rest of us are.”

“You didn’t answer the question.” Phil persists.

I walk over and place my hand on Phil’s shoulder, feeling the tension through his clothes and moving my hand in a gentle attempt to massage some of it away. “Please don’t get angry with him.” I say softly.

“Prince Philip,” I am saddened, but not surprised by Nathan’s formal tone, “I am only trying to do my job. And my job is to care for Dan.” Silence settles, but unlike earlier, this time it is a comfortable one. Phil’s finally realized what Emily and I have known since it became clear that Nathan was behind this. He’s just trying to find a way for Phil and me to be together, for me to be happy.

The silence lasts for a few minutes before Nathan leaves to bring up dinner. He returns with food for two, “Emily, I hope you don’t mind but I had your food brought to my chambers instead.” Emily nods with a smile, “I thought it would be best to give these two some time alone.”

It seems nice and considerate, but there’s something in Nathan’s tone that makes me wonder if there’s some other motive to this. If I didn’t know him better I would say that Nathan wants some alone time with Emily, but that’s not the case.

“Em, I don’t think that’s necessary,” Phil says as his sister goes to follow Nathan.

“Silly Philly,” She giggles kissing her brother on the cheek, “I’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t need to spend my night watching you two making love eyes at each other across the table, I saw that enough on our trip to the palace.” Emily gives me a kiss as well as I thank her for being so great about all of this.

Phil and I sit together, enjoying our dinner quietly, both thinking on the day’s events. “Care for a bath?” Phil says once we finish the food. I look him over and remember that he’s still covered in travel grime. “You set it up. I’ll get someone to clear this away.” I motion to the food on the table.

He smirks at me and slips off into the bath chamber. I help Nora, the first maid I would find, clear up the table before joining him. The bath is surprisingly relaxing. The warm water soothing and we take turns scrubbing each other, even though I’m pretty much clean.

As the bath drains, we dry ourselves off but don’t bother with clothes before returning to the bedroom. As soon as the bedchamber door is shut and locked, the kissing begins. I consider barring the door for a moment, but, as that would involve ending the kiss, I decide against it. It’s not like we’re a secret anymore. We fall onto the bed, keeping hold of every inch of each other that we can as our tongues fight for dominance.

“I love you,” Phil says as we break off the kiss. He rolls us onto our sides so that we can both look at each other comfortably.

I absentmindedly trail my hands along his bare chest but my eyes stay on his face. “I love you more.” It’s the first time I’ve said it directly to him, but it’s true.

Phil shakes his head with a little giggle, colour flooding his normally pale cheeks. He nestles his head into my shoulder, “I loved you first.”

Stroking his hair, I notice the brown coming through the black and it reminds me of travelling to Araneacyre together. I may not have realized it at the time, but that decision sealed my fate. “I’ll love you forever.” I reply, kissing the part of his forehead normally hidden by his fringe.

Somehow, Phil manages to cuddle even closer to me. Our legs intertwined, our chests pressed up against each other, arms holding each other close, one hand pressing into the small of the other’s back and the other hand tangled in our hair. He gently kisses my lips before letting his head fall forward so our foreheads almost rest against each other. “How is it that you came into my life so recently, but you’re the one thing I love too much to be able to live without?” He asks, lips brushing against mine as he speaks.

I shake my head instead of answering, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes at his words. _The one thing_ … I wish I felt the same way. I _want_ to feel the same way. Life would be so much easier if Phil was all I had to lose. But he’s not. I do love him too much to be able to live without him. The lengths I’m going to in order to stay with him should be enough to show that… But I couldn’t live without Marcus either. Or Nathan, even after all that’s happened between us. _Especially_ after all that’s happened between us. And my kingdom, I would never be able to live knowing I’d left my people. Even my crown. I can’t abandon my family’s legacy by leaving it no matter how much easier that would be.

I pull Phil into another kiss, sweet and lingering. My tears leave both of our faces wet and salty, but we don’t stop kissing. I shift to lift Phil on top of me. Feeling the pressure of his body on mine somehow helps clear my thoughts a little bit. Phil straddles me to make himself more comfortable. He breaks off the kiss just to trail his tongue down to the sensitive spot on my neck and starts sucking and nibbling at it, drawing moans of pleasure from my lips that I don’t even bother to conceal.

Let people hear us, let everyone know what’s happening in here. I arch my back to grind my hips against his, eliciting a groan from Phil as he removes his mouth from the bruise he’s no doubt left on my neck. He smirks as he reaches between my legs, brushing against my thighs but avoiding touching anything else. Just as he intended, this only serves to turn me on even more. I haven’t been dominated since leaving Araneacyre and as good as it is to be in Phil’s position, it’s even better to be laying beneath him.

It feels so good to be with him after so long. His hands trailing along my body leave my skin tingling. His lips on mine make me feel more alive than I have in months. When he’s inside me, pacing himself perfectly to my needs, I just lose myself. I come long before he does, but that doesn’t matter in the slightest.

When he’s done, Phil uses a discarded article of clothing to clean up the mess before curling up next to me again. We wrap ourselves together and pull the blankets around us to make a snuggly little cocoon. “It’s so good to be back,” Phil mumbles sleepily.

“Yeah,” I give him one last kiss before he drifts off, “It’s good to have you back, Phil.”

It’s as his breathing turns into light snores that my previous thoughts come back to me. I could see in his eyes that I really am what is keeping him going. His love for me truly is the most important thing in his life. _So why is it not the most important in mine?_ While I ponder that question, the answer eludes me, but it does make one realization come crashing down. I realize that it has to be all or nothing. Either I stay with Phil, protect Marcus, stay friends with Nathan, protect my people, and keep my crown… or I lose everything. There is no middle ground at all, no room for compromise.


	26. Are we ever ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I officially have the best readers ever, seriously you guys are so amazing to put up with me through all of this!!

Chapter 26: Are we ever ready?

I groan as my vision goes red from the sun shining through my eyelids. Rolling over so as not to face the window, I bump into a body lying next to me. I wrap my arms around Phil and kiss him awake. It feels amazing to wake up next to the man I love.

“No, tired.” Phil mumbles as he rolls over and buries his face in my chest. I laugh and hold him there for a few minutes. But I can’t enjoy this for too long. Today is going to be a nightmare once my father summons us, and I’m sure he will at some point.

“Okay,” I kiss Phil’s hair as I slide out of bed, “You sleep a little longer and I’ll start getting ready.” He grumbles as he falls forward onto the blankets instead of cuddling up against me.

Shaking my head, I go to my wardrobe and pick out some of my best princely attire, I’m going to need it. I place my crown on my head but leave the clothes along the edge of the bed to put on in a little bit as I can’t quite be bothered yet. I have to dig through Phil’s belongings for several minutes before I admit that there is simply nothing that he brought with him that looks princely enough, he wasn’t planning for a situation like this when he was packing. I toy with his belt and knife for a few moments, considering us lucky that at least he has no need for this here, things aren’t that bad… I’m sure I have something, but showing up in front of my father with Phil in my clothes will probably just add even more wood to the fire.

I sigh and lean up against my desk, causing some papers to fall to the floor. I look at the lightly folded pieces of parchment and recognize Nathan’s writing immediately. Diving to the floor, I snatch up the papers but it takes a moment of staring at them to comprehend what I’m seeing.

One was labelled Dan and the other Phil, both in Nathan’s handwriting. _Why would Nathan write us letters? Why separately? When did he come in to put them here? Why didn’t he just tell us whatever he wrote in them? What did he write in them? What is he doing that meant he had to write us letters?_ Questions swirl around in my head, bombarding my brain and making it impossible to come up with any answers.

“What do you have there?” Phil’s voice breaks into my mind.

Jarred out of my thoughts, I shake my head to signify that I’m not sure, “Letters from Nathan.” I say weakly.

“Letters? As in more than one?” Phil asks, propping himself up on one arm. “Why would he write more than one letter?”

“One’s for you.” I answer, holding up one of the pieces of paper to display the words “Prince Philip” written across the front of the folded part.

“Well,” Phil says, looking perplexed but strangely not worried, “Let’s see what they say then.”

Nodding in agreement, I open mine with trembling hands and begin reading as I walk to the bed to hand Phil his. The letters are sloppy and the ink smeared.

_Dan,_

_I’m sorry we haven’t had a chance to explain everything to you, but just know that I’m doing this to help you. Emily’s scared, Dan she’s terrified of what’s going to happen after the meeting with the king. She couldn’t tell me everything, she kept crying, but I get the main idea of what happened. I have to leave, I hope you understand that this is for the best. When you read this, I will be on the way to Araneacyre with Emily. We’ll intercept the others that were coming with her and Prince Philip and take them back with us._

_You’re mad, I know you are. But please, whether you understand or not, please this is critical, your father must think that everything happened because you ordered it. You told Emily to leave, you told me to go with her, and everything else. It doesn’t matter how you present it to your father, however you think is best based on how he’s asking. But Dan, please?_

_Dan, I love you. I promise I’ll see you again soon._

_Nathan._

My hand shakes more and more as I read on and when I finish I let the letter fall onto the bed. Phil opens his hesitantly upon seeing my response, but written on it is only a single sentence.

_If you really love him, don’t let him do anything stupid._

I sit on the bed next to Phil and try to take a moment for all of this to process. I don’t stop Phil as he leans down to retrieve my letter and read what it says as well.

“So, Nathan left. And he took Emily with him.” Phil says, trying to hold his voice steady as he can tell how unstable I am right now. “I’m sure he knows what he’s doing…”

“Yeah,” I breathe out, trying to wrap my mind about what his plan could possibly be.

I feel Phil wrap his arm around me and pull me against him, “He loves you, and he’d never do anything to hurt you.” He tries to sooth me by nuzzling my neck and rubbing his hand in slow little circles along my back, “Don’t you trust him?”

“Do _you_?”

Phil lets out a breath and flips the letter around in his free hand, glancing again at the words written on it, “You told me when we were in Araneacyre that he would do anything for you. I think he’s proving you right, right now.” He gives me a gentle squeeze, “Yes, I trust him.”

“I guess that’s all we can do right now.” I mumble and grab the letter from Phil, heading over to the desk. Carefully, I place the papers into the lamp and touch them to the flame, waiting patiently for them to catch fire and then holding them over the desk as they burn. I brush up the ashes and dispose of them before going to the bath chamber to wash the soot off my hands. I return to the bedchamber to see Phil serving himself food from a tray on the centre of the table next to a full skin of wine.

I walk over and grab the wine, ignoring the food. “Wine with breakfast?” I ask, not trying to hold back my laugh at the absurdity of this.

He giggles as well as he bites into his blueberry muffin, “We’re going to need it with the day you’re anticipating.”

“Good point,” I nod before taking a long swig of the red liquid. A tad sweet for my taste, but not too bad. Sitting across from him at the table, I hand the wine to him and begin eating as well. He takes a drink even larger than mine without hesitation, causing a smile to sprout on my face. At this rate, the whole thing will be gone while we both still have food on our plates.

After breakfast, we send the tray away and I invite Phil to join me for a bath as we basically undid any cleanliness we got from last night’s bath once we got into bed. The bath starts as relaxing as it did last night, but the serenity doesn’t last long. Even with the assistance of the wine my nerves are growing in anticipation of meeting with my father.

I kiss Phil’s arms as he wraps them around me, feeling my shaking. “It’s going to be alright, love. I promise.” He whispers, trailing kisses along my neck and collar.

I sigh and lean back against him, letting the closeness of his body calm me, “You know you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I don’t,” He replies firmly. Phil squeezes me tight before slipping away from me and climbing out of the tub. Holding out a hand to help me out as well, he says the words I’ve been putting off, “Come on. We can’t delay this much longer. It’s better to go to him on our terms than to be summoned.”

I groan as I allow him to pull me out of the bath and wrap me in a towel to dry. I know he’s right, but I don’t feel like admitting that right now. With a quick kiss, Phil vanishes back into the bedchamber but I stay alongside the bath, watching it drain as I slowly dry my body and hair. Between deep breaths and sips of wine, I begin to pull myself together and by the time I’m dry, I’m ready to go.

Upon entering the bedchamber, I instantly see one problem solved and wonder why I didn’t think of that first. Phil is standing by the wardrobe, staring at himself in the mirror dressed head to toe in gorgeous blue silk perfectly tailored to fit him like it never quite managed to do for me. He catches my eye in the mirror and smiles, “I wondered where this went. You could have asked before taking it, you know?”

I just shake my head and roll my eyes. They fall on the raiment laying across the bed. I raise an eyebrow at it and Phil just shrugs, “I think that’s the best outfit to go with this one. It’s what you wore that first night at dinner, remember?”

I smile at the memory as I put on the clothes, having a bit more difficulty this time without Nathan here to help me. Shivers run down my spine as Phil places my crown on my head and adjusts it into the curls, the exact way my butler used to. “No fair,” I grumble as I turn to look at him and see his crown resting simply against his black-as-night locks, “I didn’t get to help you with yours.”

This time is his turn to roll his eyes. He leans in for a gentle kiss, careful not to rumple either of our outfits. “I think this is the first time we’ve kissed as princes.”

“We’re always princes,” I say, confused.

“I meant dressed as them. I don’t think we’ve ever been wearing crowns before, at least we’ve never both been wearing them. It’s like we were both just playing at being a prince, now we finally look the part.” Phil says, leaning his head forward so our crowns clink against each other.

“You know,” I tilt my head to trail light kisses down his cheek and along his jaw, “I think you might be right about that.” Leaning against him for a few moments I allow myself just enough time to collect my thoughts. “But as princes we have to be more responsible that we usually are. When these crowns are on, we have duties to attend to. Including meeting my father.”

Phil nods and slips his hand in mine as I lead us out of the room and to my father’s chambers. We stay silent but never drop each other’s hand along the way. Too soon we reach his door and my breaths start coming in gasps, not prepared for this.

“Dan,” Phil tightens his hold on my hand, “I love you and we’re getting through this. We’re ready.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” I knock boldly on the door.

And wait. Then knock again… And wait. Waiting, waiting, waiting. With a groan of frustration, I reach out and turn the door handle before shoving the door inward. My father never uses his door bar.

I don’t know what I was expecting to see when I opened the door, but it wasn’t the sight in front of me. My father, more dishevelled than I’ve seen him in years, leaning over his desk with his head in his hands, ink smudged on his arm and face. His knife and scabbard lying haphazardly across the table. Papers scattered across the desk, ashes along the base of the lamp. The only light in the room is coming from the oil lamp on the desk and the tiny gaps in the curtains that are allowing in feeble rays of sunlight. His eyes hooded with tiredness, staring at the paper in front of him from between his splayed fingers.

That is, until he hears the door slam against the wall and his eyes snap up to look at us. They fall on Phil and the tiredness is replaced by anger that never managed to register fully yesterday. He has a target to blame for all of this, and he’s right here at the king’s doorway. “Get out of my sight,” He snarls.

“We’re not going anywhere,” I say, braver than I feel and pulling Phil closer to me by our conjoined hands.

My father doesn’t even bother to recognize that we’re linked together, “You, dear prince, are not going anywhere. But this, _visitor_ , is not welcome during this talk.”

“He’s not leaving.” I insist, “This has just as much to do with him as it does with me.”

“Oh, no.” The king shakes his head and raising to his feet, “This is solely a father to son matter.” His voice is deadly as he addresses Phil again, “You can leave of your own accord or I can have you escorted away.”

I feel a pressure in my hand as I continue to stare daggers at my father. Phil’s question is obvious even if it’s silent. _Should I leave?_ I return with a pressure of my own before allowing my hand to go limp in his. _Yes_.

Silently, Phil slips his hand out of mine and bends forward in a slight bow to the king before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

“Happy?” I quip, unable to stop myself.

“Not remotely,” He says, motioning to the chair opposite him as he sinks back into his seat, “Now come, we have some interesting business to discuss don’t we, Prince Daniel?”


	27. Trust

Chapter 27: Trust

I sit lightly on the high-backed chair, legs tensed, ready to get up in a split second if I need to. My whole body is screaming at me to run, to follow Phil. But I don’t let it show. I keep my face in an expressionless mask as I look at the man sitting opposite me. I have run and hid and cowered for far too long. I’ve obeyed against my better judgement and without question for years. But all of that ended when Phil entered my life. I blink to clear my thoughts and roll my neck slightly to rid myself of some tension. It’s time to face him.

“Would you like to start, or shall I?” I inquire.

“He’s gone.” My father states flatly. His head tilts to the side to indicate that he wants some sort of explanation.

_Okay, so he’s been keeping up with what’s going on in the castle, not just hiding in his room_. Nathan being gone shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise, “He is.” I affirm.

The king’s eyes flash with impatience, “Why is he gone?” He almost whispers.

“I ordered him to go,” I respond simply. A second of hesitation later I add a question of my own, “What other reason would there be for him to leave?”

“I’m sure there are plenty,” He hisses in response to my question. “However, I am more concerned with why you sent the boy away.”

My brain goes into slight panic mode at hearing the word boy. Nathan is nearly a decade older than me and, in all ways, a man. “That is what’s concerning you at the moment? With all else going on?”

“We will get to the rest in a moment. Now tell me, why did you send that child away?”

My brain seems to reach the answer subconsciously because as soon as I say it I know it’s true. “To keep him safe.” While the answer applies to both, he’s not talking about Nathan.

He’s talking about Marcus. Marcus is gone…

This morning’s letter comes back to me, _your father must think that everything happened because you ordered it. You told Emily to leave… and everything else.…_ Nathan took Marcus with him. He must think something bad is going to happen here, and soon. _But why didn’t he tell me?_

“Why would an orphan be in any danger?” The king probes, his eyes growing wider as his fears are being confirmed.

My thoughts come sluggishly, trying to piece this all together. If he knows about Marcus being gone so quickly, it means that he’s been having the boy watched. A missing orphan would otherwise never come to his attention. And if he’s been paying attention to Marcus that means he must at least slightly believe the rumours. Which Nathan must have been counting on if he took him. Now I just need to not interfere with whatever his plan is.

“It’s quite likely that there is going to be a bit of an issue within the castle considering I’ve refused to choose a bride.” I say, trying to draw attention from the situation though I know that he will persist. If I’ve kept the secret for three years, I wouldn’t give it up that easily now. “Anyone could be at risk. So, I sent Nathan to gather Emily and a few others and get out of the city.” I don’t know if anyone else went with Nathan, but I don’t want to exclude the possibility and risk being called out for it later.

The mention of Nathan’s name has the exact effect I wanted it too, though it hurts me to know that he’ll share in my father’s ever growing anger. “Oh, you will have a bride, whether you choose her or not. But more on that later. What exactly did you order your _butler_ to do?”

“I told Nathan to leave the city. Gather up the people who matter and turn the Araneacyrean caravan around. There will be no wedding, there is no longer a need for them.” I report as I keep my eyes level on his.

His jaw clenches at my insistence that there will not be a wedding, but he chooses the more pressing issue to address. “Those were your exact orders?”

“They were.” I confirm, fighting back a swallow as my mouth has gone dry.

A vein is popping at the side of my father’s face as he forces himself to appear calm, “And yet Prince Philip is still here…” He lets that hang in the air but I don’t rise to the bait. “Hmmm, why would your butler have considered this orphan to be among ‘the people who matter’?”

“We visit the orphanage quite often. Nathan and I grew very close to many of the children.” All true, but still not the answer he’s looking for.

“Why did you send them out of the city?” Undeterred but obviously less patient, my father tries to come at this situation in a different way.

A knock on the door interrupts my answer, “Your Majesty, the lords are assembling” A shy voice says as the door creeks open.

“They will have to wait,” My father all but barks back at the girl, who immediately drops into a curtsy, nodding, and runs off shutting the door behind her.

“Why?” He asks again.

“Because I’m in love with Prince Philip,” I explain, ignoring the spasm that shakes my father’s frame as I say the words, “and the backlash of that is bound to reach quite far. I want the people that matter to be out of harm’s way.”

“Nathan,” The name seems to stick in the king’s throat, “has never left your side while there was a chance of harm coming to you since being appointed to you. Despite his drawbacks, he was a devoted servant to you. Not even an order from his king would have made that man abandon his post if he believes the situation to be as dire as you do. What could be important enough to make him leave you now?”

“He loves me, and he trusts me.” _I wish the second half were true enough for him to have been trusting enough to explain his plan beforehand_.

“If he desires you as you claim, he’d never leave you when you believe yourself to be in danger, even if he himself was in danger.” I thought so as well…

“He _loves_ me,” I emphasize the word, and decide I’m not going to avoid saying it for much longer, “but he knows the love I have for Marcus. He would never let my son fall into harm. Until Prince Philip and I can be together without persecution, he would be in danger.”

At the word “son” the anger flows out of my father’s face. His shaking hand stills. “I assure you, no harm will come to your son,” his voice is soft, his head tilted slightly to the side. Then he stands fluidly and makes his way to the door, “I have a meeting with the lords now. We’ll have to save the rest of our conversation for a later time.”

And with that, he’s gone. I sit in shock, leaning back against the chair.

_What just happened?_

~~~

Back in my room I slam the door behind me. I ignore Phil on the bed as I groan in frustration. Shaking from head to toe, I march back and forth between the window and the door, ripping my fingers through my hair, trying to figure out what I said wrong. Clearly this isn’t what Nathan intended to happen. Why did he trust me with this? I’m not like him, I’m not good at planning things like this or following vague requests. I just put him and everyone around him in even more danger.

“Dan, calm down!” Phil says, pulling me out of my pacing and forcing me to sit next to him on the bed. “It sounds like things actually went okay with your father. I honestly was worried when you walked out of here this morning that you might not be coming back…” He pauses and shakes whatever mental image just came to his mind out of his head. “Why are you so stressed?”

“Why?” _How does he not see the problem?_ “Precisely because things ‘went okay.’ You didn’t see him, Phil, it was like something snapped inside him when I said Marcus is mine and he went from barely concealed fury to perfectly calm in the blink of an eye!”

I let that sink in for a moment, sure I’ve proven my point. But then Phil says, “Well, it makes sense for him to calm down when you say that, doesn’t it?”

“How does it make sense?” I groan in frustration, trying to get him to understand. “I just told my father that Nathan left the city on my command. That he escorted Emily on my command. That he turned the rest of the Araneacyreans around on my command. So, when he brings up Marcus I obviously had to say that that was on my command to. Why would it calm him down to know that I sent my son, his grandchild, _a future heir to this kingdom_ , away from here with my butler? No, not just my butler, a man my father knows has been sharing my bed on and off for years. And with his thoughts on men like you and me, I doubt he would believe that nothing happened between us, that Nathan didn’t force me into anything at any point in time, that he would never do that.”

Phil shuffles uncomfortably on the bed, “Probably because something did happen between you.”

“And I’m not denying that it did,” I say gently, realizing how my words must have come across to Phil, “But I told you, that was a mutual choice. No one was forced into anything.” I wait for his reaction to hearing this again, fearing the worst. With all that’s been happening we haven’t gotten around to that talk that Phil demanded before entering the city. But after a minute of silence Phil just gives my hand a gentle squeeze, urging me to continue. “He thinks we’re the worst type of human imaginable. That what we are is contagious. That we force it on innocents. If I “desire” men, because for some absurd reason he refuses to believe that I love them,” I pause and look over a Phil, whose still just looking at the bed where out interlaced hands are. I lean down and give him a quick peck, “That I love _you_. If I have feelings for men it must have come from somewhere as it surely cannot be natural… Phil, he blames Nathan, I know he does. Nathan knows it too, that’s why he ran. I don’t understand why he took Marcus, but my father did not act normal when he found out. That man would never be calm knowing that his grandson is travelling with the man that turned the heir to his kingdom into a dangerous criminal, because Phil, that’s how he sees us.”

Phil takes in my words and then pulls me into a long kiss, “I love you too,” he mumbles against my lips before we pull away.

I giggle and sigh in the same breath, “Is that all you took from what I said?”

“No,” Phil smirks, “But it was my favourite part. Dan, I think you’re missing a key point about what you told your father. You said Marcus is your son. I know that to you that means that you love him, raise him, want what’s best for him, visit him constantly, keep him happy, plan to adopt him, and just generally feel in your heart that he is your child. But the second those words left your mouth, I can guarantee what your father heard wasn’t ‘Marcus is my son.’ No, what your father heard was, ‘I slept with Marcus’ mother.’ To him you just admitted not only that you are clearly into women and maybe this being with men thing is just another attempt to get out of this forced marriage that you’re so clearly against, but you also secured that you cannot be the end of the lineage. You already have a child, there is an heir after you…” Phil swallows before continuing, his voice suddenly very dark. “And if you become too much to control, well, it’s not unheard of for a generation to be skipped and for a grandfather to raise a grandson to be king.”

“That’s illegal here as well,” I respond immediately. “My father is all about his laws and according to our laws it has to be the next male heir to turn twenty-one. While I’m still alive no one else could be king.”

“Exactly.” Phil whispers to our hands, not meeting my eyes.

And finally, his message sinks in. He thinks my father is calm because maybe I’m actually not into men, if I’ve clearly been with women before. And, even if I am, maybe he can steer me straight by threatening me with execution to have Marcus follow him instead. And if the threats don’t work, well, he has every legal right to carry them out. Of course he’s calm. He thinks he’s won.

I slump against him, completely defeated. Phil wraps his arms around my body and holds me tight against him like his embrace can protect me from all the evil in the world. “You’ll get through this. We’ll get through this.” He assures me in a hushed tone as he begins rocking us to try to soothe me.

“How can you say that with everything you just mentioned?” I ask.

“Like I said this morning, I trust Nathan.”


	28. He won

Chapter 28: He won

I spend the rest of the day in my quarters, keeping Phil by my side the entire time, still sure that my father plans to do something about this and just not sure when he will act. Periodically there is a knock at the door and Nora gives us a dazzling smile each time as she tosses back her straw-coloured hair before delivering her messages. These range from summons to meals, which we refuse and ask instead for food to be brought up to us, to messages from different lords offering their “advice” and views on the current situation, to whisperings from different castle workers that they’re on my side. Nora has worked in the castle practically since she could walk, she was born and raised inside its walls and feels just as comfortable here as any member of the royal family has ever felt, if not more so in my case. She can enter any room at nearly any time with such natural confidence of belonging there that she is second best (behind only Nathan) at knowing information that she shouldn’t.

We’re halfway through eating dinner when a soft knock falls on the door once again. “Come on in, Nora.” I call out.

She opens the door just wide enough to slip through before shutting it behind her, “I know it is not really my place to say this, my prince, but you really should keep your door locked in the current state of affairs.” She says as she digs into the pockets of her dress for whatever message she has this time.

“That would be my fault, Nora” Phil says, standing to receive the message, “I forgot to lock it after dinner arrived.”

Her normally soft blue eyes harden slightly as Phil speaks but a simple smile stays fixed on her face, “Just be careful. Most of the workers are on your side, my prince, but many of the lords are not.”

“We’ll make sure to keep it locked from now on, Nora.” I say, a little shaken that she believes us to be in so much danger already. I usually keep my door locked out of privacy, not of fear. “What have you heard this time?”

“A message from the orphanage, my prince.” She hands over the sealed letter. “And also, if you need assistance from any of the lords in whatever comes next, Lord Reed and Lord Brenner would likely be most _sympathetic_ to your cause.”

I blink with surprise at hearing this news about the lords, but thank Nora for the information nonetheless. She curtsies herself out of the room and Phil lowers the door bar before returning to his seat opposite me.

“That’s interesting,” he muses as he sits back down and takes a sip of his wine.

“It’s two more people that are in danger if we don’t get control of this situation,” I mumble, using my knife to open the letter from the orphanage as Phil continues eating. I scan the page, attention instantly grabbed by Marcus’ name in the first line. My heartbeat calms once I realize the letter is only about his things being left in the building and the ladies wondering if they should send them up to the castle or distribute them to the other orphans or if they should keep his place open for him to return. I scrawl a response on the bottom of the page, assuring them that all that has been given to Marcus is meant for all the children to enjoy as well. I reseal the message and set it aside, knowing Nora will be back eventually.

“Why are you all smiley?” Phil asks, looking slightly concerned at my change of expression after my previous comment.

“Just thinking about the kids at the orphanage,” I reply, digging back into my meal. Phil looks like he has something to say about that but seems to think better of it.

We finish our meal in silence and sip at the wine until it’s gone. Unlocking the door, I slide the empty trays into the hall to be picked up, not feeling like calling out for someone to take them. The kitchen boys should be up at some point to pick them up.

We clean up in the room before filling the bath. I’m about to get in after Phil when I hear a knock at the door again. “Who is it?” I ask as I walk over, wrapping a robe around myself before answering it.

“Me again,” Nora’s voice chimes through the closed door, trying to be positive but I hear an off note hidden in her words.

I open the door swiftly and let her in, “What’s going on, Nora?”

She just shrugs, “I’m not sure. A few runners just entered and left the king’s chambers. I didn’t see them have any letters or anything… It could be nothing, it just seemed strange to me. But I’m actually just here to see if you have a response to the orphanage.”

“Oh,” I jump a little and grab it off the table, “Yes, of course. But have someone else run it out there.” I advise her, “I don’t like the idea of you being out in the city right now.”

“I’m sure I would be fine, my prince. No one even knows who I am.” But she agrees to have someone else deliver the letter. “I have to get a nap in anyway. I’m working tonight to cover a friend.”

“Okay, you take care of yourself, Nora.” She nods and leaves the room. I close the door carefully behind her and lock it before re-joining Phil in the bath.

After our bath, we just climb into bed together, not really having anything else to do.

Phil wraps himself around me and presses a gentle kiss against my neck. “We’re going to make it through this.”

I allow myself to agree and hold him tightly. Feeling Phil drift off in my arms I find myself thinking of everything that happened recently.

Everything flows through my head; every moment being analysed. The room grows darker as the moon moves across the sky, occasionally being obscured by clouds. I get out of bed to light a lamp to keep the darkness at bay before cuddling back up with Phil.

This situation is completely crap. I can’t even think of a worse way for things to turn out at this point. But at least I’m with Phil. At least I have him in my arms to fall asleep with. With him here, I know he can’t be kept away from me any longer.

My mind slips even further back to my time with Phil in Araneacyre…

A soft but frantic knocking on the door interrupts my thoughts. I glance out the window and see that the moon has disappeared to the other side of the castle, it’s truly much later that I thought, closer to dawn than dusk. I slide out of bed and go immediately to the door, knocking back twice to let them know I am awake.

“My prince, please open up.” Nora’s voice comes very faintly through the tiny gap at the hinges of the door.

I lift the door bar and click the lock to open it. At the noise of the lock being undone, the door opens ever so slightly to allow Nora’s slight frame to slip into the room. The weak flickering of the oil lamp on the wall only makes her pale and tear stricken face ghastlier. More tears leak from the corners of her eyes as she takes in the sight of me standing naked by the door with Phil on the bed behind me, still sleeping soundly. Slight gasps start replacing her breaths as the tears begin to fall in earnest.

I pull her close to me and try to be gentle as I brush away her tears, afraid that some of my own will begin to fall before I even know the cause of hers, “What happened, Nora? Please…”

“I- it…” She shakes her head as gasping breaths take away her ability to speak. I give her a little shake and she swallows a few times to try again, “It’s Nathan. Th-they, they have h-“ Words fail her again and sobs begin racking her body.

I wrap an arm around her waist and pull us over to sit on the bed, ignoring Phil as he wiggles around, beginning to wake up. “Nora, breathe, please. Tell me what’s happening. Who has Nathan? Where?” Though I try to stop it, even I can hear the panic in my voice as I ask the questions. “Nora,” Desperation joins panic as the sobbing blonde still doesn’t respond, “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s happening. Please?”

She nods vigorously as my words finally register with her. Roughly she rubs away the tears soaking her face and ignores the ones that continue to fall. With a few deep breaths she begins to talk, slowly, pausing to breathe deeply here and there to keep the sobs at bay, “Nathan’s been captured. His plan, it-it didn’t work. The king must have expected something to happen, there’s no other way he could have known so quickly that Nathan and Princess Emily left.”

“Was Emily captured as well?” Phil interrupts her, even in his grogginess a possible threat to his little sister’s life has him on full alert.

Nora glares at the man in my bed and clenches her teeth. But seeing the desperation in his eyes being a mirror to the desperation in mine as I asked about Nathan, she just sighs and shakes her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t know how long Nathan has been here but I’m sure if the King had Emily the rest of the Araneacyrean party would be at our gates.”

I’m afraid to ask but I have to know. “And Marcus?”

“No.” Nora squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head violently as more tears flow down her cheeks. “No, that’s, that’s how I know that Nathan’s here. I her-heard the king scream, demanding to know where his grandson is. It was faint through the wall, I wouldn’t have heard it at all if I hadn’t taken over Lily’s place on night cleaning. But he had Nathan in his quarters, and hehe’s…. he’s doing everything he can think of to find out where your son is, my prince.”

“Safe,” I breathe, “If he’s not here, he’s safe. Wherever he is.”

“But Nathan’s not.” Phil says, scrambling out of bed and into his clothes.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Nora spits at him.

“Getting Nathan out of there!”

“How?” I mumble, not seeing a way out of this personally.

“If he was travelling with my sister and they got him but didn’t get Marcus that means something

happened to split him up from the rest of my people.” Phil struggles to pull on his clothes in his still uncoordinated state, “I’ll blame him for putting my sister in danger or demand he tell me what’s going on.” He staggers a bit as he gets his trousers on and straps his belt and scabbard on as well. “I don’t know! Anything to give me a chance to get him away from the king for even a minute.”

“It’s too late.” Nora groans, her face in her hands. “The king knows he won’t get anything out of Nathan.” She glances through her fingers up at me, “He’s too loyal to you. He’ll never give up Marcus’ safety… The exact thing that made your father appoint Nathan to you in the first place is now making him more trouble than he’s worth.” She closes her eyes and swallows, “I can’t…”

“Nora, please…” She recoils away from Phil’s touch and leans against me.

“Don’t you dare touch me!”

“Nora, none of this is Phil’s fault…” I say gently but firmly.

“No,” She whips her head around to look at me, “He’s just the one who made you think Nathan was good enough for you.”

I see the anger in Nora’s eyes. She and Nathan have always been close, she would have known his feelings for me this whole time. No, it’s not Phil’s fault, it’s not even mine. But that doesn’t stop her from blaming both of us for hurting him. “I love him. He knows that, I know he does.”

“We need to get him out of there…” Phil says softly, his voice determined and thankfully not hurt after what I just said.

“It’s too late.” Nora repeats. “I came up here to warn you.”

Phil looks bemused but her words send panic through every fibre of my body. “Nora…” There’s a warning in my voice, begging her not to say it.

“His execution has been set for high noon tomorrow. For the manipulation and abuse of the crown prince and the kidnapping of his firstborn child.”

I can almost hear myself breaking into bits. _No… No, no, no, no, no, no, no…_ _No! Just NO! He can’t be killed, not now, not like this. Not because of me._ I don’t know if I’m saying these words or just thinking them, and frankly I don’t even care. He was just trying to protect me… No, he was trying to make me happy. To make it possible for me to be with Phil. NO! This isn’t happening, this CAN’T be happening… Not to Nathan, not to my best friend. I curl up into a tiny ball on the bed. With charges like these, no one will question why the execution is taking place so quickly. People like him need to be disposed of as soon as possible…

I’m faintly aware of voices echoing around the room, but I can’t make myself focus on them. I just curl up tighter and squeeze my eyes shut. Willing myself to disappear. Hoping against hope that this is all just a horrible nightmare. I dimly hear the sound of the door opening and shutting followed by the silencing of the echoing voices.

But I don’t move.

I don’t do anything.

There’s nothing I can do…


	29. Lost love

Chapter 29: Lost love

My world begins to move erratically like we’re in an earthquake, crashing and roaring sounds assault my ears. I don’t move or give any alarm. _What’s an earthquake after everything else we’ve gone through? At this rate my loves will both be dead before the day is done_ …

It takes me a moment to register that the movement is due to being shaken out of my stupor. The crashing is coming from a flurry of activity outside my room. The roaring is the unintelligible screaming of the person trying to rouse me.

There’s no need to be so rough. I get it, Nathan is being killed today. Or has he been killed already? I don’t know the time, the execution may have happened…

No, my father would have made me attend, I’m the victim of Nathan’s crimes after all. So, this must be the party assigned to bringing me to his hanging.

_That’s it, they’re trying to get me ready for the execution._ That thought sends a hot spike of pain through my otherwise numb mind. As I feel the person trying to untangle my limbs I relax every muscle I can control, go completely limp. I don’t have the energy to keep huddled up in my little ball with someone trying to pull me out of it. But this, this takes no effort. I don’t even bother to hide my smile as the person shaking me yells out in frustration as I become dead weight in their arms.

I feel another set of hands trying to move me, gentler this time but still to no avail. Until the hands slip around my chest, sliding under my limp arms and pulling me into a hug. From that position my uncooperative body is rolled onto its back with another body on top of it. Then Nathan’s voice whispers into my ear, “My prince, you need to come with us.”

A jolt runs through my entire body at that voice. I bolt upright and swing my legs off the bed, forcing the man on me into sitting on my knees off the edge of the bed with his legs straddling my waist and his arms still wrapping me in a hug. Blood pounds behind my eyes, bile churns in my stomach, and I blink and breathe slowly, holding onto the body hugging me to stay stable. After my moment of vertigo has passed and my vision comes back, I still have to pause for a few moments to take in the scene before me. Nathan, it actually is Nathan, is sitting on my lap, now only holding me in a loose hug to be able to see my face. Nathan’s grey eyes are looking at me with more concern than I have ever seen. But why? Nathan is the one who is going to die soon, why is he looking at me so sadly?

_Wait? Nathan is going to die soon… so why is he free?_ I blink again to try to focus my vision better, tuning out the words being spoken around me to better see what’s right in front of my face. My eyes trace every feature I can see, from his blood plastered hair, to his bare and bruised chest, and down to his lap resting in mine. I lean out of our hug to remove the robe he has draped over his shoulders so I can get a look at as much of his skin as possible… And then immediately wish I hadn’t as my nausea returns and bile threatens to actually make an appearance as it rushes into my throat upon realizing what I’m actually seeing.

Each bruise and scrape on Nathan’s face, each cut on his arm, and each mark on his chest causes me immense guilt and pain. _That was my fault, and that, and that,_ I think as I look over my friend’s once unharmed body. _I did that, I did all of that_.

_So you were captured and beaten_ , my hands shake with anger and sadness, _and now my father wants me to see you like this before you die._

But no, as dangerous as the king believes Nathan to be, he would never give him a chance to escape like this. It just doesn’t make sense!

I pull Nathan back into the fierce hug and look over his shoulder around the rest of the room. It only takes a second this time to register the rest scene in front of me. Lord Reed is digging through the papers and books on my desk, shaking them out and sorting everything into neat little piles, clearly looking for something. Little Jenna is at the window, looking out through a small gap in the curtains, just enough to show that down is approaching but not quite here yet. Nora is stood by the door, having it open just enough to have a look out, she alternates between looking worried at Nathan and I and looking terrified at the hallway. The girls are servants, them being here clicks right into place. But the lord…

“Lord Reed?” I say with a cracked voice, “What are you doing here? What’s- What’s going on?” Every head turns to look at me, including a new one as Jessica slips out of my bath chambers to join us as well. Their faces range from terror, to sadness, to anger, so I turn to the one face of hope in the room, “And how are you alive?” I ask Nathan.

I get two answers simultaneously, neither from the man on my lap.

“Phil saved him.” Nora says softly, as if she doesn’t believe it.

“He won’t be for long at this rate,” Oh, Lord Reed is such a ray of sunshine.

I look to Nathan again for the answer, “They’re both right.” He says simply.

“Everybody?” Jessica speaks up, clearly unsure of how to address the strange assembly in the room. “We need to hurry. Nathan please, I know you’re happy to see His Majesty, but please?”

“She’s right as well,” Nathan says as he scrambles off of my lap, “I’m going to get cleaned up,” He answers my silent question before following Jessica back into the bath chamber.

I look at Lord Reed for more answers, as he’s still the one I can’t place in this plan, whatever it is. He continues rifling through my desk, “Do you have any letters? From Nathan or Emily? Maybe the orphanage? Anything to show you had a part in all of this?”

“No.” I answer, walking over to the desk. “I have the old letters from Araneacyre from after my visit about the marriage, but nothing else.”

He looks down at the bags next to my wardrobe, “Would there be anything in the prince’s belongings?”

I shake my head, “We burned the letters Nathan left us yesterday morning.”

He nods and replaces a few letters and books before knocking on the bath chamber door, “Be quick in there. We’re already cutting it close on time.” Reed glances at me then to the floor in front of me. “Jenna, find Daniel a robe to wear and once we are gone dispose of the one Nathan was wearing.”

“Yes, my lord,” The girl rushes to my wardrobe of bedclothes and tosses me a pair of loose pants and then walks over with a robe. I am just finishing with the sleeves when Nathan comes out of the bath dressed in unassuming commoner’s clothes, the worst of his cuts and bruises covered and the blood gone from his hair.

“Watch the room, darlings.” Nathan says to Jenna and Jessica, “Clean it up a bit and get rid of that robe. And remember, you never saw me,” He adds with a sad smile as the girls rush forward to hug him, tears in their eyes.

“They act as if they’re never going to see you again,” I whisper as I follow Nathan and Lord Reed out of the room, with Nora by my side. “What did Phil do? How are you free?”

“It’ll be explained soon,” Nora answers vaguely. “Nathan and I have to go, we’ll see you in a little bit, I promise.”

Nathan links hands with Nora and turns to me, “The same thing I told the girls holds true for you, you never saw me.” And with that the two off them take off running as quietly as possible down the hall to the staircase and out of sight. Leaving me alone with Lord Reed…

“All Prince Philip did was sign all of our execution orders if we don’t play our parts perfectly in these next few moments,” Lord Reed says as he whips around to face me once we reach the edge of the staircase. “Listen, and listen closely.” And I try to listen to the lord’s words. I really do try, but they just aren’t registering in my mind. What he’s saying just doesn’t make any sense. All I really gather is that we’re going to my father’s chambers and I need to look distraught. _Well, that shouldn’t be too hard_.

When we reach the floor my father’s chambers are on there are guards by the entrances and exits to the corridor. They mumble condolences as Lord Reed leads me past. We enter my father’s room and I see Phil sitting at my father’s desk, blood covering his clothes. “Phil, what-“ I rush forward to him, eyes raking up and down his body for the source of the blood. Until I see his eyes staring at the bed…

I spin to the side and see a body lying on top of the blankets. “Father?” I drift forward, unable to say anything else. The king’s face has never looked this pale outside of my nightmares, the blood pooling next to a slash in his neck, almost beheading him. “How? Who?”

I look around and see our healer sitting next to the bed, shaking his head. “There was nothing I could do, he was dead long before I got here. A wound like this, he would have died almost immediately.” He waits but I just keep looking at him. His words, at least, are coming in clear but they still make no sense. “He wouldn’t have suffered, it ended very quickly.” He adds gently.

“What happened?” I ask, hearing how hollow my voice sounds.

The healer looks at Phil who just cringes and twitches, clenching his jaw, seemingly unwilling to speak.

A gruff voice reaches my ears from my father’s planning table, “If Prince Philip is unable to say what happened, I guess I’ll have to tell you.” I look over to see Lord Brenner standing by the table, picking at blood spots on the chair and fingering a whip at the table’s edge. “The king had your butler in these chambers, questioning him before his execution, though I’m not sure why. Prince Philip came in to demand where his sister is. With His Majesty distracted, the man grabbed the king’s knife and cut his throat. Lord Reed heard Prince Philip’s shout and sent for me.”

“Lord Reed, what did you see?” I ask, looking everywhere in the room but my father’s corpse.

The lord looks believably shaken for being remarkably calm only minutes ago in my chambers, “I was just coming to these chambers, having just heard the execution orders. I had barely reached the floor when Prince Philip screamed. I yelled for a guard and then ran to the room. Prince Philip was crouched over the- the body… And Nathan was standing over them holding the knife, his hand was covered in blood…. H-he ran, when I came in. Through the back to the gardens.”

My mind is racing. My father is dead and they’re claiming Nathan killed him. _Nathan?_ He’d never do that, even facing death himself… _But if I was facing death_ …

But it just doesn’t fit together! There’s no way to get from those gardens to my chambers, not without wrapping around to the main hall. If that part of the story is made up, what else is? “Di-did you tell the guards?”

“Yes,” Lord Brenner says, “As soon as I got here I had the guards searching the gardens and the city for any traces of him.” _Hhhmmm, but not the castle?_

I move over next to Phil, “You saw Nathan kill him?” I can’t stop the question.

“I-“ He pauses to collect his breath through his shaking, “I was just standing there. Watching him bleed to death. I just, there was nothing I could do. I-it all happened so fast. I just-“ He trails off, looking anywhere but me. Blinking tears out of his eyes. I can’t help but notice he didn’t answer my question.

“I need to get out of here. I can’t see this any longer,” I face the healer, “Dress him the best you can, wrap his neck to cover the wound. No one should see him like this. He was our king, he shouldn’t be left laying here in his own blood.”

“I’ll send word to the other lords,” A voice speaks up from the doorway and I turn to see Lord Kurt looking almost as pale as the corpse. “They can come here to see the king for themselves and then, then we’ll meet in the council chambers to discuss what comes next.”

I nod and pull Phil to his feet, “Let’s get out of here.”

As Lords Reed and Brenner steer me up to the council chambers I’m still numb, unable to fully put together what happed in my father’s chambers. They open the door and instantly Lord Brenner tenses up and pushes me behind him into Phil’s arms. “What do you think you’re doing here?” He hisses into the room.

I peek around him and feel as if my breath was stolen from me, “Nathan? _Nathan_!” I break out of Phil’s grasp and push past the lords and into the room, stopping a few strides short of my former butler… my father’s killer.

He looked solemn but smiles with joy upon seeing me and my own face responds in kind, “I promised you we’d see each other again soon.” He moves to close the gap between us but Lord Brenner pulls me back.

“Let me go, Brenner.” I demand in a quiet voice.

He releases his hold on me, but stands his ground, “Your Majesty, this man is guilty of regicide.” The smile hardens on my face and Nathan’s runs away from his at the lord’s words. “Call the guards back into the castle, we’ve found him.” He orders at no one specifically, “What do you want done with him?”

“Call no guards, he was never here,” The order comes out barely above a whisper.

Phil looks nervous, fidgeting with his outfit and staring at the ground, but he says nothing. Lord Reed walks forward and places a hand on Brenner’s shoulder, silencing the other lord before he voices his thoughts to the contrary. “I cannot begin to understand what is going through your mind right now, Daniel. But something has to be done with this man.”

I lock eyes with Nathan, ignoring the three men behind me. “Tell me you didn’t do it. Tell me you didn’t kill my father and I will believe you.”

“I can’t do that, my prince.” His face morphs into a grimace as the words come slowly out of his mouth. But his eyes stay locked with mine, daring me to question his words. “I wanted your father dead and I can’t say I’m sorry that he is. I _am_ sorry I have caused you so much hardship, Daniel, I didn’t mean for that to happen. But I do not regret my actions and I feel no remorse for them.” For the first time Nathan addresses the men behind me, “That man was going to kill me. He was going to track down Prince Daniel’s son. He was going to use Dan’s own child as leverage against him. He made it no secret the depths of which he would go to maintain his reign and this kingdom’s current laws. He would have killed his only child to keep things as they are! He was about to kill Prince Philip just for interfering with my torture! _That man deserved to die_.”

Silence follows Nathan’s speech as his words soak in.

“Nathan, I’ll ask one more time. Did. You. Kill. My. Father?”

His eyes lock with mine, and his voice is completely emotionless. “Yes, my prince. I killed him.”

No one even moves until I cannot hold back any longer. A sob racks through my body and I bury my face in my hands. _He’s lying, I know he is. He_ has _to be_. Phil wraps himself around me but I shrug him off. Looking through my fingers at Nathan my resolve strengthens and my heart hardens. _I gave him a chance. I gave him the opportunity to explain this away… There’s only one more path I can take, and DAMN HIM for making me do it!_

“Where’s my son?” I growl lowly.

Nathan lets out a soft breath, “He’s on his way to the Criovion border with Cassandra. Nor- er, I had a runner sent to retrieve him as soon as I got out.” I see his eyes struggle not to glance at the lords for their reaction but I doubt either of them noticed his slip up. So Nora sent for Marcus, good.

“Cassandra?” I raise an eyebrow at his choice. “How did she get involved in this?”

“Does it really matter?” Phil asks from behind me. “You’re father involved her the moment he asked for suitors. And you involved her when you gave her your favour.”

“No one would look for your son in Criovion. Cassandra is trustworthy, and she did not even question it. She should be back before nightfall tomorrow with Marcus, completely unharmed.”

“No, she _will_ be back tomorrow and he _will_ be unharmed. Because if anything happened to my son the fault lies entirely with you. And make no mistake, I will spare no expense hunting you down and bringing you back here to your own execution and mark my words it will not be as fast as the death you gave my father.”

“Bringing him back, Your Majesty?” Lord Reed questions.

In answer, I step forward and wrap my arms around Nathan, pulling him into a rough kiss. I ignore the grumbling and strangled sounds of the men behind me and focus entirely on the one in my arms. He holds me gently by the waist but I tangle a hand into his hair and press the other against his back eliminating any space between us. Desperately I try to pour all the emotion I’m feeling into this kiss, it’ll be the only chance I have.

My rough, desperate kiss evolves into a soft, loving one. I keep kissing, determined not to break contact first. After a few minutes, Nathan pulls away. I drop my arms and step back away from him, waving away the questions from the lords. “I love you, even still. It’s more for my benefit than yours that I’m letting you go.”

“But Your Maj-“ Lord Brenner tries to cut it.

“No! Let me finish! Go,” I say gruffly to Nathan, “Get out of here immediately. And go carefully, I’m not calling off the guards. This all came as a result of your plan, it resulted in my father’s death and put my son in danger. That is all because of you. You’ll be wanted throughout Ithotria by the royal guard for regicide, but you should be able to hide safely in another kingdom.  So get out of my sight before I change my mind.”

“Dan, I-“

I shake my head sadly, “I gave you a chance, Nathan. Now don’t make this any harder. Go before the other lords make it up here.” He sighs and nods, turning to leave through the servants’ backdoor, “But don’t think my threat was idle. Your life means a lot to me, but my son’s means more than anything. If he’s not back safe I will start a manhunt in earnest for you and have my allies join the hunt. You’ll hang if your plan leads to my son’s harm.”

Nathan doesn’t turn or halt his progress towards the other door. His words drift over his shoulder as he leaves the room, “I always thought of Marcus as mine as well, my prince. He’s safe now, I can only hope that he stays that way in the years to come. I wish you well, Your Majesties.” With that, he lets the door shut behind him.

I let out a shuttered breath and address the lords “Please go up to my father’s chambers to collect the other lords, they should have had their fill of viewing the king’s corpse by now. And keep what just happened between us, or you will swing alongside Nathan.”

They leave without question, Reed leading Brenner out, whispering softly to him to assure him this is what’s best. Once the door closes behind them, I am left alone with Phil, who has been mainly silent this whole time.

I can’t even look him in the eyes after this, I just allow the tears to flow. I pull Phil into a hug and cry onto his shoulder. He holds me tight to him, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He whispers over and over into my ear. I just nod in understanding, letting my arms fall to his waist, but I can’t bring myself to accept his apology right now. It was my _father_ after all, no matter how bad of a father he was. My right hand brushes along his knife sheath, the knife rattles slightly in the loose scabbard and my thumb traces the crest on the hilt. The scale digs an imprint into my flesh as I squeeze the hilt and feel my tears fall even faster, not even bothering to keep them in check.

The lords will be gathering soon, but them seeing me like this is no longer a concern. Of course I’m crying, the man who raised me is now gone from my life forever.


	30. Get it together

Chapter 30: Get it together

It all had to be arranged so quickly I wasn’t even remotely reluctant to hand power over to the council of lords. I, surely, wasn’t in a fit state to rule after everything that just happened. When they arrived I was still wrapped in Phil’s arms, still crying, holding tight to my father’s knife in his scabbard. He should never have brought his own with him to my father’s chambers. _Why? Why did he take it?_ I guess Nathan’s lucky that he did. And my father, well, … not so lucky… _But where does that leave me?_

These thoughts are rattling inside my head as the lords try to bombard me, and Phil, and each other, with questions. But I can’t understand them. I can’t think. I can hardly breathe.

I look over Phil’s shoulder, searching for Lord Reed in the clamouring assembly of men. Certainly if he had something to do with this plan he would have an idea how to handle this part. Unable to find him I mumble his name over and over, head rested against Phil’s neck until he steps forward. I guess Phil must have called him, but I didn’t hear his voice amongst everyone else’s.

Lord Reed comes right up behind Phil, and leans against his shoulder as well, to be able to hear me with all the lords still speaking and arguing with each other. “What now?” I whisper, not even bothering to hide the desperate sadness I feel.

He pulls me out of Phil’s arms and into his, whispering assurances to the other man as he does so that he’ll keep me safe. “Prince Daniel has been through a great deal more than any of us this morning.” He addresses the men around him, the strength of his voice commanding silence in the room. “The king has been murdered and the prince’s most trusted servant betrayed his orders and is the only one implicated in the crime. In a single stroke, Daniel lost both his father and his best friend. On top of that, his son is missing from the city. He is shaken, understandably so,” Reed continues as I sob into his chest at his words, thankful that he’s the one spinning this tale instead of making me or Phil do it.

As if hearing his name in my thoughts, Phil speaks up, “Please, my lords, allow me to take Prince Daniel back to his chambers.” His words come out as shaken as I feel. “I have given my testimony to lords Reed and Brenner as well as to your healer. If you need me to repeat it again or put it in writing I will. But later, please.” I feel myself getting passed back to Phil from Reed’s oddly reluctant arms. I can’t tell if I’m meant to be a prize or a burden, if Reed wants to hold on to me and take me himself or if he just doesn’t want to burden Phil by letting me go with him. I fear the latter is more likely.

Phil’s arms wrap around me like metal bars, I know it’s meant to feel supportive but I can’t help but feel constrained and trapped. I writhe in his grip and when he loosens it in response I stumble out of his arms and against the wall. Taking a moment to stabilize, I force myself to speak up so everyone can hear me, not that I have to be that loud as their attention is focused entirely on my still shaking form. “I need to be alone. Have your meeting, make your decisions,” I say looking at each of them in turn. My eyes drop to my hands trying to steady themselves against the robe I’m wrapped in before they meet Phil’s. He pleads quietly with me to allow him to accompany me, but I just shake my head and continue to avoid eye contact.

“Prince Philip speaks with my voice until I say otherwise.” I announce before quickly slipping through the door and out of the room. As I pull the door shut behind me, I stumble forward against the windowsill. My hands trail along the stone as I look out over the courtyard, feeling my arms start to pull me up into the gap in the wall.

Thoughts of joining my father fill my mind as I look down at the ground and I fall, arms wheeling, backwards away from the window. Tears spring to my eyes once more as I hear the door to the council chamber open and the gasps of a few lords reach my ears upon seeing me on the floor. I scramble to my feet and take off at a run away from them. I tumble down the stairs and into the next hallway.

I make it to my room and collapse into my bed before I even realize how stupid that was. Opening my eyes after using the pillow to wipe away my tears all I can see is the spot where Nathan’s supposed to rest his head. I turn away, ripping the blanket with me and see the bath chamber door open. Thoughts of Jessica frantically scrubbing up Nathan’s blood are graphic enough to make me vomit off the edge of the bed. The bile stings my throat, reminding me of the times Nathan nursed me back to health whenever I fell ill and was too stubborn to let anyone else help. Everything in this room reminds me of him; the desk, the books, the wardrobe.

Muffling a frustrated scream with my pillow once more I jump out of bed, slipping slightly in the sick on the floor, and take off running once again, not sure where I’m going. My room, my safe spot for so long, feels so toxic now. My vision blurs and my legs suddenly stop as my stomach, unused to all the physical activity mixed with the crying, rejects the remaining acid that it contains. I collapse to the floor next to it in the dark curve of a hallway that my feet have led me to. And that’s where I stay, too weak and dizzy to get back up and too emotionally drained to even bother.

I’m allowed what feels like hours of silent sobbing and general misery alone in the dark before the voices start.

_Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic_.

The word circles around in my head, every little voice for once in agreement.

“Stop it,” I groan against the wall. “Please. I know, I know! You don’t have to remind me…” But they don’t stop, why would they? They’re right….

_You let your best friend take the blame, really? Your father lies dead, Nathan is on the run, and you give Phil the power to speak as leader of Ithotria_. The other voices all put in their confirmations of what this one is saying, and I shiver on the ground, unable to stop it. It just goes on and on and on until it’s back to repeating what it started with. _You’re pathetic! You think Nathan planned this? You think he_ wanted _the king killed, that he_ wanted _to be sent away?_

“His plan was to make me happy,” I mumble miserably to my knees, and wipe my dry eyes.

“Then I guess he failed,” Phil’s voice comes in harmony with the one in my head. It’s like I can feel the smug little grin in the voice in my head when Phil agrees with it and it finally goes silent. The man slides down next to me, on the side opposite the sick, and hesitantly puts a hand on my shoulder. I don’t lean into it like I normally would, but I don’t shrug it off either. I just sit there like he’s not next to me, like he didn’t just agree with the voices in my head trying to make me feel even worse about myself.

His voice is soft, and steady for the first time today, “Dan, have you had enough time alone?” I nod slowly, even though it’s been hours since I’ve thrown up I’m worried any sudden movements might make me sick again. “Then do you want me to help you up?”

I nod again, a little more hesitantly and hold my arms out, leaning forward slightly for him to pull me up. He wraps me in a loose hug and pulls me up by my armpits. My arms wrap around his waist as I’m being lifted up and I realize that he must have changed, at least he’s no longer wearing his belt and knife. I lean against him for just a moment once we stand up before choosing to stabilize myself against the wall instead.

“Dan, please?” I hear the tears in Phil’s voice but I can’t make myself look at his face to check if they’re actually falling, “I didn’t know what else to do! You weren’t there, you, you didn’t see what he was doing!” The plea creeps stronger and stronger into his words and I find myself shaking my head. Not because I disagree with him, but because I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to know what my father did or said that got him killed. “Please say something. What are you thinking? Let me in for a minute, Dan, please.”

“I’m thinking that I can’t help but notice you didn’t say that you didn’t mean to.”  I say, tilting my head up to look at Phil but cowardice wins out before I reach his eyes and I just hang my head again.

“Because I did mean to do it, once I realized it was the only way to end this. Nathan realized it too, Dan,” I cringe away from what he’s saying. I know _, I know!_ Why did I say that when I knew that would be his response? Phil lets out a shaky breath when he sees my reaction, “Dan, please don’t hate me for this. Please.”

I don’t say anything. Of course I don’t hate him, no matter what he did I could never hate him. But I know what he wants me to say, that I love him and that everything’s going to be okay. But I can’t make myself say either of those things right now, both feel too much like a lie in light of current events. So I just wrap my arm around him for support and ask him to lead me back to his guest room.

He stays quiet all the way up, his tears falling silently onto his shirt once they roll off his cheeks. Once we reach the room and Phil opens the door he stands there, unsure of what to do now. Gently, I pull him into the room with me and close the door behind us, letting him know I want him to stay the night.

He tries to ask a few more questions, but I just shake my head. I can’t talk about us right now, or anything else for that matter.  I pull off the robe and step out of my trousers and climb into the bed, scooting over towards the other side. Hesitantly Phil joins me a minute later once he’s ready for bed as well. I let him hold me for a little while, enjoying the silent company he offers. But I can’t take it for too long, Nathan’s the one that comforts me in bed after a bad day, not Phil _. I_ hold Phil, not the other way around.

But tonight, I don’t want to hold him, I decide and shift out of his arms. I move slowly, trying to let him know that he didn’t do anything wrong, that I just can’t handle being held right now. I chose this room because I haven’t been in here in months. There are no bad memories attached with this place at least, I think as I curl up in the bed against the wall and pretend to be asleep until I actually do drift off.


	31. A funeral

Chapter 31: A funeral

I sit, shaking, unable to gain control of my muscles, waiting for the sun to set for my part of the ceremony to take place. My father’s funeral is the evening of the day after he died… was killed… _Don’t think about it!_

The funeral itself is a quiet affair. I am the only family my father had left before he died. His parents died long ago and his siblings did not make it past infancy. My mother died giving birth to me, and was an only child herself. So it’s just me, the disappointment of a son, that represents his family.

And so it’s me who got to decide that there would be no big service, or ceremony, or anything of the sort. The body would be burned in the gardens of the castle, with the lords in attendance.

“It’s what my father would have wanted,” I said this morning to the healer who was in the middle off preparing the body for burial.

“Are you sure, your Majesty?” He asked, hesitantly. Kings are buried, always. The entire royal family is buried. That’s an unwritten rule.

I nodded, “He would not want his death to be something celebrated.” Kings that die in their bed at an old age, kings that die in battle defending their kingdom, those were kings whose deaths should be celebrated. Having a celebration for a king who was murdered… even I could not do that to my father. _He didn’t deserve that, he didn’t deserve any of this._

And so I am spared from having to speak for him in front of crowds of our people… but now I’m the one who has to burn him.

I’m curled up in a windowsill of the library waiting for the sun to start setting. The fire will be set exactly when the sun falls beneath the horizon. The timing is meant to be symbolic of something or another that all the lords agreed on, I just went along with it because the darker it was, the less I had to see of my father’s corpse laying in a nest of wood. The less I had to see of the flame licking at his body, his flesh burning and skin cracking exposing muscle and bone within. It takes a while for a body to burn, better to do it in the dark when the bright fire will blind the eye to the horror that was a human body charring, and melting, and crumbling into ash while the living stand vigil around the fire.

I lean against the thin glass, enjoying the burn of the cold against the heat of my skin. The clouds broke apart around midday and the sun has already melted off the first snow of the season, but the cold remains. The sun sets early this time of year, each time I blink it seems to be noticeably lower in the sky.

I’m just staring out at the sky when I hear Phil’s voice calling out for me.

I knock on the wall behind me, wincing as the sound sends jabs of pain straight to my brain and several more thuds have the same result as I cause several books to tumble off their shelves. Well, if Phil didn’t hear the knock, he heard the books as he appears by my side.

“Are you coming?” He asks softly, offering a hand to help me down from this sill. The question is rhetorical of course, I have no real choice here. His voice is cautious, like talking to a wounded animal… but I guess that’s what I am at the moment.

I stall for just long enough to place the books back on the shelf before swallowing and nodding, allowing him to lead me by the hand down to the gardens.

Phil sets a brisk pace, the sun is setting rapidly and I need to be present in time or the whole effect the lords are hoping for will be ruined. _And what a shame that would be…_

I give myself a little shake to shut up the voices as we reach the set of double doors to the gardens. I drop Phil’s hand before crossing the threshold and stride out to meet the lords. Head held high with a confidence I don’t feel, I walk through the collective lords. I’ve never attended a burning before, so, used to seeing caskets after death, my father’s body lying on a bed of tinder steals the breath from my lungs, making my chest as still as his.

Turning to face the lords, the words they have prepared for me catch in my throat. I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes and the looks on the gathering faces all show sympathy. Slowly, and with great care, the speech that Lord Reed wrote tumbles from my mouth, but I cannot manage to put the proper emotion behind the words. I hope beyond hope that they attribute my less than satisfactory delivery to the tears making slow tracks down my face.

Lord Jamison brings forth the torch and holds it steady as I attempt to light it. My hands are shaking and I cannot get the sparks to catch. Frustrated by the fact that this is just prolonging the ceremony, especially after the drawn out speech, I take the torch and turn to Phil silently asking him to light it. He bows his head and closes his eyes before making an attempt, as if highly honoured by being asked. Like the perfect man he is, he lights the torch brilliantly his first try.

With the blazing torch causing me early night blindness, I turn back to my father’s final resting bed, gratefully unable to see him well through the glow. Lowering my arm, I see the flames licking the kindling for a few moments before it finally catches and begins to spread. I know the voices behind me are saying their last words, but they are falling on deaf ears, both mine and my fathers. Gingerly I place the torch at my father’s feet and proceed to look at the fire, ignoring both the image of my father burning and the strong smell of cooking meat that is issuing off of him.

I feel Phil drape his arm gently over my shoulders once I take a step back from the now roaring flame. Tears are pouring unchecked from my eyes once again thanks to the smoke and I use that as an excuse to wrap my arm around Phil’s waist and bury my face in his shoulder. He holds me against him, rubbing his hand in soothing circles around the small of my back, and plants a soft kiss on the top of my head. I pull back like I was burned and look alarmed at the gathered lords. They are all looking intently at the flames, night-blind like I was when they first started, unlikely to have seen anything.

Regardless, I take a step away from Phil. _This is my father’s funeral!_ I can’t- not with Phil- not here…

I call tears to my eyes; not a difficult feat with everything that has happened. With a tear streaked face I give one final bow to my father’s pyre and excuse myself. I feel hands clamp my shoulders as the lords whisper sympathies that I cannot process as I struggle my way out of the garden. My feet carry me back to my own chambers, this time grateful for the cold empty feeling they give off. I drop the door bar behind me and set quickly to lighting candles to keep the darkness at bay, at least until I can get into bed.

Stripped down to nothing, I place a robe over the bedside table and extinguish the majority of the candles before settling down to rest. I know sleep will be long in coming tonight, as I haven’t slept alone in I cannot even recall how long. Regardless, I close my eyes and try to at least relax and calm my rapidly beating heart.

Soft knocking brings me out of my tranquil state what I’m sure can only be a few minutes later.

Cursing softly, I pull myself to my feet and wrap the robe around me, knowing there was a reason I had it close at hand. The knocking continues and I sigh as I walk to the door still unsure whether or not to let Phil in.

“I really can’t do this tonight, Phil.” I say to the door. “Just, not tonight. Please go back to your chambers.”

“It’s not Phil,” a melodic voice answers me, higher pitched than I was expecting.

“Nora?” _What is going on?_ “Why are you here?”

“Cassandra sent me,” Her voice lowers so I can barely hear it through the heavy wood, “She left almost immediately after arriving, she wasn’t sure who could be trusted to see her. She was told not to get dragged into this.” She pauses with a little huff, “I guess Nathan didn’t want her getting hurt if things went bad.”

Even as she’s saying all of this I still don’t open the door as the significance of her words aren’t really reaching me. _Why would Cassandra visit and not stay the night?_ I wrack my sleepy brain but all it seems to do is rattle around a little more in my head, no answer forthcoming. It’s not until I hear a soft little snore that I tense up and fling the door bar out of the way to wrench the door open.

Nora, looking as tired as I feel and with her hair a ratty mess, more brown with dirt than blonde, is standing in front of me struggling to support the weight of the curly haired toddler against her chest. Guilt floods my system as I snatch a sleeping Marcus out of her arms, having forgotten almost entirely about him returning today.

I look up at Nora, the tears filling my eyes are for the first time of happiness at having my little boy back. “Thank you,” I manage after a moment or two and give her a kiss before withdrawing into the room cuddling the toddler against my chest. Soft cooing sounds issue from my mouth without permission as Marcus begins to shift and grumble, close to waking.

“Good night, my king.” Nora says as she nods to me, hand placed lightly over her lips after the kiss, “And goodnight my little prince,” she adds to Marcus as she backs out of the room with an almost mocking curtsy, closing the door as she goes.

It looks like I won’t be sleeping alone tonight after all. I take off the boy’s travelling cloak and crawl into bed, trying desperately not to disturb him. Curling around him and wrapping both of us in my robe, I brush back his soft brown curls as he opens his little eyes and blinks several times in sleepy surprise, “Pwince Dan?” he mumbles, as if unsure what he’s seeing through the gloom of my chambers.

“Yes, my baby,” I say as he wiggles closer to me. He seems so small, curled up like this. I feel his breath against my bare chest but I can’t make out his words, as he keeps burrowing closer to me. He keeps mumbling for a few moments until I realize what he’s trying to ask. “Don’t worry,” I reassure him, “No one will ever take you away from me again.”

He squeezes me harder than I would have thought possible for such a little one, but I hold him gently and bring him in for a comforting hug. “I love you. And you are staying right here where you belong.”

His bright eyes peek out from their hiding place against my chest, lashes already long enough to just about brush his cheeks when he blinks. “I get ta stay en the cassle?”

“Yes.” I confirm simply, hoping the one word answer would be enough to satisfy him. He’s so tired I don’t want to keep him up longer by explaining.

Thankfully, he seems happy with my answer and gives a little yawn. I throw off the robe and pull actual blankets up around us and hold my baby boy until he drifts off to sleep. Rolling carefully out of bed I replace the door bar before being able to comfortably try sleeping myself. Something about this castle just doesn’t feel safe anymore like it used to…


	32. A coronation

Chapter 32: A coronation

Morning comes far too quickly for my liking but I can’t help but smile as I feel little hands prodding me and a sleepy little voice complaining about being hungry. Opening my eyes, I realize that we got turned around during the night, my head now where my feet normally are so Marcus is already off the bed as he continues his assault on my back to get me up too.

_Clearly patience is something we’ll have to work on_ , I laugh as I fling myself up with as much enthusiasm as I can. Putting on a robe I realize that Marcus is still in his travelling clothes _, we’ll have to work on that too_.

“Food time?” I ask him and he nods vigorously, his whole body going up and down. I supress a giggle and go to the door, hoping to come across someone in the hallway that will be able to fetch breakfast for us. As always there’s a maid cleaning, though the hall appears spotless to me. She runs off to the kitchens after a brief confusion of seeing Marcus in the room behind me… I almost hope she starts spreading that rumour, it will make what has to come later a bit easier for me.

Marcus chats happily as he runs around my room, pulling down books and looking through the wardrobe at all the clothes. He wraps himself in the bottoms of a fur cloak, running his fingers through the hairs to feel the softness. His mouth turns down slightly at the corners as he snuggles further back into the sea of clothes. I let him play but can’t help wondering if it’s good for him to be up here, especially if he stays for a while. He’s clearly having fun now but what about when he starts missing the other children. _Maybe some could be invited up to the castle, playmates for him_ , a voice suggests, being oddly helpful today.

A soft knock on the door brings me out of my musings. Matthew comes in and sets the tray on the table. As I coax the little boy back into the main room, I motion to Matthew to take his fill of food, we can’t eat it all.

Marcus comes out, but with one look at Matthew he’s no longer smiling. A sullen look crosses his face, one I’ve never seen there before. “Who’re you?”

The older boy gives a slight bow, “Matthew.” He gives no further explanation, clearly thinking his position in the castle is quite obvious, even to a child.

“Where Nathan? Why’s ‘e not ‘ere?” Marcus demands, his voice strong despite his shaking body. He looks back and forth between us, growing angrier with each look. His main concern becomes obvious almost immediately as he’s too young for the indirectness that’s so common with royalty, “Where’s Nathan!”

“Matthew,” I address the child, handing him his bundle of food, “go back downstairs and try to find Nora. Send her up if you could.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” I hold back a cringe at the title, but am unable to suppress a slight shudder as my father’s face, draining of blood, flashes before me. I nod to Matthew and he retreats to the door and vanishes.

“Marcus, baby, come eat something,” I plead once we’re alone, making to go sit at the table with the food, hoping he’ll join me.

“Where’s Nathan?” He makes no move to play along with me.

I don’t know how to respond.

_Tell him the truth, he’ll realise at some point you’re lying when Nathan never comes back_. The rational voice starts.

But, I can’t. He’ll be devastated.

_You’re the one who sent him away_ , the accusation stings.

I can’t tell my son that! He loves Nathan.

_So do you._

Why is it so important to him? I’ve never seen him cry like this?

I kneel down on the floor next to him and wrap him in a hug, tears beginning to leak from the corners of his eyes. Using the same cooing sounds as last night to try to calm him down enough for him to be able to even hear my answer. If I can figure out what to say.

_You have to tell him_ , all the voices agree, _He needs to know the whole story in order to heal._

I know! But I can’t tell him that Phil’s a killer.

_But you can lie to him and tell him Nathan is one?_  The disgust almost chokes me as much as Marcus through his tears.

He’s a child! He’s too young to know the whole truth. It’s the story he needs to know to avoid suspicion.

_Nathan is not a killer!_

Marcus is strong, he’ll be able to get past it. I’ll tell him the truth when he’s older.

The voices go silent but the sheer force of their hatred inside my head is crippling. I hold Marcus tighter, his sobs and screams of anger now coming less frequently but I’m afraid my own may be joining him soon. It’s just all too much.

He’s my son!

_He was Nathan’s son too!_

That cracks like a whip through my brain. With a deep breath, I try to explain, “Marcus, baby, listen to me. Shhh, shh, come now, look at me.” He doesn’t break his sobbing but at least the shouts stop. I realise when he looks at me that I’m very out of my element here. I have no clue how to explain things like this to adults, let alone children. “Nathan’s gone.” _Blunt, a little too blunt._

Confusion overtakes every other emotion on his face. “Why’d ‘e leave me?”

_Be honest!_ “He didn’t, baby. Nathan left to go to Araneacyre.”

“Like you?”

“Like me,” I confirm, “He’s going to be staying there for a while. He always wanted to visit the seaside there.”

“Can we go?!” He asks, excitement coursing through him.

I chew on my lip, figuring out how to phrase this. “It would be great to go to Araneacyre, you’d love it. I’m sure Phil would be more than happy to take us to visit sometime. The whole land is beautiful, and the palace is amazing! I’m sure you and Princess Manda would be fast friends. You could explore together and have all sorts of adventures.”

He perks up instantly and starts rattling off ideas. He asks if he could bring some of the other orphans with him and I tell him it would be wonderful. I don’t have the heart to deny him anything, especially after that little speech. Especially when he’s oh so willing to overlook the fact that I never mentioned Nathan.

_Coward_. The voices whisper, and I don’t argue this time. Once again, they’re completely right.

It’s a little while later once Marcus is once again babbling happily while picking over his breakfast, which I realised almost immediately that I need to help him eat, that another knock reaches the door. “Come in,” I say with a chuckle as jam dribbles out of the baby’s mouth and I go to wipe it up.

Nora peaks around the corner of the door, a smile gracing her face despite the slight puffiness around her eyes. “Hi, Marcus. Having a good morning?”

He hops to the floor off of my lap and bounds into her. With a small laugh, she opens her arms and wraps the bundle of smiles in a hug, trying to answer all of his silly little questions and return his banter. Her tone seems a tad flat to my ears but it seems to escape Marcus’ notice. She picks up the boy and begins tickling him lightly with one arms while restraining him with the other. With her sad smile and sparkling eyes mimicking the ones that were looking at me out of Marcus’ face earlier, she really could be mistaken as his mother in the observer didn’t know better. She certainly was acting the part more than most other women that had come into contact with the baby over the years.

“Nora,” my voice breaks the spell over all of us, causing both of them to look up at me, “Can you take Marcus down to my old room. There are some toys in there I’ve been loath to part with over the years that I’m sure he would love.” She nods and picks Marcus up, ready to leave. I rush to get my next words out before she disappears back behind the door, “Get him some clothes as well. Some of my old ones will do nicely for now. The nice ones.” Nora and I lock eyes over my son’s shoulder as he clings to her neck, “I anticipate he’ll have an important role to play tonight. He’ll need to look the part…. Just, do the best you can.”

“I understand,” her eyes don’t meet mine, but she hugs Marcus closer and tells him to wave goodbye to daddy before backing out of the room with him and pulling the door shut with her sandaled foot.

After my main distractions of the morning are gone, I call on one of the maids to clean my room. As she begins to do so, I realise I will need to find another butler or specific servant to attend to me, like Nathan did. Someone closer to me and more used to my mannerisms and how I like my room than standard maids.

I dress myself carefully as the maid goes about her business. Just finishing arranging my prince’s crown on my head, I give it up as a bad job. “How do I look?” I turn away from the mirror and ask her, “Please be brutally honest, most of the city will be seeing me in this.”

The corners of her mouth turn up and she can’t seem to hold back a laugh, causing her to cover her mouth and blush. “You look lovely, Your Highness. Truly.”

I raise an eyebrow at her.

“Well, your crown _is_ crooked. Here,” she steps forward and reaches up on the tips of her toes to straighten the delicate circlet. “All better.”

I look back at the mirror and don’t see much of a difference, but I’m sure she’s right. “Thank you,” I turn back to her, “Could you please send word out for the lords to meet me in my solar.”

“Your solar?” Her head tilts to the side when I just look at her. “Your Highness, I’m not sure whoh. Oh! Yes, the king’s solar, I’m so sorry Your Majesty.”

“It’s perfectly alright. As of this moment, I am not yet officially the king.”

“Shall I summon them now, then?” When I nod, she curtsies out of the room.

 Sweeping out of the room, I try to calmly rush ( _is that possible?_ ) to the solar to wait for the lords. I arrange myself into a casual pose in the king’s ( _my_ ) chair and hold what is hopefully an emotionless face as the lords slowly file in. It’s with hidden curiosity that I watch them take their places, some sitting where they would have had my father still been in my seat. Others took this opportunity to move themselves up the ranking, like Reed and Brenner who know they are closer to my esteem than my father’s.

Once the whole assembly is present, I waste no time bringing up the topic of my coronation, noting the immediate responses of each lord.

“Your High- Your Majesty, you cannot be crowned. You have yet to be married.” Lord Antony starts, thankfully bringing up the most obvious obstacle first.

“Nor will I be.” The lords for the most part hide their views well, but the tension in the air becomes almost palpable. I’m going against generations of tradition, and we all know it.

“Your Majesty,” begins Lord Avery but I silence him with a hand.

Moving this fast is a gamble. My family took power through war and bloodshed, we’ve held this kingdom for centuries but never has the rule been this unstable. One misstep and my family’s hold will fall with me. But I need to be crowned immediately, or the whole kingdom will suffer. The lords are fit to council but even a few more days with them ruling and we will start slipping in control of the outlying villages. Ithotria doesn’t follow a church like Blisumidin, nor do we have an extensive royal family like Criovion or Araneacyre. It’s just me now, and my family has always ruled by the sword. Our name and our ancestors’ victories keeping us in power all these years.

“You honour me with that title, and yet it is an empty one until I am officially crowned. My lords, this is not the time to stand comfortably on tradition. Your king has been murdered and Ithotria needs a ruler.” I make eye contact with each of them, “I have not taken a bride, nor do I intend to. That rule will be unwritten once I take my crown.” Ignoring their protests, I press on, “Regardless of your views on the matter, which yes, we will discuss before any changes are officially made, Ithotria needs a king and the king is sitting before you. There is no time to waste, our land needs this stability.”

It takes a few moments for them all to acquiesce, albeit not graciously on some counts.

Lord Brenner rises with an air of ceremony “The city will be called at once to prepare for the celebration, Your Majesty.”

“It should start at sunset,” I offer, knowing that the full day since the pyre for my father truly is one day too long for a kingdom to be without a king.

They all agree, with some actual excitement this time. Rapid plans fly from their mouths as they discuss the layout and length of the ceremony. All I insist is that the whole of the city be invited to partake in the festivities. The kitchen staff is notified at once to begin work, as it’s near noon by the time the meeting ends. With the planning and preparations in the capable hands of Lord Reed, I am content to allow the festivities to take place from sunset through to sunrise.

I am taken into the King’s dressing chambers with a few tailors summoned up from the city. There is no time to make a new outfit for me, but as I insist on a simple raiment they agree to alter one of my finer existing ones. This goes on for the better part of the afternoon as the castle hustles and bustles outside the walls of the room.

I do not see Phil again until right before the start of the festivities, when I come up to his chambers with one of my best outfits draped over my arm. He opens the door immediately at my knock. “I hear there’s to be a coronation tonight.”

I hold out the clothes for him, “I would be most honoured if you would attend, Prince Philip.”

“And I need to wear these?” He does not follow my formal tone, but he does not question it either.

I nod and he begins to undress without further question. My eyes follow his hands down to his waist but I hold them there, not allowing them to drift any lower. _You’ll need your wits about you tonight_ , I’m reminded. I give myself a little shake and go to look through his things as he continues to dress. I fumble around until I find his crown, more extravagant than my own, but still nothing compared to the one that will be resting on my head at the end of the night.

“Do I look princely enough?” A note of humour barely being kept in check colours his voice.

“Not yet,” I say, and walk forward to place his crown on this lightly faded hair. “There, now you’re perfect.” His face is calm, as emotionless as mine was when the lords were assembling. “Wait, no, something’s still missing.” I lean in and place a gentle kiss on his lips, feeling them curl into a smile beneath my own, “ _Now_ you’re perfect.” Our hands lightly find each other’s waists, not squeezing to avoid wrinkling the clothing. I can’t bring myself to verbally apologise for last night but I hope he understands that I want him by my side for this.

“It’s getting late,” he whispers after a few moments of staring at each other.

“Just a quick stop to pick up Marcus and we’ll be ready.”

Phil and I, with Marcus between us clinging to our hands, arrive on the front steps of the castle exactly on time. More people that I can ever remember seeing at one time swarm with excitement beneath the balcony at the edge of the castle grounds.

The sheer enormity of the ceremony amazes me. I am still pondering how the lords pulled all of this together on such short notice as I go through the motions of what is required of me. As with my father’s funeral, this ceremony is shortened and kept to the minimum. To me it still seems too soon to be celebrating anything…

Before I know it, I am brought up to the front of the lords, with seemingly the whole of the kingdom on display before me. Head held high I repeat the sacred words and oaths as my prince’s crown is removed from my head. I kneel down, bowing before my kingdom, and hold that position for what seems an enormously long time.

Finally, I feel a weight like none I’ve ever felt press against my temples. The ancestral ceremonial crown, used almost exclusively during coronations, rests securely on my head as I rise again. I reach my full height exactly as the sun sinks beneath the horizon, bathing us all in a ruddy glow and sparkling off the crystals and gems.

The cheers begin, but I hold up my hands for silence. The crowd shifts with anticipation, expecting me to speak. Instead I turn and gently grab my small circlet of gold back from the lord who removed it from my head. I motion over the lords for the visiting prince. Phil comes forward to scattered confusion and excitement from the lords and the people respectively, Marcus held firmly in his arms. I lock eyes with the group of lords, daring any one of them to speak out against what I am about to do.

_They disapprove. All of them disapprove_. A little voice confirms my suspicions.

It makes no matter, none of them is bold enough to speak up and once it’s done it will be too late. I can feel the voices' agreement within my mind and smile. Nodding curtly to the lords, I turn back to face Phil and my son. Only a king can legitimise a bastard, and that is finally within my power.

With a slight variation of the speech just given for me, I pass my crown onto his little nest of brown curls, allowing it to slide down and be caught by his ears. Taking him from Phil’s arms I wrap my own securely around him and set him on the balcony so the gathered crowd can have a look at their new crowned prince.

The roar of approval is immeasurably louder than my own crowning, which was deafening in its own right. Ithotria has gained not only a new king, but a new prince as well. Phil comes forward and grabs my hand, ensuring that the balcony is hiding the gesture from the crowd. Whether they know it or not, they just accepted Phil into the royal family as well. Only a father holds the baby prince during his first coronation.

Once it becomes clear that the cheers are not going to die down any time soon, Lord Reed steps forward. His commanding voice carries over the closest section of the crowd, his words exactly what they want to hear, “All hail Daniel and Marcus, your new King and Prince!” The cheers grow, if possible, louder, “Time to mark the start of our new king’s reign, let the festivities begin.”


	33. A new start

Chapter 33: A new start

The sky to the east lightens from pitch to grey, dawn not far in the future, as I struggle up the steps of the castle. As was predicted, the coronation celebration lasted throughout the night. Most likely it will go on for hours still with all the citizens celebrating not only their new king but also the acceptance of little Marcus as crowned prince. This surprise was welcomed most enthusiastically by the people of the capital who have suspected the relationship between their prince and the child for years, but to the rest of Ithotria it is sure to come as a shock.

A sigh escapes my lips at the thought and I stop for a moment to shift the toddler in question to my other hip. While the festivities are still in full swing outside the walls, Marcus is sleeping fitfully in my arms. Too much excitement for one so young. I should have made plans to have him taken to bed directly following the crowning ceremony. _But you didn't think anything about last night through, now did you?_

I try to shake that thought from my head and have to lean against the wall immediately to stop from falling over. My vision spins and shrinks, going black except for a small oval in the centre. That minute section of sight flickers in and out of focus as the stone wall looming opposite me begins to slide upwards and slant ever closer towards me... until I realize that it is my own legs sliding downward, my body leaning away from the wall I was using to hold myself up and instead tilting forwards. Breathing slowly, I close my eyes and try to steady myself, not wanting to collapse while holding Marcus. I exhale and open my eyes, blinking to see if my vision is clear enough to walk the rest of the way. With each blink a fraction more of my vision returns to me until only the very edges of my sight are still a fuzzy blackness. Too much wine and too little food and a desperate need of sleep, I decide. No wonder I can only remember flashes of what happened just hours ago.

~~~

As soon as Lord Reed makes his proclamation, officially ending the coronation ceremony, I scoop Marcus out of Phil's arms and descend over the balcony into the waiting crowd. Even through the press and excitement of the main city's residents I hear the gasps from the lords and guards behind me. I wave over my shoulder that it is going to be alright and the throng surges forward.

Arms are all I can see for quite a while. Everyone wants a chance to touch their young new king; to hug him, pat him on the back. I keep my own arms wrapped securely in front of me, holding Marcus in a cage to my chest to keep the crowd from going after him as well.

Eventually a path is created. The arms previously trapping us instead move behind to push us along into the city. Every pub and open shop along the main roads it seems will receive my custom before morning. 

After about three streets I feel Marcus getting tired. He's no longer holding himself up when I carry him. His whole weight is pressed against my torso as he struggles to fight off sleep. I stop setting him down when we enter buildings and instead keep him pressed against me. Keep him safe and comfortable.

With Marcus soon for sleep I speed up my visits. We manage to complete the circuit through the market district in a few hours. I had planned to continue into the residential areas as well, but not with the baby nearly out of it.

~~~

I reach the door at my destination and am brought out of my reminiscing. _This is the wrong door,_ the voice in my head helpfully reminds me.

Before me is the door to the room I have lived in as long as I can remember: the prince's royal chambers. But I am no longer the prince. These chambers, they belong to Marcus now.

The heavy door opens silently to the dark room. Only the faint greying of the predawn sky provides any light. The soft sound of sleeping breaths comes from my old bed. My heart rate elevates. _It can't be._ I try to focus in the dim light, my breath trapped in my lungs until I recognize the outline peaking out from the blankets. The less familiar of the two men who have shared this bed with me. He must have come here to sleep after the coronation.

I hitch Marcus up higher so his legs don't get smashed against the bed as I lean over it. I have to switch him to my other side. My arms are aching from carrying him all the way here. I make sure he's secure before I return my attention to the sleeping man.

Gently, I shake Phil awake. As he begins to wake I pull my hand back to Marcus, trying to sooth his sleep again after jostling him around.

Phil mumbles some words I don't catch, but the questioning tone still comes through. I motion for him to get out of bed then nod towards the door. This isn't my room any longer, which means Phil does not belong here. He rushes sleepily to put on his clothes, taking longer than he would have without the hurry. When the door closes I settle Marcus down in his own bed. But from there I'm torn.

_I can't leave him all alone._ Marcus has never been alone a night in his life. He certainly isn't going to spend his first night as a prince by himself. He needs a companion.

Thoughts of going to get someone from the orphanage come to my mind but are quickly silenced. If I leave the castle again while the celebrations are still ongoing I'll be lucky to return by mid day. No, it will need to be someone from the castle.

The face of a kitchen boy flashes before me. Eyes bright with pride, face flushed from running to serve his prince. Already dragged into this mess that Nathan created for us. Yes, Matthew would be perfect. He need only be a companion for the young prince, he's still too young to be his guardian or dedicated servant.

When no arguments against it rise in my head, relief floods my system. It's settled then.

In the doorway I bump against a waiting Phil. I edge around him and look for one of the servants assigned to this corridor. Upon seeing no one I decide to wait for their rounds to bring them back here and turn to Phil.

"I need to get Marcus settled in. I'll meet you in the king's chambers in as soon as I can." His eyes fly open and shine in the torch light at the news of where we'll be spending the rest of the night. They flicker from side to side as if looking for an escape. I'm sure if I could feel his heart it would be racing. I take one of his hands and hold it firm between mine. I'm the king now, I cannot let guilt interfere with that. "Love, we can both do it. Everything has been cleaned out of the room. They're not his chambers any longer, they're mine." I give his hand another squeeze.

He takes a slow breath and nods. Leaning in he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, his eyes focused over my shoulder. Spinning around as he walks away, I see a maid heading towards me.

Once she is under the light of the same torch she drops into a curtsy so low I'm amazed she could find her feet again without stumbling. "May I help you, Your Majesty?"

"Yes- Leah, is it?" I wait for her to nod. "Leah, please go to the kitchens. There's a boy there, brown hair, blue eyes I believe, one of the older serving boys. His name is Matthew." Once she has acknowledged this information I continue, "Ask him to finish up his current task and then to retire to my son's chambers. He is to look after Prince Marcus for the time being."

Her eyes lock on the oak door. When they return to me she bobs into another curtsy, "It will be done Your Majesty." With my nod of dismissal she hurries off.

In the opposite direction I follow Phil's path. The whole way, far too short of a distance, I turn over in my mind what I have to say to him.

_He won't be pleased._

I know that. But he'll accept it. He has to...  I can't do this without him.

Too soon I'm facing the entrance to my father's, no, to _my_ chambers. Phil will have already settled in and be drifting back to sleep if I'm lucky. I push the door open slowly. 

I'm not lucky. Phil's waiting in ambush. He pulls me into a kiss and half drags me back to the bed chamber. He twines his hands with mine as he pushes us onto the bed. "I love you," he whispers against my lips after one more kiss.

Actually, it seems I'm incredibly lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm aware this was meant to be the last chapter. Bear with me, it was far too choppy to post as one chapter. Chapter 34: A proposal of sorts, is written. It just needs a rough edit before I can post it. You can expect it by Saturday and then this story will be finished at last!


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